The lump formed in my throat the moment his confession became clear.
He would always love me and I would never love him back.
I'll never know what caused him to fall in love with me. What triggered him to let down his walls and inhibitions and feel genuine emotions. Perhaps our relationship would've transpired into something deeper, more tender if I had known sooner. Though I can't say for sure, what if's have never been my strength. I can't afford to dwell on the past.
I do, though, know for a fact why I can't love him in return. Mundane emotions had always hindered me, caused me unnecessary pain and loss. At one point, the pain became too unbearable so I locked it up within me. Subjecting my humane side to my inner demons, leaving it to wither up and die over the course of time, as I gave way for my more misanthropic tendencies to emerge.
That was one of my more darker periods.
As years gave way and I grew older, more set in my vile tendencies, the lock of my emotions hardened and accessing them no longer was second nature but a challenge for me. I needed a key to unleash my own feelings, emotions that were my birth-given right. I fell into rightful misery and as my revenge; I carved my name into the world's subconscious in the most inhumane way possible. Spilling the blood of others with no remorse.
I suppose the newly achieved fame eclipsed my inner demise and I became egotistical, possibly forever stuck in my ways. This led to my near-death. Surprised by the onslaught of commonplace shame due to my foolishness, I basked in my newfound humanity.
Years later, I established a new place in the world. A place most like me would be ashamed to inhabit but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. I burrowed among the hated and the naïve and developed a pattern, allowing me to continue my lie of commonplace wonder.
It was not so long after when I met him. He was different, much more open about his misanthropic tendencies, unashamed of his atrocious nature. His self-assurance was reassuring and in him- I found a friend.
Emotions such as friendship and respect had never been that deeply imbedded in my subconscious, allowing me to feel them whenever I allowed it. Respect did not make you weak if you could choose who you felt it for. As for friendship, well I just couldn't refuse the foolish sentimental emotion. Not that I had ever before found someone worthy of it.
Well, until now.
We became partners and comrades, another sentiment that I hadn't allowed myself in centuries.
We became friends, though neither of us would risk the pride to voice it.
Though I didn't expect it into develop into more.
But that's not what bothers me.
It's the fact that if I still could access the love, affection, and trust that I locked away for so long; I would've fallen in love with him. And given him the love he had deserved so long ago.
Oh well, you reap what you sow.
Your gaze flickered from me to the floor and I feel guilty. You opened yourself to the world, only to face a love unrequited by the one you trusted most.
My mind spins at the guilt and I reel in the onslaught of new feelings. I can't stop the grin as you glare at me. Only you can resurface such trivial emotions.
You snarl at me and turn to move but before you can leave, I reach out. My hand encircles your slender wrist and you roar in surprise. I grin and before you can object, I pull you forward into my embrace.
I snicker at your expression before swooping down and pressing a kiss to your temple, whispering into your ear "Maybe one day, dragon."
You snort before pulling me closer, your face mere inches from mine "You're an idiot, fox."
Your pupils dilate as you push me away. After I regain my footing, you're already gone, your chuckle fading in the autumn wind.
An autumn wind is blowing true,
Though all the same, I really knew
That I would never truly comprehend you.
You grew strong
And in the light,
I realize it was more than right
To let my inhibitions flow true
For just this one night.
And as the morning calls once more,
I'll know this was nothing to abhor.
After all,
It's a keen and it's a nostalgic
Hallelujah.
(Hallelujah © Amy Vile 5/13/10)
(A/N: This was inspired by a oneshot i read where youko kurama was rather vicious, there was no love in it, just a simple of showing of how vile a demon could be and from that, i compiled this. The poem at the bottom is a friend of mine's and it is copyrighted so don't even think of copying it without written permission. I have a note pinned to my board from her :))