Title: In Cold Blood
Rating: T
Summary: Alicia can't understand why these people have a lust for blood… She never really thought she would have to lower herself to their standards.
A/N: This is my first 'songfic' (at least, I think that's what they call them on here…) It's set to Matchbook Romance's Your Stories My Alibis.
Speak to me
Tell me something so typical
A lullaby or something miserable
That will keep me up at night.
Alicia cringed as the piercing sound of the alarm vibrated through her ears, awakening her from a deep slumber. It was the alarm that sounded the final battle- the Big One. She had been trained for it, been prepared for it, but still she had not expected it to ring- not now. Not after what had happened the night before. She needed time to think, to sleep, and to get her mind around it. She could die, that night, and she had left him hanging, waiting for the words that would seal their fate.
She winced as she heard the screaming and yelling. The others were getting up, preparing themselves for battle. She wondered where he was, if he was thinking the same things she was. She leapt out of bed, trying to push the thoughts that had haunted her throughout the night away. She could not dwell on it now. She had a battle to fight; a duty to see through.
Cross out my eyes
I know you planned it
You know I love you
And I can't stand it
We just lost control
We just lost control.
She caught a glimpse of him- a brief, fleeting glance- but it was enough to reassure her. He was still there. He wasn't going anywhere. She opened her mouth to call to him, when another Order member rushed past her, ordering her to get ready, to fight. Nodding, she ran into the main room, where a debriefing was occurring. She got there just in time, and she noted that he was standing in the corner inconspicuously. He might think he could escape notice in a situation such as this, but Alicia knew better.
A final order was barked, and the words sent a cold dread through Alicia's heart. "Fight till the end." She'd known the time would come, eventually, but she hadn't thought it would happen to her. It was stupid, really, she thought, barely noticing as panicked people swarmed around her. She was young, and when you were young, you thought you were invincible.
She hadn't considered it when she joined the Order, not really. He'd just asked if she wanted to join, and her immediate response had been yes. After all, if he hadn't been killed then, what were the chances she would? But now, in the midst of the bodies rushing around, desperate to get to their destination and get the final battle under way- to eradicate the Death Eaters once and for all- she realised how grim the chances were of her emerging alive. It frightened her- it did. She stood, paralysed with fear at the thought of facing an opponent to the death, knowing that she'd have to kill someone and watch the life drain away from their accusing eyes.
"Alicia." The voice was harsh, but familiar. He stood next to her. He looked at her with an emotion that, a few days ago, would have scared her. "Stay here. I don't want you-"
"No." Her voice was shaky, but she was determined to fight. For herself, for her family and for her future. "I'm coming. Don't try and talk me out of it," she added, looking up at his eyes as she made herself stand firm. She wouldn't back down to him. It didn't matter what he thought; if he would fight, then so would she. She was no less needed than he was.
"Alicia." His tone was pleading, and it nearly broke her resolute stance. "Please-" Just as he was about to voice his objections, an older member ran past and shouted at them. They needed to go, before it was too late. They were required. He nodded tersely in response, then turned urgently back to Alicia. "Stay safe," he murmured, before promptly apparating to the battle Alicia knew would be the fight of their lives.
Lie to me
Give me something worth living for
Tell me a reason worth fighting for
Give me anything
Anything to keep me breathing.
The war zone. It hit her hard, the sight of human killing human. She had seen people die before, of illnesses, of accidents and such. But she'd never had to see people she knew- friends- kill another. It was almost unbearable, and her hand flew to her mouth before she could stop it. Maybe she wasn't cut out to defend her freedom, her family's lives. Maybe she should have stayed home and accepted it. The deaths of her friends and family and neighbours. Maybe if she had accepted it, she would have died too. And then she wouldn't have had to see the gruesome sight that was murder. Cold blooded murder.
"We have to do this!" Another Order member, one similar to her age, yelled at her, over the coarse screams of people in their final moments of agony and their last seconds of life. She couldn't recall his name. She couldn't think of anything, other than the horrifying sight of death. She could smell it, feel it.
She shook her head. She needed to rid her stomach of its contents. To her right, the blood-slicked ground lurched sickeningly close as she swayed, attempting but unable to stay on her feet. This wasn't right- she didn't want to be known as the weak one. No one could afford to stop battling to help her, either. She hadn't even taken on one opponent and there she was, already swooning like a child.
He was right behind her, and caught her with ease. Another second and she would have hit the ground. "Go help Pomfry," he directed, setting her aside and taking a step towards a large group of masked people. He glanced back and saw that she was standing still, gaze still diverted towards the bodies that littered the field. "Alicia!"
The words only just penetrated her skull. They sounded listless, quiet to her. The world had slowed, and everyone was moving in slow motion. She couldn't breathe, for the terror and hatred in the air. It revolted her, how easy these people could just take a life and not think anything of it. She didn't acknowledge his presence, but took a step in the direction of where she had been told the nurse would be waiting, ready to help save the lives of the injured and put the suffering out of their misery.
Lie to me
Tell me stories so beautiful
An epic, or something so terrible
That it makes me weep.
The effects of the fighting were already making themselves known, in the form of injuries so critical that not even the strongest of soldiers could contain their plaintive cries. Their anguish made Alicia feel helpless. She did not know any stronger healing spells than the ones she had been taught in case of emergencies; she could not heal anything more than bruises. Even is she had been able to heal their bodies, she would not have been able to heal their minds nor shelter them from the damaging effects of war.
A broken man lay on the ground afore her, and she could not tell if he were dead or alive. Then she noticed the faint rise and fall of life, and heard the rasping breath that was the last gasps of air from a dying man. Even in his pain and agony, he saw her, through tear-stained eyes. The man reached out an arm, and then before Alicia could comprehend the strangely intimate motion, the arm went limp and the rise and fall of breath was no more.
She'd lead a relatively sheltered life, or so she thought. But until that point, Alicia had never known the true meaning of Hell. She'd been living in a war for a quarter of her life, yet she'd never felt the emotion she did when she saw that man die in front of her, whilst she stood by powerlessly and did nothing.
She was still staring at the lifeless body when a cloaked figure made the mistake of wandering into her sight. Emotions churned inside her. She could not help this man now- that her frail state of mind could grasp. And here was another man- no; it was a woman, she thought- that she could not help.
Alicia understood the concept of empathy. It was her most distinguished trait, her idiosyncrasy. Previously, she had felt empathy for the Death Eaters. She was not sympathetic, because she knew that they had made their choice, the one that sealed their bondage to Voldemort. But until that moment, she had felt empathy for the souls that were forced to call him Master, due to a mistake they had made when they left school, or if they had simply fallen into the wrong crowd.
But she was slowly beginning to understand that these people wanted to be like him. They wanted to kill, simply because they had a thirst for blood spillage. They wanted to cause misery, torment and to be able to strike fear into the hearts of everything and everyone. She also began to understand that these people felt passionate about their cause, and that they would not rest until they had achieved it.
And that made her mad. Although her eyes were blurred from tears that were partially unshed, she managed to see that the Death Eater standing in front of her intended to kill her, or at least cause her grievous bodily harm. White-hot anger spread through her, flowing through every inch of her veins. She would die on her terms, not some genocidal bastard's.
Every lesson that she had been preached to on the art of duelling flew out of her head. There was only one thing she could comprehend: she wanted to make the bastard pay, for the life of the man in front of her and for the countless other lives he had taken so cruelly. She raised her wand, and yelled out the one curse she had never even dreamed of uttering in her life.
Cross out these days
On your calendar
It hurts me so much
And I'm not quite sure
I care any more
I care any more.
The first blow had cut into her like a knife. She had not expected it, and the consequences had been disastrous. The red blood seeping through her robes and running down her arm threatened to be never-ending, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before she would lose the ability to stay upright.
The Death Eater, fortunately, had not been expecting a retaliation. Alicia forced herself not to think of what this meant: that she was a murderer, no better than the worst Death Eater or the lowest of villains. She was one of them, now, and she wasn't so sure she cared any more.
She was so close to cracking. The war had wrecked havoc on her health- both physically and emotionally. She only just had enough wits about her to instinctively duck when a faint voice cast a curse. It missed her by miles, but Alicia felt that it was no further than two centimetres away.
She slipped as she moved to get up- it was on blood, but it wasn't her blood. There had been a lot of blood spillage that day. She grimaced, as her legs failed to support her insignificant weight and collapsed behind her. This time, he wasn't right behind her to catch her, either. He was away, on the other side of the field, battling some other Death Eaters.
Alicia felt sure that they had lost. There were just too many of them- after one was killed, another came to take its place. They seemed to be invincible. She knew she should work up the strength, the want, to get back up to fight, but right then sleep seemed such a comforting option. She didn't want to stare into another opponent's eyes as their life drained away, she didn't want to dodge another killing curse, she just wanted to sleep. Sleep…
"Alicia!" The voice came from somewhere to her left; or maybe it was her right. She couldn't tell… She just wanted them to go away, to leave her in her pain and misery. Maybe it would stop if she just closed her eyes…
"Alicia! Stay with me!" It was him. She'd thought he was battling a Death Eater, far away. So how could he be next to her, yet so far away? Alicia's brain was hazy, and the urge to let go of it all and slip into unconsciousness was too much to resist. She wanted the pain to go away, the images to be banished. She didn't want to see any more…
Lie to me
Give me something worth living for
Tell me a reason worth fighting for
Give me anything
Anything to keep me breathing.
"Oh, God, what if she doesn't wake up?" Alicia heard the voice, from somewhere within her subconsciousness. It sounded fuzzy, and the person seemed worried. She wanted to reach out to them, to tell them it was okay, that the war and the battle were just a nightmare. Then the images came flooding back; someone falling to the red splattered ground as a green light hit them in full force; the unbidden terror on a superior member's face as the spell that would take their life closed in; the cruel maliciousness of a Death Eater as they told Alicia, in detail, of the deaths of her friends and family.
She wanted to escape it. She needed to escape it. She couldn't deal with it… She sank further and further into blankness. The last thing she heard was a scream, and then it was silent.
Lie to me
Give me a something worth living for
Tell me a reason worth dying for
Give me anything
Anything to keep me breathing.
She felt pain. The throbbing in her head threatened to explode, and the slightest movement of her fingertips made her want to scream with anguish. Something brushed against her hand lightly, but the force felt like a ton of bricks to Alicia and her eyes opened, the tears flowing down from them caused not only by the pain.
There were blurry figures. She could barely make out the forms, let alone any details. They could have been strangers, for all she knew, until she heard his voice. It cut through her pain like a beacon in an underground tunnel. She listened to its familiarity, trying to draw herself out of her comatose state. Even though her eyes were open, her mind was not and she couldn't comprehend the words being said, she could only hear them.
Powerlessness. She was powerless to wake up, like she had been when that man had died in front of her… Powerless like she had been when she had arrived at her friend's house only to find them all dead… Powerless like she had been when forced to listen to the Death Eater describe the fetid details of her loved one's deaths…
A voice seeped through to her. "She's crashing!" But Alicia wasn't sure if it was her imagination or not. All she could feel was the helplessness, the desperate feeling of watching something but being unable to help, to alter the outcome. It overrode the crashing pain, the sensations coming back. It was like a dark hole, waiting to swallow her up…
Alicia stopped struggling against the inevitable. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the onslaught of pain and the descent into darkness. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, like she had thought there would be. It was dark, very dark. She took comfort in the darkness, and relaxed. She was getting deeper and deeper…
"Alicia!" Alicia heard the voice, but only hesitated a moment. Her body was dragging her down, further and further into the black hole and she could not- would not- fight it. "Don't leave me," it pleaded. "Stay- for me."
She recognised the voice. It was him, and he wanted her to stay. If he wanted her to stay, then she would. She fought against the pull, against the invisible force that was pulled her deeper into blackness. It seemed to want her, desperate to take her. But no- he wanted her to stay, and she would. She kicked harder, and harder still until it was she who was leaving the darkness behind.
Her mind slowly became clearer. The darkness was gone, and with it a sense of visibility came. But the helplessness, it was still there…
"Alicia!" The voice jolted her back to reality. She needed to finish the journey; she couldn't give up yet. Not whilst he wanted her to stay. It came, suddenly, like a jolt of cold water on a winter's day. Her eyes snapped open, and this time she could see. The figure beside her peered into her eyes, the tears pouring from them dripping onto her face. They caused her to sputter and cough, but then the much-needed oxygen entered her lungs and she could breathe again.
She'd never seen him cry before. The sudden realisation that she meant so much made her open her mouth before she could think about it. "I accept," she said, her voice croaky from disuse and lack of hydration. It was painful, but she managed to get the words out. Somebody jostled her and there was a sudden sharp pain from her arm, causing her to whimper. Another voice murmured something, but she couldn't tell. She could only hear his voice, and what it implied.
"You-" it cut short, emotion overcoming the ability to speak. "You can remember that?"
She tried to reply back sarcastically, but exhaustion cased her to only grunt in response. Someone gave her water and she opened one eye, to see him hovering over anxiously. "'Course," she croaked. "And I said that if I didn't kill you, the battle would."
He laughed; a bitter laugh, not one that he would have normally emitted. "I'm here, aren't I?" the look on his face said it all for Alicia. She knew him too well.
"They've gone, haven't they?" The effort to form the words made her cough, and the red spatters that suddenly appeared on the blankets weren't encouraging. Still, she needed to say it, needed to speak the words aloud. "And everyone's changed." She remembered someone who had survived the first war say it, and she thought she'd laughed it off, replying that it was impossible. That they wouldn't change for anything and anyone. She felt ashamed at her words and shut her eyes as another wave of pain crashed over her, causing her to focus on just that.
There were sudden shouts, and a faint buzzing noise before she sensed that many bodies were around her. She knew she was being poked and prodded but she couldn't feel it; just the overwhelming sense of pain. She couldn't tell if it was simply emotional or physical, but it threatened to consume her.
She heard him murmur, a muttered response before he choked on the words and let out a sob that had been kept in since the battle had finished. "Then we'll get back to normal together." It was the last she heard before the pain took over and she could hear no more.
A/N: Wow. I've just read over it and thought, 'Did I write that?' It even depresses me! And yes, I know it's nothing like what I've already posted, but I have warned on my profile that I might suddenly come out with an angsty piece. I think this is that. Anyway, let me know what you think. I appreciate all comments and helpful suggestions. Thanks for reading!