A/N: This is for XXImakeusmilEXX's birthday. Which was in April. Yeah. It takes skill to be this late.

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note, Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases, Beyond Birthday, or L Lawliet. Sadly.

I was never a bad person. That being said, I was never a good person either. In fact, just calling myself a "person" requires using the word as a loose term. Because people... people live. They feel, they want, they learn. I never was like anyone else. Everything I did, I did with purpose. I did nothing out of impulse, nothing rash. Every move was planned out. No passion, no drive... just a goal and a cold heart climbing slowly towards it.

I overthought everything. To do something as human as to cry so uncontrollably that you forget everything else, to just throw your head back laughing and lose yourself completely in that moment, these things that average civillians do everyday, all around the world- I just couldn't. My mind refused to shut down, to just leap into the world around me and let me reach peace, even for a second. Can you blame me for being a little bit crazy?

When I was at Wammy's House, I would read all these books, and when one of them would describe the breathtaking beauty of nature I would glance out the window, trying to see with new eyes. But even as a teenager, all I could see was photosynthesis and the water cycle. The colors, the shapes... they meant nothing to me.

Surpassing L was, somehow, the solution to it all. To be above what is arguably the most important position in the world... it was the equivalent of being on top. If you're on top, you have it all. Humanity included.

But I couldn't do that either. I didn't have the insight to look at the person right in front of me- Naomi Misora, to look into her mind and soul and see what she was really capable of. For that I paid the price.

And, yes, I suppose I am insane. I committed crimes, killed people, which was wrong regardless of how close they were to their natural end, and I landed myself in prison. All in an attempt to capture a soul.

In a way, I suppose I succeeded. Sitting in my jail cell, alone, as day after day crawls slowly by, unchanging, I feel a lot of things. Maybe, all along, all I needed was to be alone, to be separated from the rushing world, to be on my own long enough for my emotions to catch up with my body at long last. If only I'd realized this sooner, maybe those emotions would be more positive than the ones I am experiencing now.

Because here I feel regret, for letting things go so far, for taking this road in the first place, for not trying every way possible before resorting to this.

I feel vain, for throwing principles to the wind just to get what I want, for using any human life as a foothold to get to my goal.

I feel stupid, for the mistakes I made in life, both in deciding to overthrow L the way I tried to and in carrying it out.

I feel hopeless, because I know that I'll never get a chance to go out and act on these revelations, and that it's too late to fix my life.

And most of all, living this half life, knowing I'l be in this same place every day until I die, never moving forward, just killing time before I'm sent to hell where I belong...

I feel like a failure.

A/N: So, it's ridiculously short, and not very well-written, but at least I did it, 'cause I think XXImakeusmilEXX was starting to lose faith in me, and not without reason. Again, April. So, Ashi, I hope you liked it, sorry it took so long, and sorry it's not very long. All you said was 'BB oneshot', I didn't have much to work with XD. Love you.

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