Ok, this story is a bit of a response to other fics I read where Meredith is almost portrayed as the anti christ, I felt like she had the right to tell her story. Don't worry though, Caskett will be in this story more than plenty. Also this ship might be a bit strange for you but I promise it'll work. I already have the second chapter ready so if people enjoy this I will continue. If it's not i'll just go on with my other fics :) thanks for clicking and I hope you'll enjoy the story! Remember this is a future fic!

Loud thumping music vibrated through the nightclub. Dancing bodies effortlessly moving to the rhythm of music that she didn't really understand anymore. She could see her drink move in sync with the beat and sighed. She had hoped coming to one of the most happening place in New York could at least feel her a bit young again but seeing all those teens, well more like early-twentiers, only made her feel older.

She shook her head, her red hair dancing on her shoulders as she took the last sip of her overprized martini, placing the glass on the sticky surface of the bar as she grabbed her purse to go. Suddenly a large hand was placed on her shoulder that made her look up

"You're going already? I just wanted to buy you a drink" the handsome Latino looking guy said that was attached to the hand on her shoulder. Before she could respectfully decline the man his face changed from a flirty smile to confusion and then to realization "wait I know you" he said.

She frowned too, digging her brain "I don't think I know you, though. Maybe from TV I play-"

The man shook his head "no, no, no not that. Wait, I promise this is not a cheesy pick-up line"

She smiled at his honesty until his brown eyes widened "wait aren't you… Meredith? Richard Castle's ex-wife and Alexis' mother?"

The smile on her face evaporated as she bowed her head "um, yes"

"I am Javi, I work with Castle's wife at the precinct. She's the captain"

"Oh I think Alexis mentioned you, yes" she answered awkwardly, trying to just get away.

"Wait don't go, I need to congratulate you," he said all smiles again as he stuck out his hand for her to shake "even though you look way too young to be a grandmother"

Meredith huffed as she shook his hand, her pale hands with perfectly manicured nails a contrast to his big rough hands.

"That's why you are in New York?" he asked, barely audible.

"Yeah, I got in late so I decided to visit them tomorrow" she answered simply.

"Well the baby is stunning," he said, a twinkle in his eyes "the red hair"

Meredith smiled "just like her mother"

"-and grandmother" Javi winked.

Meredith laughed, she kind of liked this man. He was different than the ones she mostly met or falls for "are you flirting with me Detective?" she asked, raising her perfectly filled in eyebrow.

His smile became even wider and he shrugged "I'm single, and seeing you here alone I guess you are single too so what's the harm?"

"Well that you are friends with my ex-husband and his wife?"

Javier just shrugged. He didn't seem to have a problem with it and the more she thought about it the less she did too so she hummed, contemplating if she should stay or go before he interrupted her thoughts

"So you want that drink?" he almost shouted, trying to get over the thumping sound of the nightclub.

Meredith smiled. Oh what the hell why not, she thought

"I'd love too, but not here" she shouted back, grabbing her purse.

Javi nodded "that's fine with me, grandma"

He looked so smug after that joke but there was an innocence behind it that it didn't bother her. Meredith stuck out her finger, poking his chest "stop calling me that or you can forget about that drink" but her frown quickly changed into a smile as he held up his arms in defense. His big strong arms she thought before shaking her head, ridding herself of her thoughts.

"Ok, ok I promise. Let's get out of here!"

"You must think I am a horrible person" Meredith said as she hid behind her drink, another martini, only a little less overprized than the previous one.

"Why would I think that?" Javier answered who was sitting in front of her. He had a big glass beer in his hand that was already half empty. The foam still present at his upper lip before he removed it with his tongue.

They chose an obscure late night bar that gave them more opportunity to talk as the volume of the music was considerably lower.

"I'm sure you've heard stories about me?" Meredith said as she took a sip. She was a bit surprised at his lighthearted response.

"Stories is a big word. I've heard stuff, yeah, but there are many sides to every story" he said and shrugged.

She slowly nodded "I guess"

There was a pregnant pause before Javi took the initiative to talk again "hey, we don't have to talk about this. We're both adults just looking for some company, no need to get heavy, right?"

Meredith smiled at the friendly man in front of her. She liked him. He actually seemed to care and the way he licked his lips didn't went unnoticed "I just realized I never told anyone my side of the story" she said with a half-hearted smile.

Javier raised his eyebrow "why not?"

She shrugged "I never wanted to ruin to image that people have of Rick, or the image Alexis has of him. Who am I to do so?"

Javier reached for her hand, gently squeezing it in comfort "because you matter too, everybody does."

She smiled "you are a good man"

Javier shook his head and huffed "I am nothing special"

"Yes you are, you are willing to listen to me without asking for something back. That rarely happens in LA"

"Well to be truly honest when I saw you at the bar I might have had other intentions" he joked.

Meredith giggled "yeah, ok. But we can't it's… too weird, remember?"

Javi slowly nodded "yeah I guess… but it's almost Christmas and in the spirit of; we could share our stories and then just part like the strangers we are?"

Meredith smiled and nodded as she quickly drank the remaining bottom of her drink, feeling the burning liquid slide down her throat "I'd like that but first," as she held up the empty glass "I really need another drink"

"It was actually great when Rick and I met, we were young. Not looking for something serious, you know. He had just broken up with Kyra who he thought was the love of his life and I just wanted to have fun. We had this amazing connection that was purely sexual but, like you know, I got pregnant"

Javier nodded "yeah, Alexis is the well-know product of it" he joked.

Meredith huffed "yeah, yeah…" she said waving her hands, already feeling the alcohol set in "but I was in full panic. I was way too young. I hadn't even thought about having children in the future and then there I was clinging onto a pregnancy test in a random diner's bathroom"

She felt silent tears roll down her cheeks as she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand.

"I told Rick about the pregnancy and also told them I made an appointment at the abortion clinic."

Javier's eyes widened "I didn't know"

Meredith bowed her head "yeah, and Rick, he agreed with me."

Javier couldn't even imagine the Castle he knew today would agree to it. Not that he was against it or anything but it felt out of character to the man he got to know over the years "but what changed? I mean it's obvious you didn't went through with it"

She shrugged "he told his mother and she had told him that even though he himself was an accident she never loved anyone as much and that she never regretted her decision to keep him"

"So he changed his mind?"

"Yes, and he had fallen to his knees. Begging me to reconsider. Asking me to marry him, to raise this baby with him. He told me he would take care of it so I could still do the things I wanted, still have the career I desired… he made it sound so perfect that I cancelled my appointment at the clinic and we went for it. And don't get me wrong I never regretted my decision. I love Alexis"

"But?"

"But, since the moment I said 'yes' to keeping the baby and his marriage proposal things changed, he changed… It was never us again. Never like it was before. I was in his eyes only this maternal thing and I felt so unloved, like I was only this vessel to his baby, like he was just sitting out his time with me until I gave birth"

"But you guys married?"

"Yeah and it was a huge event. He had already made money from his books and when I think back maybe we just had this big wedding to conceal our real feeling towards each other, like we couldn't run because there were so many people waiting for us to show up"

Javier nodded as he took a gulp from his beer. Trying to take it all in.

"Then I realized that I never really loved him. He was always good to me, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't love" she said with a weak smile "but damn he loved my growing belly"

"And then she was born"

"Yes," she answered with a faint smile "we found out I had to have C-section because she was breech. Rick was there when they opened me up and he cried holding her for the first time, told me how he never felt like that and I was just… I felt bland. The squirming little thing that was later placed in my arms didn't rattle up all these amazing feelings everybody promised me I would have, and I tried my best to conceal it. Like I was on this cloud. But Rick. God he was so in love. He did everything from then on. Which was relieving at the time. I couldn't even manage to breastfeed or bond with her and I was so sore. She only stopped crying in his arms, and whenever I changed her it was never good enough for his standards, he always redid things. Whenever I fed her it was wrong. They were a team and I; I, just was left out. And the worst thing is… I became jealous of my own baby"

"But you're the mom"

"But I never felt like the mom, I didn't feel the overwhelming sense of love. My therapist later told me I had a untreated case of postpartum depression"

Javier nodded "oh that makes sense," and softly smiled "I've helped a lot of people who suffer from PTSD, you know people from the army, and the only thing that works it to talk through it. That's how it helped me"

Meredith paused and took in the man before her "Look, Javier, I am not trying to say I did the right thing. I know I haven't and I am still ashamed. But Rick, he ignored me, didn't pay any attention. He just gave his credit card to keep me calm and after a while I… I just took on the role of the loud spoiled brat who only cared about shopping and trips to Paris," And sighed "meanwhile I kept auditioning for roles, where I met this producer who was so kind and giving. At that point I did anything to get attention. And this producer…he really seemed like he cared about me, giving the attention I craved so much from my husband and I… I slept with him. Started this affair,"

She took another sip from her drink closing her eyes for a second "secretly hoping Rick would just catch us and all of this was over"

"And he did catch you guys, right?"

"He did. He immediately filed for divorce and wanted full custody of Alexis, I think he wasn't even heartbroken. I think he was relieved to have an excuse to file for divorce"

Javier slowly nodded.

"You have no idea how much I loved her, how much I still love her. But I had no idea how to be a mom and he and Alexis were a team and he was so good with her. I cried all night before agreeing to the full custody he wanted. I felt not worthy of my child and… and I left. I just needed to be gone"

Javier frowned "I never knew…" the shock evident on his face.

Meredith hid her face behind her hands, suddenly she had an overwhelming sense of shame "look this is a mistake I am ruining the image of a good friend of yours, I shouldn't have said anything" as she quickly stood up, wobbly on her feet from the alcohol.

"No wait, please sit down," Javier said as he stood up with her "Castle is a good friend of mine but that doesn't mean you're not important as well. Don't you feel better now you've talked about it?"

Meredith slumped back down in her seat "I do, and he truly is a good man and a great father, and what I heard from Alexis he is also great with his new kids"

Javier sat back down too, a little closer to her "yeah, I am the one of the godfathers, they are the cutest" he said with a proud smile on his face "but tell me, if you don't mind me asking, if this is how you felt, why do you keep playing that role of the 'I only care about shopping' act. Why don't just come clean and-"

"Because I don't want to confuse Alexis. She loves her father more than anything. I don't want her to think this is his fault," she said, pulling her hair from her face "or worse that she thinks it's her fault"

"But now she blames you"

"I don't care. As long as she is happy. I tried to stay out of her life. Hoping she would forget about me or that I could just play the role of the fun 'aunt' that comes by and leave her be. But it is starting to ache now. It really does. Especially now that she has a child of her own"

"But she will understand Meredith, it might take a while, but she will, it won't stop her from loving her father or you"

Meredith sighed "but how? I have no idea how to… I don't have the right to upset her life, again"

"Of course you do, like you said, you are her mother and maybe you have a second chance now with your new grandchild"

"I think Kate will be a better and the more obvious grandmother"

Javier shook his head "she will of course be a part of this baby's life, no denying that. But you are the grandmother, Alexis is your daughter and I think you should just go for it"

"You really think so? Don't you think she is gonna hate me?"

"She won't, I don't hate you. I think you are brave"

"I am the least brave person there is" she said, the thought laughable, while shaking her head.

"You're not! You gave up full custody because you thought it was the best for your daughter. That must have been the hardest decision ever"

"But it was the wrong one"

"Maybe, but you didn't know that at the time"

"You are way too good to me. I have been a horrible mother"

"Call it the Christmas spirit," he said, his speech started to get a bit slurred "you have the chance to make things right before it's really too late"

Meredith smiled as she wiped tears from her cheeks

"You think I can be honest to them?"

"I am sure. It might be hard right now but in the long run…" Javier leaned over, folding his hands as he took a deep breath "look my dad was never around. Left me with my mother. And no one ever bats an eye at that, you know, when the father leaves but when the mother does it, it is the biggest sin. I wish my dad was brave enough to own up to me."

"God, I feel like an idiot now"

"Don't, just do it. Not just for yourself but for Alexis and that new grandbaby of yours and also for me" he said smiling.

Meredith kept on wiping her tears from her cheeks and smiled back at him "thank you, handsome stranger"

They looked at each other, both knowing their conversation was over and stood up. It was a bit awkward. Just shaking hands was too impersonal for what they just shared so she went in for a hug. His broad frame felt comforting as he held her tight against his chest. She looked up in her eyes, not being able to control herself anymore she stood on her toes as she kissed him, tasting the alcohol on his lips.

He ran his hands through her red locks "Wait," Javier said breaking their kiss "this is not a good idea, remember? We talked about this"

Meredith shook her head "you're right, you're right" she answered as she slowly stood back on her feet.

Javier nodded, his fingers lightly caressing the bare skin of her arms looking into her eyes "but I don't want to let go" he whispered.

"oh what the hell" Meredith responded and pulled his head down for a deep kiss that Javier immediately deepened.

Well this was exciting to write, I promise you the next chapter will have Caskett and a bit of their family life and also the morning after :) pls let me know if you enjoyed and if it's not too weird haha x