Coral: I can not believe I'm doing this. But please enjoy my poor attempt at Questionable quality. Written for Great Question's crack pairing contest.

Disclaim: I don't own Khr. Akira Amano does.

Pairing: Squalo x Colonello AKA Voi x Kora

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OPERATING SYSTEM START UP SUCCESSFUL.

SUBJECT: SUPERBI SQUALO

OBJECTIVE: OBSERVE AND CALCULATE THE STRENGTH OF THE ARCOBALENO OF RAIN

SUBJECT: COLONNELLO

OBJECTIVE: ICE CREAM

MISSION IMPRACTICAL: START.

The Superbi Effect

Superbi Squalo was a powerful intellectual. A man full of pride, worthy of being called Captain. Arguably, the tall silver haired man was the second strongest of the Varia branch of the Vongola familia. Superbi Squalo! The rain warrior whose glare struck endless depths of fear into the hearts of his enemies. The Superbi effect, it was dubbed, named by Varia's illusionist, Mammon. The little one would have lost his head if it weren't for the fact that he held Varia's funds hostage. Kill the baby, and the money would immediately be transferred over to Sawada Tsunayoshi's parents. His father, who would probably waste the values on drinks... Lots of drinks. His mother, who would do as all mothers would think of. Grocery shopping, clothes shopping, and possibly a little for college funds. And that was the last thing the silver head would have wanted to happen.

As a matter of fact, his loyalty to Varia is unmatched to any other. Not even Levi A. Than could face against the deep passion the shark-like man held, which was possibly why Xanxus had chosen him for this one mission. Never mind the fact that the man was stooping so low as to wear casual bright colored Hawaiian-esque clothes, complete with a darling floral design. Never mind the distinctively disturbing straw hat wielding a sunflower showering it's beady little black eyed gaze with every direction it was faced. And never mind the dark scowl donned upon the Varia captain's lips.

"Why... The hell... Do I bother..." Veins began to form, visibly throbbing on his formally pale, now dark crimson, forehead. "VOOOOOOOOI! WHAT THE HELL'S THE MEANING OF THIS? HA?" His polite subtle protests were faced with dark stares and sudden noggin pain from broken glass cups, glass bottles, glass tables, and anything else that was made of glass within reach of the leader. And since he was with many Varia "assistants", that reach would be everywhere, supposedly.

"VOI! THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR, LUSSURIA?" shrieked the captain as his hat adorned shards of glass. The sunflower somehow donned a non-approving glance with discontent at the slightly sharp piece that nearly pierced it... How an inanimate object managed to change expressions was never

"Mah, mah~! It wasn't my fault, Squ! Boss ordered me to!"

Clank!

"Lussuria!"

Ka-chink!

"Mammon!"

Bam!

"Belphegor!"

Bash!

"LEVI?"

Crash! Rumble!

...

For a moment, a great silence filled the air, purring and leaning against the tension which rose. But quickly as it came, it immediately fled, screeching almost as if hell was coming.

"VOOOOOIIIII!"

Squalo glared darkly at his so-called comrades. How dare they... Mock the great Superbi Squalo... They dared... How dare they... His silvery eyes nearly turned a robust scarlet. The ground began to rumble with his fury. The entire room was colored crimson in an instant.

Lussuria gaped in surprised horror. "When did we redecorate? I was so sure that our meeting room was white!"

"I was sure too! Boss, what could this mean?" queried Levi to Xanxus.

The leader scoffed with a glare. "You think I care?"

"Don't even think about using Varia's funds, Lussuria. We are NOT paying for a stupid paint over."

"But I think it would be fabulous if it was a pink color! Or at least the color of Squ's beautiful long hair~!"

"Shishishi! Oh look, Captain's getting mad."

Holding up his fist, Squalo's cold steel blade gleamed brightly. Strange, considering that the room was well shaded by dark curtains, but the other Varia members paid no mind. Possibly could be another feature of the Superbi effect.

'Damn them all! They're dead. DEAD!' swore the loud warrior gazing maliciously toward his so-called comrades. They threw things at him as though he was a rock! Forget Varia, he needed to defend his pride! "DIE!"

Unfortunately, Superbi Squalo was not able to save his injured pride, for his troubles began to stir in the form of a loud alarm ringing wildly.

RING! RING!

All eyes turned toward the large plasma screen displaying big bold red text claiming, 'TARGET FOUND' with a square on the side showing a picture of a small blond baby dressed up similar to a certain video game character who was solid.

A smug grin was on their leader's tanned face. "There's your target, scum."

"Ushishishi, watch out for fragile glass."

"Try not to cause so much damage this time."

"Do your mission the best you can, and come back soon!"

"Ah~! Don't worry, Squalo! I'll be sure to keep your bed nice and warm when you get home~!"

What a wonderfully supportive family he was in. Superbi scowled darkly, grabbing his suitcase and stomping right out the large, formally pine, cherry wood door.

"Hey, Boss? I have to ask, if we wanted to know the strength of the Rain arcobaleno, wouldn't it have been better to ask Mammon?" Levi flinched at the gaze of his supreme commander. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Mammon sighed shaking his head. "I can't be counted on to know his strength since I haven't seen him in a long time. Not to mention that he and I are not in good terms with each other."

There was only silence.

"Couldn't you have paid for information?" queried Varia's flamboyant member.

The Mist arcobaleno gawked at the large muscled man. "Do you even realize how much it costs?"

Squalo shoved his hat down the trash angrily, stomping along the way. His flip flops squeaked wearily with each step of their abusive owner. The Varia of Rain was mad. MAD. Getting to the area was simple enough. Left, right, a turn here, and stop. Getting the arcobaleno to show his strengths and weaknesses was a different matter.

The Rain arcobaleno wasn't stupid. With his superior senses, he could already tell that he had a stalker. It really unnerved him, admittedly. The guy followed him practically everywhere. Namimori Park, Namimori station, heck even Namimori middle school!

"HIEEEK!"

"Out of the way, kora!"

"VOOI! Come back here and fight!"

"Wow! Hey Squalo! You're all dressed up! Are you going on vacation here in Japan?"

"St-Stop! You're both making the place chaotic!"

"I don't believe this tenth! Let me blow them up! That'll show them for messing with you!"

"Gokudera-kun, no!"

"VOI! What the heck's wrong with you, huh? Don't feel up to a fight? Or are you scared?" Shouted Squalo raising a fist at the arcobaleno, ignoring the fact that he was inside a public school, possibly violating many different codes and laws. And that he was in the future tenth's classroom of all places. Not that there was anyone there, apart from Tsuna and the others. And the anonymous teacher, who really didn't seem so surprised. Or possibly didn't care much to question anything.

This wasn't fair. All the little guy wanted was to have a leisurely walk in the park and get some ice cream along the way. Unfortunately, with his latest fan, it just wasn't happening. He had hoped to lose him by rushing through many places, but this guy seemed a tad bit too determined.

'Don't get me wrong, kora. I know I'm really cute in the state I'm in because of the curse, and I do know that it's flattering to a point, but this is ridiculous!' thought the little blond baby. If he hadn't known better, he would have sued the taller man for possible child molesting and harrassment. Giving no reply to Varia second-in-command, he jumped up from a desk. An eagle swooped into the open window, crying out for it's master. Colonnello heeded, grabbing at his eagle's leg successfully from the desk.

Unfortunately, it was Sawada Tsunayoshi's desk. Or rather, it used to be, before it was instantly sliced neatly in half.

"HIEEEK!" A cry that put even the toughest to shame.

"HEY! Come back here!" The Varia captain rushed after his target, leaving a very shaky future tenth behind. He glared as the eagle soared higher up to the heavens. "So the arcobaleno's hoping to lose me by staying close to the sun? Not happening." Determined, Superbi Squalo followed, his instincts sharp as his blade.

In the meantime, far off in Italy, the rest of Varia were quite content from the absence of Squalo. Levi got to take over the position temporarily, Mammon finally hacked Squalo's personal bank account, Lussuria managed to get permission to redecorate the siverhead's room, and Belphegor was a rather happy prince ordering online with Mammon. Using Squalo's account, of course. It was wonderful how supportive they all were, especially their boss, who was kind enough to simply not think about him at all.

Colonnello sighed wearily, looking down for what he counted was the fourteenth time. "He's still there, kora..." The arcobaleno had to admit, the man sure was persistent. If he wasn't mistaken, the guy was someone from the Varia group of Vongola. But why would he want to chase him? No real big answer came to him. Unless... He wanted to recruit him for Varia? No, that couldn't be it. They already had Viper. One arcobaleno was enough, not to mention that he and Viper never did really got along. He decided not to pursue the matter in his head any longer. He really wanted some ice cream... An idea struck him then.

Reborn! He lived with the future Vongola tenth's family! Surely, he could strike up a visit and possibly get some ice cream in the meantime? It seems plausible, after all, his relations with the Sun arcobaleno was all over positive. Grinning in glee in the thought of satisfying his sweet craving, Colonello tapped his eagle's leg lightly to fly over to the Sawada residence.

Squalo, not one to miss out, ran vigorously, his silver hair flying and smacking anyone unfortunate enough to be in the way. Soon, he caught up to the baby, but not before he was welcomed warmly by Tsuna's mother. Well, that wouldn't stop him in the slightest, but it did hinder his goal.

The rain arcobaleno sighed happily as he sat at the table with Reborn right beside him. "This ice cream is the best!" He declared waving a spoon up high. "It's really good, kora!"

"Well, that's all good. Why did you have to go all this way for ice cream?" Reborn questioned tilting his head.

Colonnello copied the motion with a grin. "Well, I had a stalker, and it really put a damper to my daily activities, so I couldn't get any ice cream from the park. But this is even more better!" Popping another spoonful of the creamy frozen treat, he added, "It was a guy from Varia. You know, the long haired guy who looked like a girl at first glance?"

"Ah. You mean Squalo." Reborn hopped out of his seat, humming. "Looks like my student came home."

Precisely as though the arcobaleno was gifted with ESP, the brunet opened the door. The sight which greeted him was far from pleasing. "C-Colonello!"

"Hey, how's it going, kora?" grinned the arcobaleno. He waved for a bit before getting back to his ice cream.

"Colonnello was just telling me of his recent stalker." Reborn casually said. "Apparently, he's being chased by-"

"VOOOOII!"

Tsuna shrieked in horror as his front door was immediately reduced to splinters.

Dust filled the air while Varia's proud warrior of Rain walked in. He grinned cockily raising an index toward the arcobaleno of his own same flame type. "You're going to take up my challenge!"

Colonnello quirked an eyebrow. "What makes you think I will, kora?"

"Because I say so!"

The blond stared. Was the guy serious?

"Come on now!" Squalo roared waving his blade wildly.

Apparently, the guy really was. Shrugging, Colonnello stood. "Alright then. I haven't had a decent fight in a while, kora." He held up the one primary weapon he had on hand.

Everyone merely stared.

"D-Duct tape?" Tsuna dropped his jaw in disbelief. Surely that can't really be counted as a weapon. But hopefully Squalo would be deterred from it and decide against fighting altogether? Sneaking a glance toward the shark-like warrior, he froze.

Squalo was narrowing his eyes analyzing the situation carefully. His stance grew rigid and tense in preparation for battle. He was taking it seriously!

"Stop it, both of you! You're making this place unliveable!" shouted the future tenth in an attempt to quell the tension rising. His words fell on deaf ears.

Colonnello smirked. "Heh. Don't be surprised. This may be duct tape, but you don't know what I'm capable of with this."

A similar smile was on Superbi's face. "Well, I'd like to see your skills. Here and now."

The arcobaleno quickly ran toward the silver head, whose blade extended out. He gasped however as a sudden cloud of pink smoke enshrouded the two of them.

Tsuna coughed. "Squalo? Colonello? What?" The next sight he knew haunted him for the rest of his life. Right there, on his kitchen table, was an adult Colonello and an older Squalo. Both wrapped by wrists in duct tape, clothes suspiciously unbuttoned slightly, gazing at each other with very disturbing looks. What in the world were they doing! Tsuna covered his eyes shrieking nonstop, even when five minutes passed and his house became a mess.

The baby arcobaleno and present time Squalo merely stared. If this was the future tenth of Vongola, then the family was so doomed.