Ask a Devil Hunter…
A/N: From too much exposure to "Ask a Ninja"….
Where questions from the public are answered by Dante (and sometimes Vergil, with the occasional cameo appearance by Lady, Trish and Lucia) in humorous and entertaining ways. This means that you (yes, we mean you…we're watching you…) get to send in those questions you always wanted to ask the pixilated characters of DMC (1-3). Our favorites will be included in the series and we'll send you a PM to let you know, if you haven't already put it on your alerts list…
So PM us, email us at the address on the profile, or simply put your question in a review. -.-
Let the chaos ensue……
An Introduction?
"…and that's why you should be my cameraman."
"Dante, you just spent an hour explaining why I was the only person able to do this for you when you could have just asked plainly. I would have said yes."
"…Really? You mean you'll do it? Verge, you're the best! I'll go get it set up!"
Vergil watched as his twin raced out of the office (Dante called it his "lair") to pursue his latest crazy scheme—making a video series to be posted on the internet. He still wasn't sure about what the videos were about—all he'd gotten from Dante's longwinded explanation had been that it was going to be "awesome"—and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know.
With a sigh, he turned back to the computer and jiggled the mouse. As soon as the screensaver disappeared, he shut down the programs he'd been working on. Knowing Dante, he'd want to get right on it and it was best to not have anything running that might get completely deleted by his younger twin.
Dante hurried back in, calling "Bring up the email, will ya?" Vergil complied, and soon Dante was logged in and checking his email. "Ah sweet, I already got some questions! Lemme print 'em…" As the printer warmed up and began spitting out the pages, the younger twin bounded over to the jukebox. "Gotta have some beginning music…" he mumbled.
Vergil watched his brother's antics while setting up the camera to face the wall that Dante had chosen to use as a backdrop, half of him feeling amused and the other half slightly disturbed. He glanced over at the computer and noticed that the address was raised an eyebrow and started to open his mouth to ask before thinking better of it. Again, with the way Dante acted about his obsessions, it was usually better to not ask him about anything, as he tended to expand on the subject indefinitely and Vergil had a vested interest in keeping his brain cells in good health.
He looked up again to see Dante struggling with the old jukebox in the corner. Feeling the corner of his mouth twitch upwards, he picked up the camera and pressed the record button.
"Work! Work, damn you!" Dante growled at the antique before, as always, resorting to hitting it. Several loud clangs later, he grinned in triumph as music began to pound out of the beleaguered speakers. Turning on his heel, he returned to the backdrop, snagging one of the kitchen stools as he passed. Spinning the stool around, he sat on it and grinned at the camera and Vergil, who had turned slowly to follow his brother's movements.
"Okay! Now we're ready! Let 'er rip, Verge!" he exclaimed, still grinning that slightly insane grin that Vergil had become so familiar with over the past months.
Vergil finally smiled, the barest twitch upwards of his lips. "The camera's been on for the past five minutes, dork."
Dante's smile slipped slightly as he realized what Vergil was saying, but he recovered quickly. "Oh, okay, then. On with the show!"
He picked up one of the sheets and began to read out loud. "This is from Bryan H. of Washington. 'Whose sword is bigger? Yours or Vergil's?'" He set down the paper. "Good question, Bryan. But see, it's not always size that counts, though Rebellion could beat Yamato hands down in a fair fight. While mine is wider and technically bigger, Vergil's is actually longer." He stared off into space moment, a strange expression on his face before he shook his head, blushed slightly and stared down at the next question. "Uh...okay then. Here we have…'Sparda is a Dark Knight. Is Sparda Batman?' from James C. of Kentucky."
Dante blinked at the paper in confusion. "I don't get it... I was a Spiderman and X-men fan as a kid. Vergil's the one who liked Batman." He stared at the space behind the camera where Vergil stood. "Vergil?"
The older twin sighed and said "Batman is called the Dark Knight. Sparda is the Legendary Dark Knight."
"Oh." Dante blinked again. "Okay. Um, no. At least, I don't think so….I don't think Dad would ever wear tights…."
There was an awkward silence for a moment as both men tried to clear the horrible mental image from their heads, and Dante cleared his throat before picking up the other piece of paper.
"Question from 'Anonymous' in Kazakhstan. 'Do you two have any Purple Hats?'"
"What the hell kinda question is this? When do I EVER wear a hat? I don't get this one either… What are they feeding kids these days, crack? I mean, what the fuck?"
Vergil couldn't give him an answer, and only shrugged.
"Then no, no we don't. Unless this is code. And even then probably not. 'Cause I dunno. Anyway. See you next time, peoples, and remember! Always pillage BEFORE you burn!" Dante finished with a wide grin.
Vergil dutifully shut the camera and set in on the desk to be hooked into the computer. Dante came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his brothers waist.
"Thanks, that helped. As soon as we get some more questions, we can do another episode."
Although Vergil couldn't see the younger twin's face, the smile was apparent from his voice.
"Are you sure you want to do another one? The questions were…."
"Questionable?"
Vergil turned to look at his brothers grinning face. "Well, yes."
"Yeah, well…It was still fun. So." Dante unhooked his arms from around the older Sparda twin and patted him on the shoulder instead. "Gonna upload it for me? Thanks. There's a new game upstairs with my name on it."
With that, he started to move towards the stairs.
Vergil's eye twitched slightly. "Wait a minute…"
"Don't worry, I'll make it up to you later."
And Dante was up the stairs.
He sighed and sat in the computer chair. He might as well…..Besides, he wanted to put that bit with the jukebox on the YouTube© account that Dante didn't know about. Lady would enjoy watching it.
End Introduction. Type thingy. Slash First Episode. McBobber. Thing. Yeah. Shutting Up Now. Don't eat sugar before bed, kids. It rots your mind as well as your teeth and makes you write apeshit things like this. Hope to hear from you guys, anyway, though. That is, we'd better hear from you...
Um, I just realized we hadn't put anything like a warning, but it should be understood by this time that we pretty much are doing yaoi with these guys, at least on this account. That, and beware of anything we come up with; this is the tip of the iceberg...
Argh...I hate forgetting things...Bryan H. from Washington is a real person, but the guy from Kentucky and the anonymous person from Kazakhstan are not, unless there is actually someone named James C. in Kentucky...so we pretty much own them. Any question that comes from reviewers will be redited in the actual story in later episodes, though. Okay, now we're done...