Golden Eyes With A Blackened Heart
The air reeked of bourbon and cigarette smoke, and the club seemed to have a foggy look to it due to buildup of the smoke. Everything in that small shack of a club was calm and serene for a midnight. Suddenly, all of the quiet chatter amongst friends along with the sweet melody of jazz was overpowered with a quick, loud smack of a shot glass along the bar table. The chatter stopped for a moment, but it carried on quickly. With that, a depressed magenta tainted figure slowly placed his head on the counter top. He sighed as he kept going back through his mind about what a fiasco his day was. He had argued with his closest friends, and now they weren't speaking to him.
"How do you manage to lay your head down on the table without your horn getting jammed in the wood?" A light male voice asked.
"Huh?" Espio slowly drew his head up to see his close friend Leo standing by him with a concerned expression hovering over his face. "Leo, what are you doing here? You never drink."
"You don't have to drink to go to a club." The calm lion chuckled. He sat next to his tipsy friend, placed his hand on Espio's shoulder, and ordered a light beer.
"Light beer, eh? Gotta keep the clean side of you visible?" Espio commented with a slight sneer. "Oh hush up, Es. You know how my attitude is when I'm in the condition you're in right now." Leo teased as he elbowed Espio's side. Espio rubbed his side slightly and laughed with Leo for awhile. Eventually, the two broke into conversation and they both talked about how their days had gone by. Leo listened as Espio began to rant about how much of a wreck his day had become. Espio told him how he was about to lose it earlier today with his friends.
"I just couldn't stand how they've been on my case all week. I know that it's that time of the year again, but I can handle myself! They just worry and worry, ask and ask, and they never just let it go. I'm the one who's trying to let go, but they always remind me of what happened, and then I just remember it all!" Espio covered his face with his hand in frustration, and wiped his hand down his face squeezing his face softly as he did so. "Leo, I just don't know why they do this to me. After all I've been through, and they know of it, they still do this as if they're helping me."
"Espio," Leo sighed, "That's what they think they're doing. You're the type of guy who holds in his feelings and frustrations because you don't want to hurt people with your honesty or whatever. Something tells me that you never really told them how you felt about that whole thing and them bringing it up now, huh?" When Espio solemnly nodded his head, Leo continued. "Es, you have to start telling people how you feel. Sure, honesty hurts people, but being two faced by not being honest when it's really needed hurts a lot worse once they find out. You have to tell them, Es. Blowing up at them when they've 'gone too far' is okay, I guess. You didn't, though. You didn't tell them even though you felt that way, and you blew up assuming they would automatically know. You didn't just blow up at them because they went too far, you blew up at them because that was you expressing your honesty. They won't interpret it that way."
"What are you trying to say, Leo?" Espio asked in a blunt voice. Leo could tell he was irritated, but he knew Espio too well. He knew that Espio was a stubborn guy, and that Espio couldn't handle certain things well. With a sigh, Leo finally said what was obvious to him, yet still oblivious to Espio.
"Espio, it's your fault they didn't understand, and it's your fault that this all went down."
Espio was speechless. He was angry at first, but when he saw that Leo had sympathy in his eyes, he realized that Leo was right.
"I'll feel like an idiot, but Leo, what should I do?" He was literally pleading to Leo. He didn't know why it was so hard for him to ask.
"Es, you have to apologize and explain everything. Even though they know of your situation, you might have to tell them why it's such a hard time for you. You do have to apologize, however." He patted Espio on the back. They both talked for a long time, but while they were talking, Espio was troubled. He couldn't shake the humiliation off of him. That whole night they spent talking, he couldn't help but remember everything that had happened.
He couldn't shake the event that had happened nearly a year ago, which triggered his mild depression and his drinking issue. Ever since that night, he had never been the same.
"Espio, I'm afraid your mother didn't pull through."
"Mother, I'm so sorry..Please, forgive me."
"Espio, this isn't your fault."
"LIKE HELL IT ISN'T. SHE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF ME. YOU GOT THAT?! SHE WOULD STILL BE HERE IF IT WASN'T FOR ME. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO DIED. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME...It should have been me.."
Espio tossed and turned under the covers of his bed. Chills ran up his spine while sweat drops traveled down from his forehead onto his neck. He couldn't shake the terrible thoughts from his corrupted mind. His eyes were lightly tainted red from his exhaustion, and his body was trembling. He eventually stopped all efforts to keep himself calm, and stared up at his ceiling. He kept remembering every single detail from that night, and he just let himself become a slave to his thoughts.
"I need a drink" He murmured under his breath. He slowly stopped his shaking and trudged his tired body across the house to his kitchen. He had developed a slight drinking problem ever since his mother's death. He couldn't seem to handle his depression without having a drink. He went to therapy only twice, if he remembered correctly, and he couldn't bear going anymore. It was all too awkward and emotional for him still. He finally reached the kitchen, which took forever to him, and then he opened the fridge to retrieve his whiskey. He poured the whiskey all the way to the top of the glass, and swallowed all of the alcoholic beverage in one gulp. He stared out into the kitchen window and looked at the clear, star painted sky. He choked on his tears as he rewound his life ever since his mother's death. He had become socially awkward at times, his training had slowly come to a halt, he'd developed mood swings along with his depression, and he hadn't been able to go on any sort of date without looking like an idiot. His whole life was spiraling downhill. All he had left was Leo, Knuckles, Mighty, and Ciera. Those four had decided to stay along with him, while the rest just couldn't handle all of Espio's trauma and drama. In the midst of Espio's reminiscing, he heard a knock on his door.
"Who the hell is at my house at two in the morning?" He grunted as he walked over and opened the door.
"Hello, Espio. It's been awhile."
"Mighty? Knuckles? Vector?! Wh-what are you three doing here this late?" A startled Espio asked.
"My question to you is why are you drinking this late at night? We've come to talk to you." Knuckles replied bluntly as Espio welcomed them all in. Vector barely made eye contact with him as they all sat down in his living room. Espio sat across from the three, who were seated on his couch, in his recliner.
"So, what have you come to discuss about this late at night?" Espio asked hiding the worry in voice the best he could.
"Espio," Knuckles said, "You need to go to therapy. Leo told us everything about what you told him tonight. He only told us because he was beyond worried."
"What?! He TOLD you EVERYTHING?!" Espio's hands tightened around the arms of his chair as he calmed himself down.
"Es, you need to go because you're really showing signs that your depression is getting worse. We're all willing to help you get to therapy and stay at therapy until you're better." Mighty said encouragingly. Espio sighed as he knew what they were getting at. He knew they were right, but he hated admitting that he was wrong. He had too much pride even for someone in his current condition.
"I know, Mighty. I appreciate it, but..I don't know how to get there and how to stay. It's just too painful for me right now."
"And you think drinking your worries away is going to help you forever?" Vector snapped at him.
"Oh, as if YOU, of all people, should be telling ME what to do. You abandoned me along with everyone else! Knuckles and Mighty are the only ones here that have stayed with me the whole time!" Espio shot back at Vector. Knuckles and Mighty sat still as they knew that this was going to be a blood bath.
"I only left YOU, Espio, because YOU were too much of a drag! We knew that you weren't going to be in the best of shape, but you're just sulking in the supposed pride you have left! You haven't done a damn thing for yourself yet, and look at you! Sure, it's just going to be a little bit of a drink until your tipsy, but do you know what happens when you take things in small dosages? You get used to it, and you have to take more. You'll have to drink more til you're a raging drunk who can't pick up his sorry ass!"
Espio was speechless, and Vector continued, "Espio, you're depressed, bipolar, and a complete wreck. You haven't done any training and you've rarely reported to a Chaotix meeting. We need you back, Espio. We miss you, and we're willing to help you through all of this. We're sorry for letting you slip out of our grasp, and we won't let that happen again. Please, just go back to therapy, and get off this drinking habit!" Vector grabbed Espio's shoulders with both hands, and nearly shook him to death while speaking.
"Vector, I need help. From all of you. I'll admit it; I'm wrong. I really can't do this on my own."
"Well," Knuckles finally spoke knowing the tension was over, "Are you willing to go as long as we help you, and are you willing to stop your drinking habit?" Knuckles was pleading to him. Espio looked down at his lap, and it was silent for a few moments. Espio sighed after what seemed to be forever.
"I'll do it all. I want to become better. I want my friends back. I want all of you back. I want to live a normal life again. I want to be me because I hate what I've become."
"Way to be, bud." Mighty gave him a pat on the back.
"You'll need to be in the therapist's office tomorrow at 12 o' clock in the afternoon. Can you do that?" Knuckles asked. Espio nodded, and Knuckles instructed him who he was seeing and how long the session would be on average. The four all spent fifteen minutes to throw out Espio's booze and other things considered a hazard to his health. As the three were leaving Espio's house, Vector stopped and looked at Espio.
"Welcome back to the real world, Espio. We're all proud of you. We'll be sure to tell everyone the good news and what they should do to help. Someone will drop by after your therapy tomorrow to talk things out."
"Alright. Thank you, guys." Espio replied as he shut the door. He turned off the living room light and went to his bedroom. He placed himself under the covers and slowly drifted off to sleep. He knew that as long as he kept at it, he would have himself in order again. Even if it did take time and practice, he vowed that he would change his life starting tomorrow.