There once was a woman who was great with child. While she lay in her
nice, warm, cozy bed, she had a most excellent view of the grounds outside
her window. The greatest thing that she saw was the jellybean vine on the
other side of the wall. Jellybeans of all colors and sizes grew on that
vine and it wasn't long before the woman began to pine for them.
"Husband!" she called, "If you love me, bring me those jellybeans on the other side of the wall. I don't care how much they cost."
So the faithful husband hopped over the wall and gathered seven handfuls of the jellybeans and brought them to his wife. She ate them all, every last one and didn't save any for her beloved husband. After eating, she was thoroughly satisfied - for the moment. Soon she became obsessed with those little jellybeans and it wasn't long before she yelled to her husband again.
"Husband! If you love me, bring me those jellybeans on the other side of the wall. I don't care how much they cost."
So the faithful husband once more hopped over the wall to gather the jellybeans. But this time he was met by an old hag.
"You have been stealing my most precious jellybeans!"
"Yeah, what's it to ya?" the husband asked.
"They're mine and you shall pay! Give me your first child, which your wife shall soon bear, and you may have all your little heart desires."
The husband recalled his wife saying that she didn't care how much the jellybeans cost so he said "oky-doky!" Then the husband returned to his wife with seven more handfuls of jellybeans.
The child, a beautiful baby girl, was soon born and the husband took her away to the ugly old hag, praying, that she never grow up to be as ugly as the old woman. The old woman took the little bundle of joy and called her Jellybean (for that is what her father first stole you know). Then she whisked the girl up to the tiptop of a great stone tower, which contained but one window and no door.
Sixteen years later, the lovely Jellybean had blossomed into quite the young lady. She had sparkling blue eyes, golden blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and luscious red lips. In short, if she even knew what a man was, I'm sure she could knock 'em dead.
So on e day a handsome young prince rode by on his dazzling white stallion. The prince saw the wrinkled old woman at the base of a tall stone tower. She was so hiddious and old that the prince was sure if he were to look her in the eye, her ugliness would burn his retinas, leaving him blind, and leaving a picture, forever ingraved in his memory, of her repulsive face.
He watched carefully, prepared to cover his eyes if necessary. Then he heard the ugly woman's chalky voice calling up to the top of the tower.
"Jellybean, Jellybean let down your hair!"
Ant then, the most beautiful locks of golden hair fell from the high window. But not only did her hair float down from the tower, but also a left shoe, which had been wrapped in her hair with, the prince assumed, the intention of hitting the woman on the head, which it did most painfully.
"Jellybean you moron! What is your shoe doing in your hair!?! You really are a stupid girl!"
The prince thought the girl quite cleaver and was appalled that the woman would speak to the girl that way. But the old woman used Jellybean's hair to pull herself, quite ungracefully, into the tower. The prince decided that when the old woman left, he, too, would climb the tower and visit with Lady Jellybean.
At last, the grizzled woman left, leaving the prince free to call to beloved Jellybean.
"Jellybean, Jellybean let down your hair!"
Instantly, flowing gold hair erupted from the towers window and fell at the prince's feet, but not before the shoe's mate had struck him on the head. He rubbed the tender spot and climbed right up. When he jumped through the window Jellybean was frightened. She'd never seen a man before. In fact, she'd never seen another human being aside from the witch.
"How do you do, fair Jellybean?" the prince asked with an elaborate wave of his hand.
"I am quite well. You're not the witch otherwise you became very attractive. And the witch never would have asked me how I was. I've never seen anything like you. What are you?"
The prince was disturbed that Jellybean did not recognize him as a man, bet then, she had been locked in this darned tower all of her life.
"I am a man, a prince. You are very beautiful and I wish to make you my wife."
Jellybean hadn't a clue as to what this "prince" meant but it sounded like a very fun game and since she had missed out on those as a child she decided she would go along with it.
"Okay, that sounds nice." She replied.
So everyday the prince came to visit he bride until the day they could be wed. Jellybean had lots of fun with Prince Wienerschnouzer. He was very nice and always made Jellybean laugh until her sides ached. But one day, the witch scrambled up Jellybean's hair to giver her a small morsel of food when Jellybean posed a very interesting question.
"How is it that you are far less attractive and much lighter than my prince who visits me everyday?"
The witch became angry. First for being called ugly, and second because the irresponsible Jellybean had been letting boys into the tower. So the ugly witch seized Jellybean's lovely hair and hacked it off all the way up to her shoulders. Jellybean was distraught and the witch sent Jellybean to live with Cinderella, pre Prince Charming, then the witch herself hid in the tower waiting for handsome Prince Wienerschnouzer.
He finally came and called to his love.
"Jellybean, Jellybean let down your hair!"
The witch tossed down Jellybean's disembodied golden locks out of the window and allowed the prince to climb. He was astonished, and a bit confused, to see the witch standing there instead of Jellybean. The prince was downright disgusted. He'd been tricked! He began spitting violently.
"Young man, what are you doing?"
The prince continued to spit in between his words.
"All along you disguised yourself as Jellybean and I was kissing you! Jellybean isn't even real!!!"
"You idiot, you're dumber than I though. I sent Jellybean away, so she is real. Please, contain yourself."
The prince desisted and heaved a huge sigh of relief.
"But you," the witch snarled, "shall die!"
Before the witch could harm the prince, he'd leaped right out the window. Well this was a stupid idea, he thought. At least she didn't look me in the eye. Prince Weinerschnouzer landed with an excruciating thud. He began to run. Run far, far away from this dreaded tower and find his bride. The prince then tripped right over a lettuce head in the middle of the pathway and became entangled in an angry bush. Prince Wienerschnouzer glanced back at the tower to see if the witch had followed but her deeply regretted it. Her horrid eyes bore deep into his and his vision went black.
Angrily he cursed the old woman and ran blindly (no pun intended) away.
Three years went by and Cinderella had long since wed Prince Charming, but her own prince had not come to find her. Jellybean was forced to stay with Cinderella's terrible stepsisters and work in Cinderella's place. There was a knock at the door and, drying her hands on a towel, Jellybean went to answer the door; but not before picking up a particularly large butcher knife and a Big-Daddy Skillet. The pan was large enough to cook one dozen pancakes, twenty-seven eggs, and thirty-two pieces of bacon, all at one time.
Arming herself to answer the door was a daily routine. You see, Princess Buttercup had warned Jellybean of the r-o-u-s's, rodents of unusual size. Her dear Wesley did not believe in them and is still suffering the consequences. Nevertheless, there had been a recent infestation with the critters, which had a terribly bad habit of knocking on Jellybean's kitchen door. But, as large as they may be, those rodents of unusual size were no match for the Big-Daddy Skillet. Jellybean threw the door open and swung the skillet through the open door. Pulling back for another shot, Jellybean looked down and the rodent only to find that it was not a rodent. It was Prince Weinerschnouzer!
"I think I may have got the wrong house." The prince said, dazed, before falling to the floor.
"Oh my prince I did not know it was you!"
The prince recognized the voice but, as he was blind, he could not confirm his thought.
"Prince Weinerschnouzer! It's me, Jellybean!"
And with Jellybean's melodious voice ringing in the prince's ears, his vision came flooding back, and he beheld his beautiful Jellybean.
"I'm sorry, my prince, did I hurt you?"
Prince Weinerschnouzer laughed at Jellybean and kissed her passionately. Two weeks later they were wed and took a relaxing, skillet-free honeymoon to Hawaii. (Prince Weinerschnouzer hade Princess Jellybean promise not to take it.) And they lived happily ever after.
"Husband!" she called, "If you love me, bring me those jellybeans on the other side of the wall. I don't care how much they cost."
So the faithful husband hopped over the wall and gathered seven handfuls of the jellybeans and brought them to his wife. She ate them all, every last one and didn't save any for her beloved husband. After eating, she was thoroughly satisfied - for the moment. Soon she became obsessed with those little jellybeans and it wasn't long before she yelled to her husband again.
"Husband! If you love me, bring me those jellybeans on the other side of the wall. I don't care how much they cost."
So the faithful husband once more hopped over the wall to gather the jellybeans. But this time he was met by an old hag.
"You have been stealing my most precious jellybeans!"
"Yeah, what's it to ya?" the husband asked.
"They're mine and you shall pay! Give me your first child, which your wife shall soon bear, and you may have all your little heart desires."
The husband recalled his wife saying that she didn't care how much the jellybeans cost so he said "oky-doky!" Then the husband returned to his wife with seven more handfuls of jellybeans.
The child, a beautiful baby girl, was soon born and the husband took her away to the ugly old hag, praying, that she never grow up to be as ugly as the old woman. The old woman took the little bundle of joy and called her Jellybean (for that is what her father first stole you know). Then she whisked the girl up to the tiptop of a great stone tower, which contained but one window and no door.
Sixteen years later, the lovely Jellybean had blossomed into quite the young lady. She had sparkling blue eyes, golden blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and luscious red lips. In short, if she even knew what a man was, I'm sure she could knock 'em dead.
So on e day a handsome young prince rode by on his dazzling white stallion. The prince saw the wrinkled old woman at the base of a tall stone tower. She was so hiddious and old that the prince was sure if he were to look her in the eye, her ugliness would burn his retinas, leaving him blind, and leaving a picture, forever ingraved in his memory, of her repulsive face.
He watched carefully, prepared to cover his eyes if necessary. Then he heard the ugly woman's chalky voice calling up to the top of the tower.
"Jellybean, Jellybean let down your hair!"
Ant then, the most beautiful locks of golden hair fell from the high window. But not only did her hair float down from the tower, but also a left shoe, which had been wrapped in her hair with, the prince assumed, the intention of hitting the woman on the head, which it did most painfully.
"Jellybean you moron! What is your shoe doing in your hair!?! You really are a stupid girl!"
The prince thought the girl quite cleaver and was appalled that the woman would speak to the girl that way. But the old woman used Jellybean's hair to pull herself, quite ungracefully, into the tower. The prince decided that when the old woman left, he, too, would climb the tower and visit with Lady Jellybean.
At last, the grizzled woman left, leaving the prince free to call to beloved Jellybean.
"Jellybean, Jellybean let down your hair!"
Instantly, flowing gold hair erupted from the towers window and fell at the prince's feet, but not before the shoe's mate had struck him on the head. He rubbed the tender spot and climbed right up. When he jumped through the window Jellybean was frightened. She'd never seen a man before. In fact, she'd never seen another human being aside from the witch.
"How do you do, fair Jellybean?" the prince asked with an elaborate wave of his hand.
"I am quite well. You're not the witch otherwise you became very attractive. And the witch never would have asked me how I was. I've never seen anything like you. What are you?"
The prince was disturbed that Jellybean did not recognize him as a man, bet then, she had been locked in this darned tower all of her life.
"I am a man, a prince. You are very beautiful and I wish to make you my wife."
Jellybean hadn't a clue as to what this "prince" meant but it sounded like a very fun game and since she had missed out on those as a child she decided she would go along with it.
"Okay, that sounds nice." She replied.
So everyday the prince came to visit he bride until the day they could be wed. Jellybean had lots of fun with Prince Wienerschnouzer. He was very nice and always made Jellybean laugh until her sides ached. But one day, the witch scrambled up Jellybean's hair to giver her a small morsel of food when Jellybean posed a very interesting question.
"How is it that you are far less attractive and much lighter than my prince who visits me everyday?"
The witch became angry. First for being called ugly, and second because the irresponsible Jellybean had been letting boys into the tower. So the ugly witch seized Jellybean's lovely hair and hacked it off all the way up to her shoulders. Jellybean was distraught and the witch sent Jellybean to live with Cinderella, pre Prince Charming, then the witch herself hid in the tower waiting for handsome Prince Wienerschnouzer.
He finally came and called to his love.
"Jellybean, Jellybean let down your hair!"
The witch tossed down Jellybean's disembodied golden locks out of the window and allowed the prince to climb. He was astonished, and a bit confused, to see the witch standing there instead of Jellybean. The prince was downright disgusted. He'd been tricked! He began spitting violently.
"Young man, what are you doing?"
The prince continued to spit in between his words.
"All along you disguised yourself as Jellybean and I was kissing you! Jellybean isn't even real!!!"
"You idiot, you're dumber than I though. I sent Jellybean away, so she is real. Please, contain yourself."
The prince desisted and heaved a huge sigh of relief.
"But you," the witch snarled, "shall die!"
Before the witch could harm the prince, he'd leaped right out the window. Well this was a stupid idea, he thought. At least she didn't look me in the eye. Prince Weinerschnouzer landed with an excruciating thud. He began to run. Run far, far away from this dreaded tower and find his bride. The prince then tripped right over a lettuce head in the middle of the pathway and became entangled in an angry bush. Prince Wienerschnouzer glanced back at the tower to see if the witch had followed but her deeply regretted it. Her horrid eyes bore deep into his and his vision went black.
Angrily he cursed the old woman and ran blindly (no pun intended) away.
Three years went by and Cinderella had long since wed Prince Charming, but her own prince had not come to find her. Jellybean was forced to stay with Cinderella's terrible stepsisters and work in Cinderella's place. There was a knock at the door and, drying her hands on a towel, Jellybean went to answer the door; but not before picking up a particularly large butcher knife and a Big-Daddy Skillet. The pan was large enough to cook one dozen pancakes, twenty-seven eggs, and thirty-two pieces of bacon, all at one time.
Arming herself to answer the door was a daily routine. You see, Princess Buttercup had warned Jellybean of the r-o-u-s's, rodents of unusual size. Her dear Wesley did not believe in them and is still suffering the consequences. Nevertheless, there had been a recent infestation with the critters, which had a terribly bad habit of knocking on Jellybean's kitchen door. But, as large as they may be, those rodents of unusual size were no match for the Big-Daddy Skillet. Jellybean threw the door open and swung the skillet through the open door. Pulling back for another shot, Jellybean looked down and the rodent only to find that it was not a rodent. It was Prince Weinerschnouzer!
"I think I may have got the wrong house." The prince said, dazed, before falling to the floor.
"Oh my prince I did not know it was you!"
The prince recognized the voice but, as he was blind, he could not confirm his thought.
"Prince Weinerschnouzer! It's me, Jellybean!"
And with Jellybean's melodious voice ringing in the prince's ears, his vision came flooding back, and he beheld his beautiful Jellybean.
"I'm sorry, my prince, did I hurt you?"
Prince Weinerschnouzer laughed at Jellybean and kissed her passionately. Two weeks later they were wed and took a relaxing, skillet-free honeymoon to Hawaii. (Prince Weinerschnouzer hade Princess Jellybean promise not to take it.) And they lived happily ever after.