Bump in the Backseat Summary: Being the only Decepitcons on earth makes one an easy target for lurking Autobots if one doesn't blend in real well with the local inhabitants … to bad for Barricade and frenzy … they blended in a little to well. [2007 movieverse]
Disclaimer: If only, if only, the little plot bunny sings.
Image: 'Bump in the Backseat' by Dragon260.
Rating: Teen … I was considering Mature, but I don't think it's detailed enough for that. So yeah, adult themes and such.
…
Barricade was not one to be easily called a coward nor a pushover, but when push came to shove he knew when it was best to lie down and take it … or in this particular case park there and not make a sound. Yet he couldn't just park anywhere. A lone empty cop car would look slightly out of place so Barricade was force to retreat to the nearest precinct and park in front … hopefully the Topkick that had been on his tail for the past four days would think he'd be to proud to be at that place of human justice to blend in there … luckily for him he was right in that assumption. Ironhide drove right past the precinct not giving the place of law enforcement another glance.
Frenzy laughed once he was sure the autobot was gone. "Stuuuupid autobot." hissed the radio that was sitting in the passenger's seat. The little radio slowly started to transform into his usual form keeping low to the floorboard as he peeked out. He gleefully laughed as he watched a man being slammed against a cop car hood for struggling. His optics then trailed on to the barely clothed females with really high shoes that were walking in the precinct escorted by an officer or escorted out by males with lots of gold trinkets on and sometimes purple suits. "Bar-barricade?"
"Yes?" questioned the larger form angrily over the com link. If one of those law enforcement squishy's dared slam a lawbreaker on his clean shiny hood he'd kill everyone in the building!
"I'm borrred … can I create so-some destruction?" whizzed the twitchy being as he hungrily looked out the window. He'd been stuck in Barricade since the larger decepticon had saved him at the dam and repaired him a few days back. Frenzy was unable to get out due to the constant running from the autobots … yah, it was slightly cowardly, but Megatron was dead so what else were they suppose to do … become autobots? The small being cringed at the thought. Nah, in-hiding was fine with him as long as he got to torture a squishy here and there. "Coooome on!"
The Saleen sighed over the com link. Frenzy would start driving his CPU's crazy if he didn't leave the small being out sooner or later. He was like the human rodent known as the dog. He needed to be walked, fed, and have regular attention or he'd eat your furniture … or in Barricades situation his upholstery. "What is the extent of damage you wish to inflict?" If it was something like blow up the precinct by starting the weaponry on fire with a live cat he had started on fire, then answer was a definite no… even though it promised to be amusing. Yet such action would gather too much attention so it had to be smaller.
The small bot tapped his finger on his chin plating for a moment before he gleefully stated. "Per-perhaps, lets jussst say, all the prisonerss would find their-their containment doorsss unlocked. Just-just maybe. "
Barricade's engine roared slightly … that idea made his circuits jump in excitement. The idea of all those officer fleshies being sent into a panic was beyond wonderful. "Go for it." And Barricade's door was flung open. The little robot then scampered down the busy street and around to the alley not even being noticed by the hoards of people. Frenzy was probably going to go up the roof and take the conditioning unit from there to create his destruction … for some reason it always surprised Barricade how no one noticed the little bot scampering past them. Maybe it was because humans were just too stupid to notice or maybe it was because most of the time the humans were in too much of a panic to care.
…
Ten minutes had passed by easily and as soon as Frenzy was back in his cab Barricade was out of there. The autobot was gone so what was the point of blending in so close to these filthy humans again? The transformer sighed as he watched another, the females with sparkly clothes were called hookers right, hooker kicked and screamed as a female officer dragged her inside. It had been entertaining for a while to watch the lawbreakers kicked and screamed, but now it was just repetitive.
Suddenly, a hand ran over his hood and the transformer had to resist the urge to push away from the warm squishy thing.
"Hey Brian!" called the uniformed female police officer as she yelled at a darker skin officer with a clipboard. "No one seems to be using this one. Mind if I take it till mine is fixed?" The man cocked his head and then waved his hand stating that he could care less. The female officer grinned and started running her hand forward as she took a step towards the driver's side door. The Saleen was about to automatically lock his doors when he heard the familiar roar of an engine… it was the yellow scout. Every circuit tightened up … they had caught on hadn't they?
With a roar the yellow Camaro pulled up next to the Saleen and none other then Sam jumped out of the car cursing at it. "Dang it Bee! Now I have to pay a speeding ticket because of you and don't give me that story that it might have been Barricade either. Barricade would have shot you. Not pulled you over.
The female human laughed at the young man as she pulled open Barricade's door. "Kid don't blame the pretty ride of yours for your lead foot … and you shouldn't talk to you car in public. It just screams serial killer you know."
The boy merely went red and walked hurriedly inside. Barricade wanted to snicker at the squishy's misfortune but then he noticed something … the scout was running scans on all the cop cars … okay time to go! The little gremlin could save his own hide for once.
…
The Saleen decepticon tried not to laugh as he watched the male squishy struggled against the female officer. Okay … now this was fun. He'd watched the lady officer, as the humans would say, taking down names and kicking asses for the past human hour. Yet she never really kicked anyone's ass so he really didn't get the purpose of the saying. Oh well … he still like the violence nonetheless. The cop car suppressed another chuckle as the officer tackled the subject making him scream suddenly as she violently tugged his arms back and cuffed him. "You will stop struggling or I'm bringing out the MACE!" She hissed as she towed him to his feet.
The man swore suddenly and stopped his struggles as he walked calmly to the disguised cop car. Barricade sighed internally … awe, no more violence? "Now please get in the car sir." hissed the female as she opened Barricade's back door. "Watch your head."
The man huffed and slowly got in the car … but suddenly he somehow snaked out of his cuffs and grabbed the female by the waist, dragging her into the back seat as well. A surprised gasp was all that was allowed her as the man quickly crawled on top her slim form, slamming the car door in the process. The grin on his face was undeniable. "You already know what I'm going to do to you don't you?"
"You wouldn't dare … this car isn't even mine Mark! If we get any stains on the upholstery it's my hide they'll have and not yours since you're too deeply uncover to punish with a cleaning bill." She hissed as a smile overcame her lips. "You look really hot in that get up too … but the answer is still no!"
"Come one baby?" the man cooed. "You don't know how much of a hell it is not being able to touch you … caress you … make dirty with you." The man then took one of his hands and ran it down her thigh. "Come on … please? You know I can't resist a woman in uniform."
"But the upholstery –
"Blame it on an arrest... say he thought you were hot or something."
"Okay." She panted and then the ripping off of cloths started.
Barricade watched with his internal sensors … okay, here he thought the female was going to be brutally murdered in his back seat but instead this? What was this? Why was the male caressing the female like that and why where both their internal body temperatures on the rise as well as their heartbeats? There were also the irregular patterns of their respiration that he found increasingly irritating. Barricade cringed when the female's bra came flying getting stuck on his steering wheel. The car wasn't even allow a small squeak of disapproval when he finally realized what was going on by the hormone levels his internal systems had finally decided to warn him about … yet the shock of that knowledge was nothing compared to the jolt his shocks received as the two humans started … making dirty … well, making Barricade's upholstery dirty at least.
…
Frenzy came whizzing down the street with his red-feathered boa bouncing in the air and his glittery green hooker shoes clanging loudly on the cement below. The little decepticon still had no idea how he had gotten himself into this mess. Everything up until the point that he had gotten outside of the precinct had gone according to plan except for one small detail … Barricade wasn't there and thus after that it was misfortunate event after misfortune event. The yellow scout then noticed him and the poor bot had to run back inside. Thus, he was stuck there with no way out … at least until he created the scheme of attacking the nearest female and taking her few cloths … okay, he attacked a few females because some of those femmes knew how to run, in high heels no less. Once he was finally able to acquire enough cloths Frenzy had latchet himself onto a male know as a pimp and practically dragged him out the door … this getting him here somehow after he beat the pimp with his shoe so he'd stop trying to sell him weird human males.
A sudden bleep on his scanners informed the small decepticon that his ride was in the nearby alley. The hooker shoes clanked loudly as he stomped down the alleyway with his hands on his hips giving him a very lady-having-pms-and-taking-it-out-on-her-boyfriend -look. The little bot stopped and pursed his badly lip-sticked metal lips together staring at the huge Saleen that was tightly huddled into a corner hidden in the shadows and shaking … his optics dim.
"Where-where have you-you been! Do you know the pit-pit I've beeen through in thhhhee last hummman hour!" hissed the little Decepticon as he stared at Barricade twitching madly. "First-first off that bloody little ca-camaro saw me so-so I had to blend in, but my-my usual alt mode couldn't get-get me around town to lo-look for you so-so I stole some ugly femalesss clothing yet it only drewww more attention as I tried to-to find you. Sw-sweaty overweight males kept-kept trying to-to get me in their vehicles. I tell you they's were all after my jigglies! Me jigglies!" Screamed Frenzy as he cupped the sparkling purple bra that was around his higher chest and shook it … there was a small thud as an orange rolled out and slowly started rolling away. The small decepticon stood there a moment just staring at it before he ran over and picked it back up, putting it in his bra. "Are you li-listening?"
"Please … please stopped the thumping … please …," Whimpered the bot in the shadows.
Frenzy's shaking immediately stopped and he took a step forward so he could see his companion more clearly, "Ba-barricade?"
"Stop moaning … no more! No more!" cried Barricade as he threw his hands over his auditor sensors. The small mech flinched and quickly pulled out his guns ready to shoot whoever was … moaning.
"Um … Barricade there-there's no-no one here?" hissed the small bot as he stealthily made his way over to his companion trying not to trip on his boa the whole time.
"Are you so sure about tha' Frenzy?"
"Oh … snap," whimpered the small bot as a metallic voice floated through the alley. Slowly, he turned to see Ironhide and Bumblebee transformed to full height above him. Sam then jumped out from behind Bumblebee's leg with a look of determination on his face that said 'I'm going to get you little robot.'
The little decepticon stood there in the shadows for a moment dumbstruck … where was the metal crashing against metal and the obscenely rude words that followed afterwards? Why hadn't Barricade attacked already? Frenzy looked over his shoulder … oh yah, traumatized thingy. The small bot sighed. Okay, it was up to him then. The mech turned around and jumped out of the shadows to face the two other mechs, his boa flapping in the wind and his jigglies, well, jiggling. The human automatically fell over in a fit. The yellow mech stared for a moment in awe and then leaned against Ironhide as he fell into a hysterical laughter … Ironhide merely stared in horror.
"You're selling yourself on the street?" murmured the weapons specialist ignoring the hysterical Camaro on his shoulder.
"Hey!" cried 'Bee as he suddenly popped out of his giggling fit and stared at the shadows and the being within them. "Look! Barricade's crying!"
Frenzy wasn't even given the time of day as the two larger bots just stepped over him and started to poke and prod at his fellow decepticon. The little bot hissed and put up his middle fingers up at the autobots backs. It was then that the little transformer realized that Sam Witwicky was standing beside him.
"Wow … these almost look real." Sam murmured as he reached a hand forward and squeezed one of the bra cups. "Wow … they almost feel real too"
Frenzy slapped the offending hand away and threw his arms protectively over his bra area, "Get your own jigglies."
XXX
Paw07: Awe … traumatized Barricade is just the cutest thought ever isn't it? And yes, I'm such a pervert, but stop and think about it. One of the transformers has to be unlucky enough to be traumatized this way … so I poked fun on Barricade with it. Poor traumatized Barricade … there was originally suppose to be more of an end where Ratchet and Optimus later showed up but I think ending it here gave the story more of a humorous ending. ^_^
What's the lesson you ask? There was suppose to be a lesson? Hum, maybe the lesson is that I should get a red-feathered boa for some reason.