Sorry It's so short, this chapter is just a touchy-feely thing. The NEXT chapter will have more action than journaling (Hopefully). This is mostly a teaser. Based on a challenge…I forgot. ill post it in the next chapter because im lazy….

WARNING: contains Yaoi (implied and lemons later)hurt/comfort, romance, and some humor later too.

~BrEaK~

Dear Diary,

This is stupid. I HATE writing in this thing. But it's something to pass the time I guess, since we're not getting anywhere on the Kira case. L's eating sweet biscuits again, the kind you dip in tea. He's getting crumbs and drops everywhere! He's so infuriating sometimes. I call him Ryuzaki out loud, but he's always L to me. Kira's enemy. He will always be my enemy. He has to be…So why-

Light paused and looked over from where he was sitting in his chair. L dipped another biscuit into his tea, watching it intently with blackened eyes. The slightly older man was sitting in front of the mass of computers, unnatural light shining on his pale face. But for some reason, it was still… Light shook his head and pulled his knee up to his chin unconsciously, a habit he picked up from L. They had spent so long trapped in this hotel, but even after the whole chain incident Light was still stuck. The brunette turned back to his thicker, real-world notebook he bought from a normal, non-shinigami person.

This is stupid. I hate this whole thing. I thought I was stronger than this. But lately…his words have been haunting me. Dad said once, at the start of the Kira case, that it wasn't Kira who was evil, but the power to kill that was…. And then, my life is balancing upon what a single person thinks, and if L ever found out the truth he would kill me. Or hand me over to someone who would. I thought I could convince the world this was right. I'll take the punishment for changing the world. I'll take it all so everyone else can live in peace. Isn't that good enough? Does that make me evil, really?

Light paused, putting the pencil up to his mouth deep in thought. Staring at the words on the lined page reminded him of another notebook, currently hidden in his room. As the scratched marks floated in his mind, L turned mid bite and stared at the boy. Light was the first friend L ever had, and it saddened him that he might be Kira, even now. For L's whole life, he had never had a true friend. He would even consider Light as his best friend. L actually felt something around the brunette, something he had never known before. It was like a tickling in his stomach, and no matter how much cake he ate the feeling never left him. He often found himself staring at Light for many minutes at a time, much like he was doing now….

Light began to scribble again, furiously. L watched him in wonder, his friends' eyes slightly narrowed in either anger or confusion. There had been something going on with the brunette, and the detective could easily see it. Light had been more reclusive than ever, and acting…oddly. L couldn't quite put his finger on it but…he thumbed his lip nervously. What was he writing in that journal anyway?

"Light-kun." L muttered, still watching with raccoon eyes. Light looked up slowly.

"Yes Ryuzaki?"

"Light-kun should get more sleep." Lack of sleep must be making Light act oddly, L deducted. After all, the detective almost never sleeps and notices when other people are up and about late at night or early in the morning. L noticed Light wandering around, getting apples from the kitchen (which raised his Kira percentage to 50%, but Light hardly seemed to care anymore). Light also took walks to the roof, just standing there to watch the sun rise with glossy and tired eyes. L was getting worried for his friend. Perhaps the case was putting too much pressure on him…

"Ryuzaki, I'm fine." Light smiled a small, fake smile. "Really I-"

"Light-kun should not try to lie to me." L's eyes narrowed slightly as Light's smile faded.

"Ryuzaki-"

"Perhaps you need a vacation. Or a sleeping pill." L thumbed his lip again, deep in thought.

Light's eyes narrowed. "Ryuzaki, I don't need to be drugg-"

"Light-kun is my friend, so I must take care of him when he can't take care of himself."

Light's eye started to twitch. "Ryuzaki, I-"

"I could get Light's new girlfriend, Misa-chan, to come over and help."

"Ryuzaki…" Light growled.

L, of course, continued to ignore him. "Soichiro will defiantly want to help as well, and with Light's deteriorating mental condition-"

"Ryuzaki!"

"Sleep deprivation can cause many things that can be detrimental to your health. I wonder what's been causing Light-kun to not sleep. Stress maybe?"

Light opened his mouth angrily, taking in a deep breath to yell at the detective. For a moment, Light's calmness shattered, and he was in Kira mode. L was constantly digging into his personal life, never leaving him alone. Even his annoying presence made Kira want to rip his hair out and ask for the stupid deal so he could get this whole thing over with. L was the only thing standing in the way of his perfect world-the only thing blocking his way! Kira wanted to kill him with his bare hands, but that would leave evidence. Air filled his lungs and he widened his mouth, readying to scream. It would accomplish nothing, but it might make him feel better, if not raise his "Kira percentage".

L's panda eyes widened slightly and narrowed as he noticed the slight change. Light's shoulder rose up, along with his chin. His friend's hands, which were previously clenched, now held the pencil loosely and rested on his knees, almost calmly. L wasn't sure what to make of these changes, if they were even real. Because in less than a second, the scowl was gone, replaced by a sad smile on Light's face.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki. I'm fine." Light stood up swiftly and almost rushed out of the room. For a moment, L sat in his seat and stared at where Light vanished. His half eaten biscuit hung from his fingers, dripping crumbs on the floor. The detective's mind twirled as he blinked slowly. There was an odd feeling in his stomach again, and he almost got up and followed. His panda eyes found the journal lying open on the table.

Odd, He thought. Light-kun always takes that with him. What was it that I said to make him leave it lying in the open like this…?

Light's hand was clutching his chest as he leaned against the wall of his bathroom. His fingers pulled the fabric of his shirt desperately as he tried to steady his breathing. Light wasn't sure what was going on. His chest hurt, his eyes stung. Kill L? That's what he had to do, right? Was it so hard to dispose of one…yes. It was hard! It was okay to admit that, right? But he had to do it! There was no way around it at all! Even if he didn't want to be Kira anymore, he couldn't just stop killing people. Ryuk would get bored, and kill Light himself. And besides, he chose this path. There was no backing out now.

Why was he even thinking of this? He wanted to scream as his back slide against the wall and he fell against the tiled floor. He was KIRA! He was calm, composed, perfect. He was god! He wasn't supposed to be doing this. He wasn't supposed to have doubts, second thoughts! He couldn't. He had a job to do! It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? He was creating a perfect world!

Light didn't notice the tears streaming down his face and dripping onto his shirt.

"Emotions…They just get in the way!"