A/N: I am so surprised that no one has posted anything related to the LA trip. When that spoiler came out, I was sure this site would be crawling with those stories, but I haven't seen any so far. So I decided to write my own, since no one has done it yet. Hope that will encourage you guys to come out of hiding.
Special thanks to BeetleBug, who endured my whining about how I wanted to write, but didn't know what about and especially to Softer, who was kind enough to brainstorm with me about this. Actually the credit of the idea for this story goes entirely to her.
Hope you guys like it.
Boundaries
The sun is starting to peak in the horizon, the full moon still bright, as they park the car in front of the hotel in Los Angeles. It has been an incredibly trying and exhausting week and Kate is more than ready to sleep for the next 24 hours. She looks at Castle and is saddened to see the defeated look on his face and wishes, more than anything, that she could have put that man behind bars.
"You okay?" she hears him ask and almost laughs at the absurdity of the situation. She should be asking if he was okay, not the other way around.
She reaches for his hand and gives it a light comforting squeeze.
"No." she smiles sadly at him, grimacing at the bandage on his arm where a bullet had grazed him earlier. "But I will be. You?"
He shrugs and she fights the urge to stop him and pull him into her arms. He needs to be comforted; he needs to hang onto someone so he won't sink into that dark place of despair.
But she doesn't.
She is afraid of crossing that barrier with him, when they are so emotionally vulnerable. So she settles for squeezing his hand again and caressing his skin with her thumb to reassure him that she is there for him; that she will always be there for him like he has been for her.
"We'll catch him. He can't run forever." She tries to reassure him, but he doesn't respond; the only reaction she gets out of him is that he laces his fingers through hers.
They had been called out to Los Angeles when a murder pattern had caught the attention of the LAPD. There had already been three victims when they got to town and they were all female, blonde and their bodies were left in a funeral pose. All of them with a distinct strangulation mark on their necks. Since the NYPD had been the primary team on the case back in New York, the LAPD detectives called her to ask for her assistance.
So they hopped on a plane and spent the past week chasing down lead after lead until they finally got a break on the case and found Jerry Tyson. The problem was that he had been ready for them and refused to go down quietly.
She feels a shiver running down through her spine as she remembers the deafening gunshots echoing in her ears, his heavy breathing behind her as they ran after Jerry when he fled down the fire escape. She closes her eyes when she sees him get shot, the blood soaking through his sleeve. How she thought her heart had stopped when she saw that red stain spreading on him. Her breath catches in her throat even now. She had thought for a moment that the bullet had hit an artery because there was just so much blood.
She is pulled out of her thoughts when he tugs at her hand and she realizes they have stopped in front of the elevator and his hand is touching her cheek.
"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" he asks softly, his thumb caressing her cheek.
"Yeah, I…" she sighed heavily and closed her eyes. "I just need this to be over." She said after a moment and looked at his bandaged arm again. "I'm so sorry you got hurt." She whispers and he is about to say something when the elevator doors open and they step inside.
"Not your fault, Kate." He replies once they are in the privacy of the elevator.
She leans against the railing at the back wall and closes her eyes again, a headache pounding in her temples. She is quiet until they reach their floor and step out.
"I should've protected you." She says quietly when he is opening the door to their room.
The fact that they had to share a room for the past week had annoyed her to no end at first. Apparently there had been a mix up and when they got to the hotel, only one room was booked and there was no other room available. She was pissed off that first night, but now she is grateful that she didn't have to endure this emotionally trying week alone, even if he was sleeping on a make shift bed on the floor.
"Don't." he stops her with a hand on his wrist. "Don't do this to yourself, Kate, please."
She looks up at him and sees the exhausted lines in the corner of his eyes. That spark she has gotten so used to is nowhere to be seen now. It almost makes her want to cry that he looks so broken. She wants to reach out and caress that worried line on his forehead away, but controls herself. They can't cross that line. Instead, she nods and walks into the room, putting her purse, gun and badge on the table by the bathroom.
"I'm just glad you're okay." She says after a while and he gives her a sad smile.
"I'm glad it wasn't you who got hurt. I don't know what I'd do if you'd gotten shot today." He confesses and she chuckles humorlessly.
"Now you know how I feel." She says and makes her way to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a quick shower, okay?" she calls out and closes the door, not waiting for his answer.
Leaning against the door, she lets out a sigh and allows herself to unwind for a moment. She can't get the image of his blood soaked shirt out of her mind. When Jerry shot him, she did the worst possible thing a cop could have done. She froze when she heard his gasp of pain and during the few seconds she stopped to help him, Jerry disappeared into the busy streets of LA. The other detectives that were with them still tried to chase Jerry down, but came back empty handed. Once again he vanished into the night right through their fingers.
She blames herself for losing this one. She blames herself for letting her emotions get the best of her when she was in the middle of a suspect chase. She blames herself for letting Castle get under her skin and into her heart.
She blames him for making her love him.
She shakes her head, trying to dispel those thoughts. Now is not the time to be psychoanalyzing her relationship with Castle and what it all means. What she needs to do now is to take a shower and get some sleep. She is exhausted and not thinking straight, which always makes those deeply buried feelings come to the surface and she is not ready to face them yet. Especially not tonight.
So she turns on the shower and stays under the hot water spray for what feels like an eternity, letting all the tension wash away from her body. She doesn't care if her skin feels like it's about to be burnt off; she needs to feel clean after the grueling day they had.
After a few minutes, she turns it off and wraps a towel around herself, drying her skin. She hears Castle asking if she wants to order some room service and tells him that whatever he is having is fine; she's not really hungry, anyway. All she wants to do is sleep.
Once she is dressed in an oversized shirt and yoga pants, she leaves the bathroom to find Castle sleeping on the bed. She smiles at the scene; for the first time since they heard about the Triple Killer acting here in LA, he looks relaxed. Not that he has any reason to, since they let him escape again, but she is glad he is at least getting some much needed sleep.
A knock on the door startles her out of her thoughts and she opens it to let a young man deliver their food. Castle apparently ordered a bit of everything and she finds herself smiling at his thoughtfulness.
She pours some orange juice for herself and grabs a muffin. Turning the TV on, she settles on the bed next to him. He stirs and looks at her through sleepy, confused eyes. She smiles at him and involuntarily reaches out to brush his hair away from his forehead.
"Hi." He croaks out and tries to sit up, grimacing when he puts his weigh on his hurt arm. "I was going to wait for you. Didn't mean to fall asleep." He mumbles through the pain and a red stain slowly starts to sip through the white bandages.
"Be careful." She says quietly and helps him to sit up and lean against the head of the bed. "You okay?" she asks and he nods, but she can see that he is not. "Maybe we should change this." She touches the dressing and he winces. "I'll be gentle, I promise."
"Can I take a shower first?" he asks and she nods, helping him to stand up.
"You going to be okay in there?" she questions and he grins at her.
"Why, detective, is that your excuse to see me naked?" he teases and she laughs.
That's the Rick Castle she knows and loves, she thinks and is surprisingly okay with the fact that she has accepted that she loves him.
"In your dreams, Castle." She rolls her eyes at him and laughs, closing the door behind him.
She looks through her suitcase until she finds the first aid kit she was looking for and sets it on the nightstand. Sitting back on the bed, she finishes her muffin and the glass of orange juice, before settling back on the covers and pillows to watch some TV while she waits for Castle.
She is drifting off to sleep when she hears him sitting on the bed.
"Go back to sleep, Kate." He says quietly, but she gets up groggily, anyway. "I got this, don't worry."
"How are you going to bandage your own arm, Castle? Come on, let me help you."
She makes him sit down in front of her and gently cleans the wound before covering it with gauze. When she is done, she looks up at him and he is smiling tenderly at her and the look in his eyes makes her heart beat just a little bit faster.
"Thank you." He says sincerely and covers her hand with his. She shakes her head with a smile.
"That's what partners are for, right?" she says lightly, but she knows he can sense the undercurrent of emotion in her voice.
He leans in and she thinks he is going to kiss her for a moment, but relaxes and closes her eyes when she feels his lips on her cheek.
"We should get some sleep." He tells her and stands up, grabbing the covers to start working on his make shift bed.
"What are you doing?" she asks, confused for a moment.
"Getting my bed ready." He says, but she shakes her head and takes the covers from his hands.
"You're not sleeping on the floor. Not tonight." She pulls him back to the bed, but he stops her.
"Kate…" he tries to protest, but she silences him with a finger on his lips.
"I trust you." She tells him and gets under the covers, holding one end out for him to do the same. When he hesitates, she rolls her eyes and sighs. "Just get in here, Castle."
They lay side by side in complete silence for a few minutes. Kate doesn't dare to move, afraid to touch him and cross their unspoken line, but after almost half an hour has passed and she still can't sleep, she decides to throw caution to the wind and rolls on her side, leaning against his good arm.
She takes a deep breath, his familiar scent soothing her, and she sighs contently. When she is almost falling asleep, she feels him moving and thinks he is pulling away for a second, but is surprised when she feels his arm wrapping around her shoulders, pulling her closer. She smiles and moves too, resting her head on his shoulder and hiding her face in the crook of his neck. She throws an arm around his chest and holds him closer. He places a kiss on her forehead and she involuntarily kisses his neck softly.
"Goodnight, Kate." He whispers and she finally feels the tension leaving her body.
"Night, Castle." She murmurs, tightening her hold on him.
She needs this tonight, this closeness to reassure herself that he is really there, that he is okay and safe in her arms. They can worry about personal boundaries and what is appropriate tomorrow.
Right now, all she wants to do is sleep.
Thoughts?