OZ, Land of the Re-Employed

by Anne Khushrenada

The ex-Specials seek new employment, in a tale that is longer and far stranger than 'Land of the Unemployed'. Humor/drama, but not entierly serious.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not
belong to me, but to the good people of Sunrise,
Sotsu, Bandai, and quite possibly various others,
whose names I cannot possibly keep track of, but who,
I'm sure, know exactly who they are.

* * *

"OZ, Land of the Unemployed II"
by Christine Anderson
aka Anne Khushrenada
ladyune@gundamwing.net

Lucrezia Noin was asleep in one of Treize
Khushrenada's many guest rooms, snoring softly, when
the tap came at her door. It was quiet, so as not to
disturb any of the others in that wing of the house,
but loud enough that it woke Noin- at least, it did
after the tap was repeated several more times.

Noin woke with a start, clutching the blanket to her.
Her eyes immediately flicked to the clock- 2:45 AM -
and then back to the shadow now lurking in her
doorway. Her hand inched its way towards the rifle
propped against the night stand.

"Psst. Lucrezia?" a voice called as the person out in
the hall eased the door open.

Immediately the hand reaching for the rifle rejoined
her other, and she let out the breath she'd been
holding. She'd recognized the voice, but still
didn't-

The person standing in her doorway eased the door
open a little further, allowing moonlight from the
window out in the corridor to illuminate their
features- including the long platinum blonde hair.

"Zechs. Damn, that wasn't too bright- I could have
*shot* you."

Zechs Merquise- Milliard Peacecraft, these days -
simply gave her his most mischievous grin. "Nah.
You'd have missed."

"You sure about that, Peacecraft?" she asked.

Milliard laughed softly. "You still snore, Lucrezia."

"I do not," she hissed back, indignant.

"Yes, you do."

Noin shrugged. "If you say so. What do you want?"

"What, I can't just drop by to say hello?"

"It's almost three A.M.," Noin pointed out.

"Yes, I know. But I didn't think it would be safe
downstairs any sooner. Duo and the others were
playing Twister." He shuddered.

"Twister?" Noin asked.

"Mmm-hum. Mostly twisting Wufei into different sorts
of knots..."

Noin simply shook her head. "So, it's safe to go
downstairs, aaand...?"

"I thought I'd check and see if the kids left us any
chocolate ice cream. Wanna come?"

"Chocolate?" she asked, as dreamy-eyed as Lady Une
with a pot of coffee. "You betcha."

"Thought you might."

Noin tossed back the covers, stepped into her fuzzy
slippers, and joined Milliard out in the hallway.

"You look lovely, Lucrezia," he said.

"Flattery will get you nowhere-"

"-that I haven't already been," he finished,
grinning.

Noin swatted at him. "Besides which, I look like I
just woke up. Or somebody just did the waking up for
me."

Milliard tried very hard not to laugh. He didn't want
to wake everyone *else* up, after all. "Lucrezia.
Chocolate, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

He took her hand, and they headed down the stairs,
creeping very quietly past the prone figures of Duo
Maxwell, Heero Yuy, and Chang Wufei- the latter
wearing a liberal dose of duct tape, all of whom
appeared to have passed out in Treize's living room.

As he passed Wufei, Milliard kicked him- rather
accidentally, or so it seemed. "Whoops," he muttered.

"Shhhh," Noin said insistently. "Don't wake them up-
please."

Milliard looked over his shoulder at her. "Don't
worry about it." At her raised eyebrow he added, "Let
me put it to you this way: I spiked their last couple
bottles of Dr. Pepper with something besides alcohol.
Those three are out for the count."

"Really?" Lucrezia asked with interest. "What a good
idea. Why'd you wait so long to do it?"

"I had to wait for them to settle down first. Duo ate
just about every candy bar he could find. When they
started munching those Hershey's Baking Chocolate
things, I figured it was safe."

They crept across the dining room towards the
kitchen, both of them trying not to laugh.

"Reminds me of kitchen raids at Victoria," Noin said.
"Remember that first one?"

"What I remember is that half the upperclassmen beat
us there, and we were scrubbing pots for weeks after
the Chief Instructor caught us." Milliard paused.
"How *did* we get caught? I really can't remember.
Seems you and I would've been more careful than
that."

"We weren't quite so cautious in our rash days of
youth, as I recall," Lucrezia said- which Milliard
found amusing because they were both still relatively
young. "And it wasn't *us* that got caught, it was
the rest of those fools making enough racket to wake
the Chief Instructor. And-" she grinned "-*I* didn't
have to scrub any pots."

"Because I gave you a boost out the back window."

"You were *supposed* to follow me, Milliard. How was
I to know you'd go back for one last chocolate-chip
cookie?"

He laughed. "I was going back for *your* jacket, as I
recall."

"'s not the way I remember it..."

In the kitchen, Milliard scrounged up a couple of
spoons, and Lucrezia went to investigate the freezer.
"Hmm... chocolate fudge or chocolate mint...?"

"Fudge," Milliard said, handing her a spoon.
"Defiantly fudge."

"Okay," she said, retrieving the carton from the
freezer. They set it on the table and opened it, then
dug in.

"Your spoon's in my way," Milliard complained at a
point somewhat later in the morning.

"So?" Noin asked.

An impromptu spoon duel soon broke out above the
carton, with Noin having a definite advantage because
her spoon was empty and his wasn't.

She grinned. "You've got ice cream on your nose."

"Oh?"

"Uh-huh." She leaned over the carton to lick it off.
"Now you don't- Milliard!" she screeched as he lifted
her over the ice cream carton (and the table) to set
her down in his lap.

"Now then. That's better, isn't it?" he asked, with
another of those mischievous grins.

"You..." Noin said, before launching a vicious tickle
attack.

"Stop....Lucrezia! I mean it, now-!"

She did exactly the opposite, doubling her efforts,
until the chair began to tilt precariously backwards.
"Uhoh," Noin said as they started to fall. They hit
the kitchen floor with a rather spectacular crash.

"Ow," Milliard said quietly. "You've gotten heavier."

"Oh?" she asked, something in her voice a challenge.
"Have I really, now?"

"Yes. Wouldn't you like to get off me now?"

"No," she replied with a grin.

The sound of approaching footsteps caused both of
them to look up.

Their host, a less-than-coherent His Excellency
Treize Khushrenada, stood beside the fridge, usually
immaculately styled reddish hair sticking out in all
directions, wearing a monogrammed blue silk robe with
lipstick stains at its collar, and a pair of slippers
with bunny rabbit heads on the toes- floppy ears and
all. He looked slowly around the unlit kitchen, as if
uncertain where he was.

"Is that Lady Une's color?" Milliard asked.

"Treize better hope so," was Lucrezia's reply. "Hi,
Treize."

"Oh," said Treize, as if he'd just then noticed them.
"It's just you two. I just came to see what that
noise was... think I'm going back to bed now.
G'night."

"'Night, pal," said Milliard as Treize turned away.

They looked at each other for a moment in silence and
then burst out laughing.

"The slippers-?" Noin asked.

Milliard nodded. "Really were bunny rabbits, yes."

* * *

Lady Une woke with a start at the sound of a great
commotion downstairs, followed immediately by a loud
crash and the sound of breaking glass.

Immediately following this was Wufei's unmistakable
cry of: "Injustice!"

"Huh?" Une asked, lifting her head from its resting
place upon Treize's shoulder.

"Une...?" asked Treize groggily. "Did you hear
something?"

"Noise," she said. "A loud noise. Wufei, yelling
again." Then: "Coffee?"

Treize groaned, visions of what his houseguests might
have broken already dancing in his head. "Coming
right up, darling. I think I'll just go and see what
that was...you coming?"

"Mum-hum," she said, reaching for her glasses.

Treize grabbed her hand. "No, no... come on. Coffee's
waiting."

Hand in hand they stumbled down the steps, parting
ways at the foot of the staircase, with Une making a
beeline for the kitchen, and Treize looking
cautiously about his living room.

"What the hell happened here?" he asked.

"Don't ask," said Milliard as he swept up what looked
to Treize like acres of broken glass in the kitchen.

"I think I'd better," Treize said. Une drifted past
him, dangerously skirting the broken glass in her
bare feet, making for the coffee maker. Treize tried
to pull her back, but she slipped from his grasp.
"Lucrezia-"

"Got her," Noin called back, taking her friend's arm
and leading her around the glass rather than through
it. "This way, Une. Coffee's almost ready, hon."

"So?" Treize asked Milliard.

Milliard sighed. "The boys were playing catch with a
vase. Wufei was the only one *I* could catch, hence
his proclamation of a few minutes ago."

"I'll show you 'injustice'," Treize snarled at Wufei.
"That vase was an antique."

"I'm sorry," Milliard said. "I was trying to keep an
eye on them, but..."

Treize waved him off. "Not your fault." He looked at
Wufei again. "Where are your friends?"

"Mister Duo volunteered to feed your birds, sir,"
Treize's butler informed him. "I thought it couldn't
hurt to let him-"

Treize groaned. "Wonderful. Never do that again. In
fact, go and stop him, quickly. Oh, wait- where's
Heero?"

"He's in the kitchen, with Miss Noin, and-"

"GIVE ME THAT MUG!" came the unmistakable voice of
Lady Une from the kitchen.

"Honest to God, I do *not* know where her glasses
came from..." Noin was saying as Treize dashed into
the kitchen- where he found Lady Une clutching a
coffee mug proudly, half of its contents puddled on
the tile at her feet. Noin was mopping up said
contents, lifting Une's feet as needed. Une hadn't
seemed to notice yet.

"Don't. Touch. My. Mug." Une said. And indeed, the
mug she held was obviously hers; it had to be. The
mug's lettering read simply: Don't talk to me until I
finish drinking this.

"I *said* I was sorry," Heero Yuy muttered.

Une growled and stalked to the coffee maker. Treize
took his misguided houseguest by the elbow and hauled
him into the living room- where Milliard was
directing Wufei in super gluing the glass fragments
back into the semblance of a vase again.

"Heero," Treize said, feeling very tired although
he'd had a relatively good night's sleep.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you won't do that again."

"Do what?"

Treize sighed. "You sound like Duo. You know very
well what."

"Did someone call my name?" Duo asked, appearing out
of nowhere.

Treize gritted his teeth. "Duo."

"Yes...sir?"

"Go away. Go away *now*."

Duo sighed tragically. "You know, this is pathetic.
The man takes me and my pals prisoner, and then he
can't even be bothered to spend five minutes with me.
All I ask is a little attention..."

"Duo!"

"Okay..." Duo said, skipping into the kitchen.

"And stay away from my birds!" Treize yelled after
him, before returning his attention to Heero- who'd
taken the opportunity to disappear.

Sally Po wandered downstairs, rubbing sleep from her
eyes. "Geeze, you guys," she said quietly. "Did you
ever go to sleep last night?"

"Some of us did and some of us didn't," Heero said as
he dashed past Sally on his way upstairs, an
uncharacteristic grin upon his face. She caught him
by the ear and dragged him the rest of the way down
the stairs, depositing him unceremoniously at
Treize's feet on her way to the kitchen.

"I've gotta get to work," Sally said, more to herself
than any of the others.

At the mention of the word 'work', silence fell.

Sally sighed. "Sorry, you guys..."

Noin shrugged. "Don't worry about it, Sal." She
glanced around at her fellow ex-Specials. "You guys
thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Job-hunting time?" asked Lady Une, third cup of the
morning already in hand.

"Yep."

* * *

Sometime later...

"Okay," said Treize as the quartet met in the
upstairs solarium. He looked each of them over and
nodded his approval at their attire. Gone were the
worst of the clothes they'd worn to the Unemployment
lines; in their place were four sets of clothing that
was respectable, if not exactly formalwear.

Noin straightened Milliard's tie, and he acted as if
she were choking him, to the amusement of the others.

Sally stuck her head into the room. "Guys? I'm off.
I'll take care of the boys, don't worry about it."

"Okay," Treize said. "See you later, Sally."

"Wonder what she's going to do with them," Milliard
said.

"Does it matter?" Noin asked.

Milliard considered that. "Perhaps we're all better
off not knowing."

Treize sighed. "You guys...?"

They all turned to look at him- except for Lady Une,
who of course already was.

"I think it's time we were off, too," Treize said.

"I agree," said Une, checking her watch. "Let's go."

They all filed downstairs, and piled into Treize's
car. "Okay," he said as he pulled out of the drive
and started towards downtown. "Here's the plan. Very
simple, so I don't think anyone should have too much
trouble with it. Find work. Preferably something that
isn't too horrible and pays fairly well."

"I miss my old job already," Noin said, none too
quietly.

"I miss the worst aspects of my old job," Milliard
agreed with her. "But-"

"I know, I know," Noin said. "Go on, Treize."

"Right. So I'm thinking, we'll meet for lunch, say at
the Burger King on Third street, and see how we're
all doing by then. Sound good?" They all nodded, a
bit glumly.

"Right then." Treize pulled into a parking lot, and
screeched to a stop. "Good luck, everyone."

* * *

"Good luck, right," Lady Une muttered to herself as
she stalked along the sidewalk towards a "help
wanted" sign that for some reason looked like a
carrot on a string. Maybe because it was the third
such sign she'd investigated in the past half-hour...

She sighed and trudged onward towards the sign,
glasses pushed up on top of her head, hands stuffed
into the pockets of her blue suit's matching blazer,
heels clicking along between the cracks in the
sidewalk. It just wasn't fair. Forty-eight hours ago,
or thereabouts, she'd been Lady Une, assistant to His
Excellency, Treize. Now she was Lady Une, job-seeker.

Une pushed open the door of the post office with
another sigh. She walked glumly towards the counter.

"Can I help you?" asked the bored voice of the young
woman standing behind the counter.

"I'm here about the help wanted sign," Une said.

The young woman smiled. She donned a nametag sticker
which read 'Temporary Postmistress'. "Hello there. My
name's Maggie. So I understand you're looking for
work?"

"That's right," Une said, forcing herself to smile
back. People told her she was pretty when she smiled.
She hoped Treize thought so, but had never had the
nerve to ask.

"What we really need here is someone with a lot of
management experience, to take over as postmistress,"
Maggie said. "The last postmaster quit last week, and
we haven't found anyone to replace him yet."

Une brightened. "I have management experience."

"What kind?" Maggie asked.

"Does five years of managing an aristocratic military
commander and his staff of thousands count for
anything?" Une asked sweetly.

"You bet it does!" Maggie grinned at her and stripped
off her name tag. "What's your name? You're hired!"

"I'm Lady Une," she said, extending her hand across
the counter.

* * *

When the woman who met him at the office asked if he
liked children, Milliard was more than a little
concerned. City hall had seemed a safe enough place
to go job-hunting, but the people in Personnel had
taken one look at him and sent him to this person,
with no explanation whatsoever...

"They're alright, I suppose," he replied guardedly.
"I have a younger sister...why?"

"How old is your sister?" the woman asked.

"About fifteen."

"Perfect. That's just the age-group we're hoping to
attract."

"..for?" Milliard asked.

"The soccer team, of course."

"Soccer team?"

The woman sighed. "Okay. Are you or are you not here
to apply for the soccer coach job?"

* * *

"Do you want fries with that?" Lucrezia Noin asked,
glaring across the counter.

"Sure."

"Super-size or regular."

"I don't care."

"Well, you're going to have to decide..."

"Noin!" the manager yelled into her ear.

She winced. "Yes, sir?"

"Go take over the drive up window."

"Ugh. Yes, sir."

Noin sighed as she walked to the drive up window's
mike. "Hi, welcome to McDonald's, can I take your
order please?" she growled into the microphone.

* * *

"I understand you'd like a job," the manager of the
local Wal-Mart said to Treize.

He nodded sullenly. He'd lost count of the number of
places he'd been to already today without success. He
had little hope that this one would work out either,
but he had to have a job, some source of income. The
family fortune wouldn't last forever... And to be
honest, he had to admit to himself that he was
desperate. He didn't want to meet his friends for
lunch and still be out of work, sure as he was that
they must have had better luck.

"Speak up!" the manager was saying. "Do you want the
job or not?"

"Job?" Treize blinked. "Of course I want the job."
Then: "What job?"

The manager was already printing up his nametag.
"Spell your name." Treize did so, shuddering as he
took off his jacket and replaced it with the bright
blue Wal-Mart vest, to which the manager attached his
name tag.

He read it upside down and thought he might throw up.
'Hello, my name is TREIZE, how may I help you?'

* * *

It seemed to Noin that the entire staff of Burger
King was glaring at her when she walked in wearing
her new McDonald's uniform.

She peered around the room, looking for her friends,
and almost didn't recognize them when she did see
them. Treize was wearing some sort of blue vest, for
one thing...

Noin walked slowly up to the table, feeling about two
inches high. "Hi, you guys."

"Lucrezia, there you are," Une said. "We've been
waiting for- Oh my God." She had clearly spotted
Noin's new uniform.

"I know," Noin said miserably. "I know, believe me.
But I needed a job..." She sighed. "How'd the rest of
you do?"

Treize tapped his name tag irritably. "I work at Wal-
Mart now. And the thing is, I have *no* idea what I'm
going to be doing there..."

Une, for her part, shrugged out of her new
Postmistress jacket. "I'm managing the Post Office."
She grinned at Treize. "I told them how many years
I'd spent managing *you*, and..."

Milliard burst out laughing.

"What?" the other three said in unison.

And: "Are *you* employed yet?" Noin asked.

"Yes," he admitted sheepishly.

"Well...spill it, then, pal," Treize said.

"I am...the new town soccer coach," Milliard said
into the curtain of hair that hid his face.

"Did he say 'soccer coach'?" Une asked Noin.

"I think so... Milliard? You okay in there?"

"Uh-huh..."

Noin nodded. "Well...hey. A job is a job, right?"

"D'ya want fries with that?" was Treize's reply.

Noin made as if to toss the contents of her milkshake
at him. She sighed. "I've gotta get back to work, you
guys..."

"Me too," Treize said. "Maybe I'll find out what I'm
doing soon... Pick you guys up when you get off
work?"

"Thanks," Une said. The other two had already
scurried out the door, too humiliated to stay longer.

* * *

"Oh, my," said the assistant manager at the Wal-Mart
as she looked Treize over. "Yes, you'll do nicely."
She took his arm. "Come with me...Treize, is it?"

"Yes," he said.

"Smile," the woman who was probably old enough to be
his grandmother ordered.

Treize smiled.

She beamed. "You're perfect. Right this way... stand
here."

Treize found himself staring straight out at the
automatic 'In' doors. "What am I doing here?" he
asked.

"You're the greeter, of course, silly!"

Treize groaned.

"You didn't know?"

"No."

"Well...if you don't want the job..."

"No," Treize said quickly. "No, I...I need the job."

He sighed and took his place as someone walked
through the doors. "Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart..."

It was going to be a *long* day.

* * *

"Hey, what's up, coach?" Duo Maxwell asked.

Milliard had to fight the urge to turn from the room
and run. Before him stood his new team- Duo Maxwell,
Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton, Quatre Winner, Chang Wufei-
and one kid whose name he didn't yet know.

"Is he the coach?" asked the boy he didn't know.

"Of course, he's gotta be," Duo said with exaggerated
patience. "See that jacket he's wearing, says 'coach'
on it?"

Milliard sighed. "Hello, boys. I am, as Mister
Maxwell pointed out, your coach. My name is Milliard
Peacecraft- 'Coach Peacecraft' will do, 'Hey, you' is
unacceptable. Clear?"

Serious nods all around.

"Okay...I know all of you except-" he gestured to the
unknown boy "-you. What's your name?"

"Chip McCloud, sir."

The other boys snickered.

"Pleased to meetcha," said Chip. He turned to the
others, who introduced themselves reluctantly. Chip
shook his head. "Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and
Chang-"

"Wufei," corrected Wufei. "You will call me Wufei."

"Sure, man, no prob. Like I was saying- all of you,
and you think *Chip* is a funny name?"

"Moving right along..." said Milliard.

Trowa was waving his hand. "Coach Peacecraft, Coach
Peacecraft!"

"Yes, Trowa?"

"How do you play soccer?"

"Well, I'm going to teach you."

"I have a question, too," said Duo.

"Ask away."

"Is this team going to have cheerleaders?"

Milliard buried his head in his hands. From this
locale, he said, "No."

"Aw, man! No girls?"

"Injustice!" Wufei exclaimed.

"What about Sally?" Quatre asked.

Wufei decked him. "Leave Sally out of this!"

"Ow! Guys, Wufei hit me!"

"Weakling!"

"Ummm... Coach? They're fighting," Chip said.

"Yes. I can see that. Break it up, you two."

Before they could ask any more questions, Milliard
snatched the soccer ball Heero had been tossing
against the room's back wall and stood up.

"Alright, boys, let's head outside, and I'll teach
you how to play this game."

"Who're we gonna play against?" Quatre asked. "There
are only six of us, after all."

"Well, for now you're going to be in practice teams
of three," Milliard said as they headed out to the
practice field. "But later...well, the city wanted a
soccer team, so I'm guessing there are other teams
we'll be playing."

"Maybe the girls could form a team," Trowa suggested.
"There are almost enough of them... Dorothy, Relena,
Sally, Catherine... add Lady Une and Miss Noin and
you've got six..."

"Hmm," Milliard said. "We'll think on that, shall
we?"

"Yay!" said Duo. "Girls!"

"Keep in mind most of them are spoken for," Heero
said.

Milliard gritted his teeth. "Now then. This here is a
soccer ball. I haven't played since I was a boy, but
if I recall correctly, what you do is kick the ball
around the field...object being to get the ball into
the goal guarded by the other team. Or to stop them
from getting the ball into the goal *you* guard..."

* * *

The Post Office was packed by mid-day, and Lady Une,
surveying the carnage from her second-floor office,
wearing her spiffy new jacket with the "Postmistress"
nametag on it, greatly missed the familiar chaos of
her work with Treize. She knew *those* bureaucrats,
and *that* red tape, but this...

She sighed, spotting something *else* that would have
to be dealt with, and headed quickly down the steps.
"No, no, no! You can't fax something that way, you're
going to-" Une sighed yet again. "-break the
machine."

"Sorry, Lady Une," the postal worker said sheepishly.

Une waved it off. "It's fine, it's fine... just don't
break anything else, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Une glanced at her watch. Three more hours to go...
and the phone was ringing again. She leaped for the
counter and snatched up the receiver. "Post Office,
how may I help you?"

"How much postage do I need to put on a pipe bomb?"
asked a voice that very obviously belonged to Otto.

Une snarled into the phone. "Otto! I am busy
*working* to earn a *living* here, while you play
your games. Everyone else is already employed again.
Make yourself useful- go get a job." She slammed the
phone down.

She paced up and down the line of clerks, correcting
there, redirecting here. "Label's upside down," she
said to the first, already moving down the line. "I
can't read that address- write it again. That's going
to New *York*, not New Zealand... Put more tape on
that package... Oh, wonderful, you've torn someone's
envelope. Reseal it, and remember to use the damage
stamp this time!"

Une sighed, leaning up against a bank of mailboxes to
rest for a bit. Obviously this tactic wasn't working.
With a shrug she removed her glasses and placed them
into her jacket's pocket. She climbed up onto a
conveniently placed chair.

"People," she said quite softly. Somehow they heard
her, though, and were paying attention as she went
on. "People, I realize I'm new here, and we don't
know each other very well yet, but if you do your job
and I do mine, we'll all get along rather well, I
think. But testing my limits isn't going to get you
anywhere. That's all, carry on now."

"Excuse me, are you Lady Une?" a girl in some sort of
delivery person's garb asked, as Une stepped down
from the chair.

"Yes, I am." Une turned to her with a kind smile.

The girl held out a vase full of flowers. "Then these
are for you."

Une took the vase of red roses from her and smiled
again. "Thank you."

She carried the roses upstairs to her desk.

"Oooh," said Maggie. "Roses. How pretty."

"Yes, aren't they?" Une asked.

"Who are they from?"

Une glanced at the card, though of course she already
knew what it would say. Or at least whose signature
would be on it. 'Best of luck with the new job,
darling. See you at 5:00. All my love, Treize'.

Maggie read the card over her shoulder. "Who's
Treize?" she asked.

Une gestured to the picture that already adorned her
desk. "That's him, there."

"He's cute," Maggie said. "Don't suppose he has a
brother?"

Une shook her head sadly. "He did, once... I never
met him."

"I'm sorry, Lady Une."

Une was already retrieving the glasses from her
pocket. She put them on quickly. "Already forgotten,
Maggie. Any messages worth telling me about?"

"One you might be interested in. Edward Hicks
called."

Une tried to place the name "...Eddie?" she asked at
last. "The janitor, from OZ?"

Maggie nodded. "That's who he said he was, alright.
He wasn't sure if you'd remember him, but he said he
thought you and your friends would like to know- and
I wrote down exactly what he said, mind you, even
though it didn't make sense to me." She read aloud
from a scrap of paper. "Boss man is scrapping
Tallgeese. Thought you'd want to know. Eddie." She
paused. "Does that mean anything to you, Lady Une?"

"Yes," Une said. "It means a lot."

She picked up her phone and dialed a number. "Edward
Hicks, please."

A long pause, then: "Eddie Hicks speaking, hello?"

"Hello, Edward. This is Lady Une. I got your
message."

"Glad ta hear it," Eddie said. "What can I do for
you?"

"I need to know when."

"Boss man didn't say- but word through the grapevine
is soon. Like maybe tomorrow, or the day after."

Une nodded slowly. "I see. Can you tell me anything
else?"

"Just that they've changed the locks."

"Um." Une thought for a minute. "Could you- manage to
loose a key?"

Eddie thought for a few seconds until he understood
what she meant. "I reckon I could do that. Where
should I-?"

"Take it to Sally Po, in Medical."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Alright. Thank you, Edward."

Une hung up the phone. "Yes!" she exclaimed.

"Good news, ma'am?" Maggie asked.

"Of a sort." Une sighed. "One of my friends will be
happy to hear this, anyway. We may have a chance to-
well, to get back something that was taken from him.
But if we get it, it could lead to more fighting,
either immediately or later on."

Maggie nodded. "And you're not sure you want to fight
anymore?"

Une slowly shook her head. "Treize knows not only how
many people have died following his commands, but
their names and their faces and something about the
people they were. I don't want to have to add to
those numbers for him or myself, or anyone else."

Maggie took her time before answering. "Isn't it up
to you now, though?"

"How so?" Une asked.

"You're probably the only one who knows everything
now- about the Tallgeese? Whatever that is. All you
have to do is not tell the others about it. Find
another use for the key, or ask the person you had it
given to if they can't loose it themselves."

Une was nodding. "You've...given me something to
think about, Maggie." She was looking at the roses,
at Treize's picture...and at Eddie's message.

* * *

Treize picked up Une first. She sagged into the
Corvette's front passenger seat, looking tired and
worn.

"Thank you for the flowers," she said quietly.

"You're welcome. Are you alright?"

"Just tired," she said. Then: "Eddie called me."

"The janitor from OZ?"

"Yes. He said..." Une sighed. "I don't even know if
you want to hear this, but he said Septum is
scrapping Tallgeese. He's 'losing' a key and bringing
it to Sally- I told him to do that. But..." Une shook
her head.

"You don't know if we should tell the others."

She nodded.

"I'd like to," he said as they drove to pick up Noin,
"and I'll tell you why. Because eventually common
sense will prevail, Septum will realize it'll cost
more money to destroy Tallgeese than it will to keep
it in mothballs. So they'll store it. And someday
someone will find it..."

Une was nodding again. "Then we'll have to get it
back..."

* * *

Une spoke again, once back at Treize's place, to
those assembled 'round the kitchen table: herself,
Treize, Noin, Milliard, and Sally. "...And we'll have
to do it tonight."

"Sure, no sweat," Milliard said. "We break into an OZ
base and manage to both not get ourselves arrested or
dead, *and* blast out of there with the largest
mobile suit known to man? There are only about a
million things wrong with that plan, not the least of
which is that Tallgeese is kind of hard to hide..."

Noin shook her head. "I don't get this. You were
upset because they took it, now you're hesitating to
steal it back?"

"I'm hesitating because getting all of us shot or
arrested is *not* going to solve anything."

"We're Specials," Treize reminded them. "We can do
it."

"Yeah," said Une, once again sans glasses. "We're so
damn 'special' we've all been fired. And... and I
don't want to add to the number of deaths on my
conscience, does anyone else? Besides... it's not
like we're any good anymore, anyway..."

"That's it!" Treize exclaimed, shoving back his chair
and standing. "I've heard enough of that kind of
talk. We're not worthless or useless, just because
they fired us. All *that* proves is that they don't
know anything. Five teenage boys with Gundams have
them running scared. They are fools, complacent and
blind. I say if we want Tallgeese, we can damn well
go in there and *take* it- and that there's not a man
or woman left in OZ with the courage or ability it'd
take to stop us- because those people are sitting
right here, right now."

"Besides," Milliard said lightly, "I'm starting to
miss my own mode of transportation. Aren't you guys?"

In reply Noin said, "If we do this, I want my Taurus
back, too."

"Done," said Treize.

"And a Leo," Une said. They stared at her. "I'd like
a Leo."

"In for a penny..." said Treize.

"...in for a pound," Sally finished. "Can I come
with?"

"You'll loose your job if they catch us," Noin warned
her friend.

"They're not going to catch us," Sally said. "And so
what if they do? You people suck at first aid, so if
something happens..."

"Okay, Sal," said Treize. "You're with us. Everybody
in?"

"Yep," Noin said for everyone. She raised her soda
glass. "To Operation: Lightning Count."

"Operation: Lightning Count," the others echoed,
Milliard shooting her the evil eye.

"I'm going to get you for that."

"But not till I help you get your mobile suit back,
right?"

"Right," Milliard said.

* * *

After sundown, they once again donned their OZ
uniforms. The women were dressing in Lady Une's room,
none of them wanting to be alone at that moment.
Besides, as Sally had rationalized it, Une's room had
the best selection of mirrors in the house.

"I've never seen so many mirrors in one place," Noin
said as she buttoned her uniform coat.

"Maybe Treize likes to see what he's doing-" Sally
started.

Une tossed her hairbrush at Sally. "Quiet!"

Sally held up her hands in a gesture of surrender.
"Sorry. I just can't help myself sometimes."

"Try," Une snarled.

Noin reached out and touched her arm, rather
hesitantly. "You okay, Une?"

Une sighed. "I may be a bit nervous."

"Don't blame you a bit," Sally said. "If this doesn't
work-"

"Did you hear a word Treize said?" Une asked. "It's
*going* to work. We will not fail in this." She
pushed up her glasses, then pulled them off.

"You guys?"

"Yeah, Une?" Noin asked.

"What do you think- glasses, or not?" Une put them
back on again.

"Not," Sally said.

"Okay." Une took them off. "Whyfor?"

"'Cause. You look less like the Lady Une from OZ that
most people would recognize," Noin said.

"Oh. Okay, thanks."

* * *

"Tell me something, old friend," Treize said as he
stood before the mirror in his bedroom, combing his
hair.

"Yes?" Milliard asked.

"Has anyone at OZ- besides myself and Noin -ever seen
you without the mask?"

Milliard thought about that for a moment. "No one who
still works there, no."

"Alright. That's what I thought. Why don't you leave
the mask behind tonight, then?"

"They're going to know we did it," Milliard reminded
him.

"I know that. But they're not going to know right
away, and that's what counts. If they don't recognize
any of us right away, we may be able to bluff them,
at least getting in."

Milliard nodded. "And getting out, of course, won't
be as much of a problem...it's getting out without
killing anyone that worries me."

"We'll manage it somehow," Treize said. "Wonder how
the ladies are doing?"

As if on cue, one of them pounded upon Treize's door.
"Treize!" Une called.

Treize moved to the door and opened it. "Yes, my dear
lady?"

"We're ready. Are you?"

He looked her over and nodded slowly. Sally and
Lucrezia had obviously helped with her hair, which
was hanging loose about her shoulders, but tumbled
about in wild, untamed curls. The glasses,
surprisingly, were nowhere in sight, and she was
wearing Noin's old forest green uniform jacket.

Noin had gotten Une's scarlet one. She sighed, and
pulled the OZ officer's hat she was wearing down a
little lower. "I loath this color."

"Doesn't do a thing for you," Une agreed. "But then,
it's not supposed to, is it?"

"*You*, on the other hand, look great," Treize told
Une, as Milliard went out to Lucrezia to convince her
that she didn't really look that bad.

"I don't think red's my color, either," Treize said,
brushing an imagined speck of lint off the coat he
was wearing, which had once been Milliard's.

Noin simply looked at him. "You'd look great in a
brown paper bag. Please shut up now." She examined
Milliard. "You, on the other hand... I like the blue.
Suits you."

"I bet he'd look good in a brown paper bag, too..."
Sally said to Une.

"Or nothing at all," Une said, grinning wickedly at
Noin.

Treize shook his head. "Can we go now?"

They descended the stairs and made their way out to
the Humvee which Sally had 'borrowed' for them.

"How'd you manage to get this thing, anyway?" Noin
was asking Sally.

Sally grinned. "Hotwired it, believe it or not."

"I don't."

"It's true." When the others kept looking at her, she
added: "Even a doctor's gotta have a hobby, you
know."

"And yours is hotwiring cars," said a voice from the
darkness. "Cool."

Treize groaned. "Duo! What are you *doing* here?"

"No, the question, Mister Treize, is what *we* are
doing here." The second speaker, Milliard's sister
Relena, stepped into the light, with all five Gundam
boys- oh yes, and Chip -right behind her. All of
them, Treize noted, were wearing OZ uniforms.

"And the answer would be...?" Treize asked.

"The answer would be that we're going with you,"
Relena said, hooking her arm through Heero's. "Aren't
we?"

"We're going," Heero agreed.

"The hell you are," Milliard said. "You're not
dragging my sister into-"

"She insisted on coming with us," Wufei said. "She is
a weak woman, but she won't shut up."

"My sister's not weak."

And: "I'll show you 'weak'.." Relena muttered. She
dropped Heero's arm, walked over to Wufei, and decked
him.

"Ow," said Wufei.

"Hehe," said Trowa. "Nice shot, Relena."

"Thank you." Relena had her arms crossed and was
glaring daggers at her brother. "Well?"

Une shook her head, moved past Treize, and shoved
Milliard out of her way. "Relena."

"Yes, Lady Une?"

"This is not a game. Do you and your friends
understand that?"

"Yes, Lady Une."

"We are going to steal four Mobile Suits, perhaps
more, now that we've acquired...greater numbers. Do
you understand that?"

"I understand perfectly. You're taking these weapons
away from the people who don't know how to use them,
and would only get a lot of people killed if they
tried. And I want to help. *We* want to help."

Une nodded. "Alright. Next question. Are any of you
armed?"

"No!" Relena said quickly.

Une nodded again. "Good. Carry a weapon, and you may
be tempted to use it, whatever your philosophies."
She turned to Treize. "Your service revolver. Give it
to me."

"What?" Treize shook his head. "No. I'm not going
without it."

"And I," said Une, "am not going with you if you take
it with you." She looked at the other three. "That
goes for you, too."

Sally raised her hands. "I'm clear, Une."

Noin pulled a small knife from her boot and handed it
to Une, who whistled for Treize's butler.

"Put this in Miss Noin's room, please." She held out
her hand to Treize then, expectantly.

Treize sighed. "I never could say no to you, Lady."
He drew his revolver, and passed it to the butler. "I
won't be needing that. See that it's returned to its
proper place."

"Yes, sir." The butler vanished.

"*Now* can we go?" Treize asked.

Une nodded. "Yes." She gestured to Noin, ex-cadet
instructor.

"Move it out!" Noin yelled in her best parade-ground
voice.

Even the Gundam pilots, Relena, and Chip rushed for
the Humvee, in surprisingly organized fashion.

Une climbed into the driver's seat. Treize moved as
if to take her place, but a pout from Une stopped him
cold. "Damned women," he muttered. "Manipulative..."

"...weak," Wufei added.

"Shut up, Wufei!" the women chorused.

They drove without further incident towards the
military base.

"Are we there yet?" Duo asked.

"Are we there yet?" echoed Chip.

"Shut up, Chip," said Une.

"Shut up, Chip."

"Oh, God," said Treize.

"Oh, God," said guess who.

"I'll kill you," Heero said menacingly to Chip, whom
he was sitting next to.

"I'll- whoa, Heero, man, that's kinda creepy..."

Relena laughed.

"How'd you find out about our plan?" Milliard asked
Relena.

"How'd you find out-?" Chip begun, but Noin clamped a
hand over his mouth.

"Who the hell *is* this kid?" she asked.

"One of my soccer players," Milliard said. "His name
is Chip. Now, Relena-?"

"A lady named Maggie called me. She said you guys
might or might not be up to something having to do
with geese tonight, so..." Relena shrugged. "The guys
had no idea what geese might refer to, but I'm the
one who put it together."

"She's right," Trowa spoke up. "We *were* stumped.
Till Relena said 'Tallgeese'."

"And you brought Chip because-?" Milliard asked.

"Because we couldn't get rid of him. He followed us
home from practice, overheard Relena calling us about
Maggie's call..." Quatre shrugged. "I'm sorry. We
didn't have much choice."

"Who's Maggie?" Duo asked.

"My assistant, at the post office," Une replied.

"You work at the post office now?" Duo asked with a
snicker.

"You work at the post office now?" echoed Chip, who'd
somehow gotten loose from Noin.

"And she made me leave my guns at home," Treize
moaned to no one in particular.

"Perhaps an error in judgment," Une said. "But only
in the case of Chip. Who will be shutting up now."

"Okay," Chip said. Then: "Are we there yet?"

"No," Sally said, "but *you* may have reached the end
of the line."

"Maybe we should leave him in the car," Wufei
suggested with a sigh. "He is proving himself weak."

"I'm tired of hearing that word," Sally said. "Okay?
You hear me, everyone?"

"Yes, Mom," they all chorused.

"Can we shut up now?" Une asked. "Or at least discuss
something relevant, such as the plan?"

"Good idea," Milliard agreed. "Relena, Heero, Duo,
you guys... you need to know what we're doing."

"We're going to pose as OZ officers and steal the
suits," Trowa said.

"Yes, but you need to know *how* we're going to do
that, or we may all end up caught," Treize said.
"Which would really irritate all of us, understand?"

"Okay, yeah," said Duo quickly. "So, what's the
plan?"

Milliard and Treize explained, Noin and Sally keeping
the other boys quiet and putting in their two credit
chips as necessary. Une kept her eyes on the road and
remained silent.

Treize took one of her hands as he continued to
explain their plan. Une looked slightly annoyed, but
gripped his hand tightly before she let it go. She
was always this way before any time there might be
fighting, he knew. Silent, tense. He wanted to say
something to her, to all of them, something besides
further explanation of the plan, but he couldn't, and
so he went on with it, answering questions until
there were no more.

"Think we'll pull this off, or what?" Heero asked
Relena quietly.

Relena shrugged. "No telling, is there? But it'd be
pretty stupid to back out now."

"I just can't believe we're cooperating with OZ on
something," Trowa put in. "It's, like, weird."

"They don't work for OZ anymore," Relena said.

"So they say," Duo said skeptically.

"You don't believe us?" Noin asked. "There is no way
in hell I'd put up with the humiliation of working at
McDonald's just to convince you people I no longer
worked for OZ. Let's be real, okay?"

"Agreed," said Une in her tense Soldier (tm) voice.
"Our time could obviously be better spent."

"Flawless logic as always, Duo my man," Trowa said.

"Trowa?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Injustice!" Wufei exclaimed. "They have tricked us!
Somehow they've-"

Sally clamped a hand over his mouth. "One more word,
and we'll let Relena hit you again."

"Oh, please, can I, Sally?" Relena asked.

"Not unless he earns it."

"Awww..."

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Duo asked. "You'd really like to
smack him, but you need a reason."

"Are we there yet?" Noin asked.

"Just about," Une replied, to the amazement of
everyone- all two of them -who was paying attention.

"You are weak," Wufei muttered to Sally. "A weak,
weak woman-"

"Relena," Sally said. Relena smacked Wufei.

"I am weak, weak!" Wufei exclaimed.

Sally smacked him upside the head.

"Treize," said Une, who was still focused upon her
driving.

Treize held up a hand for quiet. "Shut up, you guys."

The Humvee braked to a stop at the main gate to the
OZ base. Une rolled down her window, and saluted the
guard. "General Chang of the Space Force, and staff,
reporting as ordered for a security inspection."

"Ma'am," said the guard, returning her salute.
"Proceed."

Une rolled the window back up and drove on past the
gate.

"Yes!" Duo exclaimed, rubbing his hands together.

Treize swatted at him. "Quiet... so far, so good, but
let's not be overconfident."

"Right," Duo said.

The Humvee stopped again, this time in the parking
lot.

"Everybody set?" Noin asked.

Nods all around.

"Okay then. Let's go."

Une and Treize, who'd spent the most time at this
base, led the way. They marched towards a building up
ahead, but strangely enough, when they reached the
door, someone already had it open for them.

That someone was Maggie. Dressed, oddly enough, in
militaristic civilian clothing, similar to the sort
of things Dorothy wore.

Une raised an eyebrow at her. "Fancy meeting you
here."

"Not really," Maggie said. "I live here. Anyway, I
thought you might need help." She glanced back at the
others. "Your group's a bit bigger than I expected."

"You'll have to forgive my idiot friend over there,"
Treize said, gesturing to Milliard, who responded by
kicking him. "His sister, and friends..."

"Ah," said Maggie. "Looking for Tallgeese, are we?"

"Wait a sec, who is this person again?" Noin asked.

Maggie sighed. "Margaret Septum, at your service."

"The General's daughter?" Treize asked.

And: "Great, Septum's daughter," Milliard said. "We
are so totally screwed now."

Maggie sighed. "I was afraid of this. I'm not proud
of it, but he *is* my father."

Treize rolled his eyes. "Is anyone *else* going to be
joining this little band that I should be aware of?"

"If they are, it's news to me," Relena said.
"Shouldn't we get moving now? We're probably
attracting attention just standing here like this."

"She's right," Milliard reasoned. "Maggie- since you
know your way around here, fall in with Treize and- I
mean, General Chang and her lovely assistant, Major-"

"Don't say it, please," Treize pleaded.

"-Payne," Milliard finished, as if Treize hadn't said
anything at all. "And you two- keep an eye on her.
Nothing funny now, General's daughter, we really
don't want to hurt you."

"You promised you wouldn't hurt *anybody*-" Relena
started, only to cut herself off with a little shriek
when Noin stomped on her toe. "Ow!"

"Shhhh," Treize hissed.

"Turn here," Maggie muttered to Treize and Une. Then:
"What's the plan?"

"Simple, more or less," Noin told her. "Grab and
dash, try not to hurt anybody."

"Then run like a bat out of hell," Duo put in. "Can
do, d'ya think?"

"Can do," Maggie said. "I think."

"Look- there it is," Heero called out.

"I see it," Milliard said, a dreamy expression
crossing his face.

And indeed, before them was Tallgeese, flanked by
several other more generic mobile suits.

"Ah, General Chang and party!" exclaimed a petty
officer as he approached them. "A pleasure to meet
you," he continued. "I understand you're here to
inspect-"

"Security," Milliard said. "There's some concern that
these dangerous vehicles aren't being stored
properly. So if you'll just let us look around and
make sure..."

"Of course, of course," the officer said. "Truth is,
no one knows quite what to do with those things since
the damnable Specials were finally gotten rid of- and
what a blessing that was! There's rumor the General-
General Septum, that is, may have them destroyed, or
maybe melted down so we can use the metals for
something else..."

Heero, coming up behind the officer while he was
still ranting, whacked him over the head with a
broomstick he'd found somewhere. The officer fell to
the ground, unconscious.

"Scrap metal?" scoffed Milliard. "I *don't* think
so."

With that, he headed towards Tallgeese at a run. "Get
to your suits, folks...double time. Une- er, General?
When's the guard change next?"

Une checked her wristwatch. "Five, maybe ten
minutes."

"Crap."

At that exact moment, a small squad of guards came
into the hanger building. "Hey!" exclaimed one.
"Isn't that the lady we tried to tow the Taurus away
from?"

"Oh, *shit*," said Noin.

And: "Move, now!" Une exclaimed.

The guards began shooting, while the ex-Specials and
their companions dashed for their mobile suits of
choice, and Relena screamed at them.

"Stop! Can't you see shooting isn't going to solve-"

Heero grabbed her arm, dragging her towards
Tallgeese. "Come on! Don't be stupid and stick around
here. You're gonna get yourself killed, and your
brother will blame it on me. Assuming I live."

He practically threw Relena at Milliard, who caught
her, and stuffed her, still protesting, into
Tallgeese's cargo compartment.

"You may just be aright after all, Yuy," Milliard
said. Then: "Lucrezia, look out!"

"What?" Noin called back, an instant or so before she
was shot in the shoulder. "Ow! Damn!"

"Hey!" exclaimed Chip. "That wasn't nice."

"Suppose we should go save his sorry behind," Duo
muttered to the other Gundam pilots. "Why is it that
we're always stuck doing this?"

"Because it's good and right and-"

"Injustice," Wufei's announcement cut through Trowa's
explanation.

"Do you want to ride in the trunk on the way back?"
Sally asked them.

"No," they said in unison.

"Then go grab yourself mobile suits or something.
*I'll* get Chip."

When Sally at last located Chip, she pulled him along
by his ear towards the Leo Une was working on
hotwiring.

"Oh no," Une said as Sally approached with Chip.
"He's sure as hell not riding with me."

"I'll take him," Treize said. "To spare my lady the
trauma of his company. This way, Chip."

"Yessir," said Chip meekly.

Une herded the other Gundam pilots towards the line
of Taurus Mobile Suits. Heero tried to insist upon
riding with Relena, and after about five minutes of
listening to his whining, she stuffed him into the
back of her Leo. Maggie scrambled up after her.

Noin, meanwhile, was staring in shock at the soldiers
who'd shot her. "Great. Now I can't steal back my
Taurus..." She spotted Treize dragging Chip along
towards the line of Taurus's. "That one's mine," she
called helpfully. "Yes, that one, with the bumper
sticker...would you? Bless you, Treize."

Treize bowed, then ducked into the Taurus. Chip
copied his bow, only to be dragged in after him, and
unceremoniously stuffed into the Taurus' microscopic
cargo space.

Noin sighed, glared at the guys who'd shot her-
they'd just run out of bullets, and were looking
amazingly dumbfounded over this fact, and dashed as
best she could towards Tallgeese. Milliard took her
hand and helped her through the hatch, slamming it
closed after her.

"Everybody in?" he asked.

Relena's affirmative from the cargo hold.

Milliard clicked on the com system, scooting over in
the pilot's seat to make room for Noin.

"Comm check," he called into the microphone. "Anybody
out there?"

"Ten four, good buddy," Treize's voice came back.

"I read you, Thirteen," Milliard said. "Zero?"

"He's with me, 'Major," said Une.

"Thanks, One."

"No problem," Une said. Then: "Where's Nine?"

"I've got her."

Someone knocked upon Tallgeese's hatch. It was Sally,
who'd scrambled up the side of the suit. "Let me in,
damn you!"

Milliard opened the hatch to admit Sally, who wedged
herself in-between Lucrezia and the suit's inner
plating.

"I cannot believe this," Sally said. "You people
almost went off and left me."

"Sorry," Milliard said. He tapped the mic. "Guys? All
set?"

"Yes," Treize said.

"Been set for a while, Count," Une said.

"I'm going to get you for that. In fact, I'm going to
get all of you for that."

"Later, of course," Noin put in.

Sally glanced over at her. "Oh my God. Someone *shot*
you?"

"No. It only looks that way for absolutely no
apparent reason."

Milliard turned back to the com. "Three, Four...
Five?"

"All present and accounted for," Quatre's voice came
through at last. "Sorry it took so long for me to-"

"Stop *apologizing*, weakling," Wufei interrupted.

"Can we, like, go now?" Trowa asked.

"Good idea if ever I've heard one. Oh- I've got the
doc, by the way," Milliard said. "Did somebody get
the civvie?"

"I'm with One, Major," Maggie's voice came over the
line.

"Okay," Milliard said. "All systems go..." He flipped
switches and tapped a few buttons. "Leader has green
lights all across... Leader is moving. Everybody
follow me!"

"Where else are we gonna go?" Treize asked.

"Cut the chatter, Thirteen," said Une.

"Bite me, One."

"Perhaps later, dear. I'm a bit busy now."

Sally, meanwhile, was doing her best to tend to
Noin's shoulder whilst riding in a moving mobile
suit.

"Is she hurt?" Milliard asked.

"Not too badly," Sally answered. "But take it easy
over the-" Her head smacked Tallgeese's roof. "-speed
bumps."

And: "Ow," Noin said as her shoulder slammed into the
side of the suit.

"Sorry."

"No problem." Noin paused. "Where are we taking these
things, anyway?"

"If I remember right... flick the comms switch, would
you? Thanks. Thirteen, Leader. Gotta question for
ya."

"Shoot." Treize swore.

"What?"

"Damned traffic light just turned red."

"Looks green to me, pal."

"The one *behind* you," Treize clarified. "Now then.
What's your question?"

"Nine wants to know where we're taking these things.
Which is a very good question, really."

"How's my backyard sound?" Treize asked, thinking of
his hunting preserve.

"Works for me, pal."

Duo's voice came over the line then. "Say, guys?"

Treize sighed. "Yes, Duo?"

"Just thought of something. Did somebody get Rel- er,
Leader's sister?"

"Lead's got her, Two," Une said.

"Oh. Okay. Did somebody get H- er, Zero?"

"I've got him," Une replied.

* * *

Back at Treize's mansion:

"Hey, Heero?" Duo said.

"Yes?"

"I'll make you a bet."

"What sort of bet?"

"That Wufei can go faster in one of the new Mobile
Suits than you can in Treize's Corvette."

"A race, then?" Wufei asked.

"Yep."

"Agreed."

"Whoo!" Duo raced into the living room. "Hey, guys?
Heero's gonna race Wufei. Anybody wanna tag along?"

"Sure!" Relena exclaimed.

Milliard groaned. "Say, what's this about Treize's
car?"

Duo looked around to see if Treize was present. He
wasn't, having gone with Lady Une to feed his birds
and water the roses. Sally and Noin had likewise
vanished, to the bathroom, where Sally was fishing
for a band aid to apply to Noin's gunshot wound.

"Nothing," Heero said. "Coming, Relena?"

Milliard sighed. "Just be *careful*, okay? If you do
something stupid and wreck the car, you are on your
own."

"'Kay," Duo said.

Heero and Duo, plus Relena and the other Gundam
pilots, filed out to the backyard to fetch one of the
Mobile Suits and the keys to Treize's car.

They found Treize and Lady Une gazing lovingly at
each other beside a rosebush. Heero coughed to get
their attention, but that didn't work, so he simply
walked up to Treize and retrieved the keys from his
pocket.

"Did you see that?" Heero asked the others as they
walked off.

"He didn't even blink," Duo said. "Man, that's just
not right."

"Did you see something?" Une asked Treize.

"No, my dear. Just you."

"Mmm."

By the time Une and Treize made it back from the
garden, the others were long gone, and Sally,
Milliard, and Noin were playing go fish at the
kitchen table.

"Why's it so quiet?" Treize asked.

"The kids went out," Noin said vaguely.

"Out?" Treize asked with ever-growing suspicion.

"Yep. Something about a race," Sally added.

"A race?" Une asked. "What kind of race?"

"Mobile suit verses Corvette," Milliard said. "Noin-
got any tens?"

"Go fish."

"Damn you."

"My car!" Treize exclaimed, latching onto Lady Une's
hand and dashing out the front door. Une found
herself dragged along after him.

Milliard tossed down his cards with a sigh. "Suppose
we'd better go after them?"

"Hell no," Noin said. "You can chase him if you want,
but he's only got one other car- Une's station
wagon."

Sally shuddered. "Forget it. I'm staying here, too.
Milliard- any tens?"

"Evil woman," he said, handing them over.

* * *

"On three..." Relena called from the front passenger
seat of Treize's Corvette. "One, two....three!"

Heero stepped on the gas and the car zipped forward,
blowing Relena's hair into the faces of Trowa and Duo
in the backseat.

Duo coughed. "Eeew. Hairball."

"Sorry," Relena called back.

When Relena yelled "three", Wufei kicked Noin's
Taurus into gear and told Quatre, his passenger, to
hang on. No one else had wanted to ride with Wufei,
so, Quatre being Quatre, he took pity on Wufei and
offered to tag along.

"Heero is weak, I'll beat him," Wufei muttered.

"Maybe you should stop saying 'weak'," Quatre said.

"Silence!"

"Okay." Quatre cringed into the suit's backseat.

"Come on, come on," Duo chanted from the Corvette's
backseat.

"Shut up," said Lead-Foot Heero. "I'm going as fast
as I can..."

* * *

"There they are!" Une exclaimed as they rounded the
corner in the station wagon, Treize at the wheel and
driving too fast.

"I see them... Is that Noin's Taurus they've got with
them?"

Une looked through her binoculars again. "I think
so... yep, that's the bumper sticker."

"I'm gonna kill those kids."

"Have to catch them first," Une pointed out.

"Oh, I'll catch them, don't worry."

Une shook her head. "I dunno... it's not going to be
too easy, in this thing."

"It's *your* car. And remember, *you're* the one who
refused to let me buy you that nice Mercedes..."

Une pouted at him. "I didn't want a Mercedes. Still
don't. I wanted that Leo."

"Yes, and I helped get it for you, didn't I?"

"That you did," Une admitted. "Step on it, we're
losing them."

"It's just a Toyota, sweetheart. It doesn't get much
faster than this."

"I *knew* I should have gone with the V-6," Une
muttered.

* * *

"What the hell- is that a deer?" Heero asked.

"There *was* a Deer Crossing sign back there, I
think," Relena said.

"Well, there's a whole *family* of deer up there,"
Duo said. "If we hit them, we're gonna total the
car."

"Better not, then..." Heero glanced back over his
shoulder, at Wufei in the Taurus. "We won, anyway."
He screeched to a stop, slamming into several deer
anyway. The Taurus, coming up the hill behind them,
crashed into the back of back of the Corvette. The
rest of the deer ran off into the woods to either
side of the road.

"Shit," Heero muttered.

"I am *weak*!" came Wufei's cry from the Taurus.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Quatre said over
and over.

"Weakling! Shut UP!"

Lady Une's station wagon zipped up the hill as fast
as it could- and when they crested the hill and
started down it again, Treize discovered to his
dismay that the breaks wouldn't work.

"Une?"

"Yes?"

"Does this thing have airbags?"

She laughed. "You're kidding, right?" He said
nothing. "Treize- right?"

"Hold on, Lady..."

"Oh, shit," Une said none too quietly as the station
wagon hit the Taurus.

"Weaklings!" Wufei shouted from the mobile suit.

"Sorry!" said Quatre.

Heero, Relena, and the others scrambled out of the
Corvette to survey the damage. Heero walked around
the car, shaking his head.

"Man oh *man*," Duo said. "Treize is gonna be
pissed."

"Think it's toast?" Trowa asked.

"Oh, it's toast, alright," Heero told them. "Relena-
Treize is your brother's friend, you know him best.
How mad do you think he'll be?"

"Well- see for yourself." Relena pointed to the
totaled station wagon, from which a shaken but
furious looking Treize and a less than best pleased
Lady Une (with glasses) were emerging.

"Uh...hide," Trowa suggested. "Quick."

Treize dropped to his knees in the middle of the
intersection. "My car..." he sobbed. "My car!" Une
patted his shoulder in a 'there, there' gesture, all
the while glaring at Heero, and Wufei, who'd climbed
down from the Taurus.

"This could not possibly get any worse," Heero
declared. Relena, meanwhile, climbed up into the
Taurus to drag Quatre out of it. When she got back to
the street with Quatre in tow, everyone else was well
back from the two cars and the mobile suit, because
the Corvette had caught fire.

Treize sighed, and he and Heero moved forward to
fetch Relena and Quatre.

"I'd have been fine," Relena muttered to Heero as he
dragged her towards the shelter of the trees where
the others were.

"We know," Treize told her. "Quatre, on the other
hand..."

"I'm sorry, Mister Treize," Quatre muttered, and
burst into tears.

About that time, three Highway Patrol cars arrived
on-scene.

"What happened here?" the first officer asked Treize.

Treize sighed. "Damned kids. Decided to race my car
against the mobile suit. Car won, then hit a couple
deer... mobile suit hit the car, and we-" he gestured
to himself and then Lady Une, who'd come to stand
beside them "-discovered the breaks in the station
wagon didn't work, the hard way. Why didn't you get
that fixed, anyway?" he asked Une.

"They were fine the last time I drove the car," she
said. "And it's kind of a moot point now, isn't it?"

"Apparently," Treize growled.

"Who was driving the other car?" the officer asked.

Treize pointed to Heero. "Him. Name's Heero Yuy. The
suit's pilot was Wufei, the kid screaming about
injustice over there- yes, the one the girl just
punched."

The three highway patrol officers exchanged looks.
"Listen, mister-"

"Khushrenada," Treize said. "Treize Khushrenada."

"Mister Khushrenada, we're going to have to take you
all downtown until we get this sorted out."

Treize nodded. "Very well." He raised his voice.
"Kids, get over here. We're going for another little
ride, and this time none of you are driving."

The Gundam pilots, plus Relena, reluctantly walked
over to join Treize, Une, and the three officers. The
eight of them split up into three groups for the ride
to the police station. Treize took Lady Une's hand in
one of his, took Relena's arm with his other, and
marched them to the lead car.

"Ladies," he said, holding the door open for them.

Trowa and Duo stepped back away from Heero and Wufei
as the officers came to collect them. Quatre, feeling
sorry for both Heero and Wufei, offered to ride with
them, thus solving that problem, and Duo and Trowa
got a car to themselves.

* * *

"Think they should've been back by now, you guys?"
Sally asked. Then: "You guys?"

Sally looked around Treize's living room, but saw no
sign of Noin or Milliard. She sighed, and fished out
her stopwatch before sticking her head into the
dining room. "Guys?"

Noin's hand waved at her from somewhere. "Not now,
Sal."

Sally heard Milliard's voice coming from the kitchen.
"But I want a drink..."

"Well, you can't have one," Noin said matter-of-
factly.

"Awww... Lucrezia, please! Just *one*."

"No."

Sally tossed the stopwatch back onto the table,
somewhat disappointed she wouldn't be able to use it.
Then she walked into the kitchen, unsure what she'd
find. Even so, she wasn't prepared for the sight that
greeted her.

Milliard was on his knees before Lucrezia, pleading.
"Lucrezia, I am begging you here. Just one, that's
all I want."

"It's all you want *now*," Noin said firmly. There
was obvious sympathy in her eyes, but even for that,
she wasn't backing down. She sighed, and dropped to
her knees beside him, placing a comforting arm around
his shoulders. "Look. I told your sister that you
weren't going to be drinking anymore- that you were
quitting, and all of us were going to help you. How's
it going to look to Relena if her big brother drinks
himself into an early grave?"

"I'm not going to-"

"Damned right you're not!" Anger momentarily obscured
the compassion in Noin's eyes. "Relena needs you.
You're all that girl has left. And you know who and
what she is- what she's going to have to be someday.
You cannot afford to let her down."

"I- never thought about it that way, Lucrezia, I..."

"Shut up," she said kindly. "I need you too, you
know."

Milliard laughed. "You don't need anybody, living or
dead."

"He's right, you know," Sally added helpfully.

Noin shook her head. "With friends like these..." She
looked back at Milliard. "I mean it, though. Relena
needs you, and as for me- well, I'd miss you
terribly, how's that?"

Milliard tried to speak and couldn't, so he simply
reached out and hugged her. "I'm sorry, Lucrezia.
It's just..."

"I know," she said. "It's hard. I *know* it's hard.
But that's what we're here for."

"Thank you."

"You can thank me by staying away from Otto," was
Noin's good-natured answer as she and Sally helped
him to his feet. "C'mon. Sally and I were just on our
way upstairs to the rec room to play pool, weren't
we, Sally?"

"Yep," Sally said. *Pool?* she thought. *Ah, screw
it. If it gets him away from the booze...*

* * *

"Name?" the bored officer asked Treize.

"Treize Khushrenada."

"Right. Spell that?"

"T-R-E-I-"

"No, no, your last name."

Treize spelled it, then filed into the cell the cop
gestured him to.

Une was next in line. "Lady Une. U-N-E."

Then Relena. "Relena Peacecraft," she said, staring
down at her shoes.

"Peacecraft?" the officer asked with interest. Une
dragged Relena into the cell.

"You have the right to remain silent," Une reminded
her.

"Oh. Okay."

"Heero Yuy," Heero was saying.

The officer exchanged a look with his partner. "No,
really, what's your name?"

"That *is* my name."

Duo shoved him into the cell. "I'm Duo Maxwell. The
one screaming 'injustice' is Chang Wufei. The one
apologizing to everything in sight's Quatre Winner.
Oh yeah, and the quiet one's Trowa Barton."

Thus identified, the Gundam pilots filed into the
cell and the officer slammed it closed behind them.

"I hate you," Wufei said to Heero.

"And I hate you," was Heero's answer.

"You totaled my car!" Treize said to Heero.

"I'm sorry," Quatre said to everybody.

"Hehe," said Trowa to no one in particular.

"This is *humiliating*," Relena said.

"I'm sorry," Quatre said again.

"This sucks," Duo said from his place upon the bench
in the cell.

"So you keep telling us," Heero said.

"Well, it *does*," Duo told him.

Une sighed deeply. "You *all* have the right to
remain silent. Please exercise that right."

Treize, meanwhile, was sobbing against Une's
shoulder. "My car, my car..."

Quatre patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mister
Treize. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Quatre?" Treize said.

"Yes?"

"Shut up and go away."

Quatre's face fell. "Okay."

Relena wandered over to Treize and Une. "How is he?"
she asked.

Une simply gestured. "If he ever stops the
waterworks, he's going to be really pissed off. I
don't want to be Heero or Wufei when that happens."

"Has he been drinking?" one of the highway patrol
officers asked Une of Treize.

"No- well, not much, anyway. He's just a little upset
over the state of his Corvette."

"They totaled my car!" Treize sobbed.

"Aw, man," said the cop. "That was your 'Vette?"

Treize nodded.

"Sucks," the cop said.

Treize agreed silently, playing with one of Lady
Une's curls.

"Ow."

"Sorry."

"Treize pulled my hair!" Une complained.

"Hehe," said Trowa.

"Hey," Relena called out to the officers. "What are
we being charged with?"

The officer consulted a sheet of paper. "Speeding,
reckless endangerment, joyriding, illegal drag
racing- oh yeah, and somebody's gotta cop to a grand
theft on the Mobile Suit."

Everyone looked at Wufei.

"Injustice!" Wufei exclaimed. "I didn't *steal* it."

"No, but you wrecked it," Quatre reminded him.

"You! Shut up."

"Okay."

Relena ignored them. "Excuse me, officer?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Don't we get a phone call?"

"Um...yes. Yes you do."

Relena looked around the cell, at the sobbing Treize
and the near-hysterical Une (who had lost her glasses
sometime during the crash), and at the sulking,
bitching, moaning, and complaining Gundam pilots.

"I'm calling my brother," Relena announced to the
cell at large. "Because you're too busy killing each
other-" this to Heero and Wufei "-because *you're*
too busy laughing at everything-" that to Duo, and
Trowa, sort of "-*You're* too busy apologizing-" that
to Quatre, of course "-and Treize and Une seem a
little upset."

No one said a word.

"Okay? Okay." Relena approached the bars. "Officer?"

"This way, miss," the officer said, leading her out
of the cell and down the hall to the phone cell,
where he locked her in again.

Relena picked up the phone and dialed Treize's
number. Noin answered on the second ring.

"Khushrenada, Une, Peacecraft, Noin, and Po
residence, Lucrezia Noin speaking."

"Lucrezia," Relena said. "It's Relena. We have sort
of a problem..."

"Uhoh," Noin said.

"Yeah. Is my brother around?"

"Yeah. Hold on. Milliard! Telephone, it's your
sister."

A pause, then: "Hey, kiddo. What's up?"

Relena sighed. "We got arrested!"

"No, really, what happened?"

"That *is* what happened. There was an accident-
everybody's okay, but they totaled the Taurus,
Treize's car, and Lady Une's station wagon."

Milliard swore quietly. "Treize must be pissed."

"He's too upset right now."

Milliard was silent for a moment. "You have to tell
them something, Relena."

"What's that?" she asked.

"The truth."

"No way! You'll all get in trouble. No, I'm telling
them the *truth*."

"The truth?"

Relena sighed. "I didn't want to tell you this,
Milliard, but one of your friends put us up to
stealing the mobile suit. The race was Heero's idea,
but your friend asked us to steal the suit."

Milliard said cautiously, "What friend?"

"Otto," Relena sobbed into the phone. "Otto asked us
to do it, and I thought, since he was your friend..."

Across town, in the Khushrenada mansion, Milliard
Peacecraft was grinning at the phone. "Relena,
honey... it's okay. We'll sort it out. I'm just glad
all of you are okay. You need a ride home?"

"Yeah. And bail money, I guess."

"I'll take care of it. Be there soon."

"Thanks, Milliard."

"Hey. That's what brothers are for."

Relena knocked on the bars to let the officers know
she was done.

"Was that Lucrezia Noin you were talking to?" one
asked her.

Relena nodded. "For a minute, anyway. Why?"

"I saw her on the OZ recruitment ads. She's pretty."

Relena smiled. "And so totally spoken for..."

"Really? By who?"

Relena grinned at him. "My older brother."

"Oh." Then: "Is he a Peacecraft, too?"

Relena nodded. "Yes. His name's Milliard." She
sighed. "You should probably know that a friend of
his asked us to steal the mobile suit for him."

"What's this friend's name?" the officer asked,
taking notes now.

"Otto," Relena said. "I don't know if that's his last
name or his first name, but he's probably got a
record. If you can get us pictures, I'll show you
which one's him."

"Okay," said the officer. He let her back into the
cell.

"How'd it go?" Une asked quietly.

"Okay. He'll come get us, he said."

"Good." Then: "Did you tell them anything?"

"I had to, Une," Relena said. "You guys- I'm sorry. I
had to. I told them my brother's friend put us up to
stealing the mobile suit. That we stole it for him."

Une asked cautiously, "What friend?"

"His name's Otto," Relena said.

Blocked from the officers' view by Une and Relena,
Treize smiled at them.

"Good girl," he said quietly to Relena.

The officer was approaching with a stack of mug
shots. "I'd like all of you to look at these. Point
out the man named Otto, the one who asked you to
steal the Taurus mobile suit."

They poured over the photographs until they found one
they all agreed was Otto's.

"This is him," Treize said to the officers. They took
the photos, with Otto's on the top of the stack.

"Otto Smith," said one of them. "This guy's got a rap
sheet a mile long."

"Really?" Relena asked, as if she'd had no idea.
"What for?"

"All sorts of stuff," the officer said. "Lots of
drunk and disorderly, lots of public intoxications-
even an exposing himself in public."

"Eeew," Relena said. "Any thefts, or anything like
that?"

"Lots of them," the officer said. "Criminal
facilitation, too... what he did to you and your
friends, he's done before." He nodded to his partner.
"Let's have Otto picked up."

* * *

"Aw, man!" Otto exclaimed as they were dragging him
towards the police car. "Whatever it is, I didn't do
it."

Struggling with the cops, he dropped a joint and his
crack pipe. The officers exchanged looks, and one
retrieved the items and put them into evidence bags.
He waved the bags at Otto. "Drop these?"

"Aw, *man*!" Otto yelled. "It's those stupid kids,
isn't it? They turned me in."

"What kids?" the first officer asked as they shoved
Otto into the back of the car.

"Five boys and a girl. Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell...them.
The girl's Relena Peacecraft. Me and her brother, we
used to hang together, see..."

"Did you ask them to do something for you, these
kids?" the officer asked.

"Yeah, man. I says to 'em last night, why doncha go
steal me a mobile suit. Made 'em think it was
something my pal wanted them to do, see, 'cept he
didn't know a thing about it..."

"Thank you," the first officer said. "That clears up
a lot of things."

* * *

"They're through here, Mr. Peacecraft." Relena jerked
awake as she heard this coming from the end of the
hallway, then her brother's boot steps drawing closer
and closer... She cringed into the corner and tried
very hard not to cry. *He's going to kill me,* she
thought. *How could we have been so stupid?*

"Relena?" Milliard called softly. His voice sounded
calm enough. Relena stood up from her cramped bench
and turned towards him.

Lucrezia Noin stood beside her brother outside the
bars. Their hands were linked.

"Hi, kiddo," Noin said. "Ready to go home?"

And: "Treize? Are you alright?" Milliard asked.

"Perfectly fine, old friend," Treize said as he stood
and helped Lady Une to her feet.

"You want all of them, sir, or just your sister?" one
of the officers asked Milliard.

Milliard appeared to give this matter some
consideration. "I'll take my sister, Treize there,
and the lady off your hands." He turned to Heero. "I
called Howard. He'll be here in a while to take you
guys home."

"Thank you," Heero said.

Milliard nodded. "Consider it my way of saying thanks
for not getting my sister killed. Although, Wufei...
About the Taurus."

Wufei was saved from the wraith of Noin by the timely
arrival of the cops hauling Otto in.

"Damn you!" he slurred as he was dragged past
Milliard, Lucrezia, and the group's cell. "Damn you,
you little brats..."

Milliard turned to face him. "You! I trusted you! And
this is how you take care of my little sister?" He
shook his head. "I don't ever want to see you again.
Ever, do you hear me?"

"Your sister's nothing but a-"

Milliard glared at him. "It is so important to your
continued existence that you not finish that
sentence."

Otto gulped. "Uh-"

One of the officers interrupted. "Mister Peacecraft?"

"Yes?"

"With Otto's confession, we're dropping all charges
against your sister and the others. As soon as their
ride gets here, they're all free to go."

"Yay!" Duo exclaimed.

"I hate you," Otto muttered to Milliard.

Noin, who'd been silent up to this point, sighed and
kicked him in the shins. Both officers, she noticed,
happened to be looking away, at the clock.

"Did you see that?" Otto asked. "She kicked me."

"I didn't see anything," one said. The other shrugged
his agreement.

"But-"

"Otto," Noin said. "They told Milliard they found
drugs on you. Drugs! And we let you hang around the
kids. Sally's furious. *I'm* furious." Then, to the
officers: "Take him away, please."

Relena, meanwhile, was saying her goodbyes to the
others. "Heero- will I ever see you again?"

Milliard sighed deeply.

"Of course you will," Heero said. "I hope."

Relena hugged him, and, to his great embarrassment,
kissed him right then and there in front of all his
friends.

"Awww," they chorused.

"Shut *up*," Heero said defensively. "Relena, let me
walk you to the door?"

"Okay," she said. He escorted her to the cell door,
where her brother was waiting.

Milliard sighed again, then extended his hand to
Heero. "You're alright, Yuy. Just- stay away from
guys like Otto, huh?"

"Yes, sir!" Heero exclaimed as he shook Relena's
brother's hand.

Relena turned to wave to the other Gundam pilots.
"'Bye, guys."

"Bye," they chorused.

Treize and Une followed Relena out of the cell.

"You owe me for that car," Treize said to Heero. "I
want to see you at my place next weekend, understand?
We'll work something out."

"Yes, sir." Heero grinned.

Duo gasped. Trowa passed out from shock. Wufei
groaned.

"He smiled," Quatre said with glee.

"Can we go now?" Une asked Noin.

"I think so. Goodbye, boys."

"Bye, Miss Noin."

"Doesn't look like she's gonna be 'Miss Noin' much
longer," Duo said to Heero, gesturing to Noin and
Milliard, who were *still* holding hands.

Heero nodded his agreement.

"Tell Sally I said hi?" Wufei called after them.

"I will," Noin promised.

Then she, Milliard, Relena, Treize, and Une filed out
of the police station and into the parking lot.

"Your ride, folks," Milliard said, gesturing with
pride to Tallgeese.

Treize laughed. "You brought it here?"

"Yes," Milliard said. "But really I wouldn't worry
about it. Strangely enough, only the one Taurus was
reported stolen. And over a half-dozen eyewitnesses
know what happened to *that*."

"And Otto?" Treize asked as they climbed up into
Tallgeese and took their places in the back seat.

"Otto, in his slightly inhibited state, really
believes that he put Relena and the boys up to
stealing the Taurus," Milliard said.

"But why?"

"Because when we figured out what you were going to
tell the cops, Milliard and I called him," Noin
explained. "We told him we knew all about his plan,
and how it had failed..."

Relena laughed. "You guys are *mean*."

"Yes," Milliard agreed. "But Otto deserves to be in
jail, and your friends don't. And by the way, you're
welcome."

Relena leaned forward to hug him. "Thanks, Milliard."

Milliard tried to shake her off. "Not while I'm
driving, kiddo- might cause an accident." He grinned
at her.

"Sorry," Relena said. She turned to Treize. "Mister
Treize, I am really, really sorry about your car."

"Hey," said Treize. "Don't sweat it. I was kind of
tired of it, anyway. I can get a new car. What I
can't replace are my friends, my lady-" Une, sans
glasses, smiled and reached for a Kleenex; Treize
hugged her "-or my friend's little sister."

"Besides," Noin put in, "you did kind of save all of
us some jail time when you fingered Otto for the
Taurus theft."

"I feel kind of badly about that," Relena said.

"Don't," Une told her. "You saw what he was like when
they brought him in."

And: "Otto is scum, little sister," Milliard told
her. "He always has been, and he'll never change. I'm
much happier knowing one more person like that is off
the streets, where he can't hurt my sister or my
friends anymore."

Relena smiled. She turned to Noin. "Lucrezia?"

"Yeah?"

"Let me ask you a question. What exactly are your
intentions towards my brother?"

Noin grinned at her. "Now, Relena. Just because I've
been lusting after him since Victoria doesn't mean-"

Milliard, noticing that they'd reached a stoplight
which had just turned red, leaned over and kissed
Noin into silence.

Relena grinned. "'S what I thought."

"Oh, and that reminds me," Milliard said, fumbling in
his pocket for something. Finding it, he knelt
awkwardly before Noin's seat. "Lucrezia Noin, light
of my life, most beautiful woman on earth-"

"He lies," Treize said none-too-quietly to Une.
"She's not, *you* are."

"As I was saying," Milliard said, shooting his friend
a look of mock annoyance. "Lucrezia... will you marry
me?"

Noin's jaw dropped. "What?" Then: "Oh my God. You bet
your ass I will, Peacecraft!"

Milliard smiled.

Relena cheered. "Alright!" Then: "Light's green."

"Oh." Milliard dashed back to the driver's seat,
piloting Tallgeese one-handed so he could attempt to
put the ring on Noin's finger. "Damnit... I think I
dropped it. Anybody see it?"

"I've got it," Relena said, reaching down to get it.
"Oooh. Pretty. I guess that soccer coach thing pays
pretty good, huh?"

"Give me that," Milliard said, taking the ring from
her.

Lucrezia shook her head. "Men. Lovable, but useless.
Give it here." She took the ring and put it on her
finger. "Relena's right, though... It *is* pretty.
Actually it's beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Milliard said.

"Congratulations, old friend," Treize said. "Now
then- where are you taking us?"

"Nice quiet little club," Milliard said. "We have a
*lot* to celebrate."

"No drinks!" Treize, Une, Noin, and Relena chorused.

"I know." Milliard grinned at them. "You guys
remember that soda bar we used to hit when we were
younger?"

Treize laughed. "It's still there?"

"Yes, it is. Look!" Milliard gestured out the
windshield. And indeed, there was their old hangout,
the soda bar from the days of their youth. He parked
Tallgeese and they all filed out.

Inside the bar, they were met by a strange sight- a
sea of OZ uniforms, and a few people in civilian
attire, most notably Dorothy and Maggie Septum.
Beside Maggie was her father, the general.

Noin recognized the people in OZ uniforms as her
former cadets. "Walker! Thompson! Stevens!
McKenzie... My God. What are you all *doing* here?"

Private McKenzie began to whistle "Here Comes the
Bride". Noin's other students took up the tune.

She turned to glare at Milliard, who was laughing too
hard to notice.

"You told them?" she asked, punching him in the arm.

"Ow. That *hurt*. Yes, I told them."

"Arrogant bastard," Noin muttered. "You didn't think
I'd say no?"

"Actually, I was *terrified* you'd say no."

"Silly," was Noin's reply.

General Septum, to Milliard's shock, raised his soda
glass at them. "Congratulations Lieutenant Zechs,
Lieutenant Noin."

Noin raised an eyebrow at him. "Sir?"

Maggie kicked him. "Dad. Start at the *beginning*."

Septum nodded. "Yes, dear. Kids..." he muttered.
"Things at OZ, uh, haven't been going too well since
we eliminated the Specials... Is Treize with you?"

"Here," Treize said, as he and Une stepped up beside
Milliard and Noin.

"What I'm trying to say, Treize, Zechs, Noin... Lady
Une... is that we may have made a slight mistake in
eliminating the Specials..."

Treize was grinning, Une nodding skeptically, Noin
and Milliard smiling at one another.

"So, in conclusion... if you want your old jobs back,
you're more than welcome to them."

Treize looked at Une, then at their two friends.
"Guys? What do you say?"

"You really wanna work at Wal-Mart the rest of your
life?" Une asked him.

"Uh...no."

Une nodded. She turned to Maggie. "Think you can
handle the post office without me?"

"Ma'am?"

"Where Treize goes, I go."

Milliard looked at his sister. "Relena? Would your
friends really miss that soccer thing?"

Relena shrugged. "I dunno about Chip, but I don't
think the others would mind."

"Say, where *is* Chip, anyway?" Noin asked.

Somewhere amidst the wreckage of two cars and one
mobile suit, Chip McCloud, still in the suit's cargo
compartment, was screaming and yelling in an attempt
to get someone to come and free him.

Milliard shrugged. "Who cares? How about you,
Lucrezia?"

Noin laughed. "What? You really expect me to settle
for 'Do you want fries with that?' when you guys get
to play with mobile suits again? Get real. Of course
I'm with you."

"Settled, then," Treize said. He turned to Septum and
extended his hand. "General."

"Colonel Treize, Lieutenant Colonel Une, Lieutenant
Zechs, Lieutenant Noin... welcome back to OZ."

Treize nodded. "I'll accept your apology now, sir."

"Come again?" Septum asked.

"Your apology. I was right, you were wrong. OZ needs
us- in fact, cannot survive without us."

"Treize," Sally hissed at him. "Don't be stupid,
please..."

But Une was shaking her head. "No, Sal, he's right.
If we're not going to get the respect and recognition
we're due, maybe...maybe we shouldn't *go* back."

Treize looked at her. "My lady... you of all of us
missed your old job the most."

"Yes, Mister Treize, I did. But-"

"Please," he cut her off. "Don't start that 'Mister
Treize' crap again, I'm begging you."

"Sir-" Une started.

Treize took a step closer to her, took her by the
shoulders, and shook her. "Listen to me! Listen. If
we go back, you will once again be Lady Une,
assistant to His Excellency, Treize Khushrenada."

"Here we go again," Noin said. "Bond. James Bond."

"Would you shut up, please?" Treize asked her. "As I
was saying, Lady... Lady Une will be His Excellency's
assistant. But you, my dear... you."

"Yes?" Une asked softly. "What about me?"

"You, are simply Une... my lady, my love. And if I
hear so much as one more 'Mister Treize' from you, I
swear before God and all these people here that I
will walk away from this job and never ever look
back, and I don't *care* how much they need me. Do
you understand that?"

"I- yes." Une fumbled in her pocket for a tissue- but
the only thing she found was her glasses, broken.
"Ow," she muttered, withdrawing a bloody hand from
her pocket.

Treize snatched a handful of napkins from the bar and
pressed them against the wound. He curled her hand
into a fist around them. "Hold pressure, here."

Une nodded, unable to speak. Treize brought her
injured hand to his lips and kissed it.

Septum coughed. Maggie kicked him again, and he fell
silent.

"Treize," Une whispered.

"Yes, Une?"

"If I promise... would you go back?"

He smiled. "Yes."

"Then I promise." She picked up another napkin, and
blew her nose. "Treize?" she asked.

"Yes?" he answered kindly.

"I- I..." Unable to voice her question, she gestured
mutely to a group of well-dressed pretty young women
in a giggling circle surrounding Dorothy. "Them," she
whispered.

Treize sighed, eyeing his usual circle of admirers.
"They are meaningless, my love. You are all that
matters. Come, I'll show you." He took her hand and
drew her towards the crowd.

"Excuse me, ladies? Hello, Dorothy, how are you?"

"Oh, it's so exciting, cousin! You'll be back and
you'll be able to fight wars, and-"

"Business as usual, then," Treize said. "Good. Go
away, Dorothy." Surprisingly, she went, and he turned
his attention to the young women.

"Oh, Treize," one of them said quietly.

Treize coughed. "Yes. That's what I wanted to talk to
you about."

The girl's face fell. "Wha- what?"

"You are the daughters of the most respected members
of the Federation. As such, you are spoiled rotten.
You think your fathers' fortunes can buy you anything
your heart desires. Well. Be that as it may, I am
here to tell you, girls, that some things are simply
not for sale. And that they never were."

"But you said-" started one of them.

"I said whatever was necessary to gain the support
and funding my Specials required. But I don't need
those things so very badly that I will break the
heart of the woman I love to get it."

They gasped collectively.

"But, Treize," started one, whom Une vaguely
recognized as Leia Barton.

"Enough," Treize said. "You, all of you, but
especially you, Miz Barton, will address me as
'Mister Treize', or 'Your Excellency'. You will *not*
use my given name again. Ever."

"But-"

Treize took a step towards Leia Barton. "You tricked
me, Miz Barton. You took advantage of me in a moment
of weakness, and I shall never forgive you for it.
Now get out of my sight, and take these useless bits
of mobile decoration with you."

Then he turned from Leia Barton and the others as if
they were of no consequence at all, and took Lady
Une's arm, leading her back towards where Noin and
Milliard were standing with Relena and the Septums.

"My dear," Treize said. "Not to be outdone by my good
friend Lieutenant Zechs over there..." He dropped to
one knee. "My lovely Lady Une. Marry me, lady."

Une burst out laughing. "Oh, Treize... honestly. Not
even a question?"

"There is no doubt in my heart, Lady. None
whatsoever."

"And well there shouldn't be. Yes."

Treize grinned at her, slipped a rather large diamond
ring onto her finger, and swept her up into his arms,
spinning her 'round the room. "She said yes!"

"We heard," said Sally. "Congrats, Une, Treize."

A cheer rose up from those assembled.

Septum coughed yet again. "So, Colonel Treize of the
Specials..."

Treize saluted him with the wrong arm, the other
still holding Lady Une. "We're back, sir."

Noin, meanwhile, had gone to the phone and was
placing a call. "Yes, I'd like to speak to the
manager, please... Hello. Lucrezia Noin here. Take
this job and shove it." She hung up the phone.

Sally was ushering the band, consisting of Heero,
Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Howard, onto the
stage. They began their first number.

Treize turned to Une. "Would the future Lady
Khushrenada care to dance?"

"Um-hum," she answered.

General Septum turned to Zechs/Milliard. "Was that
Tallgeese I saw in the parking lot?"

Zechs nodded. "Yes. I-"

Septum held up a hand. "Congratulations, Lieutenant.
You and your people passed the test."

"Test?" Zechs asked.

"Yes, test. Colonel Treize kept insisting that OZ
could not function without the Specials. I thought he
was wrong. So we made a little bet, and I set out to
test my theory. And you and yours managed to prove
Treize right, and me wrong."

"What'd you lose, Dad?" Maggie asked from behind the
bar, where she was fixing sodas.

"About two hundred creds, and the suits they stole.
Tallgeese is yours, Lieutenant. Although if you'd
like to lease it to OZ, on the condition that only
you or someone you choose pilots it..."

"Done!" Zechs said. "Same for Noin's Taurus, and
Une's Leo?"

"Yes. We'll be repairing Noin's Taurus- with the
repair charges coming out of Otto's paychecks."

Zechs laughed. "Way to go, Otto." He turned to Noin.
"May I have this dance, Lieutenant?"

"Sure you can, Lieutenant."

Standing near Heero and the other band members,
Relena threw back her head and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Heero asked her.

Relena shook her head, her eyes fixed on Dorothy, who
had just decked Leia Barton.

"Stay away from my cousin, you twit!" Dorothy yelled
after Leia's retreating form. The door slammed behind
she and her friends, and Dorothy joined in Relena's
laughter.

Treize smiled at Dorothy over Une's shoulder, then
returned his attention to his fiancé.

"What're you smiling at?" Une asked.

"Life, the universe, everything. You."

Treize kissed Une; Zechs kissed Noin; Sally pulled
out her stopwatch; Relena jumped up on stage and
began a stirring rendition of "Isn't it Romantic".

Somewhere in the back of a Taurus mobile suit, Chip
cried for help. Somewhere near the bathrooms, Wufei
ranted about injustice to anyone who'd listen.

And somewhere in the center of the soda bar, five
friends raised their root beer floats as one.

"A toast. To OZ, the future, and us!" Treize said.

"OZ, the future, and us," Une, Zechs, Noin, and Sally
echoed as their glasses clinked together.