Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters.
A/N: I told myself I wouldn't write one of these because so many people have already and it's all terribly depressing but I couldn't help myself. Too many feelings.
"Honey, why don't you come home and get a proper nights sleep?"
"What if she wakes up tonight?"
"You've been saying that every night for the past three weeks, Rachel"
"Tonight's the night, Daddy, I just know it"
Hiram sighed as he stroked his daughters hair as she sat by Quinn's side, holding her hand. She rarely left her alone.
He dropped a kiss to her head and asked her to try and get some sleep. She nodded faintly, her eyes boring into Quinn's face, willing her to wake up.
Rachel didn't register that her father had left the room, nor did she register just how long she had been sitting in the same position. Staring at Quinn's face, holding her hand and occasionally dropping a kiss to her shoulder.
It was the same every night. It had been since the very first night Quinn was in the hospital. It was early hours of the morning when Quinn finally came out of surgery on that first night. But she was there. She was waiting.
She wouldn't let anyone tell her to go home. She just couldn't leave her. The guilt kept creeping up on her and usually hit her when she least expected it.
One minute she'd be singing softly to her and then it would hit her all over again exactly why Quinn was laying there in hospital; battered, bruised and broken.
She blamed herself but she didn't tell anybody.
No one could see exactly the pain this was causing her. No one could see that she was barely holding on.
She hated herself. She hated herself for being so desperate for Quinn to be there at the wedding she didn't even want to go through with. She'd giggle sadly into the quiet room. She just wanted Quinn to stop the wedding when she could have done it herself.
She keeps thinking 'what if?' She wonders if she would be married now if Quinn never got into the accident. Even though she detested the thought of being married to Finn for the rest of her life, she's sure she would rather be married to him than have to go another night not knowing if Quinn would ever wake up.
She tries not to think back on the moment she found out Quinn had been in a serious accident. She knows it sounds silly, but she felt as if her world had stopped turning. The only thing that was spinning was her head and if it wasn't for her father seeing the signs, she'd have fallen hard to the floor rather than held up in his arms.
She knows it's horrible and morbid; but she'd imagined all her life what it would be like if someone close to her got in a bad accident. She had written a whole script in her head of what she would say and what she would do.
But her mind was blank.
Saying that, she's been thinking a lot over these past three weeks.
The day after the accident, Rachel told Finn that she didn't want to get married. Then a week later she told him that she didn't want to marry him; not now or ever.
He wanted an explanation but she couldn't be bothered to give him one. It took another week for her to tell him that she cared more about Quinn than she ever did or could about him.
He told her that was just because she was worried for Quinn and that her emotions were all over the place. So she told him the truth. Or yelled at him, rather. She told him she only agreed to marry him because she thought she didn't have a future away from Lima. She was settling for him. She never had the bottle to say she couldn't go through with it.
She told him that the day of the crash, Quinn asked her if she sang 'Here's To Us' to him and only him. Rachel only nodded because she couldn't quite process what she had just heard come out of Quinn Fabray's mouth. She took some to think about it and everything suddenly clicked.
She has sung 'Here's To Us' to Quinn every night. She sings other songs to her as well, but that song holds some importance to her now. To her and their friendship. Their relationship. The moment Rachel realized exactly how Quinn felt about her revolved around that song and she thanks Quinn every day for unknowingly giving her the inspiration to sing it in the first place.
Every time she finishes the song, she places a gentle kiss to Quinn's lips and sometimes even fools herself into thinking she can feel her kissing back.
She got caught a few days back by her dad. He'd listened to her sing the song all through and watched as his little girl placed the softest of kisses on Quinn's lips with tears streaming down her face.
That was the only night neither of her fathers told her to go home to rest.
For someone who likes to talk, Rachel has said barely three sentences to Quinn since she has been there. She only sings. It's all she feels she's capable of doing.
Tonight feels different for her. She's getting her hopes up for an unknown reason. She knows she has said the same thing over and over again to her fathers almost each day and night, but there's something in the air that makes her believe that tonight is the night.
So she talks, but she struggles. It feels new, like she's never done it before. She doesn't know why she's finding it so hard.
"I'd never been so scared in all my life" she admits before kissing Quinn's shoulder, a habit that started the first time she tried to say something to her but nothing came out.
She doesn't know what else to say. So much of everything and a whole lot of nothing has been rolling around her mind for too long now and she just can't get anything out.
"Please wake up" she whispers. Her voice sounds desperate and she's not surprised. She needs her to wake up tonight. She can feel it happening. Quinn can't not wake up tonight, Rachel doesn't think she'd be able to bare it if she doesn't. She can't do this much longer.
She cries silently and begs "please" again.
She lets go of her hand and brings it up to her face instead. She goes back to staring long and hard, willing her to make some movement.
Nothing happens.
It's the first time she does it and even though she couldn't care what anyone thinks right now, there was still a voice telling her in the back of her mind that she's not meant to do this. Yet she does it anyway. She crawls up onto the bed and while being extra careful of all the wires connecting Quinn to God knows what, she lays down next to her.
She carefully wraps one arm over Quinn's belly and looks back up at her face once she's sure that she hasn't interfered with anything.
She's absolutely freezing in there but she can't bring herself to care. She smiles softly, briefly wondering what it would really be like to go to sleep like this every night in a proper bed, the two of them healthy and just plain happy.
She feels the most content in that moment than she has done since being there. Her heart still aches and she's painfully disappointed that Quinn still hasn't woken up. She brushes her lips against Quinn's and whispers, "maybe tomorrow" before she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.
When she wakes up, she feels like she has slept all night long, though the window is directly in her eye line and it's still dark out.
She sighs audibly and tilts her head up to look at the face that has forever been imprinted into her mind and she freezes.
Quinn's eyes are open and she's looking at her with soft smile on her face.
"Quinn" she says, her voice shaking almost violently.
Quinn jerks her head slightly and cringes. She doesn't think about the uncomfortable feeling for too long though as she pouts her lips to meet Rachel's. It's just a peck, but it's enough to make Rachel's heart start beating again.
Quinn clears her throat and swallows with some difficulty before rasping out the words that makes Rachel sob into her chest and cling onto her like her life depends on it.
"I don't blame you"
Rachel never voiced her concerns about this to anyone, not even Quinn. She just knew what Rachel would be thinking.
Quinn starts crying too, but she has the biggest smile on her face as she manages to wrap an arm around Rachel's shaking body.
When Rachel eventually calms down, she lifts her head back up and sees Quinn's smiling face looking back at her. It takes everything in her power not to break down and cry again.
"Here's to us" Quinn grins and Rachel chokes out a laugh.
"Here's to love" she replies before kissing both the tear tracks down Quinn's face. Then as she kisses her on the lips and feels her kissing back, she feels the broken pieces of her heart clicking back into place.