Me: This is IT!!!
Jack: What the Hell is wrong with him?!
Mike: I don't know. But he is starting to freak me out…
Me: HEY!!! Don't talk about me as if I wasn't here!!! It's RUDE!!!
Anyway…This is my first long fic. It's a novelization of OoT with my OC included. So say the Damn Disclaimer already and let get this show on the road.
Jack & Mike: He doesn't own The Legend of Zelda OoT.
Me: It's SHOWTIME.
"Navi... Navi where art thou?" the Great Deku Tree (GDT) asked.
"Here I am, Great Deku Tree" called a small bluish fairy "What do you need?"
"I need you to go… bring the boy with no fairy here… "GDT said
"Ok, Ok… but why do you talk like that?" asked Navi
"'Cuz I'm a dying old tree!!! That's why!!! Now…GO!!! And bring the damn kid already!!!" yelled GDT
"Eeep! Ok" Navi said and flew off "Phew, damn old geezer. "Navi do this, Navi do that", damn him! He said he's dying, huh? Well good riddance! Now…where the hell does that freakin' kid live?" Navi asked herself. "Damn it! I should have asked…"THUMP" Owww!!! Fucking fence, who the hell needs a fence here?! Ahhh, there's one of those stupid kokiris, I'll ask her." Navi said to herself and approached a girl with green hair and green eyes.
"Hello little fairy, I'm Saria, who are you?" the girl (obviously Saria) asked
"I'm Navi; I'm looking for someone…" Navi said
"Is it a friend of yours?" Saria asked
"Not really…I'm looking for, uh, "the boy with no fairy", ring any bells?" Navi asked
"Oh, you're looking for Link. He lives in this tree, right here." Saria cheerfully answered
"What?! This tree right next to us?!" Navi asked incredulous and angry. She then flew into the tree and saw Link sleeping. After five minutes of "Hey" and "Listen" she decided to smack him awake, so…
"Gah!!! Who dares interrupt my sleep?! I'll tear your intestines out and strangle you with them!!!" Link shouted and, outside, the kokiris shivered and Saria paled.
"Oh, dear goddesses, she woke Link up?! This won't be pretty" Saria though and waited for the onslaught that was sure to follow
"WHAT?! A Fairy?!" she heard Link shout" YAY!!! I HAVE A FAIRY!!! YAHOO!!!" Saria and the kokiris heard and…cue in anime drops.
"Ok. Now that we have everything clear, let's go meet the Great Deku Tree." Navi said
"You mean Geezer? Sure, if that's what you want." Link said.
"Geezer" Navi snorted "Anyway, let's go" they walked outside and saw Saria imbedded in the ground.
"Ahhh!!! Saria! What happened to you?! Who did this?! Was it Mido?! I'll gut him with the sword I found the other day!!!" Link started rambling. Saria tried to get up but found she was stuck. She tried to ask Link for help but he didn't listen and left to get a shield so he could beat Mido to death with it.
"GIVE ME THE FREAKING SHIELD OR I'LL RIP YOUR HANDS OFF AND EVISCERATE AND EMASCULATE YOU WITH YOUR OWN FINGERNAILS" Link yelled at the shopkeeper, a tiny kokiri who had to stand on tiptoes to see over the counter.
"T-t-take it" the shopkeeper said.
"Thank you" Link said with a casual smile and left
"Link, you do realize you just threatened a kid with death and castration right?" Navi asked
"Yeah, so?" Link asked
"If it wasn't for the fact that I'm a fairy and you're a kokiri (yeah right)…I might've fallen in love with you." Navi said glowing pinkish "Oh well, let's just stay friends"
"Sure" Link said. After walking for about 30 seconds, they reached Mido "guarding" the path to the GDT.
"What do you want, freak?! You psycho!!! I heard what you threatened to do to the shopkeeper!!!" Mido yelled at Link. Link just calmly drew his sword and cut off all of Mido's clothes. "Ahhh!!! You crazy SOB!!! I'll get you for this!!!" Mido yelled as he ran.
"Wow, I'm impressed Link. That was amazing" Navi said
"What are you talking about? I missed" Link said. With that miserable failure our heroes continued their walk to the GDT. "So…what those Geezer want with me?" Link asked Navi
"Don't know. Probably wants to send you in a journey across time and space, or to get his pills. Who knows?" Navi did the closest thing to a shrug she could perform (you know, being a ball of light).
After a long and boring speech, they entered the GDT's mouth.
Meanwhile a black cloaked figure entered the Kokiri Forest. The kokiri guarding the entrance tried to block his path, only to be grabbed by the neck, lifted about a foot off the ground and asked where the GDT was.
"Over there" he answered and was thrown to the side. The stranger walked towards the GDT and when he got there and saw the GDT's mouth open he walked into it.
"It's time, Old Twig" was all he said before he disappeared into the darkness.
Me: There is the first chapter.
Stranger: So I still have no name?
Me: Of course you have a name, my friend. I will reveal it soon.
Stranger: Oh, well. Everything is fine then.
Jack: Wait a minute!!! Why the hell does Link act like that?! He actually seems like…me.
Mike: Oh, good heavens. That's awful.
Me: Well, it's because I was watching Excel Saga while I wrote this so…I wrote as much randomness as I could without warping the story to much.
Stranger: Well, Read and Review.