The End ...

This has to end ...

How is it possible I can be doing something that's hurting so many people? Cheating on my wife! One of the things I've always held in contempt and swore I'd never do. Of course things would be different if I'd married Kara ...

The look in Dee's eyes drives a dagger deeper and deeper into me every time I look at her. I think she nearly hates me for forcing her to save Kara. How ironic is that? Making my wife, the woman I'm supposed to love and cherish above all others, risk her life to save the woman I really love. I must be the biggest heel ever. It's a wonder she'll ever speak to me, let alone beg me with her eyes to come back to her.

Kara wants it ... but she doesn't. She loves me, I know it in my heart - that night on New Caprica she finally allowed her feelings to spill out, and not just with words. But she loves him too. That's obvious in the way she held him after returning to Galactica. She's just confused like I am. How can you love two people at the same time? And how do you choose between them?

The fact that neither of us can make a clear-cut choice is hurting all four of us. And though I once would have welcomed anything that hurt Sam, I have to confess I'm really beginning to like him now. I can completely understand what she sees in him. He's a good man, loyal and trustworthy and he loves her with a love that's deep and true. Even knowing what he knows about us, he was still willing to put his life on the line for her, and what's more, he was wiling to work with me to get her back. If the situation were reversed I don't know if I could be so magnanimous. I'd be more likely to knock him out cold, knowing he'd been frakking my wife. Under different circumstances we could have been friends, and I'd have liked that. But how can you possibly be friends with the man who's wife you're having an affair with? I've got enough guilt over the situation already - I'm not sure I could handle that on top of it.

This has to end.

Before we destroy each other and everyone else close to us. The gods alone know how much I love Kara Thrace and that I'd give my life ten times over to be with her, but it just isn't meant to be. Apart we can make our lives work and be reasonably happy. Together we make each other and everyone else around us miserable.

I don't want it to end but it has to. And I have to be the one to end it ...

fin