A/N: I found this on my computer and debated on posting it or not. Well, you know what my decision was! Here it is for your enjoyment. I think I'll leave it as a one-shot and be done with it, but let me know what you think.
Of course nothing ever goes as planned. The afternoon of absolutely nothing planned by a certain captain of a certain ship with a certain name that rhymes with 'Earl' was no exception.
As the title doth imply this captain would figure out that nothing goes as planned the hard way. Jack was no stranger to doing things the hard way. Painful though it oft was, the hard way of things had saved his smarmy life many a time.
Sitting on some perfectly innocent steps and humming a decidedly less than perfect melody, Jack was enjoying his evening of laziness immensely. Perhaps too immensely for God or some other such force chose that moment to make something really weird happen. As an author and overall difficult individual I must tell you the background before I go any further. Otherwise this'd be straightforward and clear.
As it was Jack's perfectly innocent place of rest was on the stoop of some very old building somewhere in the middle of some very sparsely populated place. Though sparsely populated the town was noted to be very dangerous. Jack had chosen to ignore this bit of useless gossip and form his own opinion of the place. Any place said to be dangerous was worth going to. Or perhaps that was just the rum talking.
Needless to say, this led to many of the crew jumping ship. Jack simply shrugged at their show of cowardice and prepared for a rather short voyage. Gibbs (being slightly superstitious) had suggested that they not go to the reportedly dangerous place and instead go look for some gold. Jack gave Gibbs a disparaging look and proceeded to stab a nearby map vigorously with something very pointy. Gibbs edged out of his captain's quarters.
Jack stared placidly ahead, pretending to find something that was not very interesting, interesting. What hard work this was, finding out information and then having to actually act on it. This was not the job of a future ruler of the seas.
"Gibbs!" Jack yelled loudly and, if he were in the mood for admitting things, a little drunkenly, though he would not have to admit it for it to be fairly obvious. Gibbs stumbled toward the captain room from somewhere that was not where the captain currently was looking very harassed and rather flushed.
"Yes, Cap'n?" Gibbs choked out, mouth wet and dripping as he spoke. Gibbs stuffed something suspiciously rum-shaped into his back pocket. Jack found this rather strange, but shrugged it off, figuring it some sort of superstitious nonsense that had nothing whatsoever to do with rum or rum filled things that went slosh when putting them hurriedly into your back pocket to avoid detection by a rather drunken captain who liked said rum and rum filled things a great deal.
"Uh, I forgot. Come back later," Jack waved airily at the air and went back to drinking the rum that went slosh when you drank it, moved it, or kissed it too deeply. Gibbs rolled his eyes and scurried off quite quickly for someone as large as he.
Although full of knowledge, Jack was not full of sense and was most likely to be found in dangerous, harrowing situations that required an amount of knowledge that Captain Jack Sparrow simply did not possess. What Jack Sparrow lacked in knowledge he made up for in slyness and a need to fool people. It was actually a very amusing pastime that got Jack into even more dangerous and harrowing situations and did nothing at all for his health insurance.
Skyrocketing interest rates aside, Captain Jack Sparrow, captain of the Black Pearl, and overall piratey badass in rum soaked outerwear, was without common sense. Sure, he was capable of managing himself in less-than-ideal situations and was quite able to defend himself verbally if need be, and the need arose more and more often as he met new people, but really Jack simply did not know when to shut his mouth and when to look both ways before a giant rabbit wearing a fireman's hat tried to run him over.
So, with that being said, when Jack finally realized that his first-mate, Gibbs had a bottle of rum in his back pocket Gibbs was long gone and cavorting drunkenly. Jack frowned at this thought and immediately fell into a deep, rum-laden dream full of spiced rum and the occasional sea breeze.
It did not take long for the Black Pearl to arrive at its destination, a small port off of Jamaica that had the most notorious reputation of housing pirates of all things! Because of this reputation a great number of pirate wannabes found their homes there and more often than not, became citizens. It was after this influx of hapless misadventurers and dreamers that the real pirates actually came in and did what they did best: loot, plunder, and occasionally- if the mood was right and the air thick enough- party for long hours.
And that is where I more or less left off. Sort of.