By Martha (and cat)
Have you ever gotten into a really strange argument with your Muse? Not the usual kind, where you find yourself quibbling over some fictive's sudden urge to cross-dress (X-men + Rocky Horror Show), but a more devious kind of conversation...
(Scene: AUTHOR sits at computer desk, chewing on a pencil and staring at a story outline. METHOS is sprawled happily on the bed behind her, feeding snacks to the various plotbunnies.)
AUTHOR: "But Harry couldn't be an Immortal, he would have never grown older."
METHOS: "Ah, but he didn't really die, right?"
AUTHOR: "This is stupid, if anyone was going to be an Immortal it would be Ron, shades of Richie don't'cha'know."
METHOS: "But if he hasn't died, how would anyone know he's an Immortal?"
AUTHOR: "I suppose I could always kill him."
RON: "WHAT? You will not kill me. I refuse."
AUTHOR: "Where'd you come from? This is a private conversation you know. Besides I said 'suppose'."
METHOS: "There are other ways to figure out he's Immortal you know." waves hands vaguely "Spider-sense and all that."
AUTHOR: "Or having people chasing him around with swords. That tends to work rather nicely."
RON: "I refuse to die."
METHOS: "Exactly!"
RON: "That's not what I meant!"
AUTHOR: "Oh chill out, I wasn't going to kill you off anyway. I already promised McGonagall."
DEX (cat): Yes, but I didn't.
METHOS: "You have a telepathic cat?"
AUTHOR: "No actually, she has me, but that's besides the point. No dramatic death scenes. Not yet anyways."
METHOS: "But I love a good death scene, they're so poetic. And temporary."
AUTHOR: "Shaddup Methos."
SPIKE: "Death isn't all that bad, I've certainly had a bit more fun."
RON: "Who the hell are you?"
AUTHOR: sighs "I'm not vamping anyone Spike, now leave off."
RON: "He's a vampire?"
AUTHOR: "Yes, but he's a good vampire. Sort of."
SPIKE: smiles fang-fully
AUTHOR: "Oh will you quit that. Be nice or I'll sick Draco on you."
DRACO: "You will NOT."
AUTHOR: "Oh good grief. Where are you all coming from?" checks under the bed
METHOS: "We're not mice, we're fictives."
DEX (cat): The difference?
AUTHOR: "Okay, everybody stop it. Dex, don't eat the fictives. Fictives, stop teasing the cat."
METHOS: "You still haven't figured out how to find out Ron's Immortal."
GILES: "Or that Ginny is a Slayer."
RON: "She's WHAT?"
DEX (cat): It's not that far-fetched you know. She's got the whole evil-bait thing down quite nicely.
GILES: "Slayers are not bait, Slayer sidekicks are bait. It's in the handbook."
RON: "Stay away from my sister!"
AUTHOR: "Well it's not like Hermione would stand for it."
HERMIONE: "Exactly."
AUTHOR: "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"
DRACO: "So what, they all get to be superheroes and I get nothing?"
AUTHOR "One more word out of you and I'll turn you into a newt."
DRACO: "I've been a ferret once, that's quite enough."
RON: "And such a cute ferret too!"
DRACO: "Why you--"
AUTHOR: "Removus Wandus!"
METHOS: "I can't believe you just said that."
AUTHOR: "Well it worked, didn't it?"
GILES: "Mangling Latin is never acceptable. Really now."
AUTHOR: "Alright, let's take a moment-- Spike you may NOT bite Draco! Bad fictive!"
DRACO: "If Ron gets to be Immortal, so do I."
AUTHOR: "You're evil enough already, trust me on this one."
HERMIONE: "So what am I?"
AUTHOR: "What?"
HERMIONE: "Well if Ron's an Immortal and Ginny's a Slayer, what am I?"
AUTHOR: "Um, you're Hermione."
HERMIONE: "So everyone else in my group is unique except for me?"
AUTHOR: "There has to be a sane one!"
DEX (cat): And it's certainly not the Author...
AUTHOR: "EVERBODY OUT!"
(Ensuing chaos edited to maintain PG-13 rating...)