A/N: I tried re-writing the earlier chapters and it's kind of embarrassing that I am having so much trouble writing the smut part. I don't know what happened but the last 2 years of me not writing anything surely had something to do with it. Anyway, this has never been BETA-ed and I am hoping that someone would be kind enough to do it.

Warning/s: M/M, Mpreg, and angsty moments

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH NOR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS INCLUDED IN THIS STORY.

I stared closely at my reflection; checking out every single nook of my face to make sure that my mask is perfectly on place. I raised my hand to push out the single strand of hair that refuses to be clipped, secretly smiling and praising myself for a job well done.

Being the head of a well-known clan is as difficult as it sounds like. You have to be the example, the role model, you have to be the perfect and flawless leader but most of all, you have to appear as if you're superior than everybody else. Growing up in such nature is not the best environment for a child, in fact it's not a suitable environment for anyone; especially not when smiling is a sin and affections are weakness.

I don't even remember the last time I smiled in public, when I completely feel alright in my skin. Not since the day that I lost the woman who gave me a reason to smile, not when I watched her grow weaker and weaker in her deathbed everyday. Those were the moments when I felt as if life and death doesn't really differ; that sometimes being alive is not the same as living.

For years, I have actually forgotten how to smile because I never had a reason to; not for anyone, not for anything, and definitely not for myself. I lived up to my image that everyone painted; the cold, emotionless, merciless captain of 6th division, the man out of everyone's dream and nightmare. I have never actually realized how much I'm missing until the day when a flame started up... when I actually met the real him for the first time.

"Captain," My heart almost jumped out of my chest as my body visibly flinched from the unexpected noise.

I inhaled sharply before turning around and nodding my head to acknowledge the redhead's presence, "Lieutenant Abarai," I greeted.

He smiled brightly at me before slowly sliding the door close and crossing the room to hold me. He gently reached out and caress my wrist before pulling me closer into his chest. His face slightly dipped down into my hair as he breathes in and sigh heavily, he leans lower and started letting his finger crawl downwards to grab my back.

"What are you doing?" I hissed, trying to slap away the invading hands.

He chuckled loudly before tightening his hold on my backside, "I just delivered the papers."

"That doesn't explain anything, Abarai," I grumbled, "Who even allowed you to enter here?"

"Sorry," he apologized, "I just really wanted to see you. Do you want me to leave?"

I huffed, looking at door once more before pressing myself closer to him. My face flushed as I lean up to whisper into his ear, "No, you're already in here anyway."

"You know, sometimes I just can't understand how your mind works," he exclaimed as he softly press his mouth against mine.

I swallowed back a moan before softly pushing his face away from mine, "I don't recall allowing my lieutenant to talk back to me," I told him.

"Well you love it anyway," he said before pushing me up against the wooden wall and capturing my lips into the enjoyable waltz I shamefully love.

He started nibbling on my lower lip as if to urge me to start doing my part, so I started kissing him back, not fighting for control, just simply feeling the passion behind those red luscious lip, slightly tracing the curve of his lips and the touch of a gentle tongue.

His hands started doing an exploration by themselves and I cannot help but let out a weak whimper as he presses himself closer to me. I moaned a little, feeling a wave of heat flow through him, uncertain how far this would go. All the sensible thoughts about where we are or the risk of someone catching us flew right out the window and my head was filled with the raw need to feel him, to become closer, to belong to him and to know that he belongs to me.

I let out a gasp as he slightly pulls away, kind enough to allow me to breathe in. The kiss left me dizzy and intoxicated and I cannot help but sigh deeply. I rested my forehead against his shoulder as his mouth started descending downwards my neck.

He bit at the junction of my neck, before gently licking at the reddened skin as if worshipping my body and marking me for all to see. If I was ever in my right mind, I would have the courtesy of stopping him and suggesting that we go to somewhere private. However during that time, my lower parts were doing all the thinking for me... well, more of the lack of it.

"Captain, you make me so horny," he growled, his hands roaming around my chest, slightly brushing his fingers on my right nipple.

I groaned out loud by the simple contact and shamelessly arch my body closer to him. "Want me to touch you again, Captain?" he asked.

I bit my lower lips, "Do it," I panted. His hands pinched both my nipples while he continues to mark me by sucking on my collarbone. I could not help but let out a weak cry as pleasure courses through out my body.

"So sensitive," He said.

I moaned when I felt him slid his hands through my clothes, touching my half-hard length. He started pumping it slowly and I could not help but arch up into the touch- wishing for more friction.

"Hurry up!" I whined.

"Beg."

"What?" I cried when I felt him squeezed me through my pants and my thoughts evaporated into thin air. My head was filled with the need for release and I started sobbing out for more.

"Please," I begged, tears constantly streaming down my face.

I didn't know what happened next but when I came back to reality, Renji's already inside me. Thrusting deep inside, filling me with his being. I moaned endlessly from the pleasure of getting my prostate hit again and again. and soon, I release my seed up into my chest- only to be followed by Renji, who collapsed above me.

I groaned slightly before pushing him off me, "You're heavy."

He smiled at that before pulling me up and letting me rest my head over his chest as his fingers massage my scalp.

"I love you," He whispered.

I glanced at his face, only to see the truth and the undeniable affection he holds for me. I grinned at him before capturing his lips in a chase kiss. A soft and reassuring intimate gesture that both of us could not help but enjoy. It wasn't the usual passionate exchange but it was filled with the same amount of love that each of us can give.

I smiled widely at him, "I love you too, idiot."

End note: I am still waiting for a nice person who would like to edit this for me. I'm a lazy bum so I just type everything that enters my mind. Anyway, reviews are always welcome. It motivates me to write faster and update my stories more often.