Harry was whispering sweet nothings into his owl's ear when Ginny started shouting from her cage, strategically placed next to a hotdog stand, she was a vegetarian!
Harry completely flipped out, "Wha' do ya wan' Ginny-gin-goo-gin-gooboo?" He shrieked. Ginny answered with a series of inarticulate growls and gibberish that sounded a little bit like Hermione when she drinks eight beers in half an hour.
Now Harry was mad! "I made that cage with love! And now it isn't good enough for you? Sometimes I wonder why I haven't dumped you yet, GOSH DARNIT!" Well, Ginny felt badly about her complaining and decided that she would shut up for the rest of the chapter, so that is exactly what she did, or will do, you will see…..
Anyway, Ron had heard all of the yelling from his cat-cave, originally for Crookshanks, but it just didn't work out…. Ron was just putting on his Chanukah socks that had little menorahs and smiling candles in different colors over his hands because he thought it looked sexy when he decided it was taking too long and went to the local surgeon.
Meanwhile, Hermione was staring at Ron's belt collection with envy, she noticed that he was leaving the underwater cave for her damn cat, so she took the opportunity to steal them all! However, just as she was about to run out into the park to show off her new belts to little kids whose mothers hate Hermione because they think she might be slightly perverted, she heard Ron say he was going to the surgeon, naturally he was talking to himself.
Well, Hermione decided to follow him in the hope that he might buy another belt on the way to the emergency room. When Ron got there, he whispered to the doctor what he wanted and the doctor said it would be tricky but she thought that she could do it!
Five years later Ron came out of the emergency room, still a little dizzy from all of the anesthesia. Hermione, who had stayed the whole time in the waiting room, woke up from her long slumber which was constantly being disturbed by little elves named Glindies who tried to steal her teeth. She took him back to the cat-cave where Ron and an unmentionable person, who was actually mentioned in the beginning of the chapter, but due to a promise can't be mentioned any longer, were waiting anxiously.
Ron took the bandages, gauze, and purplish-green wraps off his arms and showed his only friends what he had done for some stupid reason that he probably came up with in a drunken stupor.
"HOLY VOLDEMORT'S BUTTERCUPS!" They all screamed. For Ron had took off his hands and replaced them with, horror of horrors…….SCISSOR HANDS! And he renamed himself……..EDWARD!
The End.