Under Curse and Mercy of God

Written by Genjo-Fujimiya Houshi

Disclaimers: Weiss Kreuz isn't mine, but it does belong to Takehito Koyasu and Project Weiss. I am only borrowing Aya for boredom's sake.

Author's Notes: My first (published) Weiss fic. I was struggling with this for at least more than four hours. I apologize if it's lacking. If it is, you could contact me and I'll try to do something about it. Aya-centric. This contains spoilers for the last episode of WK Gluhen Episode 13. So, if you don't want to be spoiled, the back button is always there, dears.

The sidewalks are slippery from the ice that settles and covers the cemented pavement. Aya slowly makes a left turn from the small parish across the street. The children are waving to him, calling out their goodbyes as he leaves them. He will come back another day, he always does. It was because of them that they're safe and being taken care of. He would never forget about them, Aya smiles slightly - but that smile soon fades as he disappears from their sight. The streets are swamped with people, couples holding hands, mothers with their children, business men coming from from the office. It was as peaceful as it could get. Aya has had his share of chaotic circumstances, he has had enough of it for now. He walks on, passing everyone by - glancing up and around at the stores, not being interested in anything in particular. It was past five, it would be dark soon.

Aya doesn't know exactly where he's headed. He thinks back to the children he left behind at the parish. He can see their bright eyes, their smiles as they looked up at him. He stares back at the flowers in his hand before he keeps them in his coat. Did it make a difference that they were there, safe in the house of God where the statues and saints were to look down at them with merciful and yet lifeless eyes? Sister said that he had saved them from the cruel fate that was meant for them. They had no families, No homes to go back to. Now, there they were - they have each other, no more would they be alone. They are protected - but for how long? They would grow up and they would soon learn that closed doors can only do so much. But he does not dare say anything, he does not want them to shed innocence as of yet. Lord knows, there's only a few of it left in such a world as we have now. It was dying, drowning in the dark. He has no choice but to live with that fact.

He wants to protect them, Just like he continues to protect his sister. Through what means? To kill the dark beasts, to carry a cross of sins - his sins and theirs. This was the only way he knew how, the only way that he was used to. There was no escaping for him anymore, he'd accepted that a long time ago. He walks faster now, his brows meeting but his expression remaining calm. When was it that he'd given up on freedom? He embraced the curse, it was now a part of him. This was never the life he wanted, a long time ago, he wanted happiness - as every human being did. He could've been there, but it was denied of him. This was part of the curse as well. God continues to punish him, by letting him live, the weight of each sin dragging him down. He fights for what is pure, even if it means staining his own hands with blood. He will continue for their sake. The air around him grows colder - he huffs as the fog around the city is slightly thicker. Did they really think that it was possible to wash away sins with even more sins?

The world was not ready to change, people were not ready to change. The only time that would be possible is when people like him were no longer needed. It looked like Sena was wrong. Perhaps they were all desperate for a brighter side. They didn't get much of it being who they were.

He remembers just a day ago, as he watched a man struggling in fear and desperation from his grasp. All it took to kill him was a stab to the neck, the blade was thin - it would leave no blood and almost no trace of the crime. His sword had gone missing after Youji never returned it from the explosion from the very last mission he was with them. He made do with whatever he could use from that time on. He could pull it off anyway, he's been doing this for a long time and experience certainly worked to his advantage. Not that it makes what he is any better. But he could get buy faster than before, it wasn't too hard - it could've been frightening, the thought of killing a man to be as easy as breathing - for some people - but for Aya, who knew what his fate was, it was no longer a surprise.

He could feel the man's heart beating and pounding as he held him still from behind, one arm around his chest and the other hand holding the weapon he would use to finish the job off, before he move the weapon any further, it was then that the man started to question him. He wasn't any better than him, he was a murderer, too. Aya knew that this was right, after years of trying to prove it wrong, he saw that there was no point. He is a murderer. But he knew there was one thing, he would never in his life kill the innocent. It was one promise he made to himself, he knew and maybe even hoped that somehow that would make him different. It did, in his eyes - but not by far.

The man called him cursed a few moments before his death, it was quick - there was no time to feel pain. Slowly Aya let the body fall to the ground and he stared for the longest time. Outside the sun was setting, as he killed this man - nothing changed. They didn't even know that the world was less a piece of scum like him. Everything was the same. His eyes were downcast now, and he muttered the words that he knew he had no choice but to say.

"I am cursed."

He still does not know where to go. He is tired, but he will keep walking. He does not belong anywhere, it was too late for him. He is damned, Salvation is denied to him. As a boy bumps into him, he stumbles - the side of his coat is now wet, smeared with blood - the red patch growing bigger and bigger, soon it would drip to the ground. He does not care, he does not stop from walking, he winces - but he knew the pain would go away soon. It won't be long. He stumbles again and holds onto the closest thing he can, a mailbox. As he catches his breath, everything comes back. His lips start to curve up, into a pained and slightly content smile. He remembers again, his sister, the children, his three teammates - were they all calling him. He heard their voices, his body started to tremble. He saw their faces as his eyes started to close. His life seemingly flashed before his eyes, perhaps he did feel regret after all. This was it, maybe God had heard his thoughts, saw them as his silent prayers. He was granting him the freedom he's craved for, the only thing he's wanted for the longest time for himself - He can rest now, God has answered his prayers - after all this time, when he thought God's ears were deaf to him - he finds out that God is merciful after all.

OWARI

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