DUTCHY: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
CONGRATULATIONS!
You are now the proud owner of a DUTCHY unit!
Follow the guidelines in this manual and your DUTCHY will give you decades of quality performance.
INSTALLATION
When you receive your DUTCHY unit, for optimal performance, be sure to tell him that he will have access to join Enterprise's landing and boarding parties. It is not necessary to remove any clothes at this time.
Your DUTCHY should arrive fully assembled and charged. Please check that you have all his accessories:
DUTCHY (copyright McElroy/Coleby, 2010)
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Dylan Mulholland
Nickname: Dutchy
Rank: Petty Officer Bosun
Warship: HMAS Hammersley
Country: Australia
Parents: Mr. and Mrs. Mulholland
Height: 5ft 9in
Weight: insufficient data
Hair Color: Brown
Eyes: Green
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Your DUTCHY unit has been designed to be user-friendly and proficient. His controls are voice activated. Please state your commands clearly in English.
Remember that your DUTCHY is not just aesthetically pleasing; he has multiple functions.
Combat:
Your DUTCHY unit is programmed with multiple defense techniques, as all Naval officers are trained in hand-to-hand combat. He will also train you in something called Dutchy's survival training and then an exped.
The DUTCHY unit is also well practiced for saving half of the crew's asses when they get in trouble, mostly the RO or 2DADS units lives.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
You will find that your DUTCHY is compatible with most other humans. However caution should be exercised with respect to using your DUTCHY in conjunction with female models.
The DUTCHY unit has several modes of interaction:
(a) Romantic
(b) Friendly
(c) Hostile
ACCESSORIES
The items with which your DUTCHY comes equipped:
DUTCHY: Wears standard Navy DPNU's. Comes with pistol, radio, Kevlar vest and a book titled "How to save everybody's lives for dummies".
CLEANING
Depending on the uses to which you put your DUTCHY, you may have to clean him on a regular basis. Use the shower to clean him.
LUBRICATION
To ensure that your DUTCHY remains in good working order, moving parts should be lubricated regularly.
RECHARGING
After long periods of use, your DUTCHY's energy levels may become depleted. Use the following procedures to recharge your navigator:
Food:
Your DUTCHY will eat almost anything that is edible. He isn't very fussy with foods, like the RO units, but he will eat way less than the CHARGE units.
Drink:
If your DUTCHY's energy is almost spent, give him plenty of water to drink. As long as he's off duty, feel free to give him alcohol. Go easy on the caffeine – caffeine will make any normal person go crazy if they've had enough of it.
Sleep:
You may be surprised by the minute amount of sleep your DUTCHY needs to function. However, he needs four hours to function, and seven hours to function well.
REPROGRAMMING
The DUTCHY unit can be issued with a revised skills program from Starfleet. Be sure to update his knowledge regularly, as technology is always changing.
SECURITY
Thanks to the popularity of the DUTCHY unit, it essential that you observe the following security procedures for the safekeeping of your engineer.
* Have your DUTCHY micro-chipped. Choose a doctor who is experienced in the handling of stubborn Petty Officers to carry out this procedure. (Any nearby SWAIN unit would gladly volunteer.)
* Do not leave your DUTCHY unattended in public.
* Do not lend your DUTCHY to anyone.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
Problem: Your DUTCHY has been neglecting his duties because he is spending too much time 'playing poker' with a certain crewman.
Solution: Tell him if he doesn't get back to work, you'll alert the XO unit that he is becoming lazy. He'll be so intimidated by the executive officer that he'll get right to work.
ADDITIONAL INFO
For questions or concerns not addressed in this guide, please feel free to contact us at mailing address:
NAVCOM
PO BOX 1701
CAIRNS, QD
THE END
A/N: Any questions, comments, concerns about the DUTCHY model? Review and I will do my best to answer/fix them.