So, it's currently 2:30 in the morning and I decide to listen to music to help me fall asleep. Bad idea or a good idea idk which. Anyway, I was listening to the song "In My Veins" By Andrew Belle and I felt the urge to write. So, this bellarke AU came to be. I have no idea why this particular song drove me to write this but it did. Anyone that reads it should defiantly listen to the song. It's really good. Without further ado, let the reading commence. I hope anyone who reads likes it. Be sure to comment your opinions! I want to know! Should I just trash this and forget it ever happened?
Also, just to clear up any confusion, the beginning parts are only what Clarke envisions would happen if Bellamy and her started a romantic relationship and then fought with each other.
"Where did I go wrong?" Clarke whispered, her words carried away by the chilling wind. She hugged her arms together against her chest to conserve heat and continued walking down the darkened street. Tears fell down her face so fast she didn't even bother trying to wipe them away anymore. She welcomed them. She didn't mean to drive him away. She didn't mean for him to leave, but he did. He took her seriously and now it was too late.
"Honey I'm home!" Clarke shouted loudly as she kicked off her uncomfortable heels and threw her keys into the vase on the table by the door. She slammed the door close and she shrugged her coat off her shoulders.
"Where are you?" Clarke flicked on a couple lights as she moved through the house and looked around the living room.
"Bellamy?" She shouted as she leaned on the back of the living room couch.
Clarke waited for his reply and wrinkled her forehead in confusion when no answer came.
"Are you still mad at me for yesterday? You know I didn't mean what I said right?" Clarke asked as she smoothed her dress down and padded bare foot to the back room.
"Maybe he's just taking a nap." Clarke reassured herself. A million thoughts ran through her head as she came to the end of the hallway and touched the door to their joined bedroom. "Stop worrying so much Clarke. He knows you didn't mean it."
Clarke inhaled deeply as she prepared herself to open the door. Exhaling, she closed her eyes and pushed the door open. "You're being ridiculous Clarke." She reprimanded herself as she opened her eyes slowly.
Looking around the dark room, Clarke slowly walked forward. She waited for her eyes to adjust as she turned her gaze towards the bed.
"No," Clarke whimpered as she felt the tears start falling down her face. "It's a dream. I'm dreaming. This isn't real." She moved around to Bellamy's side of the bed and collapsed on the edge, tears falling down her face as she quickly grabbed Bellamy's pillow and hugged it to her chest.
He couldn't have taken her seriously could he? He knew she was just mad right? That she wasn't serious?
"I don't know where he went mom." Clarke whimpered from her place on the couch. She felt her mother place a reassuring hand on her shoulder and listened as she told her everything would be alright. Clarke just nodded her head and stared straight ahead, not saying a word. She knew everything wasn't going to be ok but telling her mom the way she felt over and over wasn't going to fix anything. The only thing that was going to fix anything was Bellamy walking through the door and holding her in his arms. She would cry and tell him how sorry she was for telling him that he should just leave and never come back. They would make up and he would kiss her so hard it would take her breath away. Everything would be set straight and their life could go on.
Accept that wasn't going to happen because Clarke didn't even know how to get in touch with him. He had changed his number weeks ago, preventing Clarke from ever talking to him again.
Clarke sucked in a deep breath and tried with all her might not to start crying again. Her mom continued rubbing her shoulders and Clarke continued staring straight ahead. Not saying anything, not even when the sun started to set and the room became dark. She just sat there and her mom continued soothing her. Both women wishing for the impossible.
"You have to eat Clarke." Raven, her best friend, said as she sat by Clarke's side and tried to pass her a plate. Clarke pushed the plate away and burrowed deeper into her covers.
Raven slammed the plate down on the table and grabbed the covers off Clarke and pulled her up to a sitting position.
"I understand," she said as she tried to pull Clarke off the couch which she had practically became glued to. "You're heart broken and you don't feel like you can go on but you can Clarke. You're a survivor. You've been able to survive everything that's happened and continued living and that's what you need to do right now."
Clarke stared at Raven and jerked her hands away from her friends. She grabbed her blankets from off the floor and collapsed back onto the couch.
"You don't understand Raven." Clarke whispered, her voice cracking. "It's all my fault."
"Hello? Earth to Clarke." Bellamy snapped his fingers in front of Clarke's face.
"Umm no." Clarke replied, shaking her head as she shoved her thoughts to the back of her head.
Bellamy's face fell and he dropped his hand to his lap. "What do you mean no? I thought we liked each other Clarke."
"I…just…we can't." Clarke whispered, looking everywhere but at Bellamy. She knew if she looked into his eyes her answer would change.
"You don't mean that." Bellamy lifted his hand up and reached across the table to hold Clarke's hand. Seeing his intent, Clarke jerked her hand back and quickly got up from her seat.
"We just can't Bellamy. Ok?" Clarke moved away from the table and turned her back on him.
She heard as he to pushed his chair back and stood to his feet.
Bellamy placed a warm hand on Clarke's shoulder and she shivered. She remained still for a moment, committing his warm, soft hands to memory.
"I meant what I said Bellamy. We can't be more than friends. It would ruin everything."
Bellamy dropped his hand quickly and she glanced over her shoulder before walking away.
Becoming more than friends would ruin their relationship and Clarke couldn't afford to lose her best friend.
"You told him what!" Raven exclaimed, spitting coke out of her mouth.
Clarke whipped her face in disgust and took a sip of her own cold. "Thanks for that." Clarke replied as she swallowed down the cold, fizzy drink.
"Stop trying to change the topic."
"I don't want to talk about it. Clarke pushed her straw around her glass and avoided Raven's gaze. She had been doing that a lot lately.
You're an absolute idiot." Raven scoffed, "You have everything you ever wanted waiting for you right next door and you're purposely avoiding it. What for?"
Clarke leaned back against the side of the couch and stretched her feet out in front of her. "It would destroy our friendship. I've already thought about. We are going to fight, I'm going to get mad and tell him to leave, and he's going to listen. I'll come home to an empty house and sit on the couch for weeks. I'll have to tell our daughter that her own mother is the reason her father left us."
"You've thought it all out haven't you?" Raven laughed, being sarcastic. "You're so full of it Clarke. That's not what's going to happen. You are both going to be so in love that your own children can't even stand to be in the same room as you.
Clarke turned her head to look at Raven and a small smile appeared on her face. "You think so?"
"I know so." Raven reassured Clarke as she reached over to squeeze her hand.
"Go get your man."
Following Raven's words, Clarke threw open her front door and quickly ran down the hall way. She stopped at Bellamy's door and listened for any movement inside. Hearing none, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Her short knocks soon became long knocks and her long knocks soon became banging.
"Please, please be home Bellamy." Clarke mumbled as she knocked even louder.
"I'm coming!" Bellamy yelled from behind the closed door as he started unlocking the door, half awake.
"What do you want?" Bellamy grumbled, running his hands through his messy bed hair. Realizing it was Clarke, He dropped his hand and stared at her with wide eyes.
Not giving him a chance to say another word, Clarke pushed him back inside his apartment and slammed the door shut behind her.
"I want you." Clarke proclaimed as she pulled Bellamy against her tighter and slammed her lips down on his mouth. Shocked, Bellamy stood there for a second but quickly started moving his lips hungrily against hers. He grabbed her by her waist and hoisted her up, wrapping Clarke's legs around his middle.
"All I want is you." Clarke mumbled as Bellamy started attacking her throat with his kisses. "That's all I've ever wanted."