After the services at the church, 11 year old Tara Grace Knowles found herself surrounded by many tear-stained strangers milling about the house she called home. Except it didn't feel like home. Her mother was across town, in a box, covered with dirt; the plot blanketed with flower arrangements. To Tara, this house would no longer feel like the happy safe home she had always known.
As she walked through the dining room into the kitchen, she witnessed more of the tears and red faces of all those who knew Abigail Knowles. Abigail had been very active in the community, volunteering for almost every activity that she could find. Young Tara didn't know at the time, but Abigail had found any and every reason to stay away from home once Howard started drinking.
Howard Knowles had been an electrician for a high-end company who suddenly went belly up and laid off all employees. After that, Howard had gotten depressed and began his daily routine of drinking away all feelings; numbing the pain of being a failure. And when he got drunk, he got mean and Abigail kept away as much as possible.
Tara noticed her dad standing in the corner of the living room, talking to a neighbor. Tara knew this woman. She had seen the woman around town when she would be working with her mom at some function. Tara thought the woman must have the same type of home life as Abigail since she was always investing her time in the same fundraisers and charity events.
Tara stood there and observed the two adults conversing. Howard, of course, had his favored flask in his hand, sipping constantly from it. Tara knew what it held. Bourbon. The stench of the brown liquor permeated throughout the Knowles house. The woman, whom Tara had overheard being called Mrs. Teller, didn't seem to notice though. She stood there dressed in a knee-length black sleeveless sheath dress. The fingers on both hands were adorned with a multitude of baubles. Her dark brown hair laid in loose curls down her back. The spiked black heels she wore caused her to tower over most of the other ladies in attendance and some men.
Mrs. Teller looked toward Tara and their eyes locked. Her brown eyes held a certain sadness as she gazed at Tara. Before getting pulled into another conversation about how her mother was "such a good woman and will be missed terribly" Tara turned and walked down the short hallway to her room and shut the door. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Tara slumped her shoulders and let the tears silently fall down her cheeks. She could stand to hear another person's version of the kind of woman Abigail had been. It didn't change the fact the she was gone. Dead. Never coming back. Tara's mother would never tuck her into bed again. Would never help out another charity in town again. She would never be there for her daughter. And that was what made Tara's heart ache.
There were things left unsaid. Things left undone. Tara knew enough to know that in a few years she would be hitting the life-changing stages in her life and now there was no one there to talk to and figure it all out.
As Tara wiped the tears from her face, she heard laughter. Such a weird sound at this time. But yet, right outside her window she could hear it. She walked to her window and looked out. At first she didn't see anything but then something caught her attention out of the corner of her left eye. Opening her window, she caught a whiff of smoke. Cigarette smoke. Looking toward her left, she caught her neighbor's son and another couple of kids huddled together, encompassed in a shroud of smoke.
"Hey Tara," the tallest of the group spoke up when he noticed Tara leaning out her window. "Didn't mean to bother you."
"What are you doing Opie? Hiding out back, smoking?" Tara asked, surprised. "Where'd you get those?"
"I stole them," a short brown haired girl said. "Want a drag?"
"Shut up Irene. Tara doesn't smoke." Opie said, slapping the girl's hand down as she offered the cigarette to Tara.
"Sure," Tara spoke up, looking at Opie grinning. "How do you know I don't smoke Harry Winston?"
Tara took the bud from Irene and stuck the butt into her mouth. Taking a long drag she felt the smoke enter her mouth and swallowed. She held her breath until she had handed the cigarette back to Irene and then gave into the coughing fit she had felt as soon as the smoke had hit her lungs.
Opie's friends all laughed but Opie looked at Tara with a sadness in his eyes. He knew she was just trying to fit in, but he also knew that this wasn't the way to do it.
"That's how I know," he said.
"Shut up!" Tara yelled between coughing.
She closed the window and walked back to her bed and toppled onto it. The coughing spasm finally subsided and Tara lay there looking up at the ceiling. Harry "Opie" Winston was not only her neighbor but he was her friend. He was a couple years older than her but he had always talked to her and seemed nice. A lot nicer than most of the kids in the area. Tara would never tell anyone but she had a small crush on the boy.
Feeling the tears sliding down her face, she batted them away. At the sound of a light knock on her window Tara turned away from the window. She sure didn't want Opie or any of his friends to see her cry. Tara stared at the picture of her and her mom that sat on the nightstand beside her bed. The picture was taken 7 years ago when Howard and Abigail had surprised Tara with a birthday trip to the beach. Abigail was standing on the beach, royal blue bathing dress on with her golden brown locks blowing in the wind. Tara was dressed in a little red, white and blue toddler bikini with her auburn brown hair pulled up into pigtails. Tara barely remembered the trip but she remembered being enamored with the water. She was amazed as the water rolled up onto the shore. Howard had walked with her into the tide and watched as his daughter became excited each time the water rushed in over her toes and then receded back into the ocean.
Tara thought about the fact that she would never ever get to experience anything like that again. Her mother was dead and her dad was already starting to show signs of being more interested in drowning his pain in liquor than counseling and helping his only daughter to adjust to all these new changes she was having to endure in her young life.
"Tara, I know you're in there," Opie said through the thin-paned window. "I can see you lying on your bed ignoring me. C'mon T, open up. It's just me out here now."
Tara looked at the picture one more time before getting up and walking over to the window and unlatched it. Sliding the window open, she looked at her friend. His shaggy hair was unkempt and looked to have not been washed in a few days. His hazel green eyes were, to Tara, a gateway to the real Harry "Opie" Winston. You could see his real feelings and thoughts if you took time to just look.
"What is it, Op? Your friends get tired of making fun me?"
"No," Opie said. "I told them to go. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I know this day must be hard for you. I just wanted to let you know I'm here if you need me."
Tara smiled up at him. "I just wish all the people would just leave. I don't like them watching me, asking if I'm okay. My mom's gone, how can I be okay?"
"I know. I mean, I don't know. I still have my mom but all she and dad do anymore is argue and fight over that motorcycle club he's involved in. I sometimes wish one of them would just leave. It'd be a lot quieter in my house."
"Opie Winston! Don't you dare wish something like that! Be happy that your parents are alive and there to argue. I would love to be able to hear my mom's voice once more. I would love to be able to go to her and ask her something. I have no one now Op," Tara said, voice breaking. "Dad has already started drinking. He doesn't even notice me when I'm around. Only thing he cares about is that his bottle isn't empty."
"Sorry T. I really am," Opie said, laying his hand on Tara's shoulder. "I'm here for you though. We're friends right?"
"Yea, I guess. Thanks Op."
4 years later
Howard Knowles was known as the town drunk. Numerous times 15 year old Tara would be awakened in the middle of the night by cops knocking on her door, bringing a barely conscious Howard home.
For a couple of years after his wife's death, Howard had tried to hide his drinking as a coping mechanism. But after not being able to find a job at all after Abigail death, he had taken to going and sitting at the tavern to drown out his failures and depression.
The anniversary of his and Abigail's marriage was rapidly approaching and Howard found himself once again being taxied home by the town's sheriff, Wayne Unser. He knew that his late night homecoming would once again wake Tara and she'd be tasked with getting him into the house and to his favorite recliner.
Howard did feel guilty of putting all of this on Tara. Tara, his only child, was in high school now. Was she a freshman or sophomore? Howard couldn't remember at this time. All he knew was that she must be doing pretty well in class because she was always locked in her room, studying. 'She takes after her mother in that respect,' he thought. He was never much on schoolwork or even going to school for that matter. He had lucked up when he was 17 and found that he was most interested in the workings of electricity. At 17, he straightened up and put all his efforts into learning this trade to make a career out of it.
And he had. At 20, he'd landed the job with Elegatricity and skyrocketed to top electrician in his department. At 21 he and Abigail had gotten married and eagerly began trying to start a family. Ten months after their wedding, there were blessed with a baby girl, Tara Grace. The three of them had been so happy.
Sheriff Unser stopped his cruiser outside the Knowles home, bringing Howard out of his reminiscing.
"We're here Howard," Unser said as he opened the back door of the sedan. "Let's get you inside."
Howard allowed the sheriff to help him up the steps to his front door and watched as the man knocked on the darkened door.
Tara had heard the car pull up outside and was waiting in the hallway for the same nightly ritual. A rap on the door and when she opened it, she would be confronted with her drunk-on-his-ass father and a request from the local law officer to get her dad some help. Oh if it was only that easy, Tara thought. Howard would of course apologize and promise to do better by his daughter before passing out in his favorite chair. And then the next day, it would start all over again.
Tara would have to try to find out where her dad had left the car and go retrieve it. At 15, she wasn't legally able to drive but that didn't stop her from having to drive the Cutlass from whatever street it was parked on back to her house.
"Sheriff Unser. What a surprise," Tara said as she opened the door. "I got it from here."
"Miss Knowles," Unser responded, nodding his head at the teenager. "He needed a little help home tonight."
"Thank you."
Howard allowed Tara to slide under his arm and leaned into her. Tara guided her dad through the door, kicking it shut after they entered and helped him over to his recliner in the corner. Her father hadn't slept in his bed since the day after her mom's funeral. He never made it past the recliner.
"I'm so sorry, Tara. I tried. I really tried. I just can't get over the fact that she's gone. Gone for good. There just isn't any reason for me anymore."
"I know Dad. I know."
"Do you? Really? Do you understand how hard it is for me?"
And here it comes, Tara thought. Here comes all the reasons that it's all my fault.
"Dad, can we not do this tonight. It's late and I have a big test tomorrow."
"I'm sorry. I'm proud of you, you know. I never had a head for book work. I hated it. I'm so glad you took after your mother. She was so smart. So smart and so beautiful," Howard continued, his voice cracking. "I never in a million years thought I had a chance with her, you know. Never thought she'd look my way twice. I was so lucky."
Tara saw the tears fall from her dad's eyes but it was such a normal occurrence that they no longer affected Tara. She was pretty accustomed to her dad's grieving. As much as he tried to drink it all away, when he got like this, his mourning usually took over and he flashed back to the "good old days" and long after Tara would return to bed, she could hear him weeping into his drink.
The next day, Tara overslept and had to rush to get ready. She left her dad passed out in the living room and walked to Tizzy's Tavern to talk to the bartender who had taken her dad's keys the night before.
"Joe." Tara said as she walked toward the cutlass, where the bartender was leaning on the front quarter panel of the black coupe. "How bad was it?"
"Oh nothing unusual. Just a lot of crying and reminiscing. He still talks highly of you, you know. He's so proud of you," the tall slim man said, smiling at the teenager he had come to know well. "How is school?"
Tara smiled back at Joe as she slung her book bag onto the passenger seat of the vehicle. "Oh you know. It's school. I can't wait to get out of it. Only two more weeks until summer break though. I'm ready for a break. But I'm thinking of getting a job. Know of anything?"
Joe pinched his chin between his forefinger and thumb. "Hmmm, well I think I heard that Hal's Hardware was hiring some summer interns. You think you could handle working and dealing with, you know, everything?" Joe asked, not wanting to vocalize the problems at home.
"I'd rather be at work than home. School takes a lot of my time during the year but the summer months, I've always been stuck at home, waiting for the nightly process of him being brought home and having to deal with hearing his ramblings. I'm ready to get out of there."
"Well, good luck to you then. And no speeding taking this baby home. You don't need to get a ticket. Do you even have a license?" Joe asked, as Tara got behind the steering wheel.
Laughing, Tara started the engine and looked up at Joe. "You know the answer to that. You just refuse to admit it."
Joe shut the door once Tara was in the carriage and watched her drive out of the parking lot of the tavern. He had watched her drive away for two years now. Shaking his head, he turned to walk around to the back of the tavern where his apartment was.
Tara glanced at her watch as she drove through town. She had spent too much time talking to Joe. There was no way she would be able to drive home and then walk to the school without being late. In a haste, she made the decision to just drive to school and take the Cutlass home during lunch period. That would mean she would have to jog back to the school but she'd rather deal with being sweaty and smelly than deal with her dad going off on her if she waited until after school to get the car back home.
Pulling into the parking lot at the school, Tara drove around looking for a space to pull into. In the corner of the lot she saw her best friend Opie leaning onto his latest ride, a Harley that his dad had given him for his 16th birthday. Seeing the Knowles car pull in, Opie jumped onto his feet and motioned Tara to pull into the space beside him.
"Tara Knowles. You done went rogue,"Opie laughed as Tara put the car in park and cut off the engine. "Stealing your old man's cage." He opened the door for her and grabbed her in a bear hug, lifting up and spinning around before putting her back down.
"Opie Winston! Put me down!" Tara squealed. Once her feet were planted back on solid ground, Tara slapped her best friend on the arm. "You know I hate when you do that. I feel like I'm in the ozone."
Opie smiled down at his only girl friend. Opie had gotten taller in the last year. His height had sprouted to a whole foot, going from a 5'6 junior to a 6'4" senior. He was the tallest person in the whole Charming High. Opie Winston towered over everyone, including teachers and staff. Tara and Opie had become really good friends in the last year and a half, since Opie's mom had given his dad an ultimatum, either her and their son or the motorcycle club he was entwined in. In the end, Piney Winston had chosen the Sons of Anarchy and Mary Winston had left. Opie, with typical teenage angst, had fought against going with his mom. So much so, that Mary had left him with his father. Now he was prospecting for the club and riding around town on that "deathmobile" as Tara called it.
The school bell rang and Opie slung his arm around Tara's shoulder as they marched toward the building to get another day of classes in the books. As they approached the door, the loud rumblings of more deathmobiles filled the air as more of Opie's buddies from the motorcycle club. Tara sighed as Opie squeezed her shoulder and left her to go catch up with them, leaving her to enter the school alone once again. Not that Tara minded, but it was nice to be able to walk through the halls with someone to converse with. Tara had never been a social butterfly so most of her classmates and upper and lower classes ignored her.
Opie had never once attempted to introduce her to his motorcycle club buddies, which in the back of Tara's mind made her ponder if he was embarrassed by her too. She really hoped not because Harry "Opie" Winston was her one and only friend, the one that she had come to depend on when times at home got tough. More than once, Tara had found herself running to Opie in hopes that he could help her figure out how to change her home life. Opie had held her close, allowing her to cry on his shoulder the first time Howard had come home drunk and slapped her across the face for "looking so much like her."
Opie had been her shelter each time she had to deal with Howard's drunken malice telling her that home wasn't where she needed to be at that time, it wasn't a safe place for her and pleaded her to stay with him that night, fearful that if she returned home, her dad would still be drunk and try hitting her again.
So they snuck an extra blanket and pillow into Opie's room and Opie had slept on the floor at the foot of the bed while Tara got a good night's sleep in his bed. Unbeknownst to Tara, for weeks after that night, Opie slept with his nose in the pillow, breathing in her scent. Opie would never tell Tara of his crush, apprehensive that it would change the whole dynamic of their friendship.
In economics class, the only class that Tara and Opie shared, Tara wasn't too surprised to find that Opie was absent once again. She would have to reprimand him for missing so much school. If he ever planned to graduate he was going to have to really buckle down and attend class. Even though the class was deemed elective, Tara recognized the importance of the class, though many of her classmates apparently were in it just for the fun of it.
Sitting at her desk, Tara laid her bag onto the surface and grabbed the Intro to Economics textbook, completely disregarding the stares that she could feel from the other students in the room. The teacher entered, the room quieted down and class began with Tara concentrating on the day's assignment and not the fact that Opie wasn't there to protect her from all the whispers she heard through the room each time she answered a question. "Teacher's pet." "Goody two-shoes." And her all-time favorite, "Orphaned prude."
Whatever dimwit came up with that one needed a lesson in the definition of an orphan, Opie had said vowing to find the culprit and beat the interpretation of orphan into him/her. Thankfully Tara had talked him down and he had let it go. All she had allowed Opie to do was put word out that if he heard anyone bad-mouthing Tara, they'd have to deal with him.
Now that Opie was playing hooky with his motorcycle buddies, the whispers and stares were becoming a daily occurrence again. Tara just put her back up and tried to get through the day as if none of it bothered her. She knew that was the only way she was going to be able to endure the rest of school without any friends.
At lunch, instead of heading to the cafeteria, Tara walked to the parking lot and climbed into the Cutlass. She was not surprised that Opie's bike was missing. God only knows where he took off to. Tara wondered if he even made it to homeroom before he disappeared.
Driving carefully through town, Tara watched her speed and was on the lookout for any cops that might see her and know she wasn't old enough to be behind the wheel. Passing by the entrance to the Teller Morrow garage, Tara risked a glimpse inside the gates, hoping to set eyes on her friend. She knew that if Opie wasn't at school, he more than likely was at the garage/motorcycle club hangout.
Out of the corner of her eye, she almost didn't see the bikers come careening off the lot. She slammed on the brakes, whipping the wheel away from the imminent crash she was afraid of. None of the 20 or so bikers even glanced her way as they left the lot and sped away. Now that she was at a standstill right outside the gates to the garage, she could clearly see that Opie was in the garage, tinkering away on some beat up sedan. Beside him was another teenager, a male. Or what Tara could only imagine was a guy, seeing him only from the waist down. The other teenager was bent down and had his torso and head underneath the hood of the clunker.
Tara squinted against the bright sunlight to try to see if she could identify this unknown person. He wasn't as tall as Opie but was still pretty tall. He had long, lanky legs and bright white tennis shoes on. Tara thought that was odd to have such nice clean shoes on in the greasy, oil-covered garage area.
Something the fellow mechanic said must have been funny, causing Opie to throw his head back and laugh. As he finished laughing, Opie caught sight of Tara sitting outside the gates and wiped his hands on a rag. Saying something to his friend, Opie began walking across the parking lot toward her.
"Hey T. What are you doing? Spying on me because I skipped out again?" Opie said, laughing.
Tara felt her cheeks blush. She hadn't meant to be caught gawking into the garage lot. She smiled as Opie leaned over and looked at her through the passenger side window. "No, Op! I was just taking the car back home and almost got sideswiped by your buddies."
Opie pulled a cigarette pack out of his pocket and slid one out. Lighting the end of it, he took a long drag and blew the smoke out over the top of the vehicle.
"Take the cage home and I'll come by and pick you up and take you back to school. Don't worry, I'll borrow my dad's cage. I won't make you ride bitch on my bike, promise." Opie added, sensing Tara's trepidation.
Looking at her watch, Tara considered the offer since she'd never make it back before final bell even if she ran full sprint.
"Okay. But you can't take me all the way to the school. Principal Lewis sees you and it's an easy 4-week suspension. You can drop me off around the back of Charming Grocery."
Opie stepped back from the vehicle and Tara pulled away from her friend, heading to her house. She was hesitant about hitching a ride with Opie. She'd never been in a vehicle with him and from watching him drive his bike, she knew that speed limits and highway etiquette was not his strong suit. Lord just let me get back to school, Tara thought as she pulled into the driveway at her house.
Tara unlocked the front door to her home and was met with the stench of day old bourbon and ashtray. Howard Knowles was still passed out in his recliner in the corner. Tara hung the keys on the hook by the door and closed it behind her as she left.
She walked to the end of the driveway to wait on her ride from Opie. Tara knew it was going to take him a minute to outtalk his dad into letting him use the Cadillac. Tara just hoped her name wasn't brought up. She didn't need to be on any dad radar.
Seeing a tow truck pull onto her street she shaded her eyes to see that it was Opie driving the truck down the street, heading her way. Tara breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that Opie was actually obeying the rules and not zooming down the lane. That relief quickly vanished when she realized that Opie was not alone. In the passenger seat was a boy, looking to be about the same age as Opie.
The truck pulled up along the sidewalk in front of Tara's house and parked. Tara watched as the guy, with long straight dirty blonde hair stepped out. He wore a red flannel shirt with a white tank. The same oil-stained jeans and white sneakers caused Tara to realize that she was looking at the fellow mechanic that she had seen Opie talking to earlier.
The boy leaned against the open truck door and smiled at her. A dazzling smile that reached all the way to his crystal blue eyes. "Hey darlin'. Harry said you needed a lift, thought I'd come along. Meet the infamous Tara that he's always rambling on about."
Tara looked past the modern day Adonis into the cab of the truck at Opie. He just shook his head and laughed. "Tara, this is Jax. Ignore him, he's full of shit. Come on and climb in so I can get you back to school before you're late."
Realizing she was going to be squeezed in between the two buys, Tara grimaced. "Don't worry. I don't bite," Jax said as he moved aside for Tara to crawl into the truck. As she passed him, Jax leaned over and whispered, "hard. I don't bite too hard." into her ear.
Tara looked at him, surprised. She had just met him and he was already flirting. Most of the time people who met Tara, as soon as they had a chance they ran the other way. She was not a social butterfly and folks usually caught onto that pretty quick, leaving her to herself.
Jax got back into the truck and slung the door shut. Tara felt uncomfortable being in such close proximity to someone like Jax. He was gorgeous. Too gorgeous for his own good, Tara could sense that Jax knew just how to use his looks to get what he wanted.
Knowing she'd probably never be a blip on his radar, she concentrated on Opie's driving and thinking about her next class.
As they pulled behind Charming Grocery, Tara was surprised to realize that she was sorry that the ride was over. She had been scrunched in between the boy she's once had a crush on and the attractive Jax. That never happened. Not to Tara.
Jax opened the door and exited the truck, holding the door open for her. Tara thanked Opie and slid across the seat to get out of the truck. As she turned to thank Opie again for the lift, Jax grabbed her hand. "Need a lift later? I'll be your personal escort home."
Tara looked down at their hands and could feel her palms getting sweaty. "Um, no thanks. I usually walk home after school anyways."
Standing at the back entrance to the grocery store, Tara watched as Opie and Jax drove away. She was astonished at the way she was feeling. Jax had made her feel all gooey inside and her palms were clammy. She'd never felt that way over a boy, not even Opie. Sure she's crushed on Opie, daydreaming about how it would feel to kiss him and hug him but she'd never felt like she did at this minute.
Shaking her head to try to free the thoughts that were going through her head, Tara went back to school to finish out the day so she could get home and do homework, clean and cook dinner before her dad took off for another night on the town.
Three hours later
Tara finished getting her books out of her locker and loading them into her book bag and walked toward the north end of the building.
There was a group of upperclassmen lingering around the doors, mostly females. As she got closer, Tara heard whispers like "who's he here for?", "I'd like him to take me for a ride" and "Teller Morrow". At the mention of the Teller Morrow garage, Tara began trying to pay better attention but seeing as none of the crowd were identifiable to her as friends, she couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on.
Tara pushed through the throng of onlookers and walked out of the building. The sight before her eyes made her stop dead in her tracks. Leaning against his bike was Jax. He had cleaned up, forgoing the oil-stained jeans and flannel shirt. Now he had on a pair of clean tight jeans and black tee that had the word SAMCRO written in white across the chest and a backward baseball cap.
When Jax saw her, he pushed off his bike and walked toward her.
"Hey darlin'. Thought I'd come by and offer you that ride one more time."
Tara stood there shocked. Jax had come by for her? Who was she for him to take his time to come by and offer to escort her home again? She wasn't used to this. Tara was more used to being the wallflower, watching as all the other girls in the school got what was being offered to her right now.
Was this some kind of dream? Did she wake up in an alternate universe this morning?
As she stood there, contemplating whether she should pinch herself and try to wake herself up, she heard whispers from behind.
"He's here for her? She's a nobody. Look at her. There's nothing special about her."
Tara turned to see if she could determine who had commented but before she could Jax grabbed her hand and smiled. "Don't let it get to you. Just come with me. Make them eat their words."
And even though Tara had promised herself she'd never get on one of those deathmobiles, Tara looked at Jax and nodded. He handed her a helmet and she quickly pulled it on and buckled it under her chin. Swinging a leg over the seat of his bike, Jax kicked the stand up and started the motor. Tara mounted the bike behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso, looking back at the crowd of her peers, smiled and held on tight as she and Jax took off, riding away from the school.