Emptiness surrounded him.
Even in this room, Revan could feel the emptiness surrounding him. No one from the council was surrounded by auras of emotion. "Keepin' calm as ever don't you Masters?" Revan thought. He knew he sat in a room full of plants and furniture and Jedi, yet stil there was nothing. No signs of life from the masters. As if they were droids.
"Jedi Knight Dena Strahanm," Master Vrook began, "you know why you have been brought here. You know what you are accused with. Have you anything to say in your defense?"
Revan didn't like it. They called him 'Dena' again. He thought that he made clear that name was forever in the past. The Dark Lord was dead for good, however, Revan was not. He knew what he was accused with. Having too much emotions. That was no good. "You should let all your emotions and stay as calm and strict droids, just like we are. Yeah, like I listen to that bullshit!" Revan thought. He knew what the Masters saw. A red glow, surrounded with anger and disrespect, covering Revan entirely. Masters wouldn't like it. Like he cared. Like he even gived a damn! He, however, felt a new presence.
Bastila.
Bastila Shan has been a pain in the ass since she was rescued from the Vulkars –couldn't she just once accept the fact that she was rescued?- but a pain in the ass Dena enjoyed being with. All those jokes he made, all those 'I've feelings for you, but I'll be damned if I admit them"s of hers, her giving lectures about the dark side and him making fun of it, her red face when she is angry or shy, her smile...
The kiss.
He tried to refocus his thoughts. "Yes, I have. Thank you, Masters." He felt his aura slowly calmin down, turning from flame red to a pleasant blue –calmness. "First of all, I would like to relate some events to you, -my moments on the Star Forge. I believe that those moments would be important in this case."
"Permission given. Please go on," said Master Dorak.
The Star Forge.
Even from there Revan could feel the darkness bursting from it. The power. The hatred. The lust for Revenge. Malak. Bastila.
After the endless seas of that uncharted-in-all-the-maps world, and having no one to talk to but Mission and Carth, meaning a civilised chat, not the war stories of Canderous, the melancholy of Juhani, or the ramblings of the old kid. He had to find someone to talk to, someone to trust to, someone to open up to...
Someone skilled enough to slay him.
He knew now that Bastila had fallen, the only woman he could ever love was now his enemy, and through the bond, he could feel the darkness trying to find a way back, to use his power once more. That's why he needed a trusted blade or a good blaster with them. HK-47 and Teethree wouldn't do it because of their programming, neither would Zaalbar or Canderous because of their foolish honor, and cat woman or old kid was just "too Jedi" to end his life. He felt her coming that moment. No matter how hard she tried, she could never be that sneaky.
"You wanna talk about something, Missy?" That would get her mad. "You glow like a ship's thrusters. Literally speaking, from my point of view."
"Do you wanna talk? I just thought after all that happened... You know, it must be hard for you. When Griff betrayed me –I mean, when I learned that he had betrayed me-, I almost felt the same way."
"You may be right." She didn't know half of it. She couldn't understand what storms raged within him, what conflicts did he come to, love... She was just a kid, although Revan would never dare and say it to her face. He knew that Mission could be a dangerous opponent when provoked. He sighed. "Did you ever feel that your life would never be the same, Mission? Did you seriously believe that your life was crumbling all around you, that it was damaged irrepairably?"
"Yeah, when I first lost a Pazaak game, but you learn to live with that." Revan smiled. How, he didn't know, but after Bastila, she was the closest to bring joy to his life. "Get up and shake off your sadness. Star Forge in three minutes. We don't want a sad Dena following us down there, right?" He laid down, thinking what he would do if he would meet Bastila down there...
...Here he was, standing alone, Carth and Mission behind the door, and she, with all her beauty, sanding in front of him.
"I don't want to hurt you. Bastila, try to listen. I know that..." Two lightsabers clashed in the air, creating a sudden flash between Bastila's red lightsaber and Revan's cyan one. They were like dancing rather than fighting, a dance between two partners used to each others' style, with only defenses and counter-defenses, never a blow being landed. He felt that the battle could last forever and used the Force to knock her down, at the last moment slowing her fall. Then he sat, meditating, waiting for the final blow to come. It never came.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you not fighting? Why? What difference do you think you can make?"
"I don't think anymore," Revan responded, "I don't think that nothing can ever help me, if I've lost you. I just want to die peacefully, knowing it was you hand, not any other that had killed me. I just want to know that I died trying to do something, even if only by sitting on the ground. I just want to know that you had a choice, and you used it."
"What choice?" Bastila asked, surprised.
"That you could choose to be redeemed, for something or another."
"What could possibly redeem me? It took the entire Jedi Council and a mind wipe to redeem you."
"Something much more simple. Love. Seek it, Bastila. Seek it in your heart. I know that you will find it. I love you, Bastila. I know you love me, too. If, however, I'm wrong, then kill me. At least that you will kill me knowing it." He closed his eyes and waited for the familiar voice of her saber.
Not the voice of the saber falling to the ground.
"Welcome back, Bastila," he muttered.
After relating the battle with Malak and his final words, he remained silent.
Along with all the Masters before him.
"Too much emotions?" Revan asked, after a couple of ten minutes' silence. "It is because of my emotions that I didn't give up fighting. It is because of my emotions that I learned to stay calm. Fear, anger, love. It is because of them that Malak is dead! It is because of them that the Star Forge is nothing but space dust!" He was angry now, and didn't care if he shone with an aura that is filled with anger never seen by the Masters before. He pointed to Bastila. "It is because of them that Bastila Shan is still an alive member of our Order!
"Too much emotions, you say? I say to hell with your rules and prohibitions!" The Masters couldn't say a word.
"If you have no more to say, court dismissed." He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.