Title: I Wanna Be a Rockstar
Author(s): Selina/Aggy
Fandom: Star Wars
Timeframe: N/A
Characters: Rogue and Wraith pilots
Genre: Humor
Summary: The pilots discuss fame, fortune and the ever present danger of fan girls.
Disclaimer: I do not own SW or the pilots (Oh how I'd love to…) Lucas owns the toys, I just have fun with them.
Notes: This fic was based on the lyrics of Nickelback's Rockstar. I don't own that either. The lyrics have been altered slightly due to language.

Reporter: Thank you for tuning in to Access Coruscant. Tonight, we have a special treat for our viewers. The reclusive x-wing pilots of the New Republic are in the studio to discuss fame, fortune, and the ever present danger of fan girls. So here they are! Ladies and Gentlebeings give a warm welcome to the men of Rogue and Wraith Squadrons!

I'm through with standing in line
to clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be

Gavin: Have you ever been to Tatooine? If you think it's bad visiting there, think about what it's like living there. You're nobody unless you're wearing a uniform. Empire, Rebellion, it doesn't matter. You're nothing if you're haven't enlisted.

I didn't really have much choice in the matter. If I wanted to get off that dustball I had to join up. I grew up hearing stories about my famous cousin. Biggs this and Biggs that. Finally, I decided I'd spent too many days watching the sand dunes drift by and joined the Alliance. Sure, I might die young but I'll leave a good looking corpse.

I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me

Myn: Everyone thinks I'm reclusive. My isolation is more due to people's perceptions of me than any real desire to be a hermit. Most beings don't want to become friends with a sniper. (Myn shrugs) It's like they expect me to randomly shoot people for sport. Anyway, I figure it's all for the best. Being reclusive means I get to spend more time at home with my lovely wife, Kirney.

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

Wes: Chicks dig pilots. I mean they really like pilots. There's something about a man in an orange flightsuit that drives them wild. It's either the flightsuit or the whole fantasy of the mile high club. (Wes smiles wryly) Though the mile high club is nothing compared to what it's like doing it in hyperspace.

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me

Ooryl: Gand culture is very different than that of humans. A Gand has no status until he performs acts of great importance. Only then is he allowed to use his given name. Even the use of personal pronouns requires great feats of bravery. It takes an act of immense bravery for a Gand to be allowed to use the pronoun 'I.'

I say it whenever I wish.

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

Face: It was pretty freaky when I 'came back from the dead.' I went from being an anonymous nobody to seeing my face on every holocast on the 'Net. When I was a holo star, I was too young to enjoy being famous. I was a frustrated teenager that always had the paparazzi following me around, recording my every action. Now that all my actions are classified, I'm enjoying every nanosecond of my fame. I'm having the time of my afterlife.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

Tycho: Have you ever been to Adumar? They really know how to treat a pilot. They treat you better than royalty. On Adumar, being a pilot makes you a God. You can have whatever you want whenever you want. I pretended not to like the star treatment, hoping it'd keep Janson in line, but I loved it. Who wouldn't love being treated like a God? When I retire, I'm moving to Adumar.

And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars

Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Corran: Groupies? Sure I've got them. Every good pilot has 'em. Usually they just want to make you another notch in their bedpost. But occasionally you get one that wants more. They want to use your fame to catapult their own career. I can remember this one girl I knew when I first joined the squad. Sithspawn, she was a manipulative . . .

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels

Wedge: Sure, Luke blew up the Death Star, but I blew up the second Death Star, laid siege to an entire planet, performed a puppet show in space, kept Wes under control for the past five years, and my wanted poster sold ten million copies more than his. Top that, Jedi!


Hire eight body guards that love to beat up. . .

Kell: Sure we've made enemies. You can't do the things we do without making enemies. But bodyguards? (Kell leans over, his muscles straining against the fabric of his flight suit) Do I really look like the type of person that needs a bodyguard to beat people up for me?


Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free

I think I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion

Hobbie: Clothes didn't really matter to me before I accepted those bacta endorsements for Zaltin. Suddenly every designer in the Galaxy wanted me to wear their clothes. It comes in by the crate. I haven't had to buy a single piece of clothing in years. Not even my underwear.

Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me

Ton: Before I joined the squad, women rarely looked at me. When they did it was the same one they'd give a three legged, one eyed canine they found in an animal shelter. Now that I'm a Wraith, the females are still sympathetic, but now they're very willing to show it.


I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just
wanna be big rockstars

Face: Sithspawn, being a pilot is better than any other type of fame. I've been a holo star. It was boring compared to this. You get all the perks of fame AND get to blow stuff up! Who wouldn't want to be a pilot?

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar