A/N: My first Reylo! This is probably a terrible thing to do, considering I'm just gonna fall more in love with the ship and have my heart broken if they don't get together. Oh well. Enjoy!
She would not. She would not fall for him! No good would come from it, only pain, anguish, and regret. She would berate herself in a year, or two, or even a day, for following the childish whims of her heart. Stupid, stupid, stupid! How was she supposed to get him out of her mind, when he invaded her every thought?
How was she to move on?
He taunted her, in a way. He held her by a thread, tugging and teasing at her heart, and she could only look at the mystery and danger that choked his eyes.
She would not. She would not lose everything – her friends, her family, her dignity, because of him. Not when she had so much to lose.
It was impossible. She was destined to kill him. Everyone told her, expected her, to hate him, and the act constantly whipped her in the back of the head. When his name came up in conversation, she tensed. She glared. She swore. She left the room.
But, when she lay in her bunk, and his presence leaked into her mind, her muscles relaxed. She smiled. She whispered his name beneath hot breath. She stayed in her room. He, and her affections for him, were her little secrets. Finn, Poe, Leia, no one could know.
Sometimes, she wondered, if Han approved of how she felt. She imagined he would. She smiled at the thought. Yes, Han probably approved. He was probably smirking, hands on his hips, muttering, "You could do a lot better, kid, but I'm glad. Don't tell Leia, not yet."
Rey smiled and curled beneath her silver, snowy sheets as her hair tangled around her head. There were many things – many people, places, and reasons – that told her Ben existed as only trouble and nothing more. He was broken. Alone, afraid, and broken.
Her broken spirit aligned with his. Perhaps that was why they connected – they healed through each other.
He cared about her. Like a diamond in a long-forgotten mind, his darkest secret, he cared for her. He stayed up nights worrying for her, he daydreamed during meetings about her, and he had to shove his thoughts into a dark corner when she misted into their connection. Despite his trials, she knew. When the air around her stirred with his authority, she knew. And for that, she was grateful.
Ben ran a hand through his hair, and the dark, soothing silence of night shushed his wild mind from his link with Rey.
He smiled. If she thought all that of him, maybe there was hope for them yet.