Disclaimer: I still don't own Pickles, Nathan, Toki, Skwisgaar, Murderface, Ofdensen, or even Magnus. I also don't own the Snakes'n'Barrels guys. All of them are from Metalocalypse, which belongs to Brendon Small. I don't claim to own them in any of my stories, so please don't sue. This letter DEFINITELY doesn't occur in the show, so please don't think it does.

Warning: M/M slash. Nathan/Pickles, although in the purest of sorts. Also, drug and alcohol references and profanity. Rated T just because homosexuality is usually considered ideologically sensitive.

Note: I think it definitely should be noted that the italicized words are lyrics from Avenged Sevenfold's "Warmness on the Soul." This is a kind of a songfic. Actually, the format was inspired by "Fallin'," which was amazingly well-done, even though it made me cry.

Dear Nate,

I don't even know how to begin. I guess "thanks" is a good place to start. You know, you really saved my ass ten years ago…I think you remember the day. I was still living in the eighties as if a day hadn't passed since '89. Big hair, big clothes, everything covered in fucking sequins. You remember. It was really hard for me. Snakes'n'Barrels was going down the shitter, and my drug addiction shot through the roof. I lived a dangerous life there…and you were the only one to save me. You were the only one who tried. So, yeah, "thanks" is definitely an appropriate way to start.

Your hazel, green-tint eyes watching every move I make…

It was more than that, though. You met me a poor stranger sitting in a dumpster, high as hell. I don't know what you could've possibly seen amidst the garbage worth saving but you did. Dammit, Nathan, I guess that's what I admire so much about you. That was really selfless. You were the one who watched me over the months. That first year was terrible. Withdrawal attacks made me punch you, abuse you in every way a tiny guy like me could. I know it couldn't have been easy. You strapped me to a bed and told me that you were gonna go get me some drugs…you lied for my own good. And I respect you for that, you know? You're my best friend. You probably always will be, Nate, because I'll never forget all the shit you went through for me. I was a perfect stranger, and still you helped me.

And that feeling of doubt is erased…

After a while, I guess you could say I got over it. My addictions went down to a slightly more tolerable level, even though I've never been clean. But, dude, you really put me back on the right road. I'm not sure I could survive without you. I think I'd go back to the old me and dig myself an early grave. You're really imperative to my life, Nathan. I don't know how else to put that.

It's not just that. You've always been there for me. When you started Dethklok, you asked me to be your drummer. You know…that meant a lot. My dad, my brother, my band…none of them ever trusted me like you did. So, maybe all of that is what contributed to me falling madly in love with you.

I'll never feel alone again with you by my side…

Yeah, I finally said it. I write the words in ink that I dare not say aloud. I've wanted to tell you for years, but I always chickened out in the end. I'm a damn pussy, that's what. Don't judge me too harshly, I swear I'm not some sort of queer faggot. What I feel for you is only the sort of love where I need to be with you at all times. I mean, it's not like I have, like, sexual feelings for you. You're like my brother. But over these last few years, I realized that I can't live without you. You can't ever leave me, Nate, never. Because I really think I'd die if you did.

You're the one, and in you I confide…

Dammit. I'm at a loss for words, Nate. You're the lyricist. That's why I don't write all of this shit. I have no idea how to tell you how much I love you. I guess I sort of regret writing what I did above, but it's in ink now, so don't kill me. I really do love you, though. I think it's the most purest feeling in the world, you know? Like, I'd die for you. I'd live for you. I'd be whatever I need to be for you, whether you need a friend, a brother, a mentor, or a lover.

No matter what I say, I know it's not enough. I tell all of this to you with the strictest of confidences, because I swear I'm not queer. At least, I keep telling myself that.

And we have gone through good and bad times…

We've been through everything together. Remember the day we first met? I was so worthless. I was at my lowest. But there've been good times too, you know? I remember when Dethklok first got famous, I remember when we first met Skwisgaar. Damn, he's fucking good. He was like a god standing in our presence. And I've seen you at your lowest too. I remember when you broke up with Rebecca. Hell, I remember when you were with her. That whole time in your life was horrible. And when Magnus left, you were pretty low during that time, too.

But your unconditional love was always on my mind…

But the whole time, we stuck together. We're blood brothers now, huh? I can hardly even remember my time without you as a dark hole. You've been everything for me. You are everything to me. You'll probably always be my everything. Even within the band, I'd say we're the closest. Skwisgaar, Murderface, Toki, Magnus…they were all good, but none of them compare to you. We stick together like slices of cheese, as my parents would say.

You've been there from the start for me…

Basically, what I'm trying to say is…thank you. Thanks, dammit. It's always been hard to say it, but I mean it. Nate, you were always there for me, and it made me fall in love with you. And even throughout the course of this letter, I've come to terms with being a faggot. If that's what I have to be called to spend the rest of my life with you, I guess I can live with it. Words don't mean anything compared to you. Persecution doesn't sound so bad when it's just the price for my personal demon.

And your love's always been true as can be…

Maybe you don't feel the same for me. And I couldn't even fucking argue with that, dammit. If anyone other than you told me, I guess I'd laugh in their face. I'd find it pretty fucking hilarious. My waking moment begins with you, cliché as it is. You're my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night. And throughout the day, you're always at my side. I want you to stay there, even if you don't love me back like that. At least remember that we'll always be brothers, if nothing more. You'll always be the one I love.

I give my heart to you…

Nathan Explosion, you're the object of my life, my love, my everything. And even if giving you this letter means being kicked out of the band, so be it. I couldn't live without you at least knowing how I feel. In just a few minutes, I'm gonna sign this letter and slide it under your door. You're at the bar as I write this, and you'll probably be too drunk to read this when you get home, and too hungover tomorrow to even make out the words. Maybe tonight I'll at least get to see you as you are now, innocent and naïve of the love I have for you.

I give my heart, 'cause nothing can compare in this world to you…

And, I guess there's no more to say. Nate, I hope you at least can feel my heartbroken pleas, even if you don't return them. I've never felt so strongly about anything. You really did save my life back there in Los Angeles, I mean it. So, I owe you one. This is me attempting to repay my debt, I guess.

With all the fucking love I got,

Pickles

A/N

Reviews would definitely be appreciated as to the direction this one goes. I have to get warmed back up, I haven't done fanfic in a while. ~ Sanathia