Disclaimer: Characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Song by a Spanish band called Aventura. Song called "La Pelicula".
A/N: I haven't written a Snape/ Luna story in a while, but I'm going to try right now. This story takes place the day of Dumbledore's funeral.
Summary: Memories are very strong and to Luna there are things that she would rather forget, but she can't. There are things your heart won't allow you to forget. One-Shot.
When You Lose Your Love
Cuando se pierde un amor
En tu vision y en tu mente cambia todo
Todo pierde sentido
El mundo se vuelve tu enemigo
Luna made her way towards the tomb. She was wearing a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. It was the only clothing that she had that was black. For the occasion she had straightened her hair completely and taken off all her strange jewelry. Actually after the night the castle was attacked she'd thrown out all her jewelry along with her quibbler magazines and anything else that other people would find strange. She threw out anything that reminded her of who she was. After her loss she did not want to even be a shadow of who she used to be.
Luna unsmilingly walked over to the white tomb with a flower in her grip. It was a white, bleeding heart, which was in her opinion one of the prettiest little things she'd ever seen. "Hey Luna," Ginny said as she came to stand next to her friend. Luna slowly turned her attention to Ginny and stared at her. She could tell by the unshed tears shining in Ginny's eyes that she and Harry had come to an end. She could see something was going on between them when they were sitting down.
Luna merely turned away from her friend. She felt bitter about the fact that Ginny had finally gotten what she wanted. Ginny always got whatever guy she had her heart set on and no sooner had she gotten him, she tossed him out like an old rag. She knew that Ginny was genuinely in love with Harry and was in pain, but she didn't want to be the one to pick up the pieces. She was trying to pick up the pieces to her own shattered life; she didn't want to pick up Ginny's mess too.
"Are you okay Luna?" Ginny asked as they slowly made their way towards the tomb. Luna thought of the question. To say that she was okay would be a very big overstatement. Every time she had nothing to do but think her mind kept reeling to the night of Slughorn's Christmas party and then to the morning that they found out of Dumbledore's death. Oh yes, she was there when Harry blurted out what happened. It was like she could have died right then and there from the pain in her heart.
Cuando se pierde un amor
Todo en absoluto
Absolutamente todo, es un peligro
"As fine as I could be," Luna said in a deadpan voice as they continued to make their way towards the tomb to pay their last respects. Luna ran a hand through her hair as she could feel the tears begin to build up at the very memory of what it felt like to be seen as more then just a crazy, adolescent girl. The memory of for once being treated like a capable woman who was not lunatic but enchanting and charming was enough to make her cry. He was the only one who ever made her feel like that and she feared that he would perhaps be the last.
"Are you sure you're okay? I mean you've been acting strange lately, ever since the day that… you know… and I don't mean strange in that sense. I mean… well… you're a lot more normal lately," Ginny said as they came to a stop. They were nearly at the white, marble tomb. Luna turned around to look at the redhead, the only person in the world that she really could refer to as a friend.
"Would you just back off Ginny. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to talk about anything," Luna said as she looked at Ginny. Her eyes shifted to see who was standing behind them and caught a momentary glimpse of Professor Lupin and his new friend. Her eyes narrowed and she glared at them before rapidly turning away. She walked away making her way through the crowd of people swiftly and placing her flower on the tomb. She immediately turned away and made her way far away from everyone.
Cuando se pierde un amor
La lluvia moja tu alma
Y esa nube nublada sigue tus pasos
When you lose your love
Severus walked outside the castle that Voldermort was using for his meetings. It was very early in the morning; the sun was just beginning to rise. He stood at the edge of a cliff; a gentle breeze was caressing his face as he stared out at the grand vast ocean before him. A constant reminder of her enchanting gaze, that gaze that captivated him for so many years. Despite the fact that it was a very warm sunny day, he felt chilled to his bones.
Severus sat down on a ragged rock and stared out at the ocean as he tightly wrapped his cloak around himself and allowed his Death Eaters mask to fall from his grip. He felt like he was being shadowed by a rain cloud, a cloud constantly raining down and drenching his soul, but instead of cleansing him it only left him with a hollow cold feeling in his soul.
Sitting there, alone for the first time that entire night, he though of what happened. Of the last look he got of those beautiful blue eyes. When he came out of his office, there she stood with the insufferable Granger. There was no worse feeling then what he felt at that moment. The thought of what he was going to do to her by committing his treachery was too much to bear, but he had no choice. What was worse was the thought of the scars that he was going to leave in her heart and soul with his deceit.
He knew that he wasn't ever going to see her again, and he did not fully realize what that meant until after everything was done. Her absence in him was more then he thought that he could handle. He couldn't eat or do anything that he was supposed to do. He didn't care about anything anymore; all he wanted to do was sleep, because in his dreams he could see her as vividly as he saw her that night. In his dreams he could relive that night of Slughorn's party over and over again.
Their first kiss underneath the mistletoe shook him to his very core. The soft feel of her lips brushing against him was unlike anything he'd ever felt. He could remember the kiss perfectly and every thought and emotion going through his head. He could still smell the apple, cinnamon scent of her hair, he could still taste her soft skin; every detail and moment was their embedded into his memory. She made him feel whole for the first time in his entire life, like this was the moment that his entire life had been leading up to. Like she was his one and only purpose in life.
Severus ran a hand through his hair at the very thought of never having her in his life again. He couldn't bear to not be able to see in to her wonderful gaze that never cast judgment on him. He wondered if he had not done what he did, if things would be any better. He sighed as he thought that if he'd not gone through with his plan, it would have been the same end either way. He still wouldn't be able to have her.
El cielo azul cambia a gris
Lo blanco a Negro
Y en el mar embes de agua
Lo que hay es fuego
Severus stared at the water and felt like he was staring at the ocean was caught on fire. It reflected the sun and looked like blood. Severus frowned as he stared and ran a hand through his hair. He needed to see her again. The thought of her being so far away and never seeing her again was far too much for him to bear. He felt like the sky would never be light again or beautiful, as though if he ever tried to see the stars in the sky again, he wouldn't be able to. The sky would just be black, a reflection of his soul.
Por ese amor te pones debil
Te tumba el viento
No hay palabras que consuelen tus sentimientos
Luna felt dizzy and fell on the grass before the lake. Luna held her head in her hands before turning her gaze to the lake and staring at the lake as the moment of nausea passed. She felt somewhat sick, though she did not know if the cause was her broken heart. Sometimes she wondered if she would ever recover from the way that she felt. There were so many emotions in her that were at constant war with each other that she was constantly tired. Now-a-days all she wanted to do was sleep because she was so emotionally exhausted. She felt drained.
There were some days that she couldn't stop crying because her heart missed him so much. There were other days that she cried because she felt so betrayed by him. Days that she couldn't bear the thought of seeing him, but feared that she would never see him again. She felt so lost and hopeless, like she'd lost all her will to live. She was unsure of how to proceed with her life or how to handle the changes. She didn't know how to handle this loss.
He was her first love, the only man that she'd ever given her body and soul to. He was her first kiss, her first love, her first everything. Everything was new with him. There was no one before him and she felt as though there would never be anyone after him. She wondered if it meant as much to him as it meant for her. She figured that wasn't the case because he was much older and must have experienced things with other women, yet she could still hear his voice in her ear, whispering his love for her.
Luna closed her eyes as a tear slid down her face. "Luna?" she heard a familiar voice say. Luna turned away and hid her head in her arms. She hugged her knees to her chest. She couldn't allow anyone to see here in this state. "What's wrong?"
Luna took in a deep breath and wiped her eyes off on her sleeve. She looked up to see Lupin standing before her. She tried her best to smile weakly at him. "Nothing Professor Lupin, what makes you think that there is something wrong?" she asked as she looked up at him. He sat down next to her and stared at his hands.
"For one thing the way that you spoke to Ginny Weasley just now," he responded as he looked at her. Luna turned away and stared out the lake. She didn't know that he could actually hear her. "Another is the fact that you came all the way over here to be alone and you had your face buried into your arms. What's wrong Luna?"
"Nothing," she responded as she continued to stare out at the lake.
"Don't lie to me Luna, I know you better then that. I know that something is wrong and I just want you to talk to someone about what is going on with you," he said as he stared at her. Luna turned around to look at him.
"Fine, there is something wrong with me, but it doesn't matter, because you wouldn't understand. No one would understand and no one can help me, so just leave me alone," Luna said as she looked into his eyes. She stood up and was about to walk away from him when she felt his hand on her wrist. Luna turned around to look at him.
"Try me. Maybe there isn't anyone that can help you, but it doesn't hurt to speak about what is wrong. It doesn't help for you to keep it all bottled up to yourself. You need to talk to someone about what's wrong," Lupin said as he stared down into her eyes. Luna knew that he was trying to help her in anyway possible, but nothing would help. There was nothing he could do or say that would make her feel better, so she didn't want to bother even trying to tell him the problem.
Una pelicula de amor es lo que vives
Donde la victima eres tu y te deprimes
Es un capitulo sin fin, sin comerciales
Y si muere el protagonista vuelve amargue
When you lose your love (repeat x 4)
"I don't want to talk to anyone about this because it isn't going to help. It will only make things worse. Everyone will look at me like I'm a wretch that did something that was horrible. They will stare at me as though I were some disease that they want nothing to do with," Luna said as she looked at him. He stared into her eyes and could see that there was something deeply troubling her. Her eyes looked like glass.
"No one needs to find out about this Luna. I won't tell anyone if you tell me and if you don't want to tell me, if you tell Ginny she wouldn't tell anyone either," he said as he looked at her. "Just tell someone," he said as he stared at her. Luna rolled her eyes and nodded before turning away, but he grabbed her hand. "I'm serious Luna, you need someone to talk to."
"FINE! I slept with Snape, I fell in love with him and I still am in love with him! He's gone and he never even said goodbye. I'm never going to see him again and he killed Dumbledore! He deceived me," Luna said with tears flowing down her cheeks. "Are you happy?" For a moment Remus was speechless. He didn't know what to do or what to say.
"How… When…Why…" was all Remus could manage to say. Luna wiped the moisture off her face and managed to gain control of her emotions.
"It was the night of Slughorn's Christmas party. I was walking down the hall when I was tired and I bumped into Professor Snape. He said that I looked lovely in my dress but was surprised by the fact that I arrived to the party as Harry's arm candy. He wasn't very pleased by that. He was going to walk away from me but I noted that there was something wrong with him. I don't know how this happened, but next thing I know we've been sitting down in the hall floor talking for hours and it's almost dawn. We were talking about how beautiful sunrise is and then we were kissing under the mistletoe, but it went farther than that. He didn't abuse me. I'm sure that I wanted him more then he wanted me," Luna said as she fell to her knees, the tears starting well up on the memory.
"Was that the only time?" Remus asked as he sat down next to her with his brow furrowed. Luna nodded.
"He told me when I was getting ready to leave his private quarters that we couldn't do it again or speak about it in the future, but he never said that it was a mistake or an accident. But we didn't have to speak about it. With just one glance I knew what he was thinking," Luna said as she looked down at her hands. She had been right when she thought that talking about what happened wasn't going to help. Her heart hurt more at hearing the memory. It felt horrible because she didn't know what Remus was thinking about her.
Cuando se pierde un amor
Las lagrimas caen de tus ojos con frequencia
Tus pupilas te sirven
De testigo que aun lloras por ella
Several hours later Severus finally got up from where he was sitting. He picked up the Death Eaters mask next to him and slowly made his way away from the ocean. His eyes were all out tears. He'd been crying for days and there was nothing more. His eyes felt puffy and as if they were swollen.
Severus apparated to one of his many hideout apartments, he needed some rest. He walked into his flat in a muggle part of England. Severus made his way through the darkness of the apartment in thought. He couldn't stop thinking about Luna. He thought of the previous year and all that had happened recently. He'd grown very tired recently of thinking about the night that the castle had been invaded.
Cuando se pierde un amor
El dia de enamorados, te sientes rechasado
No hay quien te quiera
He'd let go of Luna a long time ago. He set her free, something that was very painful, but he never intended to say goodbye to her or have to say goodbye. He missed her even when he still saw her around in the castle. He told her that he didn't ever want to speak or repeat what they had done, for he did not want to lose his job, now that he looked back on it he felt that he should never have made that decisions. At least he wouldn't have spent Valentines day alone.
Cuando se pierde un amor
Las teclas del piano no suenan
Guittarra sin cuerdas, un hombre sin venas
When you lose your love
Severus passed up a piano and ran his finger over the dusty keys, but as he pressed down on one, there was no sound to come from within. There was no beauty in the world without her. The piano could make no sound just like a guitar without strings could not make a sound. Instruments of musical sounds could not create beauty if she was not around to hear it.
Severus walked over to a wall and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He felt like a man with no veins, which would be the same as to say that he didn't feel like a human at all. He felt like he was nothing, which was what he was without her. He wished that he could be dead, at least that way he wouldn't feel pain.
Veras el sol sin claridad, cambia la ciencias
Cuando haiga frio tendras calor y vice versa
Aquellas fiestas ya no tienen emocion
Y en navidad lloraras en un Rincon
"You have no idea what it feels like to lose the only person that you have ever loved. For the only person you ever allowed passage to your body and take the innocence of your heart to commit murder and harm the people you love," Luna said as she stared at the lake. "It's like looking at the sun and being unable to see it in all it's splendor, you can't see it and you can't even feel it's warmth washing over you. It's like all logic and everything you have known to be true no longer exists and nothing makes sense. You feel cold when it's hot and when it's cold you feel hot. It's like everything has lost it's meaning. Everything you once thought was fun, it means nothing and in Christmas all you can do it sit in a corner and cry. Could you even begin to imagine what that is like?"
No habra pintura ni color para tu arte
Solo un papel sin sentido, sin detalles
Y solo to comprenderas a ese pintor
Si no me entiendes repite la cancion
Severus walked into his bedroom and stared at around in the room. Through a slit between the curtains and the windowpane, a single ray of light shined in the room. Severus turned around and stared at the blank canvas in his room. He turned his attention to the bed on which many blank sheets of sketching paper were strewn across the bed. Ever since Luna had walked out of his life he could not paint or draw a single thing. His pain would not allow it. Everything was as empty and black as he was. It was like there were no colors or paints for his art. Like his lack of emotion was reflected in those black sheets of paper and he felt that if anyone could understand what it all meant it would be Luna.
When you lose your love
(Depression may take your heart)
When you lose your love
(And everything just seems to fall apart)
When you lose your love
(Despidete de un lindo amor)
When you lose your love
(Y abrele la puerta al dolor)
When you lose your love
A/N: Please leave a review. Write anything.