Trigger Warning: Mention and details of cancer.
Rating: T for strong language, insinuated sexual content.
Notes: AU story, mainly bittersweet/fluffy. A HUGE THANK YOU to mellarksloaves for pre-reading this and editing. Thank you so much for your immense support and help and for your amazing friendship! :)
My eyes fall on the warm decorations and the backyard full of white tall-bearded irises. The color white engulfs the house and our land. I can't help the smile that falls on my face. Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes as I think about everyones' immense kindness and dedication to this yearly event. For the fifth straight year, the Brahm Everdeen Charity Auction is taking place in honor of my father. My dad was so loved in the community of District 12. Even though he was a simple man, he was a kind one, and everyone appreciated him.
When my father turned 50, he finally stopped working in the local mines. I was so happy at the age of 8 to finally know that my dad would be forever safe, cocooned by the love of my mother, my sister Prim and I, away from the darkness and danger of the mines. Unfortunately, my greatest nightmare came alive. The mines ended up killing my father after all. The black dust had secretly been consuming my father's lungs and death already found him. Just one month after ending the grueling schedule of the mines did my dad start to complain of fatigue and headaches. When he began coughing blood, I knew my world would never be the same. I told myself, lied to myself, that it was nothing, that this problem could be solved. But in the depths of my heart, I knew it was bad and on the day he told me, a large chunk of my heart was lost in the black darkness and despair of the mines. My dad, my loving, wonderful dad had lung cancer. In a matter of 8 months, the mines somehow found a way to kill my father. The mines, which I will never forgive.
They have since closed the mines but the darkness of them has spread to my heart. I used to be a carefree kid, someone who would sing in the morning, skip towards school and smile at life's little gifts. All that changed after my dad's passing. My mother grew distant and sad. If it wasn't for my sister Prim and my best friend Peeta, I don't think I would have ever felt any semblance of happiness again. So, as I fight back tears, I am filled with sadness but also gratitude. No one should have to die when the darkness finds their lungs, and this charity fights for that.
Everyone is out today for the event. It is held every year in the widespread land and comfortable home that my father bought for our family shortly before his death. No one knew, but my father saved all the money he could in order to buy a home after he was done working in the mines. A place meant to be full of love, hope, and safety. My father had hoped to enjoy the birds in flight and the flowers in bloom but death was knocking on his door. Even then, I never saw my dad smile as much as he did in his final days. It's like every moment, every hug, every song was magnified for him. He was cherishing every second. Before his passing, I tried to spend all the time I could with him. He showed me the lake near our new home, built snowmen with me as snowflakes dusted our noses, and taught me to hunt with a bow and arrow. And most of all, he loved me. On the day before he died, my father and I spent the day next to the fire singing old folk songs. My father had the voice of an angel and I know that he is singing wherever he is, filling the space with joy and beauty, the way he did my family's life. I miss him every single day of my life.
I spot Johanna, Madge, and Annie. They offer me bittersweet smiles knowing the beauty of the event but also the sadness that brings us all together.
This year people have gone above and beyond in their kindness. Local shops and banks have put the most amazing things on auction. People have also given so many in donations. I am always so touched by everyone's efforts. The most interesting change this year though has been the addition of the auctioning off of dates. I laughed when Peeta told me that the guys were thinking it would be a good idea to auction off dates. I thought it was ridiculous, but when Finnick said he would pay $500 just to spend 10 minutes with Annie, who has rebuffed him for over 4 years, I thought this might actually be a good idea and it might raise the most money.
One night, Peeta and I spent hours laughing at the thought of the bidding. Gale, sulking his way in front of the crowd with his permanent brood. No one would pay attention to that thought because many thought Gale was handsome. Peeta bet me Madge would spend a whole month's rent on Gale. I laughed so loud knowing my friend's crush on Gale has lasted for 10 years, but what she didn't know was that Gale didn't visit her shop just for the fresh strawberries. Both swore me to secrecy, so neither knew. I never realized how many of my friends seem to just miss their chance with love. Maybe the auction will even bring a few people together.
I was almost all giggled out when Peeta told me he thought Glimmer was going to bid on him. All laughter stopped and I was suddenly filled with white hot rage. I didn't even think about how Peeta, probably the most charming man in all of 12, would be up for auction. I wasn't even sure why I was so angry. Peeta would bring in a lot of money for the charity. Ugh I don't even know. It just bothered me. I was lying in his arms as he was playing with my braid (something he says he loves to do), I tried to gauge Peeta's hopes for the auction that night.
"Do you want Glimmer to bid on you? That would be something for you to always brag about. The most beautiful girl in the district bidding on the baker's boy, Peeta Mellark!"
Peeta laughed at my comment and his eyes twinkled with something I couldn't put my finger on.
"She is definitely not the most beautiful girl in the district," Peeta said with a small smile as his mind seemed to wander. I now wonder what or whom he was thinking about. That white hot rage suddenly returns to me.
I told him, "Well maybe the most beautiful girl in the district will bid on you!"
Peeta smiled and I remember him looking at me with those beautiful deep blue eyes of his. There was an intensity I had never witnessed. I had to stop looking at him because his gaze was tearing into me and a special kind of heat traveled all the way down to my toes. I flush now just thinking about it. Peeta's my friend. Why am I feeling like this?!
He whispered into my left ear, " I would be so lucky to have the most beautiful girl in the district bid on me, Katniss."
I shiver thinking about that night. I return my thoughts to today and suddenly feel anxious.
The day begins with a poem read by Prim. It's only early morning and the tears threaten to spill again and a few make their way onto my light white cotton dress.
The day's events include music, dance, food and laughter. My dad wouldn't have wanted others to remember him by the coal that he mined or for the darkness that found his lungs but for the joy that he brought to each and every person in the district. Every year, so many people share stories of him that I never knew. This year, one woman shares a time when he came into the school to talk about his greatest accomplishments. He talked a little bit about growing up, making it, buying a home. But he said his greatest accomplishment was loving me, my mother and sister and raising the most beautiful girls. For the second time today, tears adorn my dress sprinkling down from my eyes.
The time of the auction finally arrives. You can feel sparks of energy in the night sky. Everyone seems excited. I heard from Peeta that people were planning to make big bids and contribute to the charity. This made me happy.
The deal with the auction was simple. Every year the event ended right before sundown. The highest bid would win an evening with the the person up for auction. Plans for the evening were thought out ahead of those being bid on. Peeta promised me everyone had amazing plans in store for the winners. The person had to make it worth their while. Peeta said most people were planning to go to dinner after or take a walk at the local beach with a picnic. He said everyone had different ideas but they were all worth the bids. I asked Peeta what his plans were for his highest bidder. He refused to tell me and this angered me. I knew it would be wonderful and maybe even romantic and the white hot anger returned. Dammit, what is it with me lately?!
The first person up is sweet Delly. No one is going to bid on Delly, because rumor has it Thom joked around that he would put any guy in a choke hold if they dare tried. Thom told me he'd make it up with a good bid. Within seconds of the opening bid, Thom gave me a wink and bid $200.00. A kind gift that I wasn't even sure could be surpassed for the night. Peeta said bidding would start in at $20 for dates. Thom always found a way to be a big donor each year.
Next up was Annie. She did not want to do this at all. She is beautiful in a subtle and gentle way. She doesn't just capture your eyes, but your heart. There were several bids. Johanna even bid, increasing the ante. I thought Darius would win. He bid $200.00, but at last minute, Finnick walks forward, winks, and gives me the cockiest grin ever. "You'd be crazy if you think I'd lose my chance with Annie."
Finnick bid $300.00. Annie was not too pleased. She thinks Finnick is arrogant and vile but I always told her there was more to him. She glared at me as she came down the stairs to meet Finnick. Boy was I going to need to make an early morning phone call tomorrow!
Guys and girls alike went up. I smiled throughout because of the money the auction was making and because of the seemingly endless fun everyone was having. It was meant to be innocent fun, really. Most people would end up going to a nice dinner and saying their goodbyes. No pressure. The night was turning out to be a success. There was only one person left. Peeta.
Peeta was wearing a dark blue suit that brought out his ocean blue eyes. I'd be lying if I didn't say that Peeta looked devastatingly handsome. But it wasn't just Peeta's looks. It was his kind manner, warmth, and smile that enchanted you. I was observing Peeta the whole night. The way he danced with Sae's 6-year-old granddaughter and twirled her around the dance floor, offered everyone baked goods from the bakery with a smile. Peeta brought hope to everyone and to me. He's been sneaking me cookies since we were 5, helping me study for tests, supporting me when I started hunting, and holding me when I choked back tears when my father passed. He has always been there. He's everything to me.
The MC begins bidding and there's a tight pull on my heart. Seemingly every female in 12 is bidding on Peeta. I am not surprised. My heart starts racing. What if the date goes better than planned? What if the girl woos Peeta, win his heart, and they build a white picket fence together? What if his lips sear her skin with lust?
The thought sickens me and I start to feel dizzy.
Bidding is reaching an insane amount and everyone is in a war with Glimmer. She bids $50. Rue bids $100. She bids $ 125. Charlotte bids $150. She bids $200. Clove bids $250. Holy fucking shit. This is getting insane. I think maybe Clove has her beat, but then Glimmer, in a tight black dress that leaves little to the imagination yells out, "500 dollars!"
HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?!
I want to scream! The racing that my heart was doing previously is now running a track meet. I should be happy. I never thought anything could sell for $500 dollars but here is Peeta, up for auction. She has a mischievous grin on her face and she looks so satisfied with herself. Ugh. I just want to wipe that smile off her face. Her eyes find me in the crowd and she winks at me. WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE WINKING AT ME?! A storm of anger and what feels like jealously courses through me. Glimmer is so different from me, even tonight. She is wearing a studded black dress that highlights her cleavage. All the men have been staring at her the whole night. Meanwhile, I am wearing a white cotton dress, one that Peeta says makes him think of dandelions, life, and hope. For these few seconds, I find myself hating Glimmer!
The MC begins to speak.
$500 GOING ONCE…
Glimmer traces the edge of cleavage with her fingertip. She probably thinks she can take a little innocent date further and find herself in Peeta's bed. That his lips will find hers. That it's her name he will say after a night of raw fucking.
GOING TWICE…
FUCK! What if Peeta falls for it? Glimmer's charm, her looks. I mean, he is only human. What if after dinner, he invites her to his house and somehow his lips end up at her center while she moans his name? Or worse, what if he falls desperately in love with her? What if he forgets about this so called "most beautiful girl in 12" who is apparently going to let Glimmer win? What if he gives up on her and decides to give it a chance with Glimmer? What if he forgets about me?
Glimmer has wanted Peeta for so long and he deserves someone beautiful who wants him but… but — she can't have him! She just can't. I won't let it. As the MC's lips open, I think I witness a look of concern and maybe even sadness in Peeta's face. My mouth opens before my brain can think and shouts, "1000 dollars!"
Holy fuck, I just bid $1000 dollars on Peeta!
At first, I feel ashamed taking away an opportunity at a real date for Peeta. I feel immense guilt. But then I see his face smiling at me. I guess Glimmer's charm isn't for everyone. Meanwhile, my mood takes a quick turn as Glimmer looks at me with pure hatred. I give her a wink back this time.
The MC thanks everyone for coming out. Prim goes up and ends the evening thanking everyone for coming and for their donations. She shares that the charity auction raised 10,000 dollars this year, a huge leap from last year, mainly due to the dating auction. The event is over and Peeta is heading towards me with a stupid grin on his face.
"Well, well, well, I guess I am all yours tonight."
"Shut up! I was doing you a favor. You looked like you wanted to crawl into a huge hole when you thought Glimmer was going to win."
"Maybe, maybe not."
"Anyway, I saved you a night of romantic gestures. You don't have to wine and dine me!" I say with sarcasm, but also disappointment. "I mean, I know you probably had the most romantic of plans for your date. No point wasting those plans on your best friend."
"Hey, you shelled out the money. I'm treating you to a fine evening whether you scowl or not!"
I smile. This really has been the best charity to date and for the night to end with Peeta, it just feels right.
"I was going to take Glimmer or whoever to dinner but I have other plans for you."
The way Peeta says those final words sends my heart straight through the finish line. Why did I bid on Peeta? What's going on?
Peeta holds out his arm to me. "You ready for a night of pure magic?"
"Well, I would believe so, you weren't exactly cheap!"
Peeta's hearty laugh fills the night air.
Peeta leads me to his car. I put on his "Katniss" CD with all my favorite tunes and sing along with the window down and the breeze tickling my cheeks. I find Peeta staring at me. I must look ridiculous. As if to argue with my thoughts, Peeta says "Did you know you look absolutely beautiful tonight?"
"I didn't know compliments were part of the date package."
I expect Peeta to laugh, but his face is serious.
"You have no idea the effect you have, Katniss".
I catch Peeta's eyes which look at me with such tenderness. Without thinking my left hand laces with his right hand.
I am surprised to see where we have arrived. We are at Peeta's home. Peeta's parents left their house to Peeta once they moved and retired. Peeta's brother never had an affinity for 12 but Peeta loved 12. He said he loved the fresh air, the mockingbirds chirping in the trees, and me.
I'm stuck in my own mind when Peeta opens the door for me.
I step out into the backyard and I have to catch my breath, awed by the mix of white lilies and green lanterns that have adorned Peeta's backyard. In the middle of the backyard, on a sprawled out white sheet, are all my favorite sweets, some wine, and Peeta's delicious cheese buns. As I turn, I see Peeta's face highlighted by the brightness of the moon. I see his blue eyes, the crinkled smile, and his lips, which have never looked more appealing. My heart lifts with joy but then it quickly sputters in confusion. How did Peeta know I would bid on him?
I'm mumbling because I've become overwhelmed by so many sensations: fear, excitement, and worst of all, hope. Hope in something that I've never given myself a chance to believe in. Peeta, always surrounded by girls wanting his attention, they were always rebuffed. Girlfriends who he dated but never loved. I can't give into hope. I can't hope that maybe, maybe I'm the girl he thinks is most beautiful in all of 12. Me, Katniss Everdeen.
It's not possible. I can't hope in such things.
I look away from him, because I can't bear to know.
"Were you planning on romancing any District 12 girl with all my favorite things?" I giggle those words out but my shaking voice gives me away.
I can feel Peeta coming closer. Anyone could. He sounds like a bear going on a hunt when he walks. I giggle to myself as I wonder if anyone else loves this about him. Love. Is that what's going on with me?
I feel Peeta's breath on my neck and my legs tremble. I want nothing more than to turn around and kiss him but I can't get ahead of myself. I've learned to not have hope in happy endings because things can be so easily taken away from you. I hear his breathe catch before he speaks.
"No. I told you I was going to take any girl to dinner but this, this is for the is the most beautiful girl in District 12.
He shakily tells me something that I didn't realize I wanted to hear until tonight. "Katniss. It's you. It's always been you."
My heart switches from track meet to gymnastics and is doing full on somersaults.
"Don't you know, Katniss? Before your dad passed, he told me to always make sure you were ok. I told him that would never be a problem because you were everything to me. My joy, my light, my everything, and because… I love you."
My mind travels to when we were younger. Peeta told me once he wouldn't listen for my words but wait for my action. When I was filled with gratitude, he said I gave him the biggest, cheekiest smile. When I was nervous, he said my left leg would tap repeatedly. When I was afraid, my eyes would bulge. He said I never had to tell him anything, he could tell everything by my actions.
As I let everything sink in, that Peeta loves me, that maybe there's hope for a future for us, I am so happy. Because the truth is, I couldn't lose to Glimmer tonight, because Peeta is mine, he always has been. Because he's everything to me. Because I love him.
Peeta already knows I'm a person of action, so when I turn around and my love for him engulfs me, I do the only thing I can think of and capture his lips. The kisses are gentle and full. The kisses hold life, hope, longing, and a promise for the future.
To my disappointment, Peeta breaks away. I didn't know I could enjoy anything of Peeta's this much that weren't his cheese buns, but his lips have me engrossed and his scent of cinnamon and dill is intoxicating. I make a whimper expressing my need for him as he looks at me.
"Why did you bid on me? Tell me."
I want to break off into a soliloquy and tell him how thankful I am that his arms are there to comfort me. I want to tell him how his lips burn a fire within me. I want to tell him that when I wake up my first thoughts are of him, of what he's doing, what he's thinking, but all that will be shared with time. There are only a few words I can seem to say.
"Because I love you."
I wasn't prepared for Peeta's capturing of my lips but I mostly wasn't prepared for the intensity and passion behind his kisses. The white hot rage that I've felt so often this night has become white hot heat yearning for Peeta's touch.
"Peeta…"
Somehow in a matter of seconds, I end up in Peeta's bedroom. As his kisses taper my neck, I smile because the only person's name Peeta will be moaning tonight is mine. Because I'm definitely the biggest winner of the night.