Daria and Jane go with Mystik Spiral goes to a Battle of the Bands. Quinn throws a blow-out party. Fine out how these events combine to give Daria a missing night.
Daria in . . .
that was the weekend that wasn't
Note: Takes place in Season 4, after "I Loathe a Parade" and "Of Human Bonding."
~~~{ Act I }~~~
Weekend Plans
Scene opens with exterior shot of Lawndale High. The school bell rings, then the shot cuts to the interior shot of Daria's locker. She opens it and trades a few books back and forth from it and her backpack. Jane walks up from off screen while zips up her back pack.
Jane (cheerful): T.G.I.F., O Sardonic One! Got plans for this weekend?
Daria closes her locker and hooks her pack onto her shoulder. The pair then start walking up the corridor.
Daria (as the two start walking through the hall): Nothing special. Mom and Dad are going out of town today. Something about a copyright infringement case against one of Dad's clients. We managed to talk them out of dragging Quinn and me along with them.
Jane: I suppose Quinnie has a big party planned for the weekend then? Without your parents knowledge, of course
Daria: She did managed to talk Mom into letting the fashion drones come over for a summit meeting on silk stockings on Saturday. I figure that's enough to bore the Mount Rushmore presidents to tears. (Looks at Jane) What did you have in mind?
Jane: The Zon is having a (holds hands up and makes quotes with her fingers) "Battle of the bands" on Saturday night.
Daria (trying to sound nonplussed): Gee, that sounds like fun.
Jane : C'mon, Daria, show some support! The guys have been practicing every night for the past two weeks. For real. (Daria looks skeptical at that) The grand prize is a spot in a concert over in Suitsville and some actual studio time. (Looks at Daria) It should be quite the skirmish.
Daria (holding out): Well, I don't know....Remember Alternapalooza?
Jane (laughing): Boy, do I! (Catches sight of Daria's venomous look and quickly deflates) Heh...Oh, all right, I suppose that could have gone better.
The girls stop at another locker. Jane steps up and starts fiddling with the combination lock.
Daria: That's like saying the Hindenberg's flight could have gone better.
Jane (opening her locker): Look, it's not going to be that bad. They're setting it up in an empty pasture outside of town. It's not like we have to go all the way to Suitsville or something. Jessie, Max, and Nicholas will go out ahead of time in The Tank, and we'll ride out with Trent.
Daria: Um...(Jane sees that Daria is still somewhat smitten with her brother) Swell?
Jane (sighs): You're not going to get that rash again, are you?
The school bell rings.
The Fashion Club in Mrs. Bennett's Class
Scene opens with shot of class room filled with various Lawndale students. The only ones immediately recognizable are the Fashion Club, sitting in the near right corner of the class room (from the Camera's p.o.v.) Mrs. Bennett is, as usual, with her back to the class and drawing one of her diagrams that looks like a football play drawn during an earthquake.
Mrs. Bennett (prattling): Now, to continue our discussion on how international exchange rates effect the local market economy, we first need to understand how the various forms of currency around the world effect each other by...(continues on, unintelligible in the background. Like anyone's listening anyway.)
Back in the corner, the Fashion Club is talking amongst themselves, semi-conspiratorially.
Sandi (whispers): So, is everything ready for this Saturday?
Quinn (also whispering): Just about. With Mom and Dad gone, we'll have the house all to ourselves until at least Monday morning. I just have to make sure that I take care of a few other . . .uh . . .little details. We ought to get the place to ourselves about three.
Stacy (happily whispering): Oh wow! This is going to be so much fun! How did you convince your parents to let you have a party after what happened the last time?
Quinn: I didn't have too. I just told them that I was having the Fashion Club over for a meeting. And you guys are coming over to help me set up, right? There's our meeting.
Sandi: You simply neglected to tell them that the meeting was a Party Preparation meeting. (Snidely) Brilliant.
Tiffany (long drawl): Yyyyeeeeaaaahhhhhhh.
Sandi (sarcastically) : I wish that I could have thought of something like that.
Quinn (glues a fake smile on her face): Oh, Sandi! I just wish I could be a brilliant as you all the time!
Sandi: Hmph.
Quinn: (v/o as she pretends to pay attention) Maybe after I stick an ice pick in my ear.....Oh, god, I've got to quit hanging around Daria!
Stacy (stifled giggle): Don't forget, it b.y.m.b!
[Note: she means "bring your make-up bag." She is a Fashion Drone after all!]
Tiffany: Wwwhhhaaattt?
Stacy (deflated that no one got it): "Bring your -- " (looks at the wall and mumbles something that sounds like "Oh, forget it.")
Off in one of the adjoining rows, one of the students from the football team, Robert (the one who called Daria and Quinn "Ma'am" in "The New Kid") and Evan (form "See Jane Run"), catches part of the exchange and perks up slightly at the b.y.m.b. reference.
Robert (to Evan in the next row): Didja catch that? Party at Quinn's on Saturday -- B.Y.O.B!
Evan: Cool! We're there!
Dinner at the Morgendorffer
Exterior shot of front of Morgendorffer house, then switch to a shot of Jane and Daria walking into the kitchen, dropping their bags on the kitchen counter and heading to the refrigerator. Stuck to the refrigerator door is a bright yellow note.
Daria (reading from note): Dear Kids, Plane leaves at four. Should be in Chicago by seven. Will call when we get to the hotel. Should be back by Wednesday or Thursday. Plenty of food in refrigerator. Remember - No parties! Love, Mom and Dad.
Putting the back of her hand to her forehead, Jane puts on a good act of being emotionally moved.
Jane (fake sniff): Oh, that was beautiful!
Daria (flatly): Oh, please. Stop. You know what it does to me when you get emotional.
Daria pulls open the freezer and refrigerator doors. Shot changes to interior shot of both as Daria and Jane take inventory.
Daria: Six frozen lasagnas. Thanks, Mom
Jane: A case of no calorie, co caffeine, no fizz, no flavor, diet soda. Quinn's set.
Daria: A bottle of Martini olives. A Jake Morgendorffer staple.
Jane: A gallon of double fudge chocolate and peanut butter ice cream?...Who's is that?
Daria: Hmm. Mom must have been talking to Aunt Rita again...
Shot changes to side view of Daria and Jane staring into the refrigerator.
Daria (continuing): Cold cuts, milk, salad-in-a-bag...
Jane (triumphantly): Ah-Ha! Pay dirt! (Reaches into the freezer half and pulls out a tub of something.) Five pounds of frozen cookie dough! Chocolate chip!
Daria (smirks): Helllllloooooooo diabetic coma. (Closing the refrigerator): You find the movie, I'll get the insulin and some extra pillows from upstairs.
Jane (turning with the tub and walking out of view): Your are one party animal, Daria Morgendorffer.
Shot changes to Jane and Daria, from behind, vegging out on the floor of the living room. They are using the pillows off of the sofas as back rests and sitting on others. A gallon jug of milk and a pair of large glasses sit on one coffee table next to a mostly empty tub of cookie dough. The girls look very, very full.
On television, the Sick Sad World theme blares out. The screen shows a teenaged girl in a purple t-shirt making a submarine sandwich for a blond man (shown from behind) wearing surgical scrubs that have 'EASTSIDE VETERINARY CLINIC stenciled on them.
SSW Announcer: When veterinarians and restaurant owners become partners, just don't ask about the hush puppies. (A cat runs across the sub shop counter, perused by a nurse.) Or the chili! When Sick Sad World returns!
Daria reaches up with the remote and shuts off the television with the remote control. Shot switches p.o.v. to off to Dara's left.
Jane: (lays her head back on the sofa and stairs at the ceiling) Bleah, there's an image that I didn't need.
Daria (looks over): Even after the giant radioactive crab ate the New Orleans restaurant?
Jane: Before or after he threw those two marines into the giant pot of gumbo?
Daria: Urp I may be sick.
Jane: Just so long as you're recovered by Saturday night. (Jane lifts her head up and looks at Daria) You are still coming to the "Battle of the Bands," tomorrow night, right?
Daria: Well, I suppose it would be a good way to recover from the Homecoming nightmares I've been having since last week. (looks at Jane) It would be a step up from being covered in blue and yellow paint.
Jane (chuckles): I still think that you should have come with. You looked cool!
Daria: Actually, I felt like a wad of gum on the bottom of someone's shoe. (v/o as Daria frowns slightly) in more ways than one. (normal voice) Besides, you were with Tom.
Jane (sighs): That doesn't mean that you weren't welcome to come along. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm going to leave my Best Friend high and dry.
As Jane speaks, Quinn comes through the front door and heads for the living room.
Jane (continues): Which reminds me, what was that remark about a cape that Tom made? I asked him about it, but he wouldn't say anything.
Daria: It's ---
Quinn (spotting the tub of cookie dough): Uch, you two sat here and ate that whole thing? Do you know what that does to your skin? Never mind your waistline!
Daria (looking up at Quinn): What can we say? We're just a couple of growing little girls.
Quinn (looks in the tub again and shakes her head): Gross! (Focuses on Daria and Jane) Look, you two can overdose on cookie dough if you want to, just make sure that you don't do it here tomorrow, all right? The Fashion Club is coming over here and we're going to have a big meeting on outfit coordination.
Daria: This wouldn't also happen to coincide with the big "Boys Are Guys" retrospective on TV tomorrow, would it? Besides, I thought it was silk stockings.
Jane (hand over her mouth) Urp! Don't mention...Urp....boy bands.
Quinn (giving Jane a briefly nauseated look.) Whatever. Look, Daria, just be someplace else tomorrow. (Starts walking off) Like another planet!
Both of the girls watch as Quinn heads off in the direction of the kitchen.
Jane (with a chuckle): Well, there's your choice, Daria - Lounge around the house and listen to the Fashion Gestapo prattle on about pants, or head on out to Lawndale's very own version of Woodstock and root Trent and the boys of Mystik Spiral. You make the call!
Daria: Well.....
Jane: I promise, no Tom this time.
Daria (sighs): Oh all right. You owe me after that paint fiasco at homecoming, anyway.
Jane (thrusts her fist up in the air) :Yes! "Lawndale-stock" it is!
Suddenly, someone's stomach makes a long, weird gurgling noise, sounding something like "fnurrrrrrrgle". Both girls get wide eyed and look at each other.
Daria and Jane (pointing at each other and speaking simultaneously):That was you!
Scene ends and fades into montage of Fashion Club plotting in Mrs Bennett's class. Music is chorus of "Fly Like An Eagle" by Seal