Notes: Set in 2x12 after Supergirl saves Lena, and veers off from there. This is my first work so I really hope you enjoy it. Thank you to my amazing girlfriend for supporting me, and also my friend Bappythegayshark on Tumblr for helping me with the grammatical errors, you're the real MVP.
"I'm so sorry, Lena. I just… I have to go."
Lena clenched her jaw and willed away the words Kara told her less than an hour before. She carefully slid her key into her apartment lock, and let herself in. Dropping all of her belongings to the floor, not bothering to hang her coat, she headed straight to the bathroom.
After what transpired in her office, all Lena wanted was a long, hot shower to calm her nerves. With shaking hands, she took off her jewelry, let down her hair, and slowly peeled off her clothing.
The heat of the water shocked her skin. But as it burned through her flesh and deep into her muscles, she could slowly feel her body being to relax. She rested her palms against the cool tile, turning her head down as the water cascaded down her back.
She soaked it in for a while, not realizing just how tightly wound she was the entire ride home. Too soon, though, the memory of what happened was back at the forefront of her mind.
She kissed Kara Danvers.
Not a small peck on the cheek. No, that probably wouldn't have scared Kara the way it did. This was a full-fledged, searing hot kiss to the lips. One that she had been holding back since Kara "tagged along" with Clark Kent for an "interview".
Kara had been so nervous, fidgeting and stuttering, it was quite endearing. It somehow made her feel comfortable enough to share about her adoption and relationship with Lex to a complete stranger- maybe it was the tenderness behind those deep blue eyes that had done it. But somehow Kara understood completely when she told her she just wanted to make a name for herself, and Lena never wanted to kiss someone more.
Then as fate would have, Kara had saved her from that helicopter the same exact day.
And of course she knew Kara was Supergirl. Lena was many things, but an idiot was not one of them (not to mention a pair of glasses is literally the worst disguise ever).
Lena admits, she was initially thrown for a loop. The strong and confident Supergirl who had saved her in the helicopter was a stark contrast to the shy and nervous woman that stood in her office. But after the initial shock, she could see those subtle similarities shining through.
First it was the obvious things: the same flowing blonde hair. The same piercing blue eyes. But as she slowly grew closer to the kind, sensitive woman, it was the crinkle between her eyes when she was upset or thinking. The small scar that adorned her left brow. The same burning desire to do everything in her power for good.
And it couldn't be a coincidence that "both" women were suddenly making appearances in her life more and more. That "both" women suddenly believed in her with such conviction it shook her to the very core. No, they had to be one in the same person.
But that in itself had its own set of challenges. They were simply too different. They were black and white. (No matter how she wished Kara would turn her gray.) Kara was pure light. She was barely a spark in the void.
And they were enemies by blood.
How could I be so stupid? How could a Super ever want to be with a Luthor?
She sighed and began to lather herself up. Small tentative movements at first, but as the anger rose inside her, Lena wished she had something coarser. Something that would scrape deep into soft flesh and leave it raw. Maybe if she scrubbed hard enough, she could wash away her embarrassment. The pain and the rejection. All the sins she's ever committed, maybe even her very name and being.
How Lena wished it were that easy. To shed her skin and become someone new. Someone worthy of love. Someone worthy of Kara.
She rinsed and shut the water off, the knobs squeaking softly in protest. As she pulled back the shower curtain, the cold air rushed in and made her shiver. She reached for a towel and wrapped it around herself tightly. With a deep sadness filling inside her, she made her way to the kitchen.
All Lena wanted now was her strongest glass of wine, and cursed herself for not having anything harder. She poured herself the first glass and quickly gulped it down, not caring that a small amount dribbled down her jaw. Then she poured another, and downed it just the same. And another. The alcohol made her feel light, and she was grateful for the feeling. She poured herself a final glass and decided to resign to her bedroom for the night.
She opened her bedroom door, not bothering to turn on the light, and paused. Whatever light feeling she had earlier was quickly overtaken by the sight of her big, cold, empty bed. One that didn't contain a certain blonde-haired girl with blazing blue eyes wrapped in her sheets.
She sighed again. She shouldn't think that way. Kara didn't want her. And honestly? Who could really blame her. Being with a Luthor was dangerous. Lena knew that. How many times since she moved here has her life been threatened? How many times has she been accused of being the same dirty, conniving person Lex was, simply because they shared the same last name?
And how many times did Supergirl have to save her for that reason? It wasn't fair. There were better people. People more deserving of being saved than her. And to take Supergirl away from those people: mothers, fathers, children, friends… Lena had no right to belong in that group. She didn't deserve all that Kara had done for her.
She wiped at her now wet eyes, dropped her towel, and walked over to sit on the bed. She threw back her final glass of wine, and set it down on the nightstand. She should really change into her night clothes, but she just didn't have the energy. So she settled her body under the blankets, and stared up into the darkness.
It was eerily quiet. The silence so loud it was deafening, and she wished she could hear Kara's soft laugh in it's place. It was amazing really, that she was lucky enough to hear it, even just for a little while. Amazing that she was somehow able to bring such a beautiful sound from Kara. How she was able to bring a genuine smile to her lips.
"Well that's what friends are for."
Had she completely imagined the hesitance when Kara had said "friends"? Had she really seen those longing looks Kara had given her- the ones that she held just a little too long? Or had she fabricated it all?
"I've never had friends like you before… No one's ever stood up for me like that."
"Now you have someone who will stand up for you, always."
"Kara Danvers, you are my hero."
It was true. No one has ever stood up for Lena. No one has ever believed in her the way Kara did. Perhaps she made up the whole thing because she didn't know how to have friends, and she didn't know the boundaries between a platonic friendship and something more. Maybe because she's never had a real friendship in her life. And because she's never had someone beside Lex who showed her love before. And if she was being completely honest with herself, deep down she wasn't even sure Lex actually cared for her, or if she was just another pawn in his grand scheme.
But Kara did care for her. Kara had made her feel so important. Kara made her feel better than she was- than she could ever hope to be. Kara made her feel good.And Lena almost believed she really could change her name into something positive. That she really could be the only good Luthor.
Until she ruined it with one kiss.
God… She must have looked pathetic. All the times she blatantly flirted with Kara. And Kara, as sweet as ever, letting it pass, not once making her feel as dumb as she looked.
The pain in her chest was striking. A deep, all-consuming, crushing pain. Her bottom lip quivered at the memories. Why couldn't she have been content with the friendship Kara had offered. It was more than she would ever deserve. Why did she have to be so selfish?
Instead of being grateful, she pined and she fantasized. She fantasized that the budding friendship they had would turn into more. Fantasized of kissing Kara's lips. Those impossibly soft lips. And when she looked into the sweetest eyes she's ever known, she hoped. Hoped that the feelings she had for Kara could one day be returned. Hoped that maybe, just maybe, she could be good enough.
But Lena was wrong. She took it too far, overstepped her boundaries, and got rejection instead. Her hopes crushed. Her heart burned.
The alcohol began to settle in, and the promise of sleep was too good to pass. So she closed her eyes, and as much as she tried not to, she couldn't help but dream of Kara Danvers.