Title: Don't Look It Up
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings/Characters: Janto, Gwen
Summary: He looked it up. Spoilers for the Torchwood novel 'Risk Assessment' and very slight ones for 'Almost Perfect' and the episode 'Countrycide.' Janto. Don't like, piss off. No Gwen bashing, cos she doesn't suck in this.
Disclaimer: Torchwood SO OBVIOUSLY does not belong to me, but if it did, James Goss would be head writer and Trevor Baxendale would be fired from life.
A/N: Why is it I come up with great ideas when I promise other things? Whatever-hope you enjoy this, and you should DEFINITLEY read 'Risk Assessment' and 'Almost Perfect' both by James Goss-who is effing AMAZING! He gets the Jack/Ianto relationship PERFECT, and Gwen is actually likeable-and trust me, I HATE Gwen. Seriously, he should be writing every episode. I'd stay away from Trevor Baxendale ones, though. It's mainly Gwack and drama/angst and Ianto pushed to the sidelines with him. Plus he's not a very good writer. Wowthatwasunnecessarilylong.

Ianto Jones was not a man who swore often. And when he did, the events happened to be quite drastic. Like, the time he was almost eaten by cannibals, or when Jack had disappeared. Maybe also when he was turned into a woman.

Ianto Jones also happened to be a curious man at times, so when Jack had asked him, pleaded, even, for him not to look up a certain word Agnes Havisham had referred to him as, guess what he did.

He looked it up.

And he thoroughly regretted it, he really did.

-TWTWTWTW-

Jack was currently having a pleasant conversation with Gwen, at least until they were interrupted by a very loud exclamation of "WHAT THE FUCK?" Their heads both snapped in the direction of the sound, instantly realizing the Welsh accent.

"Ianto?" Jack and Gwen shouted as they ran towards him with their guns out. They reached him and saw he was in no danger, but he looked very cross. The put the guns back in their holsters. "Ianto, what's wrong?" Jack asked carefully.

"Do you mind explaining to me what the bloody hell this is?"

Gwen was taken aback by his language, but then again, he just screamed 'fuck' only a moment ago.

"What what is?"

He pointed sharply at the screen, his focus on Jack not wavering. Jack looked back at Gwen, who only shrugged. He sighed and put his hands down on the desk, leaning in to read the monitor.

" 'A catamite is the younger, passive partner in a pederastic relationship between a man and a boy.' Ianto, I don't…oh."

Gwen was trying very hard not to burst out laughing.

"Ianto, I asked you not to look it up."

Ianto crossed his arms. "Well am I?"

"Are you what?"

"A fucking catamite!"

"No! Ianto, no-well…" Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, according to the definition…" Gwen began letting out short series of giggles.

"So, what, this is a 'pederastic' relationship? She thinks we're 'pederastic'? I am going to-!"

Ianto was silenced when Jack grabbed his face and kissed him firmly yet lovingly on the lips. Ianto forgot about his anger for a minute and stared kissing back. Gwen ceased her giggling when Jack landed in Ianto's lap. "Um, boys?" No response. "Boys?" she said a little louder this time. Still no response; like she wasn't even there.

"JACK! IANTO! GOD DAMMIT!"

She got nothing-not even a flinch. She threw her arms up. "I give up. I'm just going to leave now."

When she was gone, Jack pulled back and gazed at his lover's face. "No, Ianto, you are not a catamite." Ianto smiled. "You're my catamite." Ianto frowned and slapped his arm.

"I'm just kidding. I don't like that word, anyway; makes me feel old."

"Who's to say you aren't?" Ianto replied with a smirk.

Jack put his hands on his hips. "Ianto, I am offended."

Ianto moved Jack's hands onto his hips. "No you're not," he said quietly.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "…Okay, you caught me." He started kissing his way down Ianto's neck, until Ianto remembered something.

"And I'm not passive, either."

"Mmm, there are many definitions," Jack replied into his neck. "Want to look them up, too?"

Ianto grinned. "Maybe later. I think we have…other things, to do now."

~THE END

A/N: OHMAIGOD was that any good? Pleeeease let me know!