A Treasure Odyssey
Part 1: Money Makes the World Go Round
It was an ordinary Wednesday afternoon. Professor Malleus, who taught Defence Against the Dark Arts, had spent the past two hours lecturing about the horror of Gabbles, a strange ghoul that seemed to infest just about every crack and crevice in Hogsmead and had the power of killing the weak-of-mind through the power of sheer humiliation. The words of warning was all background noise to James who had been playing Birds of Wrath on his smart-looking glass all day and outright refused to put it down until he broke the high score.
"Although the Gabble isn't an audio-terror, like the hobby lantern and the siren" said Professor Malleus, who seemed more tired from his general disinterest in the subject matter than any real physical exhaustion because he spent all day sitting on a desk anyway, "Expect them to come up on the exam. Terrible, terrible things, mind-terrors, but you know the drill: distract yourself with a catchy tune. Yes, Meadows?"
"Are show tunes ok?" Cas asked.
"If you find them catchy enough, of course, why wouldn't they be?"
"Mac says that singing show tunes is equivalent to day dreaming and that day dreaming weakens the mind"
"That's the silliest thing I've heard all day. Show tunes are not different from other tunes, stop distinguishing between genres, that's just complicating things unnecessarily. Yes, Goody?"
"What should one do if one encounters a Gabble?" Goody asked.
"Think humble thoughts, I've already said that"
"I know, Sir, but could you give an example?"
"I don't know" sighed Malleus and looked at his watch because class was coming to an end. "Suppose you run into a Gabble and find yourself stripped to your knickers or something. This is why bringing one to class is out of the question, by the way. Gabbles have no inner-censor and I'm risking a lawsuit just using this as an example. But in such a situation, and this will probably sound unbelievably silly, you should focus your mind on the wonder of your knickers. If you can do that- and few can- the Gabble has no power over you apparently. The killing-incantation is Namaste but you have to say it with a sort of bow and with your hands put together. But it's not easy, it's best to simply not encounter one. Listen and observe before opening anything unfamiliar and if you find a possessed object it's best to just call EcoPests Ltd., thank Goat for them! Sure they are a bit pricy but I think the planet is worth it, don't you? Oh, that reminds me…"
Professor Malleus whipped out his IPumpkin 4 and dialed, explaining to his students that the coffee machine in the staff room had been acting out lately. James broke the high score just in time for his smart-glass to ring and he accidentally cracked the display trying to turn it off.
"Breaking mirrors in my class?" reproached Malleus. "You just got yourself seven years of bad luck! Class dismissed. Go to Pomfrey for a clover shot"
The class rejoiced over the fact that it was Friday as they squeezed by each other through the door. James and Sirius rejoiced as well with the little energy they had although there was little cause for them to rejoice now that they had realized the downside of a successful business like EcoPests Ltd, half of which they formed.: a lot of work. They hadn't intended to infest the whole town, just Poshkea, the shop where the filthy rich got their cupboards. It had all been intended as a way to get inside posh people's homes and go through their things and, if they were evil, nick their stuff. Now their smart-glasses had been buzzing nonstop just because a pair of gabbles had been released inside a chiffonier by accident but the Royal Witch Palace, 10 Drowning Street and Gringotts had yet to call for their aid.
"Roll up your sleeve, please" said Madam Pomfrey and James did so. Sirius sat down on the bed and put yesterday's word-puzzle on his lap and his blinking IPumpkin 5 to his ear.
"What? Yeah, this is EcoPests. All certifications. You know; Fair Trade, Hippies Certified, Sustainable Tree-Hugging. Tomorrow at six? Let me just see if we can squeeze you in oh it looks a little tight to b T…" Scribble, scribble. "The massive infestation, you know, travelling will do that, it's why it's important to burn infested clothes and recycle the ashes. Or, put them in the freezer, I hear that works too. Yeah, we're pro-life. In regards to pests, I mean, not people. They certainly are but not worth saving! Oh, just the EcoPest robes and matching hairnet, checkered socks, a top signed by Liza Minelli-"
It was at this point James from experience saw it fit to take over. He rolled down his sleeve and took the smart-glass from Sirius.
"Hi we are completely booked for six months how is June 26 1987? What sort of agreement? Hm, I suppose we could work you in Monday at four. Tomorrow at eleven it is! Thank you for choosing EcoPests! Have a good day, Sir!"
James returned the smart-glass and tried to remember what had just happened.
"What did he say?" asked Sirius.
"I offered Monday… And then I don't remember. It's like I blacked out for the rest of the conversation. Must be some weird side effect of the clover shot"
"Right, the clover shot made you offer tomorrow at eleven"
"If you're suggesting our new client made me offer tomorrow at eleven through some dark mind magic he must be a pretty dark and evil client, and you know what that means don't you?"
"Yes. Yes I do"
It meant they were riiiiiich. Er.