Miracle
Summary: Tracey receives some frightening medical news, and Kelly must help her through one of the most difficult times in her life. Response to Visitors challenge.
Author's Note: Phew, I didn't think I'd have this finished in time, but here it is. I know it's not the expected response, far from it, but…it's personal.
Word Count: 5,371
Kelly Gaffney walked up the stairs leading to the apartment she shared with her girlfriend Tracey Kibre. Her boss and girlfriend had gone home earlier that day because she was feeling tired. Kelly hoped desperately that Tracey's exhaustion was a result of staying up too late the previous night with more entertaining activities and not the result of some virus.
Kelly retrieved her keys from her purse quickly as she approached the door. Seeing as she did not know Tracey's current location in the apartment, she opened the door as quietly as she could. She carefully placed the keys down on the small table located right next to the front door. Once she did not see Tracey in the living room, she began her search for her girlfriend.
She tiptoed back to the bedroom. Once there, she carefully inched the door open, but she saw no sign that Tracey had been in there all afternoon. Kelly took off her shoes, left them by that door, and continued her way through the apartment.
Though the bathroom door was closed, Kelly could see that the light was on. She could not explain why, but just seeing that light from underneath the door made her feel sick to her stomach. Something was not right, and she had to find out what.
Kelly rushed over to the door and knocked loudly twice. "Trace, I know you're in there," she called through the closed door. "What's wrong?"
The door opened slowly, and Tracey appeared behind it. Apart from her hair looking like she had spent the entire afternoon on the couch, she looked normal. "Are you ok?" Tracey asked curiously as she stepped out from the bathroom past Kelly. She flipped the lights off casually.
"I could ask you the same question," Kelly responded. The fear in her voice was unmistakable. Her eyes met Tracey's with a look of concern, and she placed a gentle hand on Tracey's right shoulder.
Tracey eyed the other woman suspiciously, but she could easily sense the seriousness in her girlfriend's question. Either something terrible happened down at the office while she was gone, or Kelly knew something that she did not. Either way, Kelly was worried and serious. "I'm fine," Tracey assured Kelly as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend tightly. "I just have a headache, probably from working on these cases for too long."
"Again?" Kelly questioned as the two of them began walking towards the kitchen. The concern was still obvious.
"It shouldn't be anything a little Advil won't fix," Tracey stated.
"You know, if symptoms persist, you really should see a doctor," Kelly responded seriously. She walked over to the fridge. She was not in much of a mood to cook something for dinner. Instead, she scanned the contents of the refrigerator for something to heat up in the microwave. Their microwave had not stopped working.
Tracey reached over Kelly's bent back for the pitcher of cold water. "Kelly, I appreciate your concern, but I really am fine," she insisted as she walked back over to the counter. She placed the pitcher down and retrieved two glasses from the cabinet.
Kelly stood up straight for a moment to raise a disbelieving eyebrow at Tracey, but she said nothing. When Tracey got stubborn like this, she had learned it was best to say nothing for the time being. She would just have to remember having the conversation and come back to it at a later point. There was no point in arguing about it now, even if Kelly still had the nagging feeling that something was wrong.
On the other hand, Tracey had said so herself that she was fine. There should be no reason to worry. Kelly was probably just overreacting. She exhaled deeply and knelt back down in front of the fridge. "Leftover spaghetti ok for dinner?" she asked.
"Sure," Tracey said as she continued pouring the water.
Kelly nodded and pulled the Tupperware out. She walked over to the counter next to Tracey and gasped. "Hey, we're drinking the water, not cleaning the counter," she pointed out as she moved her finger in a circle above the spot on the counter where Tracey had poured water.
Tracey gasped as her pale cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she began as she backed up and sat down at the kitchen table.
Kelly grabbed some paper towels and started wiping the water up. "It's fine, Trace," she assured her girlfriend as she tossed the paper towel into the trash can. "It's only water." She walked over to Tracey again and sat down next to her. She placed one hand on top of Tracey's. "Are you sure you're ok?" she repeated her earlier question.
"Maybe I'm still a little tired," Tracey began. "I think I'm going to skip dinner if you don't mind. I wasn't that hungry anyway."
Kelly placed a caring hand on Tracey's forehead. "No fever," she noted as she stood up and offered Tracey her hand. Once Tracey took it, she pulled her girlfriend up and guided her back to the bedroom and over to the bed. "Just get some sleep, ok?" she said as she sat down next to Tracey. "Holler if you need anything at all. Anything in the whole world."
Tracey smiled weakly up at Kelly. "Thanks," she whispered. "You're the best. I don't know what I did to deserve you."
Kelly brushed two fingers against Tracey's cheek. "Yes, you do." She leaned over and kissed Tracey's forehead lightly. "Sleep tight."
Tracey could not sleep. Her head was in too much pain. It was not the dull kind of pain she got when she was stressed out about the crappy cases either. It was a different kind of pain. Intense, and she did not care for it. She looked over at the clock again. 2:39. Only twenty-one more minutes until she could take more pain medication.
She tried not to think about it. She turned herself around and looked over at Kelly. Her girlfriend was sleeping peacefully. Her blonde hair was pulled back into two small pigtails at the base of her neck. She was lying on her stomach facing Tracey. Her left arm was right next to her chest, and her right arm was lying up above her head. Her mouth was open slightly. More than anything, she looked innocent. It was things like this that made her forget about the bad parts of her life.
Ok, most of the time that was true, Tracey noted. This time, not so much. She carefully glanced back at the clock again. The green light now flashed 2:41. Nineteen more minutes. Could she really stand to wait that long? What harm would taking the medicine nineteen minutes earlier do? It takes an hour for her to notice that it works anyway.
"Screw it, I'm having some," Tracey muttered as she moved towards the bathroom. She blinked a few times to adjust to the light, but she eventually found the medicine. She swallowed the two pills and water.
"Tracey?" The voice was soft and had hints of confusion, but unmistakably Kelly's. Of course. Who else would be in their apartment at two forty in the morning?
Tracey gasped as she walked over to her girlfriend. Kelly was dressed in an oversized pink T-shirt with a black kitty on it. "Kelly, I am so sorry," she began as she embraced the other woman. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"What's done is done," Kelly stated with a yawn. She looked at Tracey seriously. "What are you doing up?" She scanned the rest of the bathroom for a clue. "With the medicine cabinet open?" she asked.
"Just getting some Advil," Tracey noted as she closed the cabinet.
Kelly raised an eyebrow at Tracey. "You're going to the doctor," she stated firmly. "This is the third week in a row."
"Kelly, it's nothing," Tracey began. "It's probably just stress because of the cases we've been having lately."
Kelly shook her head. "I have the same cases, and you don't see me at this cabinet every six hours on the dot," she pointed out. "We don't have to appear in court tomorrow, so you're going. End of story."
Tracey frowned slightly. "I thought I was supposed to be your boss."
"You're going," Kelly repeated sternly as she crossed her arms across her chest. "Do I have to stay with you all day to be sure that you'll go?"
Tracey shook her head. "If it means that much to you, I'll go."
"It does," Kelly stated as she hugged Tracey again. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm really worried about you."
Tracey smiled and kissed Kelly's lips gently. "Thanks. And had the situation been reversed, I probably would be forcing you to go." She joined hands with Kelly, and the two of them began walking back to the bedroom. "I love you, Kelly."
"I know," Kelly said. "I love you, too, Tracey."
Tracey stared at the doctor in shock. This was her doctor, the doctor she had been going to for longer than she would like to admit. This was the woman who knew everything about her. Tracey wanted to trust everything this woman had to say, but this was just too much for her to handle. How could this be happening to her?
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Tracey asked.
The doctor looked at Tracey sympathetically. This was the part of her job she hated. "Do you want the lay terms or medical?" Upon Tracey's silence, she continued with both. "In medical terms, it's a low grade glioma. A brain tumor, Tracey."
There. Tracey had heard it. She had heard it again. She did not know what to do with the information. She wanted to go home, crawl into Kelly's arms, and cry her brains out. Of course, she was not home, and neither was Kelly. Kelly was at work while she was still at the doctor's office with this news. "W-what does that mean?" Tracey asked. "What are you going to do?"
"Well, the good news is that the tumor has not spread to any other part of your body," her doctor began.
Tracey frowned. "You didn't answer my question. What are you going to do?"
"First we have to find out if it's operable," her doctor said. She looked up at Tracey's prodding look and continued. "If it is, we'll schedule surgery as quickly as possible."
Tracey swallowed hard. "A-and if it's not?" she choked. The tears were welling up in her dark brown eyes. She did not want to keep listening to this, especially alone, but what other choice did she have?
"Radiation and chemo," her doctor said. She looked Tracey up and down. "It might be a little hard on you because of your size, but it would be your best shot if the surgery doesn't work." She sighed. "I wouldn't worry too much. We caught it early. Patients in your condition have a real chance, even without surgery."
"What's a real chance?" Tracey asked curiously although she was afraid to hear the answer. Whatever it was, it was a relative answer. What would be good to this doctor might not be good to another.
"Two in five," her doctor said.
Tracey could just feel the warm tears rolling down her pale cheeks. She could not take this. It was too much. This kind of thing was not supposed to happen to her. She was a good person. Was it some form of punishment for something?
"Hey," her doctor said warmly. "Don't worry about it too much."
"'Don't worry about it?'" Tracey repeated in horror. "How can I not worry about it? I only have a forty percent chance of surviving this! I think it's something to worry about!" she exclaimed as she rose from her seat. She stopped herself and sat back down. The tears were flowing.
"That's without the surgery," her doctor reminded her. "We don't even know if it's operable. There's a high probability that it is."
"How soon will you know?" Tracey asked seriously. She reached into her pocket for the small package of tissues.
"Several hours," her doctor replied in the same serious tone.
Tracey nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. "And if you don't mind, I'd like to go be with someone right now." She stood up and started gathering her things together.
"Of course," her doctor said. "We'll call you as soon as we know something," she promised.
Tracey thanked her then walked out of the office. As soon as she closed the door, she was in tears again. This kind of thing was not supposed to happen to her. She did not know what to do. She did not want to be seen in public like this, but she could not help it. She sighed again as she tried to flag down a taxi.
"Where to?" the taxi driver asked in a voice that told Tracey he could care less about her problems.
"Um, the District Attorney's office," Tracey managed to say. She knew her location and that it would take about ten to fifteen minutes to get to the office. She had ten to fifteen minutes to pull herself together. She could not let anyone at the office see her like this. She was supposed to be strong. This was unlike her, and she did not want them to suspect that anything out of the ordinary was going on.
She knew she would have to tell Branch. He was her boss after all. Whether or not it was operable, it would require some treatment. Treatment meant missing time from work. She only got a certain number of sick days a year. She had to tell him, but first she had to tell Kelly. That was the only reason she was going into work. This was not the kind of thing that could be conveyed by phone, and she could not wait until Kelly came home that night. She could only hope that Kelly was in the office.
She sniffled slightly and dabbed at her eyes as she tried to calm herself. She was approaching familiar territory. They would be there soon. Scratch that. She was there. She pulled the money out of her wallet and handed it to the driver. She then stepped out and stared at the office building. She took one look at it before wishing she had a mirror with her. She wondered how she looked, but she did not have time to dwell on it. She had to get inside and see Kelly before anyone else noticed she was there.
She walked inside. So far so good. No one really notices you're here, she told herself. She continued making her way towards Kelly's office.
"Tracey?"
Damn. Someone had noticed her.
Tracey turned around slightly and faced Hector Salazar. "I thought Kelly said you were sick," he commented. He looked at her again. "You ok?" he asked.
"Hmm?" Tracey asked. She had to act as if nothing was going on. As far as Hector was concerned, there was nothing.
"Your eyes," Hector noted.
"Oh, just, um, allergies," Tracey lied. "And I just came in to talk to Kelly about something. Do you know if she's in now?"
Hector nodded. "Yea, I just ran some possible witness names by her," he stated as he started heading for the door. "Hope you feel better."
I hope so, too, Tracey thought as she rushed over to Kelly's office before anyone else noticed her. She walked inside and immediately caught her girlfriend's attention.
"Tracey?" Kelly asked as her face immediately filled with panic. "What is it?" she asked.
"Can we talk in my office?" Tracey asked. "No one knows I'm here."
Kelly once again felt sick to her stomach. Whatever happened that day at the doctor was not good otherwise Tracey would not be acting this way. The two of them walked into Tracey's office and locked the door behind them. Tracey sat down at her desk and motioned for Kelly to sit down as well. That too freaked Kelly out. No one needs to sit for good news. "What is it?" she repeated.
Tracey shook her head as she felt the tears returning to behind her eyes. It was the same burning sensation. The harder she tried to fight it off, the more the tears seemed to form. She tried to shake it off, but it was useless. The words would not form in her mouth. She could not make them form. She tried and tried, but it was not working.
"Is it about what happened at the doctor's?" Kelly asked seriously as she placed a gentle hand on Kelly's.
Tracey nodded, but she still could not say anything. Saying something like this made it real. As long as she kept it to herself, there was a chance that it was a mistake. If she admitted to it, it was real. There was no mistake. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
"Oh, god," Kelly said. She did not know what to think. "How bad is it?"
Tracey shrugged. She did not want to tell Kelly. She knew that Kelly had a right to know. Kelly was her girlfriend. It was Kelly who had prodded her to go in the first place. If the treatment was successful, she would owe her life to Kelly. Kelly had to know.
On the other hand, Kelly was still young. Kelly was ten years younger. Tracey did not want her to know about this. She wanted to be able to shield her from it all.
Kelly moved over and sat down next to Tracey in the same chair. She pulled Tracey up into her lap and ran her fingers down her girlfriend's upper legs. "Trace, I'm a big girl. I can handle it. I'm going to find out eventually. Might as well tell me now."
Tracey nodded slightly. "I'm not exactly sure how bad it is yet. They'll know in a couple hours," she said.
"What is 'it'?" Kelly asked in frustration. "What aren't you telling me?"
The two of them sat there in silence. Kelly stared at Tracey. She saw the fear in her girlfriend's eyes, and she wanted to make it go away. She wanted badly to tell her everything would be fine, but she could not. Tracey looked at Kelly and noticed the concern in her girlfriend's expression. She had never seen a person show that much concern to her before. Ever.
"It's a brain tumor, Kelly," Tracey said finally as she dabbed at her own eyes. "Benign, but they don't even know if it's operable yet."
Kelly's mouth dropped open in shock. She did not know how to respond. "What?" she asked. "Are they sure?"
Tracey nodded. "Positive."
"Don't they need to do a biopsy or something?" Kelly asked. "This is just…wrong. I don't believe you. You're lying. This is some sort of trick or something," she exclaimed. She looked back at Tracey's somber expression. That did it for her. Kelly threw her arms around Tracey and began sobbing into her girlfriend's shoulder. "I'm not ready to lose you."
Tracey was relieved and nervous at the same time. Relieved because the tumor was operable. Her surgery was scheduled for 9:30 the following morning. It was good to do it quickly to prevent it from spreading. She had already told Branch of all this, and he told her to take as much time off as she needed. The whole thing was still making her nervous. She knew that the surgeons were highly trained in what they do. This was probably just routine to them. She was nothing more than a number to them. Still, there could be complications. Complications in surgery, in recovery. She could not help it.
Kelly had helped put her mind at ease. That night, the two of them had dinner at one of the finest French restaurants known to New York City. Tracey's favorite. She loved it, and for a moment she forgot about the life or death situation she was faced with. Now the two of them were home sitting on the couch. A movie was playing on the television, but Tracey could not pay much attention to it.
Neither could Kelly. All she kept thinking about was Tracey. The two of them glanced over at each other and immediately noted that the feeling was mutual. Kelly turned off the TV.
"Kelly, do you honestly think I can beat this?" Tracey asked.
There was the question. It was the question Kelly had been wondering herself for the past several days. Ever since Tracey told her about the tumor, it was the one thing that haunted her mind. She did not know what to say. "I know you, Trace," Kelly said. "I've never known you to let anything stop you. Many things have tried, but you're just too damn stubborn to let them."
Tracey smiled slightly. "Thank you," she said as she moved closer to Kelly. "You know, if I make it out of this--"
"When you make it out of this," Kelly interrupted.
"When I make it out of this," Tracey corrected herself. She wanted desperately to believe it, but she could not be sure yet. "I will owe my life to you," she said seriously.
Kelly smiled and leaned over to kiss Tracey's forehead. "You're welcome," she said. "Now get some sleep. You have a big day tomorrow."
Tracey could not stay asleep for long that night. She had too much on her mind. She tried everything to get her back to sleep, but nothing seemed to work. Staring into darkness, counting backwards. She would have tried warm milk, but she was not supposed to eat or drink anything after midnight. She did not want to turn on the lights for fear of waking Kelly, and also because she was sensitive to them now. She glanced at the clock again. 4:59. It was almost five. She was only four and a half hours away from one of the biggest events of her life. That alone would keep her awake long enough for it to happen.
Kelly sat up next to her. "Can't sleep either?" she asked.
Tracey shook her head. "Would you be able to if you were in my position?"
"Well, you should try to get some rest," Kelly stated.
"I know," Tracey said. "I just can't seem to fall asleep."
Kelly shrugged. "Well, there's some motions that need to be filled out for the case I'll be working on," she suggested.
"And suddenly I'm feeling a lot sleepier," Tracey commented as she lay back down on the bed. She rolled her eyes as she sat back up. "No, I'll help you. Besides, I feel bad about making you do this case solo."
"Don't feel bad," Kelly said. "You're health is way more important to me." She rolled over out of bed and walked over to get her briefcase. Tracey followed shortly behind. The two of them walked to the kitchen and Kelly turned on the lights. Tracey winced and held her hand up in front of her eyes.
"Oh, now I feel bad," Kelly said as she turned off the lights. "I am so sorry."
Tracey shook her head. "Don't be," she said. "It takes some getting used to. I still walk into a room and think I can turn on the lights like that. It's fine."
Kelly walked over to Tracey and started massaging her girlfriend's shoulders. "You shouldn't have to do paperwork like this," she declared. "We can do whatever you want to do."
Tracey smiled as Kelly kept rubbing her shoulders. "How about you just keep doing this forever and ever?" she asked.
Kelly smiled slightly. "Ok, anything you want until 9:00 because that is when we have to drive you over to St. Vincent's."
Eventually 9:00 came around. Kelly drove Tracey over, and they arrived at the hospital with time to spare. One of the nurses got them back to the pre-op room where Tracey was changed into one of those hospital gowns. Kelly followed and looked at Tracey once she was changed. It pained her to see Tracey reduced to a patient in a hospital gown. This was not the Tracey Kibre that Kelly knew. This Tracey was scared. The Tracey Kelly knew was fearless. Kelly's eyes welled up as she kissed Tracey's forehead. "I love you," she said.
One nurse came in to put an IV in Tracey's arm. Tracey and Kelly exchanged that knowing look. The nurse moved over to Tracey's right, and Kelly let her hand drop down. She clutched Tracey's hand with it. Tracey winced slightly as she felt the needle enter her arm. Kelly kissed Tracey's left hand as the nurse finished up her job.
"It shouldn't be long now," the nurse said. "I'll give you two a moment," she added before she left.
"I love you," Kelly stated again. She knew her eyes were welling up. Tears were probably rolling down her cheeks. It was a good thing she was not wearing any make-up otherwise she would look like an unholy mess. "I will always love you, Tracey."
"Stop," Tracey commanded.
"Stop what?" Kelly asked.
"Speaking as though I'm going to die?" Tracey responded. "I'm going to be just fine," she said, mainly as a way of calming Kelly down. She did not fully believe it herself. She could not. She wanted to, but she could not. She would not until she was out of surgery. "But Kelly?"
"Yes?" Kelly asked.
"I love you, too," Tracey whispered. That was the last thing she said before the medicine kicked in and she was asleep.
Kelly leaned over and kissed Tracey's forehead. At that moment, two surgeons entered and proceeded to take the gurney with Tracey away to the OR. Kelly followed them for as long as she could. When she could follow no more, she sat down in the waiting room right outside the OR. It was definitely a good thing she was not going into work that day. She knew she would not be able to handle it. She was too worried about Tracey.
She said so herself on many occasions that Tracey was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was not prepared to lose her. She was not ready. She needed Tracey there. She knew that Tracey was older than she was. The difference was nearly ten years, but they never really noticed it. She had not even thought of it until Tracey had been diagnosed with the tumor. She knew that there was the possibility that Tracey would be the first one to die, but she never thought it would be this soon. It could not be this soon. She was too young. People are not supposed to die until they were old and senile. Tracey was neither of those things.
Kelly sighed as she resorted to the only thing she had left - prayer. For Tracey, the surgeons, the nurses. She needed a chance. She needed Tracey. She could not give up on her.
"Anything?"
Kelly looked up from her chair at Hector and Chris. Apparently Branch had spread the word. He had stopped by earlier in the day about half an hour after Tracey went into surgery, but he could not stay for long. He did want to know something as soon as she was out though. Kelly promised to call as soon as they knew something.
Kelly straightened herself in the chair and shook her head. "Nothing," she said miserably as she dabbed at her eyes some more. "What could be taking so long?" she asked.
"Well, that could be a good thing," Chris pointed out gently. "I mean, at least they're not saying that there's nothing they can do."
Kelly nodded as she stood up. "I know, but still. They should be done by now. What time do you have?" she asked frantically as she grabbed Hector's wrist. She frowned. "That can't be right. Did you set your watch to this time zone? You know this is Eastern Daylight Time right now, right?"
"Hey, easy," Hector said. "Take in a deep breath and relax."
Kelly shook her head. "No, I can't relax. My girlfriend is in there. She's been in there for hours, and no one will tell me what's going on in there. I can't relax until I know that Tracey is going to be ok. I've already said every prayer I know three times. I'm Irish, so that's a lot of prayers," she yelled.
Chris and Hector exchanged a small glance as they struggled to figure out what to tell Kelly that would make her feel better. "And I'm sure it's helping a lot," Hector said finally as he pulled Kelly in closer to him. He hugged her soothingly. As he did such, he could feel her easing up a little. "She's going to be fine," he assured her. "That chick's tough. This is nothing."
"You can't know that," Kelly said as she resumed her slumping position on the chair.
Hector nodded. "No, you're right. I can't know that." He sat down next to Kelly. "But I believe it. You know you believe it, too."
"I want to," Kelly told him. "But you're an investigator, not a doctor. I'm sorry, but the only person I'll believe someone who was in that operating room the entire time."
Chris gestured over at the approaching doctor. "Like him?" he asked curiously.
Kelly's face paled as she feared for the worse. She stood up and grabbed onto Hector's hand for emotional support. "Out with it," she said as the surgeon approached her.
"Tracey's in recovery," the surgeon stated.
"She's ok, right?" Kelly asked. "Everything was fine, and she's ok, right?"
The surgeon nodded. "In this case, it was possible to remove all of it. Of course, we'll need to monitor her carefully and bring her back for follow-up testing, but I would say with confidence that this is a complete success. She's going to live a long life."
Kelly let out a huge breath of relief and then threw her arms around the surgeon. "Thank you," she exclaimed. "Thank you so much."
"You're very welcome," the surgeon responded. "Ok, you can let go of me."
Kelly nodded and released him. She then turned around and pulled Hector and Chris into a joyful hug. "Oh, this is the best news ever," she said as she let go of the two of them.
Chris and Hector nodded. They looked at each other, started to hug, then decided on a simple handshake. It was more manly.
"Can I see her?" Kelly asked as she looked up at the surgeon.
The surgeon shrugged. "I suppose so, but she's probably not going to regain consciousness until evening."
"I don't care," Kelly said. "I have to see her." She started following the surgeon then she turned around to Hector and Branch. "Will one of you please call Branch? I promised to call as soon as we heard something."
Hector nodded. "No problem," he promised her.
Kelly smiled as she kept following the surgeon. "So she's really going to be ok?" she asked seriously.
The surgeon nodded. "She'll probably feel a little out of it for a few days, and we'd like to keep her here until the weekend, but yes. There is nothing in her head that does not belong there. She's going to be fine." He smiled and pushed the door open. "See for yourself."
Kelly smiled and thanked him again. She tiptoed into the recovery room and over to Tracey's bed. For the most part, her girlfriend looked the same. She was wearing the same gown. The only difference was that she now had a large bandage on the left side of her head near her hairline. It looked like a little bit of her hair had been removed in the operation, but it was barely noticeable.
Kelly let out a sigh of relief as she approached Tracey's bed. "You really are a miracle, Tracey Kibre," she whispered. "I'm so glad I found you."