A\N: My idea of what happened between Buffy and Spike on their last night together. Written from Buffy's POV.
Banner credit to DauntlessGrace
"I don't know what I would have done if you'd have gone up those stairs."
I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips then. A sensation of loyalty and warmth enveloped my senses and I reached up to tenderly touch his cheek. I could clearly see the surprise and fascination creeping into his eyes as he watched me carefully and closely. His handsome face fitted perfectly into the palm of my hand as he tilted it ever so slightly.
"I want you at my side tomorrow. Angel being back in town won't change that. Not ever. I turned him away because he's left me before. You never have. Deep down, I know you've always had my back." My thumb started to swipe across his cheek, my fingers crawling into his neatly gelled head of sunshine.
"Always will", he promised in his husky British tone. My hand dropped to his forearm and I held it up from underneath. His soon crept up and did the same to mine.
"You sure it's okay to stay here with you tonight?", I checked. He tried to muffle a laugh.
"When would I ever say no to an offer like that? If it is my last night, wouldn't wanna spend it with anyone else."
I gripped his arm tighter.
"Don't say that! You're gonna make it. We both are."
He stepped closer to me, moving his hand further up my arm and tracing patterns over the sleeve of my jacket.
"All I'm saying is that if it comes down to it, I'll get you out of there. Even if I don't make it."
"You don't need to protect me. We're 2 of the strongest fighters here."
He nodded and lowered his heavy gaze to the concrete floor of the basement for a moment before raising it to look at me again. Before I knew it, I was leaning towards his face.
"Can we just forget about tomorrow and focus on now?" The tension in his body was obvious as I closed the space between us. I wasn't sure whether I was making him uncomfortable, by suddenly surprising him with my advance, or whether he was just struggling to refrain from leaning in too. God knows I wanted him too.
"I can do that", he whispered, now inches from my lips. His hand was sliding further up my arm, over my shoulder, closer, closer to my face. In a way, I was relieved when a curtain of hair fell across my left eye. I knew that I wanted this but it didn't help the butterflies flying around in the pit of my stomach. They were good nerves, don't get me wrong. I wasn't scared of him anymore like I was a few weeks ago. I'd indirectly told him so many times that I'd forgiven him but I somehow don't think that he believed me. Even to his grave, I don't think he ever forgave himself.
The hair was combed back off of my face in moments by his nimble fingers as he waited for yet another signal that I was okay with this. The warm stare that I gave him answered his fears and cool, strong lips brushed mine. He pulled back again to see if I had reacted but I immediately closed the gap again and crushed my lips to his. He cupped my face with both hands and slowly but surely began to respond. It took him several minutes to adjust to the intimacy again but opened his lips a fraction to intensify our embrace. I dipped my eager tounge between his lips before withdrawing again to let him process the new movement. The tiniest of moans escaped his lips but it was enough to send vibrations across my skin as well as through my mouth. I shifted my head to a more horizontal angle, giving both of us better access as he moved his tounge too. I could tell that momentarily he was out of his comfort zone but he soon remembered the technique. How we used to do this before. Realising that my hands were still at my sides as I got lost in his warm mouth, I soon began to move them up his chest, memorising the shapes and curves of his muscles. We both stopped at the same time, as if we knew what each other were thinking, but still remained close. His mouth hovered closer to my lip now and mine to his chin. Why did we have to do it all then? Rush, just in case we didn't make it? I was convinced that we were going to survive and nothing or no one would convince me otherwise. I knew that he was thinking exactly the same thing. We stood still for a couple of minutes just holding each other, making the moment last as long as we could without spoiling it. My head was tilted upwards now, my eyes not daring to stray from his even for a second. I was mesmerised by how beautiful he was in that moment, how perfect and bold his features were.
"Should get some sleep", was all he could find to say. I knew the feeling. Words didn't come easily after you'd just gotten together properly with someone that a few years ago, you once despised and wanted to kill. It was strange but at the same time, it felt so right.
"Yeah", I breathed. He lead me to the cot just across the room and sat down on it, legs hanging over the side. He beckoned me to join him and I did instantly. He draped a welcome arm over my shoulders and began to lower us both down onto the bed. He lay behind me, his arm still draped across me but over my waist now. Exhausted, he fell asleep in minutes. Me? I couldn't sleep. I was lying there for what felt like hours just listening to the quiet and taking in the feel of Spike's body against mine again. He startled me as he rolled over, removing his arm from me. I took this opportunity to sit up. There was no point in trying to pretend that I was going to get any sleep tonight. Everyone I loved would be at risk tomorrow and that's not something you can sleep with resting on your shoulders. I began to pace up and down the dark room, trying to get some piece of mind but every step I took just made it worse. I stepped into a beam of moonlight that the window had allowed to pass through it's glass and looked up at the night sky. This was the closest I would get to calm tonight. That was when Caleb appeared beside me.
"Pretty ain't it?"
This was the last thing I needed right now.
"You're not him."
"No, you killed him right and proper. Terrible loss. This man was my good right arm. 'Course, it don't pain me too much. Don't need an arm. Got an army."
"An army of vampires. However will I fight-"
The First interrupted me.
"Every day our numbers swell. But then you do have an army of your own. Some thirty-odd pimply-faced girls, don't know the pointy end of a stake. Maybe I should call this off."
His last sentence feigned concern. How was I supposed to respond to that? It was true for now but it wouldn't be for long. Not if my plan went right. I quickly decided to change the subject.
"Have you ever considered a cool name? I mean, since you're incorporeal and basically powerless. How about "The Taunter?" Strikes fear in the heart-"
"I will overrun this Earth. And when my army outnumbers the humans on this Earth, the scales will tip and I will be made flesh." Caleb's interruptions were getting on my nerves now.
"Talk on. I'm not afraid of you."
The dead preacher rolled his eyes at me.
"Then why aren't you asleep in your dead lover's arms?" He looked over at a sleeping Spike. I swore to God if he even threatened Spike in the slightest.
"Cause he can't help you. Nor Faith, nor your friends, certainly not your wanna-slay brigade. None of those girlies will ever know real power unless you're dead. You know the drill."
I suddenly recognised the sound of my own voice as I realised The First had morphed into myself. I turned to face my doppelganger now. She was wearing exactly the same clothes as me, trying to intimidate me.
"Into every generation, a slayer is born. One girl in all the world. She alone will have the strength and skill to- There's that word again. What you are. How you'll die. Alone." She paused for a second.
"Where's your snappy comeback?"
The truth is, I had none. I'd always believed that I'd die alone. There was only ever one slayer at a time. Until Kendra. Until Faith. They gave me a bit of hope. For a while. Then the potentials had arrived. That was something but it wasn't until after The First had left me that evening that I realised that I also had my friends, Spike, Dawn. They may not have had the responsibility I had or the same strength as me but they were there at my side, willing to risk their lives along side me. After was when I realised that I would never die alone.
"You're right", I replied.
"Hmm. Not your best."
Spike began moaning and writhing in his sleep and sat up with a start.
"I'm drowning in footwear!" I spun around to look at him and The First disappeared.
"Weird dream."
I was glad that he'd woken up. Just a simple word or phrase from him was enough to brighten my mood completely. He noticed that I wasn't laying next to him anymore and searched the room to find me. He finally spotted me standing alone in the middle of the basement.
"Buffy? Is something wrong?"
I stood there thinking for a few seconds about what The First had said to me, taking it in and processing it.
"No. Yeah. I just realized something. Something that really never occurred to me before. We're gonna win."
"About time", he muttered as he clambered off of the bed and started walking towards me.
"How did you come to your senses finally?"
"I think I've always known. It just sort of..floated to the surface now."
Spike had wrapped his arms around my waist now.
"Y'know you're cute when you think."
I smiled sheepishly at him.
"Not a very good look for the whole bad ass slayer persona."
"That's why I'm tellin' you now."
My arms had joined in with the whole 'wrapping' thing and were joined around his neck.
"As long as you don't make a habit of it..."
"I love you."
"No you don't. But thanks for sayin' it."
I was never able to ask him why he'd said that but I think I understand now. He wanted me to go. Wanted me to leave him down there. I could tell from the fire in his eyes that he knew I loved him and had done deep down for a while. I needed to make this moment last for as long as I could. My eyes shone with tears and I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I barely had time to savour those last few seconds with him. We had so much more ahead of us didn't we? Whether we were lovers or friends, we had so much to discuss, explore, find out. It wasn't fair that we were torn apart so soon after finding happiness. The scorching heat from our conjoined hands warmed both of our bodies to the core, making us both feel more alive than we ever had before in the worst possible moment of our lives. Life really does throw up some awful irony doesn't it? Another earthquake tore us apart and he finally came back down to earth.
"Now go!"
I honoured his final wishes and fled up the stars.
"I wanna see how it ends..."
Not a day goes by where I don't think of him. Of what we could've had. Of what we did have. Of what we deserved to have...
Okay, now something to cheer you up!
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