Summary: It's been a year since he went missing and Atlantis has never quite recovered from the loss. So what are they going to do when they find him, but he doesn't recognise them or even want to go back to Atlantis? Sequel to Parcae. You may want to read that first.
A/N Thanks to Tazmy and Pranksta for the their invaluable help.
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Chapter 1 – Dreams and nightmares
Sitting on his bed on the unhappy anniversary, Sheppard felt older and wiser. He was reminiscing, looking out of the large panelled window. The sunlight streamed through a blue and red pane of glass, highlighting the pale floor. The dust particles in the air took on alternative shades of colour. Red and blue just like the Ancient technology.
He was still wearing the shorts and t-shirt he'd worn to bed and was reluctant to change. A uniform meant the day had started. As did leaving this room. Sheppard wanted nothing more than to lie down and pull the covers over his head, but duty called.
Sheppard rolled his head from side to side to remove the kinks out of his neck. No matter what he did, there was always a feeling of heaviness that remained on his shoulders. It never left.
He glanced at his watch. He didn't need to leave for another hour.
Putting his head in his hands, Sheppard moved his fingers through the unruly hair. There were a few grey hairs now. He would never have believed it. Sheppard smiled as he recalled General O'Neill's words of wisdom, "I think I would rather have grey hair than no hair at all." Before he had left for Atlantis, O'Neill had told him that some things never changed, even in another galaxy. You felt like a babysitter sometimes; especially for those people that performed death defying feats every other week. Despite what others thought, he preferred to think of his activities as life affirming.
Well O'Neill was right; some things had remained the same. It'd been another fun-filled year with the Wraith, Genii and every other man and his dog deciding that they would like Earth, Atlantis, or them dead. There was no denying that they had procured some interesting technology and allies, but it just wasn't the same; some things had changed.
Over a year ago, they'd nearly lost Rodney to the Ancient Wraith-repellent complex. It had almost cost Rodney his life. One month after that mission, Rodney had been back on duty. He'd continued in the same exasperating fashion, but it had been a front.
He'd professed he was okay. Berated his staff. Saved their collective asses. He'd insisted he didn't remember anything from his time in the pod, I don't have time for the past at the moment, Colonel, but Sheppard hadn't been convinced. Rodney had refused to discuss it with Heightmeyer; I don't remember had been the standard response.
Rodney may have been able to fool the others, but Sheppard, Teyla, Carson, Zelenka, Weir and even Ronon all had known he was hiding something. He'd been slightly off. Like there'd been something nagging at him. It was the little things. He'd stare off into space a little longer than necessary, pausing as if to remember something. Something he didn't want to share. He took their explanation of the events at the complex without question. When they talked of Parcae he didn't ask who it was. He declared that he didn't recall the weapon technology so couldn't make another. He didn't even want to go back and see if there was any other technology left. He didn't even gloat about fixing the Ancient's fuck up. Very un-Rodney like.
Sheppard knew that they would have to talk about it sooner or later because he didn't want Rodney brooding over what he didn't want anyone to know. Sheppard knew what happened when you headed down that path. It would affect McKay and it would all come crashing down on him like a pack of cards. Despite what everyone thought, Rodney did feel deeply about things. He just buried them in layers of scorn and self-professed genius.
What Sheppard couldn't deal with was the fact he wouldn't talk about it. This coming from the man that complained loudly about a splinter. They'd had the extra training sessions Sheppard had promised and he'd tried to broach the subject, but Rodney had remained tight-lipped. Rodney had walked in on him, Weir, Heightmeyer and Carson talking about it. He hadn't reacted too well to the "concern for his welfare" and had vented at him in front of the others. Sheppard was to drop the subject. Period. Anger and frustration laced his words and his stance had screamed "leave me alone". Sheppard retaliated by saying a few choice words that he regretted as soon as he had uttered them. But in all of the sharing, he had come to realise this was about trust and he had confronted Rodney with it. The sudden quietness and the wince on Rodney's face had been his only reply, then Rodney had promptly left the room. End of discussion.
After Rodney had left they had discussed Rodney's off world status. John had argued that Rodney be allowed to go on the mission. He and Rodney would have to resolve this snag and he thought that off world would be the perfect opportunity. The mission was to be a cakewalk. Weir had reservations but Sheppard said he would keep an eye on him. Heightmeyer did not think that it would interfere with his performance off world but recommended that the team be on an extended stand down after the mission. She looked at Sheppard. Maybe Rodney could be encouraged to go to Earth for a vacation? Sheppard smiled wistfully at the thought. Mmmm vacation and another road trip to Vegas. Maybe they would take Teyla and Ronon this time.
So he had waited, to broach the subject with the scientist, until they were off world.
He regretted it now.
Too little too late.
Rodney vanished a year ago. Declared missing in action, presumed dead. Despite his official death, he berated Sheppard in his dreams and invaded his thoughts. It didn't help when they were on missions and he'd turn around and snark at Zelenka in a Rodney-like fashion. The memory of the man refused to fade away. Sheppard expected to see Rodney every time he walked around Atlantis.
There were a couple of things that Sheppard hated; leaving a man behind and unfinished business. Afghanistan always plagued his mind but Rodney's disappearance haunted him. Sheppard felt the burden of a friendship lost. The 'what ifs' bothered him. What if I'd gone first instead? What if we'd arrived in the village earlier? What if...What if...What if...
Depressed, Sheppard sighed and flopped back onto his bed and stared through the window which reached up to the ceiling. He wasn't actually looking at the blue sky through the clear pane, but rather recalling the events of a year ago.
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We'd gone on a mission to one of Teyla's old trading planets. There was no mention from Rodney about the long trek or any quips about the women in the skimpy outfits. He practically ignored it all and looked at his Ancient scanner.
One minute we were strolling through the village to revisit the leader and finalize the trade agreement, the next we were under fire. It seemed the Genii had decided to pay us a visit and form an alliance with this poor, abused planet.
We'd retreated to the Stargate and Rodney had dialled Atlantis while the rest of us laid down cover fire. Teyla had been injured and I'd ordered Rodney to get her through. Just then, the event horizon had started to flicker and Rodney had begun to panic. He froze. Rodney just stared at the DHD as if it were something he'd never seen before. He bent down behind the DHD and stared at his hands in horror.
"Rodney!" I yelled from behind a couple of rocks next to the DHD. Teyla was unconscious, blood trailing down her head. I peered from behind my shelter fired a few rounds and growled at him again. "Snap out of it!" He didn't move. I didn't have time to mollycoddle him. "Rodney, now's not the time to fuck up, Teyla doesn't have time for you to daydream. Hurry up and fix the damn thing."
He snapped out of it and turned towards me, frowning. His eyes lost the glazed look and I could hear him muttering some choice words about the competency of the enemy and his joy at meeting this week's space bimbo. Before I had been able to defend my honor, and mention he'd been the one ogling, the lovely people had started to fire at the only means of accessing the Stargate.
Rodney had yelled that he needed to stabilize the wormhole so Ronon had taken Teyla through to Atlantis with me explaining the situation, "Atlantis we're coming in hot."
Rodney and I had shared a look when the DHD emitted a few sparks. Oh, definitely not good. But Rodney seemed to have it in hand. I looked at him and grinned in between a couple shots. He rolled his eyes and sucked his fingers when the DHD emitted another blue spark.
So there I was, guarding Rodney who had just freaked out and was now yelling at me to go before the wormhole disappeared. Nope, didn't work that way, the leader is always last. "You first."
He shook his head, muttered something about my 'disturbing hero complex' then ran through the flickering blue horizon. As I fired off a few rounds, I caught the ripples in the event horizon from Rodney's departure out of the corner of myeye. I sighed and ducked behind the DHD as a few bullets whizzed overhead. As I ran toward my freedom, I thought about what had just happened. Fuck it! Rodney was not going to avoid talking this time. I'd threaten him with banishment from off world missions.
Sheppard sighed and rubbed his face letting his hands fall back to rest behind his head. His fingers interlocked and he took a deep breath before remembering the next events.
Running through the event horizon, followed by a few projectiles, I yelled to the technician, "Raise the shield." He looked at me oddly but the familiar hum of the shield and thumps of the wasted ammunition followed. The wormhole disengaged and I could see Carson and medical personnel attending to Teyla and Ronon.
The gate room guards and medical staff milled about adding to the confusion of the fast return under fire. Ronon muttered he was okay as he was pushed onto a gurney. The steady red trickle on his leg changed direction as he lay down. Iwatched as Ronon rolled his head over to look firstly at Teyla, who was being calmly led in the direction of the infirmary, then in my vicinity as he was wheeled away. I smiled. The man had pulled an arrow out of his leg. That little amount of blood was nothing. He'd be out of the infirmary before Rodney could even tell Carson about the splinter he had in his thumb.
A nurse approached but I was momentarily distracted by Weir flying down the stairs towards me. "Where's Rodney?"
"What do you mean where's Rodney? He came through right before me!" I looked around, pushing the nurse away, and noted the distinctive lack of a whining voice belittling Carson's skills.
"Hey! Where's Rodney!?"
"That is what I'd like to know, Colonel. Only you, Teyla and Ronon came through the wormhole," she responded.
I leapt up the stairs, yelling to the technician, "Dial it back up and get Lorne in here."
The technician hesitated so I pushed him out of the way and began pressing the symbols for the planet.
"Colonel, what are you doing?" Weir called, following me.
"Going to get Rodney." I watched as the symbols on the gate began locking in place. One symbol...two...three...
"No," Weir stood next to me and grabbed my arm, "you're not. Teyla and Ronon are in the infirmary and we don't know what happened."
I turned to her and interrupted, growling, "We don't leave a man behind." I couldn't leave Rodney there. "We'll go back in a puddle jumper. I just need a few men. Ronon will come with."
She held my gaze and I silently pleaded with her. You need to okay this mission and you need to do it now.
"Sir, we can't get a lock onto the planet."
I turned as the symbols went dark on the gate and panicked. "Get Zelenka in here."
Weir spoke quietly. "John." She looked into my eyes. "We need to figure out what happened first. Go to the infirmary and get your arm looked at." Red droplets dotted the floor next to the DHD. I hadn't even noticed that it was bleeding.
"And grab Ronon," she finished.
Hesitating, I reasoned by the time I came back Zelenka would have it sorted. Lorne and Zelenka approached and I apprised them of the situation.
"Keep me informed," I concluded, then headed off in the direction of the infirmary.
Taking long purposeful strides, I ignored anyone who attempted to make conversation. I was busy.
Ten minutes.
I thought about it. In ten minutes I'd get Ronon, Zelenka would've sorted out the glitch, and then we'dgo get Rodney.
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Funny how things never go as planned.
Sheppard closed his eyes and glanced at his watch. Ten minutes to go before he had to face the rest of Atlantis. He thought he'd forgo the coffee from the commissary. The less people he had to face the better, but he couldn't avoid everyone. This day was going to start out like every other one, with the morning meeting.
He walked to the shower to wash away the weariness from his body. Sheppard stripped and stepped into the shower. The water turned on instantly recognising the gene-carrying occupant. It was pleasantly warm. He didn't want pleasant. With a single thought, he increased the temperature to the hottest he could bear and then a few more degrees. The stinging pain distracted him from the memories.
He spent several minutes under the scalding water before the timer on his watch signalled his tardiness. Time to go.
He stepped out of the shower and the water stopped flowing. Steam swirled around like a fog, obscuring the mirror. He ignored the heat that made the room more a sauna than a bathroom. Quickly rubbing a towel against his reddened skin, he winced as it met the areas that had been closer to the spray of water. It felt like a bad case of sunburn. His inflamed skin protested when he pulled on his uniform.
The bathroom door opened and steam billowed out, beginning to creep across a mirror on the opposite wall. Ignoring the red-faced reflection, he grabbed his radio from his bedside table. Placing it in his ear, he walked to the door and stopped at the chirping sound. He nodded as he listened to the soft voice.
He activated the radio. "I'll be there in a minute. I'm not ready yet," he said, and walked to the door.
He stood facing the door, his hand poised over the control panel. He was late and he should care about that, but instead he found himself with a sour taste in his mouth and a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Good anniversaries brought good things...what about bad ones? Despite the heat in the room, he shivered. He didn't want to delve too deeply into that idea so he waved his hand over the panel. The door slid open and the cool air soothed his exposed skin. His earpiece chirped again and he stepped out. "I'm coming now, Elizabeth."
He left his sanctuary and moved down the corridor. His day had officially started.
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Weir, Ronon, Zelenka, Carson and Teyla watched from the table as Sheppard walked into the room. They noticed the reddish skin on his face that travelled down his neck. He flashed a trademark grin in their direction and murmured a "Sorry" as he sat down in the chair next to Elizabeth.
"Are you alright, Colonel?" Carson spoke the question no one else was willing to speak. He could use the pretence of medicine.
"Just a little problem with the shower. No worries." He waved his hand dismissively.
Zelenka leaned forward tapping on his laptop and responded, "I will get someone to work on it after the meeting."
Sheppard just nodded, pasted a smile on his face and leaned back in the chair. He crossed his arms and waited with the rest of them for the meeting to commence.
The shower matter settled, Weir looked at the faces of the people who represented the spectrum of Atlantis; military, science, medical, allies. Friends.
It had been a hard year but they had stuck together. She fingered the pre-mission report in front of her. Now wasn't the time for reminiscing. She had to be the leader, be strong. Later when she was alone, when she didn't have the responsibilities of the day bearing down on her, she would reflect.
Facing the group, she smiled. "Right. Let's discuss today's mission."
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Sheppard and his team walked through the event horizon smiling and joking. The mission had gone well. They'd obtained the trade agreement with the occupants of the village.
There'd been no secret underground bunker, no dormant life-sucking vampires, no disappearing team mates. He breathed in a big lungful of air and blew it out. It had gone well. Actually better than he'd anticipated. He smiled again as Zelenka made a comment about the very accommodating villagers.
All in all he was happy. That is, until he saw Carson and Weir's faces.
It was not unusual to see Weir watching the team's return from missions. She'd done a lot of that in the past year, but the combination of Carson and Weir was only reserved for the missions that didn't go as planned. The ones where the teams were ambushed and returned under heavy fire. Where people were hurt.
Sheppard looked around. The technicians were at their stations looking at consoles, the guards were...well, guarding the gate. People were performing their tasks with their usual dedicated efficiency and alertness borne from necessity. Who knew when you were going to need to raise the shield or fix an almost impossible situation.
While his team had arrived back to a sense of normalcy there was something going on. The Canadian technician, who had replaced Grodin, watched them approach with a hopeful look in his eyes. Weir had her arms crossed and was chewing on her thumbnail. Carson was frowning and pacing as they drew nearer. He looked like a caged animal ready to pounce.
Sheppard climbed the stairs and gripped his P90. Each step he took caused his happiness to be replaced with a gnawing sense of dread. Zelenka, Ronon and Teyla lagged behind, making their way up the stairs slowly as they talked about the mission.
Weir and Carson met them at the top of the stairs. Their professional faces in place.
"Colonel, I take it the mission went well." The hesitance in Weir's voice belied her recomposed stance. Weir was a diplomat. She had the ability to negotiate her emotions and information, only letting a person know what she wanted, when she wanted. The way Carson was fidgeting, if she didn't tell him soon, Carson surely would. Sheppard relaxed his hand on his P90, two could play that game, "Smooth as a baby."
Ronon raised his eye at the curious phrase but didn't pursue the remark. He often found their expressions odd. "They had good knives."
Sheppard gestured at each of his team mates. "Zelenka acquired a few nifty devices, Ronon picked up a few accessories and Teyla made some friends." Sheppard beamed. "Yup, the mission went very well."
"Good, good." Weir frowned for a second before her face brightened. "Go with Carson, for your post mission check up, then we'll debrief and discuss your next mission." She nodded at Carson who hurriedly walked away.
"Is everything okay?" Teyla enquired. Obviously, Sheppard wasn't the only one to notice the nervous atmosphere.
"Major Lorne has requested your team go to PX2365."
Sheppard raised his eyebrows in an enquiring gesture.
Weir responded guardedly, "I'll tell you at the briefing."
Sheppard watched her walk away wondering what she was holding back.
What was she afraid of?
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Chapter 2 – Lost and found
Lorne waited by the event horizon. Johnston and Miller were scouting the planet according to the hasty plan he had discussed with Weir. He watched the natives mill about the gate. It was clear that some of them hadn't seen the gate activated before. Those uninitiated were a short distance away from the main group picking up wood for the fire in the temporary camp. Given a task far enough away to distract them from the unknown.
He liked these people, very down to earth and jovial. When his team had come to this planet, there had been no indication that it was inhabited. As it turned out, these people didn't really live here but were a nomadic tribe, one of five on this world. The Naeno consisted of about thirty people and Lorne learned they were the only tribe that hadn't ventured off world in the past fifteen years.
The leader, Kami, told them that their defence against the Wraith was to never remain in one place for too long. He looked at the children playing in the dirt. A couple of older children were looking after the younger ones. Protecting them. Lorne didn't know how to tell them that their system didn't really work. That the reason they hadn't encountered the Wraith was because they had been hibernating. ?
At the makeshift tents, the older members of the tribe were sitting around the fire. They looked calm. Peaceful. How was he going to break it to them that the wraith were now awake?
Over the past day, the team had been in negotiations with the nomadic tribe. He admired their tenacity. When they'd first approached his team, Lorne and the others hadn't even known that they'd been followed. It was the tribe's way. Scouts determined the validity of the strangers' intent by watching their conduct and if proven worthy they initiated contact. It had served them well for many years. They may live simply but they were very resourceful. Everything they had came from the land or by trade.
It was Johnston who had noticed it. The blue clothing was an oddity amongst the red as and browns. It was definitely a jacket from Atlantis. When Lorne had talked to the Kami about it, they'd found out that the jacket had come from another tribe. Bartered for tools.
A lot of Atlantis gear had gone missing over the past couple of years, whether it be through negotiations or death, but Lorne learned that the person who had given this jacket up was a pake. When Lorne asked what that meant the leader had replied that this person was an outsider and described him. Kami had noted Lorne's uneasiness from the pake's description but when Lorne explained it was possibly someone they knew, someone that had been missing Kami had told him the outsider was probably still on the planet. He even offered one of his men to help guide them.
Lorne had contacted Atlantis immediately. Weir hesitated when Lorne relayed his information. He understood Weir's reluctance to pursue this but a lead was a lead. Weir agreed that there was a remote possibly that it was a trap, but she approved the request for a puddle jumper and back up. She had also agreed that Sheppard's team would be providing the back up service.
Lorne knew that, after all this time, if this didn't end up being the missing scientist it would be the last nail in the proverbial coffin. The cruellest kind of joke. The past year had been hard for Sheppard and his team and for Zelenka and the scientists. Hell for all of them. In reality everyone was replaceable but McKay was different. As much as he didn't want to admit it the loud sarcastic man affected people. Maybe a little like sandpaper. Sure he'd rubbed people the wrong way but he'd also smoothed the rough edges. He'd inspire scientists to work to their potential, berating and bullying the best out of them. And for all of his complaining he had remained on the first contact team. A position a few scientists, and finally Zelenka had learned was hard to live up to.
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"Lorne." Sheppard nodded at the man as he emerged from the event horizon. The blue surface rippled and then settled, casting a shimmering hue on the Stargate's surroundings. Lorne returned the nod and talked Sheppard through their efforts since reporting a few hours ago, as three more forms emerged from the wormhole.
Only one of the trio was sporting a physical impediment. Ronon walked through with a tear in his leather pant leg. A white bandage could be seen through the rip in the leather. The butterfly bandages on Teyla's face stood out against her bronze skin. Though there were a few dark smudges under her eyes, she looked alert and ready for action. They all were.
Carson limped through to complete the back up team, carrying a couple of black suitcases, filled with a variety of drugs and medical devices. Just in case. He dumped his heavy burden on the ground, next to Sheppard. "Why didn't we bring another puddle jumper?"
"All the working ones were out. Zelenka has his hands full at the moment and I didn't want to wait for one to be freed up. Besides there's already one here."
"Have they found the owner of the jacket yet?" Teyla enquired. She looked at the vegetation surrounding the gate and spied the tribe to the left of them.
"No. Johnston and Miller are due to check in," he glanced at his watch, "fifteen minutes. The radio signal on this planet is a bit iffy because of the magnetic rock. While we wait let me introduce you to the tribe."
Sheppard had expected to start the search immediately but understood that he would have to wait. He didn't like it but he had waited this long, he could wait another fifteen minutes.
They all walked down the stairs and approached the temporary village. About six tents of different sizes were located around a large fire. They weaved between the sturdy shelters as Lorne led them to the fire. Brown fabric was smattered with red and greens patches and unpretentious faces looked at them from the tent flaps. Teyla smiled as she walked past but the flaps immediately closed when Ronon looked in their direction. One of the huts even emitted a squeak. Sheppard dismissed all of this as he followed Lorne. He was focused on the fire and the person coming to greet them. The information he could glean.
"This is Kami of the Naeno." Lorne gestured and bent down to touch his forehead to the smiling man.
Kami released himself from the greeting and eyed the strangers. "Welcome."
"Kami, this is Lt Colonel John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagen, Specialist Ronon Dex and Doctor Carson Beckett. The ones I spoke of earlier." Lorne smiled. "Can you please tell them what you told me about the person who traded the jacket?"
"Yes, yes. Please, come sit with us." Kami led them to the fire and the mats and logs spread out on the ground. He nodded at one of the women and a mug was offered to each of the new arrivals. Ronon smelled the cup and brought it to his lips, taking a big gulp, "Coffee."
Lorne shrugged at his commanding officer's glare. "We gave them some of our coffee rations earlier, Colonel. They really like it."
Kami gestured to all of his guests. "Please sit."
Lorne took a place on his left side and Sheppard, Carson, Ronon and Teyla sat on the right. While Kami talked, the rest drank and warmed themselves in front of the fire. Sheppard touched his earpiece ensuring the piece of equipment was on. He fidgeted with the mug twisting it in his hands until Carson placed his hand over the offending distraction. Sheppard stopped his action and placed the mug on the ground by his feet and crossed his arms.
"One moon ago we met up with the Kano tribe, as was arranged last winter. We meet once a year to exchange information and trade items. It is not unusual for strangers to join the tribes but very rare. But it was a surprise to see a pake," when Carson and Sheppard looked at him vaguely confused he translated, "tall white man. The Kano wanders through the Ancient Circle every two moons. Raya told me they found him beside an Ancient circle ten moons ago. He was injured and alone. The tribe tended to him and he has become their most valued member. His skills are indispensable. He has the ability to fix almost anything."
Kami pulled out a small square stone and placed it on the ground. A bright light rose up from the centre of the stone and formed into an image. Kami's eyes glistened, "He fixed this so I could gaze upon my beloved's face. This was Davi." They all looked at the handsome man with a bright smile on his face. "He died last season."
No one spoke for a few moments out of respect then Carson asked, "How was this man, pake, when you met him?"
"Quiet. Not only in speech but in mannerisms. He often wanders away for moments of solitude. Raja said that when he awoke for the first time the only thing he remembered was a Kirk and Spock, nothing more. When asked if the names were his, he smiled sadly and said he felt comfortable with Spock, so that is what he is called."
Gasps and a spray of liquid spewed into the fire interrupted Kami's story. An upturned mug bled its dark contents into the grass and Ronon patted Carson's back as he struggled to regain his breath.
Sheppard stood up and faced the fire, for a moment, then turned to the others. "It has to be him. It can't be anyone else but him."
Gasping, Carson was almost fully recovered when he nodded his agreement.
"Lorne, get those men on the radio. Now." Sheppard looked slightly desperate as most of the others struggled to their feet.
Teyla impressed upon Sheppard their surroundings with an admonishing glare and faced Kami, "Please excuse us. We are most anxious to learn if this man is our missing colleague."
Kami nodded in understanding, "Major Lorne has already indicated as such. Please do not let me delay you any further."
Sheppard inhaled sharply and smiled at Kami before heading off in the direction of the gate. Carson and Lorne followed in his wake. Ronon slowly rose from his place by the fire and gulped down the remaining liquid in his vessel. He handed the empty mug to the woman nearby and inclined his head in thanks. He shot Teyla a cursory look before leaving in the direction of the others.
Kami coughed. "The man you are looking for, he means that much to you?"
"Yes." Teyla paused. "And more."
She stepped forward and their foreheads met. "Thank you," she said, then left to catch up with the others.
Kami watched her retreating figure fade into the darkness. If this Spock was the one they sought, he prayed to the Ancestors that good fortune would shine upon them and make their search for Spock successful.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
Sheppard's mind was about to explode. Was it possible? His thoughts conflicted as he stomped towards the rendezvous point. Yes? No? Yes! He rubbed his hand over his neck to ease the dull throb that edged into the back of his head. He was sure someone was playing a cosmic joke. They'd looked for Rodney for months, after he'd disappeared. Zelenka had hypothesized that Rodney had been sent to another gate - it had happened to SG1 a few years ago and that was how they'd apparently found the second gate in Antarctica. It was the only theory that fit. On that assumption, the science department -- headed temporarily by Zelenka -- had run itself ragged going through simulations and the off world teams searched the speculated addresses. But as the months had dragged on, without any trace of him, Weir had been forced to declare him MIA.
Anger swelled and pulsed through his veins. He stopped to rub his neck and let the bitter memories wash over him. He'd fought tooth and nail with Weir and Stargate command about that. Rodney was a lucky sonofabitch. He had a very good sense of self-preservation. But more importantly, there was no way Rodney would not have found a way back to Atlantis, short of death, his work meant that much to him. Sheppard believed that Rodney was still out there, alive. In the end, as the months had dragged on, he was the only one who thought that. Weir had ordered him to see Heightmeyer.
You don't have to lose faith, John, but you have to move on.
Move on? He laughed bitterly. How could he move on? He never forgot those who had fallen by the wayside...Mitch, Dex, Ford, Sumner, Rodney. But with Rodney it was different. That little voice in his head nagged at him and it sounded so familiar. He had tried to quell it and paste that air of confidence with his day to day activities. Damn it! There is no way anyone else could have thought that name up and be an Atlantian repairman. It had to be him.
His hand dropped to his side and he clenched his fingers. Why the hell hadn't he contacted them? He frowned and unclenched his fingers. He was getting a little ahead of himself. What if it wasn't Rodney...but what if it was? Hell, they would never have known if Lorne's team hadn't bumped into the Naeno. What if this mission had been postponed by a day? What if? What if? What if?
He stopped walking and Carson skirted around his still form.
"Colonel?" Carson looked at him concerned then patted him on the shoulder. "I want to believe it's him too."
Sheppard looked at the doctor and saw a hopeful face staring back at him. He chastened himself. He wasn't the only one who'd been missing Rodney. "Let's see what the boys have found."
Carson nodded and they headed off to the Stargate in silence. As the group approached the Ancient circle, a puddle jumper passed overhead.
Sheppard hurried to the landing ship. The back door opened and Johnston and a native appeared. Dispensing with the pleasantries Sheppard eagerly asked for a report.
"We have located the Kano tribe, Sir. About four hours from here. We approached the village. We did not encounter the pake and Mari here," Johnston nodded in the direction of the tribesman who had stepped back from the group, "says that the tribe is expecting us tomorrow morning. There's some sort of ritual happening tonight they don't want disturbed."
Teyla cocked her head as she looked at the agitated Sheppard. "It would be best to wait until morning. We would not want to…offend them."
Sheppard nodded reluctantly and asked Lorne, "When's sunrise?"
Looking at his watch Lorne said, "Not for another thirteen hours. The nights are quite long here."
"So we'll camp here tonight and head out at 0400. Teyla, dial up the gate and inform Atlantis that we will make contact with the tribe tomorrow."
Ronon helped Carson store his gear into the jumper then Miller moved it twenty metres from the camp and activated the cloak. They built up a fire, ate, sorted out who was taking first watch, then drifted into the tents for some sleep until only Miller, who was taking first watch, Sheppard and Ronon were left.
Miller moved off to scout the perimeter leaving the warmth of the fire. Sheppard stared into the flames licking the branches, slowly blackening the wood. Wisps of smoke rose up into the air and swirled before dissipating into the night's sky. Sheppard thought of the day's events and his earlier conversation with Weir. He could understand her reservations. What had happened to Rodney in the past year? Did he not want to come back? More importantly, how would they explain to him why it had taken so long to find him?
Ronon was sharpening his knife. The long, rhythmic shick and random cracks from the fire broke the silence. Sheppard looked at Ronon. The young man had had a busy year. A reunion with a few Satedans on a mission a couple of months ago had broken any remaining barriers that he'd built up from his seven-year run. It had been good to see the man in another environment – as a brother and uncle. It made the towering man a little more human as he cried and laughed with his newfound family.
OoOoOoOoOo
Shick.
Ronon had been observing Sheppard as they sat next to the fire. When he had first met the man, he had sensed a warrior. As Sheppard had tried to convince him to stay, he had wondered how long he would. After so many years on the run, remaining in one place for too long had always brought death to those around him. He had been a loner through necessity, not want. Hope, that it would all end, an extravagance.
In them he had seen an ally. One that would help him fashion that end. The end of the Wraith.
Shick.
Ronon looked at Sheppard. Sheppard was staring into the flames with a pained expression that was all too familiar. McKay's disappearance weighed heavily on Sheppard's mind and it was no more evident than at this moment. He hoped for all their sakes that they would find McKay tomorrow.
Shick.
Ronon spoke softly over the crackling fire. "Sheppard get some sleep." He rose from his position next to the fire and stood next to Sheppard. "Wouldn't want McKay thinking you missed him." He sheathed his knife then walked to his tent.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
Sheppard pondered Ronon's words. It wasn't the lack of sleep, it was the burden of responsibility. Life was a risk, especially in the Pegasus galaxy and everyone knew that coming here. But that still didn't mean that they took unnecessary chances with anyone's life. How did you remove the elements of bad luck, bad timing and bad people? Answer...you couldn't. You just took every day as it came and hoped for the best. This day had started out with such despair but was ending with glimmer of hope. Sheppard was praying that by the end of tomorrow hope would turn to joy.
He stood up and brushed the dirt from his pants. He nodded to Miller, who was surveying the area, and headed towards his tent and the oblivion of sleep.
TBC