47 Ways to Irritate Edward Cullen
DISCLAIMER: SOMETHIN' TO BELIEVE IN IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DEATHS OR INJURIES INFLICTED UPON BY EDWARD CULLEN. ALSO, SHE SHALL NOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR ANY STOLEN PROPERTY, MISSING FAMILY MEMBERS, VANDILISM, OR ANY HARMFUL ACT. INSTEAD, TAKE IT AS A LESSON TO NEVER AGGRIVATE EDWARD CULLEN.
Tell him Bella went on a date with Jacob.
Tell him that Jacob is transferring to Forks High.
Put an ad the newspaper under Edward Cullen's name requesting a 'bed buddy.'
Sign him up for eHarmony.
Pour pink paint all over his precious Volvo.
Blame it on Emmett. (NOTE: You may have two vampires after you.)
Replace all of his jeans or khakis with bottomless leather chaps and tell him you thought it'd suit him better.
Cut the strings in his piano.
Kidnap Bella and tell Edward you took her to the Volturi, when really, you just took her to lunch.
Stand next to him and picture Bella naked.
Stand next to him and picture Mike naked.
When he tells you shut up and stop thinking, picture Mr. Banner naked.
Throw up on him when you picture Mr. Banner naked.
Throw up on Bella.
Superglue his CDs to the ceiling.
Have Emmett and Alice help you force feed him baby food.
When Bella is working at Mike's family's store, tell him that they're selling porn movies.
Buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Announce to the whole school that Edward Cullen is a 107-year-old virgin.
When he tries to protest, shush him and insist it's true.
Set him up on a date with Jessica.
Nail Bella's window shut so he can't sneak in and watch her sleep.
Tell Charlie that Edward's been sneaking in.
Set Bella up on a date with Mike.
Make Bella cry.
Sell his Volvo on eBay.
Sell his piano on eBay.
Sell Bella on eBay.
Tell him that Chuck Norris is after him.
When he asks you what you're talking about, roundhouse kick him in the face.
Refuse to go near him because you think he has the Spanish Influenza.
Program his cell phone to only play Hannah Montana every time he presses a button.
Tell him he should join the True Love Waits Club.
When he protests, ask him he isn't getting any.
Panse him on the way to class.
Panse him in the cafeteria.
Panse him in front of the cheerleading squad.
Set him up on a blind date with Mike.
Set Bella up on a blind date with Mike.
Videotape it and broadcast it to the whole school.
Challenge him to an eating contest in front of the whole school.
Steal Jasper's Confederate Uniform and blame it on Edward.
Make obvious innuendos about his non-existent sex life.
Paint the keys to his piano pink and purple.
Photoshop a picture and put Edward's face on Kim Kardashian's body.
Program his car to only play "Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears everytime he turns on the radio.
Show him this list.