~ oOo ~
Title: It's True
Summary: When heartbreak, pride, and hurt feelings get in between best friends, all you have left are secrets and lies.
Rating: M for mentions of abuse/violence
Pairing: Bella x Edward
Words: 10,119
The familiar characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer. The originals are all mine.
The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
~ oOo ~
DISCLAIMER – The song mentioned belongs to Calum Scott
and its real writers, not Edward.
It's True
November 4th, 1995 – Forks Elementary School, Forks, WA
"Mommy always says to stick up for people," little Bella Swan mumbled, huffing and flipping her long, curly brown hair over her shoulder. She'd taken the braid out right before lunch, so now it was a wild tangle around her face; her daddy would roar and call it a lion's mane when he came to get her from school later. It would be fun because her daddy did the best impressions.
Bella was not looking forward to her mommy's lecture about untying her hair and making it a rat's nest, though.
Eyeing two of the mean boys in her class as they laughed and pointed at the new boy, Bella hoped what she was about to do would make up for it.
Harnessing all her six-year-old courage, Bella rolled up the sleeves of her blue plaid shirt, brushed her bangs out of her eyes, and marched across the schoolyard toward the swings.
"…my mom says your dad is in jail 'cause he's a baddie," Willie Black was saying as she made it to the woodchips.
His twin – Jacob – piped up next. "Yeah, Mommy says we're not allowed to play with garbage like you, 'cause apples fall really far from the trees."
Scoffing, Bella hip-checked Jacob out of the way and put herself between the bully-boy twins and the boy hunched over on the swing behind her. "You're so dumb, Jacob Black. It's 'apples don't fall far from the tree,' stupid." Giving him and his brother her meanest stink-eye, Bella crossed her small arms and popped her hip.
Mommy does this to Daddy all the time when he's naughty, and it always works, she thought to herself.
Shooting Willie an unimpressed glance, Bella added, "Oh, and it's 'criminal,' not 'baddie.' What are you, a baby? Man. Now, go away and leave the new boy alone. Stop being bullies."
Willie and Jacob shared amused grins. They were from the Quileute territory and had their six-foot-four father's genes, both standing at least a head taller than petite little Bella. They weren't intimidated in the slightest, but they were underestimating the strength of herbravery.
"What're you gonna do about it, teeny?" Willie taunted, reaching out to ruffle Bella's hair.
Her cheeks flamed crimson. "I'm gonna count to five before I get really mad," she warned.
Jacob cackled and copied his brother, extending a hand out toward her head. However, he didn't get a chance to make contact.
Before his hand could make it to her hair, Bella grabbed it and bent it backward, using his shock and pain to twist his arm. Within seconds, he was sitting on his butt on the woodchips, angry tears streaming over his red cheeks.
"Hey! Don't you hurt my brother!"
Apparently still misjudging Bella's strength, Willie took a step in her direction as if to tackle her; it brought him within perfect kicking distance. Bella sucked in a breath, just like her daddy taught her when he gave her self-defense lessons this past summer, before shooting out a Chuck Taylor-clad foot, nailing Willie right in what her daddy called 'misters.'
"There. Don't you ever mess with my friend again, you hear me? I'm gonna call the cops next time, I swear." Smirking, Bella channeled her daddy's stern voice and barked, "Scram!"
Willie and Jacob scampered away – one with a sore hand, one hobbling.
Only then did Bella turn to the little boy they'd been harassing. He had reddish-brown hair sticking up in all different directions and the biggest, greenest eyes Bella had ever seen. Like Bella, he was wearing blue Chuck Taylors; his were beat-up and looked like they'd seen better days, whereas hers were still relatively new having been a birthday present only two months prior.
"Are you okay?"
The boy raised his head to offer her a bashful little smile Bella couldn't help but return.
"Hey! You've got a dimple! Me, too!" Bella widened her grin and poked the small dimple in her right cheek before pointing to the hint of one to the left of the boy's lips. "My mommy says people with dimples have the bestest smiles. It's all the happy leaking out of your smile that makes the dimple, you know?"
"Oh," he mouthed. "I didn't know that." He scowled down at his scuffed shoes and dug a hole in the woodchips with his toes. "I think your mommy must be wrong. I don't have a lot of happy."
Frowning, Bella hopped on the swing beside him and pushed off gently. In her precious, innocent, six-year-old mind, there was no conceivable reasonwhy this little boy couldn't be happy like she was. There and then, she made it her mission to make this boy the happiest ever.
Sticking her hand over, tapping him one-two-three on the shoulder, she offered him what her daddy called 'her winning smile.' He looked blankly between her hand and her face.
"I'm Bella Marie Swan. I'm six years old, and my favorite color is purple." When the boy hadn't responded after a minute, she stuck her hand over further and nodded at it. "You shake it and introduce yourself," she whispered. "It's polite, or somethin'. All the grown-ups do it."
"Oh, uh…" He gingerly wiped his palm on his jeans before carefully taking Bella's small hand in his and giving it an odd little shake - more side-to-side than up and down.
Bella giggled as he flushed and mumbled, "I'm Edward Carlisle Masen. I'm six, too."
"And…?"
His ears turned pink. "Ummm, my favorite color is brown."
Scrunching up her nose, Bella asked, "Brown? Well, okay. That's sorta weird, Edward, but never mind." Looking around, Bella spotted the jungle gym.
"Hey, you wanna go play on the climber? I'm really good at thehandlebars. I can show you how, if you want."
Edward eyed Willie and Jacob nursing their wounds at the other end of the schoolyard before nodding and following Bella. She offered him her hand, knowing it always made her feel better to hold someone's hand when she was nervous, so maybe it would help him, and he took it.
"Uh, thank you. For telling those other boys off. You didn't have to do that."
Bella tutted. "Don't be silly, Edward, of course I had to stick up for you. That's what friends do!"
As they walked together, then spent the remainder of recess playing on the climbing frame, Edward revelled in the feeling of having his first friend.
~ oOo ~
November 4th, 2018 - Present day - Seattle, WA
"Dammit, get out of the way!"
Beeeeep.
A chuckle came through the car speakers. "Someone else on your road again, Bells?"
Bella rolled her eyes, switching lanes. "It's not my road, Dad," she huffed. "Much to my disappointment," Bella added in a mutter, eliciting another laugh from her dad.
"I have to say...out of the two of you, you and your brother, I never thought you'd be the one with road rage. Although I guess I should have seen it coming. You always have been a hot-head."
Bella couldn't help but grin out of the windshield. She had been a hot head since she was a child, though it hadn't always served her well. "Yeah, well...I had to get it from somewhere, and Mom's a sweetheart."
Charlie laughed, agreeing, just as Bella drove past the sign welcoming her to the ferry docks.
"Dad, I've gotta go, I'm about to catch the ferry. I'll see you for dinner tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure, Bells. Travel safe. Say hi to the boy for Nana and me."
Distracted by the signs directing her to the correct parking bays, Bella mumbled her 'mmhmm, love you, Dad,' before disconnecting the call.
~ oOo ~
Bella had always loved the ferry ride between Seattle and Bainbridge Island. She could easily have driven around, through Tacoma and Olympia, but any chance to ride the ferry across the Puget Sound filled Bella with childish delight. There was something about the feel of the wind in her hair and the gorgeous views that called to her.
With a sigh, she huddled into her coat and rested her folded arms on the railing, watching Seattle slowly start to shrink before her eyes. It really was a stellar sight. Only one thing made her happier, and that was the voice she prayed would pick up when she hit speed dial three on her cell.
"Hey, B. How was the big night out, then? It can't have been that good, considering you're on the nine a.m. ferry."
Dang it.
"Hey, Emmett." Bella smiled despite her slight pang of disappointment, running a hand through her hair before tugging her hood up to keep her head warm. "It was good, actually. I had a great time. Just because I'm not going to die on the sofa all day like you do when you have a drink, doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself."
Her friend snorted. "In other words, Mission: Get B Laid was a miserable fail. And we spent so much time prepping you, too." He tutted, as though disappointed. "You're not a lost cause yet, Swan."
Rolling her eyes, Bella listened to Emmett's wife smacking his head and telling him to stop being so rude before her voice became infinitely clearer and louder as she snatched the phone from him. "Bella? Did I hear the oaf right? Damn it, I really thought that dress would work. And Jasper resisted? Are you sure he's not gay?"
At this point, Bella knew Rosalie was talking to herself, so she contented herself with gazing down at the waves as Emmett and Rosalie dissected their failed game plan. Bella knew they were doing this out of love for her, but if she'd gotten over the ache of being single for far too long, why couldn't they? She was happy with the man in her life; she didn't need anybody else.
"...next time, I'll come with you. Every woman needs a good wing-woman."
"Rose," Bella warned. "You remember how we discussed over-stepping?"
Rosalie sighed like a long-suffering parent having to explain something complicated to a child. "Bella, I thought you liked this guy? You don't seem very bothered considering you went out there with a plan."
Rosalie was right - Bella had gone to her annual work function with a plan. Rosalie and Emmett had coached her on how to impress a fellow teacher at work, and she'd dressed the part in a slinky gray dress Rosalie had loaned her. She'd driven into Seattle at noon the previous day for her hair appointment, then spent the afternoon sending photos of the Space Needle and Puget Sound to Rosalie and Emmett. Glammed up and feeling thoroughly uncomfortable with how unlike herself she looked, Bella had arrived at the hotel bar in time to hear Jasper Whitlock - the aforementioned history teacher - introducing his new girlfriend, Alice, to the rest of their co-workers.
To be honest, as much effort as Rosalie and Emmett had put in, Bella hadn't been all that interested in Jasper anyway. He was a good friend, funny and handsome, but he wasn't what she was looking for. Not really.
As she patiently explained this to Rosalie, Bella heard the one voice she'd been desperate to hear.
"Oh, I've got your boy here for you. I'll hand you over. Here you go, handsome."
With a mile-wide smile, Bella murmured, "JC?"
"Hey, Mom. Guess what! Uncle Em got me a new button!"
Smirking and tucking a lock of hair back behind her ear after the wind stole it, Bella pictured her son's button collection back home. "He did, huh? Did you ask him where he got it?"
"Uh, no." Bella heard him yell out to Emmett. "Uncle Em, where did you get my new button?"
Emmett's answer was muffled, but Bella couldn't stop herself giggling when Rosalie cheerfully admitted it had fallen off one of his old shirts.
"Oh, that's okay, Uncle Em. I can add it to my wall, anyway."
"Justin?"
"Yeah, Mom?"
"I miss you, baby."
He snickered. "I miss you, too, Mom. You've only been gone one day, though. You're still comin' home today, right?"
"Right."
There wasn't a single thing on Earth that could stop her returning to her son today. Like he'd pointed out, Bella had only been gone a day, but it was a day too long. They chatted for as long as possible, and Bella only said her 'I love you' and hung up when it was time to head back down to her car to disembark. Justin cackled his 'I love you'; apparently, he was being entertained by his Uncle Emmett blowing fart noises on the neck of his four-year-old son, who was also Justin's best friend.
Getting off the ferry was mercifully easy, so Bella was soon on her way heading north-west to join the 104 toward Forks. It didn't matter that it had only been a year since they returned here after a handful of years living in California; the leafy green trees, cloudy sky, and familiar roads were achingly beautiful, and homey.
As she sped toward home, Bella felt anticipation and excitement bubbling at the thought of soon seeing her boy. It was silly to be so antsy after just a day apart, but any time away from Justin still felt like a lifetime.
Her call to her dad went unanswered, so she drummed the steering wheel with her fingers for a few minutes instead. For some entertainment, Bella hit the button to turn on the radio.
"We'll be taking a look at this week's top ten shortly. There are a few climbers and a couple of new entries. Most notably, the single released just today! Isn't that right, Kassie?"
Bella smiled, shaking her head. Dennon, the radio host, was renowned for his over-excitement, while Kassie was his calmer counterpart.
"That's right, Den! I was listening to it on a loop this morning on my way in. It's so catchy, and definitely the most beautiful homage to a friend I've ever heard. It almost sounds wistful, you know?"
Dennon hummed. "I agree. He sounds like he misses him or her, whoever this friend is. And, we're in luck, folks. We've got the artist responsible for the masterpiece that is "Only You" right here in the studio! Come on in, buddy."
There's usually a moment when you realize you've messed up. A split second of enlightenment. Bella's came now, when an achingly soft chuckle emanated through the car speakers, preceding a voice she hadn't heard for years.
"Hey, Den, Kassie. Always a pleasure to see you. Thanks for that intro. You're always too kind."
A shiver danced up Bella's spine, her skin breaking out in gooseflesh. Her fingers twitched against the wheel, every part of her brain telling her to change the damn channel or switch the radio off altogether. No good would come of listening to this.
"Edward Masen, in the flesh! Thank you for joining us; it's been a while. Get comfy, and we'll go over what you've been up to this past…what? It must be at least a year since you were here promoting your last album."
Kassie laughed, pointing out, "I'd say he's been doing a lot of writing, Dennon. This album, Edward…wow. I'm not surprised that it's hit the charts straight at number one."
It had been a long time since Bella had heard his voice in person or seen Edward's face on something other than a TV screen, but she could hear the humble notes in his voice as he mumbled his gratitude and cleared his throat.
He never had seen himself clearly.
"You're right, Kassie. It's been a long year with a lot of writing and studio time. I've barely seen daylight if I'm honest."
Kassie and Dennon asked all the usual questions of a guest on their show. Even though she desperately wanted to escape this torture, Bella couldn't will herself to do anything about it. Her hands were locked on the steering wheel, her skin suddenly two sizes too small for her body. A million emotions tugged at her heart as she listened to Edward's familiar, yet unfamiliar, voice; he described his year of music awards, album signings, then explained how inspiration had struck.
"I was sitting at my piano one day, and I keep a bunch of pictures up there. I don't get to see my friends and family a whole lot when I'm on the road, so it's nice to pretend I can spend time with them when I'm still working…"
Edward trailed off, igniting Bella's ire.
How dare he…He had plenty opportunity to spend time with his friends; he chose not to. That decision was on him, and him alone. How dare he make out that he didn't get to see them because he was busy, when he took that choice away from everyone and acted so selfishly?
"So, I was just messing around and seeing what happened, and I guess it sort of came to me."
"Only You?"
Dennon verified, chuckling ruefully when Edward answered, 'Yes.'
"It's a masterpiece, no doubt about it. Now it's fairly obvious from the lyrics that it's about a friend, yes?"
Edward coughed again; a vivid flash of a memory shot through Bella's mind, the image of him raking a hand through his hair as clear as day. "Yes, it's about a friend. A very dear friend," he sighed. Even now, after everything, his sadness hit Bella right in the chest.
I only ever wanted you to be happy.
"Uh oh, I sense a story there," Dennon teased. "This friend…am I correct in thinking that it's a 'she'?"
Bella bit her lip.
"Yes, it's about a girl."
Though Bella, Dennon, and Kassie all seemed to be waiting with baited breath for an elaboration, Edward didn't seem willing to say any more on the subject; at least not right now.
As Dennon introduced Edward's most raved about single ever, Bella's heart began to race. She nervously wondered if she'd be able to deal with listening to it, but the choice was taken away from her when the song started before she could decide one way or the other.
"Only you, you, you.
Only you, you, you.
I remember in the schoolyard,
the children didn't understand.
So they bullied me with silence,
just for being who I am.
So I got good at keeping secrets.
I used to blend in with the crowd.
On the inside I was screaming.
With you I didn't have to hide."
Suddenly, Bella's breath stalled in her lungs. What the…
"He's not…he's singing about…"
"Only you, could see that I was hurting.
Only you, ever cared to understand.
Always know, that I'd do the same
I'd do anything for you, my friend.
It's true."
She was catapulted back to another year. To a time when her image of the world was made up of smiles, rainbows, and happy families.
March 10th, 1999 – 9 years old…
"C'mon, Edward…" Bella whined, flopping onto the bed on her back before rolling her head to face him. "You promised we could go play baseball today, remember?"
It was true – he had promised. But that was before…
"Can't we just stay here?" Edward pleaded, staring at his hands in his lap as he picked the black nail polish from his thumbnail. "Damn stuff…you said it was easy to take off."
Bella ignored his accusatory tone and shrugged, using her foot to point toward the vanity. "The polish remover is over there if you want it. Top shelf."
He huffed and slowly got to his feet, as though every movement took monumental effort, and crossed the room. Bella narrowed her eyes as she watched him stretch toward the top shelf of the cabinet attached to her vanity table.
"What are you doing? Did you hurt your arm or something? You're stretching all weirdly."
"No, I'm not." Edward's answer was just a touch too quick, a smidgen too snappy, to kill Bella's curiosity.
She hopped up from the bed and followed him, a loud gasp sneaking from between her lips when she made it to within a few feet of him, and he finally reached up for the pink bottle of polish remover. His worn, Captain America T-shirt rode up and revealed an angry purple bruise on his side; Edward heard her and snapped his arm back down, yelping when it caused a spear of pain to stab him in the ribs.
"What happened?" Bella breathed, her eyes wide with horror; she reached out, gently pulling up the hem of his shirt again. There was a livid purple and red handprint splashed across his pale skin.
The shamed wince on Edward's face coupled with the fat tears gathering on his lashes told Bella she didn't really want to know the answer.
That was the day she found out that Edward's mother was beating him.
There was no escaping the memories that forced their way into her head.
Finding out that Anne had been painting her son's skin with bruises for almost as long as Edward could remember had killed Bella. Even at the tender age of nine, she knew it was abuse, and it was wrong. Edward had been a semi-permanent fixture in the Swan residence pretty much since his first day at Forks Elementary when Bella had saved him from the Black twins, but he became even more so after that day. Bella adhered to the promise Edward made her swear to, and didn't tell her parents, but she did insist he stay over as often as possible. It was their little secret.
By this point, Bella knew – just like everyone else did – that Edward's father was in jail for assault and theft. It had been a well-known heist in Seattle, which was why a lot of the kids at school didn't talk to Edward; their parents had all warned them away from the sad, isolated little boy.
Bella had been the only child to disregard all the gossip and befriend him.
"I used to stare up at the ceiling,
wide awake all through the night.
While the world was busy sleeping,
I was so caught up in my mind.
Only you, could see that I was hurting.
Only you, ever cared to understand.
Always know that I'd do the same
I'd do anything for you, my friend.
It's true.
So true."
That boy…that scared, quiet little boy, he'd quickly become Bella's very best friend. In fact, he'd been more than that.
He was her best friend, confidant, playmate, secret-keeper, and her biggest cheerleader in all her endeavors, whether it was something as simple as a project at school or climbing the tallest tree in the woods right outside Renee and Charlie's house. He was always there.
Until he wasn't.
At six, she'd been his savior.
At nine, she'd been his escape.
At thirteen, they were each other's first kiss.
And at sixteen, she was his damsel in need of protecting.
April 15th, 2006 – 16 years old…
"Just…be careful where to tread," Edward sighed, making Bella promise to be careful before opening the worn, paint-chipped front door and leading her inside.
This house gave Bella the heebie-jeebies, but she didn't want to loiter outside like a creep. And besides, Anne wasn't even here. Edward had admitted that she always spent Saturday afternoons visiting one of her hook-ups. With her gone, it was the perfect opportunity for Edward to grab some more clothes to take back to Bella's. His favorite jeans had a sizeable hole in one knee, and he was in dire need of more underwear.
The house was a mess. As Edward muttered a curse under his breath and trudged toward his room, Bella hung around in the hallway. She hadn't wanted to wait outside, but she didn't particularly enjoy being inside, either. It smelled gross and stale, and there was trash littered…well, pretty much everywhere.
"Edley? Hurry up, will ya?" shecalled after a few minutes of listening to Edward opening and closing drawers down the hall.
"One sec, Bella! Almost done."
Bella didn't hear anyone coming up the path, and the first indication that she wasn't alone anymore was the front door slamming open and denting the already-battered wall. Anne stumbled into the hall, fumbling with the lighter in her hand as she tried to light a cigarette.
Her hazy gray eyes narrowed on Bella. "What're y-you doing here?"
Bella steeled herself and straightened up. Whether Edward was done or not, Bella couldn't spend even a minute in the company of this disgusting piece of garbage. "Oh, don't worry – I don't want to be here. We're just leaving. Edward!"
Before Edward could get out there, Anne staggered closer; the stale, smoky, sour smell of her breath made Bella's stomach turn. She was also in desperate need of a shower and fresh clothes.
"You stuck-up little bitch," Anne snarled, wobbling on her feet as she got in Bella's face. "You think y-you're—hiccup—so much better than me, with your fancy house and smart clothes."
Plastering a false smile on her face and swallowing down a niggling thought that antagonizing the crazy drunk lady was a bad idea, Bella cocked her head sarcastically. "No, I know that I'm better than you, and it's got nothing to do with my clothes, you old hag."
An inhuman sounding scream scratched Anne's throat on its way out as she swung at Bella, first catching the wall before flying again.
It didn't come close to its intended target.
Edward arrived just in time to catch his mother's swinging fist in one of his large hands. His six-foot-two frame dwarfed Anne's five-seven on a regular day, but right now, he was puffed up like an angry lion. His entire body was tense and radiated his rage as he squeezed Anne'sfist hard enough for her to wince. Looming over her, he growled, "Don't you ever fucking touch her, do you hear me? Never! Don't you even look at her."
Flinging her arm back hard enough to make Anne stumble, Edward grabbed his rucksack from the floor, and then dragged Bella from the house.
Later, Edward admitted that it was the first time he'd ever stood up to her.
He made Bella promise to never go there again.
Not that it mattered, because soon, he was gone anyway, and Bella had no reason to visit a woman she despised.
Bella's grip on the steering wheel was almost painful now. She forced herself to loosen her fingers, wincing at the ache from clenching them too tight. Now that she'd let the memories back in, they kept on coming, battering their way through the walls she'd built to keep them at bay.
July 20th, 2007 – Summer break…
"Be good, kids! I'll be home for dinner!"
"'Kay, Dad! Love you!"
"Love you, Bells! Bye, Edward!"
Edward chuckled, yelling his, 'Bye, Chief!' just before Charlie slammed the front door; his cruiser started up a minute or two later, as they listened to it pulling off the gravel drive.
"So…what delights have you planned for us today?"
Bella smirked and pulled a book from her nightstand, holding it up so Edward could see the cover.
"Aw, man…you've gotta be kidding me! Math? You want to study?"
"Nah, I just thought it'd be funny." Bella tossed the calculus book on the floor and rolled onto her stomach, propping her chin between her cupped hands. Edward sat up against the headboard but pulled his knees up; Bella's cheeks flushed slightly when she caught his eyes dipping to the cleavage created by her position and framed by her V-neck T-shirt.
Edward may be herfriend, but he was her very hot friend. Just like every other girl at school, Bella had noticed the muscles stretching the sleeves of his T-shirts and the more angular cut of his jaw under the scruff he refused to shave off. Plus, Renee had insisted on a haircut last week, meaning he'd lost his shaggy mane and was now sporting a more stylish, shorter, spikier style. It still stuck up every-which-way like it had eleven years ago when they first met, but something about this particular look made Bella want to reach out and just touch. It was infuriating at times.
"I want to talk parties," Bella admitted, giggling when Edward reacted just as predicted and groaned. "Jess Stanley is throwing an end-of-year party next Saturday. We're going, no arguments."
"But it's already been the end of the school year for two weeks! And we went to that other party at Douchebag Newton's."
Bella rolled her eyes. "Only you would think that dropping off friends at a party counted as actually going. Quit being such a baby. Sticking around and socializing for a bit won't kill you, you know?" Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "Plus, you get to hear so much gossip at these things. Did you hear about Tyler and Lauren? They hooked up at Mike Newton's party! Lauren's gone loco though, because she was super nervous and thought they were taking each other's V-cards, but Tyler admitted after he'd already given his to Leah from the Reservation."
Edward rolled his eyes, but he had a thoughtful frown on his face. Bella nudged his sock-clad foot.
"C'mon, spill. What're you thinking?"
"Are you nervous? About losing your 'V-card,' as you call it?"
If Bella had been blushing before, she was absolutely crimson now. "Uh…I don't…Edward, what…I guess so? I mean, it's not a big deal, but I guess it's not good for the girl the first time." Frowning, Bella admitted, "I kinda just want to get it out of the way, to be honest. I don't want to get to college and still be a virgin. Why?"
"Let's make a pact. If neither of us have found some poor schmuck before the end of senior year, let's just…get it out of the way. You're my best friend, and I'm yours. We're comfortable around each other, right? We can get rid of the whole 'nervous' thing and just get it done."
After a few minutes of stuttered questions, Bella and Edward had shaken and agreed.
Almost a year later to the day, they'd stayed true to their pact and taken each other's virginity in Bella's bed while Renee and Charlie were out at a friend's wedding reception in Port Angeles. It wasn't perfect or romantic, but it did the job, and they giggled their way through the awkwardness of having to discard of the condom, then laughed at Adam Sandler's antics in 50 First Dates.
Neither of them could have known that just a month later, their lives would come crashing to a halt.
Even now, so many years later, Bella remembered that day well; the day her grandpa called to say that Grandma Swan was sick. She'd answered the phone, and he'd mistaken her voice for Renee's, babbling about a stroke and the hospital before Bella could admit she wasn't Renee.
Two days after that phone call, Charlie and Renee sat her down to tell her they were moving as soon as she finished senior year. Grandpa Swan couldn't take care of himself and Grandma Swan alone, so they were needed in California. She was given a year, maximum, because that was how long Charlie could afford to keep nurses coming out to the house.
It had killed Bella, knowing she was going to have to leave everything she'd ever known.
That she'd have to leave Edward.
A month of long days passed, made up of stilted conversations and a promise from her parents to keep the move a secret.
But then, Bella found herself with another secret to keep.
Two blue lines in a tiny window brought Bella's plans for her future to a dead stop, but they also gave her the glimmer of hope she'd been desperately searching for. After all, if using an apparently-faulty condom and only having sex the one time to lose her virginity had wound up leaving her pregnant, surely that was a sign they couldn't up and leave Forks and Edward?
Surely it was fate?
"When I'm all alone
A million miles away from home
You're still with me
You'll always be
My rock and shoulder to lean on
When every hope I have is gone
I'll turn to you
You know it's true."
Tears rolled over Bella's cheeks as she shook her head, quickly dashing them from her face with her shoulder as she tried to concentrate on the road instead of the myriad of thoughts jostling for a place at the forefront of her mind. It just…it didn't make sense.
A maelstrom of emotions tore her heart to shreds as she admitted that this song…it could only be about her. But why? Why now, on the anniversary of their first meeting, would he release a song that made a mockery of their entire friendship? After all, if it had been so noteworthy, so song-worthy, how could he have found it so easy to throw it all away?
"Only you, could see that I was hurting.
Only you, ever cared to understand.
Always know, that I'd do the same
I'd do anything for you, my friend
It's true
So true.
And I know
'Til the bitter end
I'd be proud to call you my best friend
It's true."
The song ended, leaving the car silent and lung-restrictively tense. Bella sucked in a shaky breath.
"Well…what can I say, except...wow. Edward, that song…you should be extremely proud of yourself! It's beautiful, and haunting, and all the things you want in a homage to a dear friend. So, tell us, what'll you be doing for downtime now you're all done with this album?"
Again, there's always a point when you realize that you've messed up. Again, Bella had one of those moments, as, over the rushing sound in her ears, she heard Edward admit that he was going to be spending some time back in his home state with his agent, who actually lived near the radio station – which Bella knew was in Olympia.
Her heart gave a painful thump as her eyes jumped up to the next sign as she sped past it.
If I jump off here, I can be in Olympia within two hours…
Five minutes later, Bella was tearing down the 101 and muting the radio as she dialed Rosalie's cell.
"Bella! I was just about to call you. My sister wants to know if we want to go to some birthday party with her this afternoon. I told her we've got JC and she told me to bring him if it's okay with you. We'll be back...fourish? At the latest. And we can do dinner at ours if the kids are still awake."
Bella glanced at the clock on the dashboard, nodding. That gave her plenty of time to track down Edward and still make it back in time to spend time with her boy. Rosalie's offer to do dinner meant she wouldn't need to stop for groceries, either - she could put it off until tomorrow.
"That's fine if you're sure you don't mind. Uh, I'm just making a little detour, if that's okay, but I'll still be home by four."
"That's cool, no worries—Dale! Get off your little sister! Jesus. Sorry, Bella, I'm gonna have to go. My son is using his sister as a battering ram."
Snorting, Bella thanked her lucky stars that little Dale was misbehaving enough that Rosalie wasn't overly interested in questioning her detour.
Five minutes later, Bella managed to find the address of one Tori Weber of Olympia online. She managed to enter it into the Satnav using voice recognition, and then she hit the gas, refusing to think about what she was doing or why.
~ oOo ~
There was mercifully little traffic, so Bella made good time. She held off on calling her mom or dad to tell them what she was doing; mostly because she knew they were having a rare day off together and didn't want to disturb them.
Never mind the fact that she wasn't sure she'd be able to persuade them that nothing was wrong.
Her dad was perceptive and protective, but he also hated to pry – especially with his daughter. He was always too afraid he'd be dragged into a conversation about girl issues to dig too deep.
Bella felt like she had a million ants crawling over her skin and a live wire running directly into her heart as she tried not to think about where she was headed.
This is a stupid idea, her subconscious yelled.
In her heart of hearts, Bella knew her subconscious was right. This was a stupid idea. Absolutely absurd in fact, but Bella couldn't stop herself. She was a runaway train destined to crash.
Soon, she reached the 'Welcome to Olympia' sign. Her breaths seemed to take a bit more effort, her head fuzzy as she followed the robotic satnav voice toward the outskirts of the city where some of the larger homes resided.
Not surprising, really…she thought, turning onto a beautiful street. This woman was agent to at least one world-famous musician; it stood to reason that she had more successful clients than just Edward.
The street was lined with immaculately groomed trees and extensive lawns, each house boasting a long driveway out front. It looked like a street from a fifties postcard.
Finally, Bella rolled to a stop.
"You have reached your destination."
The 'now what' hung in the air for several long minutes before she plucked up the courage to switch off the car. Another few minutes passed, then she opened her door.
The interview Edward had given just under two hours prior filtered through her mind.
"…yes, it's about a friend. A very dear friend."
Dennon and Kassie had asked more questions once the song ended, but Bella had only been half listening. She hadn't caught all of them.
"My muse for the song? She was beautiful, kind, smart…I was an idiot to let her go, really. I know that now."
"There's nothing I can do or say to show her how sorry I am, but this was a start."
"She sacrificed a lot for me; she was my rock. I don't know what I'd have done without her, actually. That's why I wrote the song for her. I owe her everything, including my music. Without her, I don't think I'd ever have realized that I even liked music. Her mom even taught me to play the guitar."
He'd talked about her like he cared about her – as if he loved her, even. Hurt fueled her anger and forced her feet to carry her out of the car toward the house.
Before she could second-guess herself, Bella took the brass knocker in hand and thumped it hard against the white wood, flinching at the loud noise. Nerves skittered over her skin, every breath a chore and every heartbeat a cacophonous crash in her ears.
The door opened to reveal a redheaded woman wearing a suit. Bella unconsciously took her in, noting her lack of shoes and unfastened jacket. She must be the agent, she realized. She was probably at the radio station with Edward.
"Uh, hi. I'm—"
"I know who you are," Tori Weber cut her off with an almost sad smile. She sucked in a breath, her eyes raking over Bella. Suddenly, Bella felt as unprepared for this as she was. Her faded jeans, battered Chucks, and long-sleeved thermal tee under avestwere stark opposites to Tori Weber's expensive skirt suit. "You're here sooner than expected," Tori added as she stepped aside, waving Bella in.
"You were expecting me?"
"Well, I wasn't." Tori slid her feet into a pair of heels by the door before scooping a purse and cell phone from the nearby console table. Then she turned to Bella and gave her a long, appraising look. "I hope he was right."
With that, she left Bella staring after her and headed outside to the waiting silver Porsche.
"What the…" Bella muttered, a frown on her face and a churning pit in her stomach. This wasn't at all what she'd expected – although, apparently, her showing up wasn't a surprise.
A soft huff of breath pulled Bella's attention to the middle of the stairs.
Edward.
He looked…different. His once-floppy mane of hair was far shorter but still had a manhandled look about it, as though his hands had spent a lot of time there. The bright green eyes Bella had known inside-out were still wide and framed by lashes that were wasted on a guy and had caused no end of jealousy when Bella had to cake hers in mascara to even get half the length or thickness to match. Long gone were the holey jeans and band T-shirts of their youth – in their place, he wore an open, cornflower blue button-down with a navy undershirt, tan chinos, and a pair of brown boat shoes.
"You…you came."
Lost in her memories of a teenaged Edward, the Edward she'd known and trusted implicitly, Bella didn't realize that he'd moved until he spoke again, now standing just a few feet away.
Sadness, wistfulness, and nostalgia created a hurricane inside her.
But anger overrode them all.
Tears flooded her face as Bella closed the gap between them and began pummeling his chest with her hands, sobbing instead of shouting, like she wanted to.
"How goddamn dare you?" she growled."Who do you think you are? Going on radio and talking about our friendship like it was something important? Like it meant anything at all to you?"
"Bella, wait—" He didn't bother to even try to shield himself, which made her feel worse, but her overwhelming emotions kept her from stopping.
"You don't get to tell me what to do. You left me, without a single goddamn word—" Choked up, Bella paused, resting her fists on his chest as she tried to catch her breath and clear her throat. Thinking of those days always killed her. 2008 was by far the worst year of her life, for so many reasons.
"I only left because you were going to leave me, anyway," Edward finally muttered.
With tear tracks still staining her face, Bella peered up at him with narrowed eyes.
"You can't tell me you weren't. I know, Bella. Charlie told me you were moving." Hurt swirled in his green eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"
At seventeen, Bella didn't pretend to be the smartest or claim to make the best decisions. She'd been a scared, frightened, pregnant teenager, and had made a snap decision to keep her family's impending move a secret from Edward until she could figure something out.
He'd taken the chance away from her.
"I was never going to leave you. I had…a plan." Looking back, her Pinterest pregnancy reveal seemed a lifetime ago. She still had it all, the shirt with the card and pictures of the positive tests, in a shoebox in her closet. It sat on top of the appointment card for the ultrasound scan she hadn't gotten to attend.
Edward moved to step back; they both realized that Bella's fingers were clutching his undershirt too tightly for him to go far at the same time. She hastily released him and shoved her hands in her pockets as he sucked in a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling.
"You don't have to lie. Charlie explained it all; how you were going to California to look after your Grandma. I would have understood, I think. It would have gutted me, but eventually, I'd have accepted it. I could have visited, you could have come back to see me…"
"I'm not lying." Fresh tears overflowed, and Bella recalled her first psychotherapist session after graduating college in California. Suddenly facing the real world, everything she'd hidden behind tall walls spilled out. Renee made her an appointment with the doctor, and Bella could remember it, as clear as day.
"Why didn't you tell me then, if you had a plan? What were you going to do to persuade your parents not to leave?" There was more than a hint of disbelief in Edward's features, but Bella still couldn't believe she was this close to him after all these years. All the things she'd wanted to say, all the things she'd thought about telling him, they seemed suddenly pointless in the wake of this far-too-serious conversation.
Bella hadn't lied at her therapy session; she hadn't told Edward about their baby because her heart was breaking, and she didn't want that for him. All she'd ever wanted for her best friend was happiness. God knows he'd had enough misery and sadness to last a lifetime before he was even a teenager. Now, when they were just seeing each other for the first time in over a decade, was definitely not the way Bella thought he'd find out, but the words were there, on the tip of her tongue.
Shaking his head, Edward scowled down at his shoes. "See? There's the crux of it. You still just can't be honest with me, can you? Did you ever care at all, or was I just a fun distraction? I mean, you never tried to contact me after I left, you just forgot about me—"
"I tried!" Bella screamed. Edward's eyes widened, but she wasn't done. Not even close. She'd had twelve years of bottling up her feelings over Edward's abandonment, and the lid was most definitely off. "God, I tried so hard to forget that my best friend in the whole world just upped and left me without a word. I tried to forget that he thought so little of our friendship that he could do something like that!" Breathing out harshly, Bella felt a stake ramming itself into her heart as she croaked, "I tried to forget that while I was planning how to tell you I was pregnant with your baby, you were off planning your move to New York and your happy life without me."
For the longest time, neither of them spoke. Exhaustion hit Bella like a sledgehammer; she leaned back against the door and slid down to the floor, resting her forehead on her bent knees and her hands on the floor to root her.
Deep breaths, Bella. In, and out. In, and out.
She hadn't had a panic attack in years. Of course, it would happen now. Here. With him.
Every breath she managed to suck into her aching lungs helped her feel a little more human. She pictured Justin's face, his big blue eyes, and his penny-colored curls; he helped soothe her, just like he had since that first day she took him home.
Everyone said Bella saved Justin when she adopted him and rescued him from a miserable life with his biological parents; they were wrong. Yes, she'd managed to get him out of a horrendous situation, but he'd given her back a purpose and a reason to smile on a daily basis. His friendship with Dale McCarty had given her friends in Rosalie and Emmett, and his arrival in her life had given her parents their first grandchild.
By the time she felt Edward's hands tentatively touching her palms resting face-up by her feet, she felt halfway calm.
"Bella…" His voice was scratchy. When she chanced a quick glance at his face, lifting her head only slightly, she saw a tear tumble over his cheek and lose itself in his short beard. His eyes were red, his ears flaming. "Did you…am I a…"
If she'd thought telling him about the baby was hard, telling him the next part was excruciating. Every miserable second slashed a fresh wound on her already scarred heart.
"No, Edward. You're not. You're not a father."
June 27th, 2008
"Don't be such a girl, Bella," Edward laughed softly, brushing a tear from Bella's cheek. "I'm only going to be gone four days."
Bella sniffled and dashed the moisture from her face, forcing a smile. Her emotions were all over the place thanks to the tiny bean growing in her uterus…not that she could admit it to Edward. Instead, she was forced to look like an emotional wreck as he jetted off to visit his maternal aunt and uncle in New York.
He and Bella had spent months on Facebook trying to track down the few family members he remembered from early in his childhood and struck gold back in April. They'd promised to help him out if he ever needed it, and he was finally ready to take them up on their offer. His cousin, Maria, called him back the same day, then her parents – Peter and Charlotte – flew out to visit him two weeks later. They'd been getting to know each other ever since, but now it was Edward's turn to fly out and see them, and Bella had begged off even though she desperately wanted to go.
However, she had big plans for Edward's surprise. She'd spent days scouring Pinterest for the best way to surprise your baby-daddy-slash-best-friend and had finally settled on an idea. The football shirt – Seattle Seahawks, of course – had arrived yesterday emblazoned with 'Daddy' and his favorite number, seven. Bella couldn't wait to give it to him, although the nerves were settling in as the days crept by.
"Call me every day, okay? And take a ton of pictures."
Edward grinned; Bella fleetingly wondered if their baby would inherit his crooked smile. "I promise. Be good without me, yeah?"
"Well, duh. Who am I gonna raise hell with if you're not here?"
Bella cried pretty much all the way home from the airport after watching Edward weave through security to catch his flight, and then cried some more when she got home and felt distinctly unwell. Figuring an early night ought to put her right, Bella settled into bed before nine.
By eleven, she was en-route to the emergency room in the passenger side of her mom's car. The cramps had come on suddenly, and it was all over just ten minutes after their arrival.
Earlier in the day, before driving Edward to the airport, she'd been anxiously putting the finishing touches on the card attached to Edward's Seattle Seahawks jersey telling him he was going to be a father.
By midnight, Bella was heading into the new day with the doctor's condolences and the news that her tiny, unborn baby had just been a taunting glimpse of what her future could have been.
Edward muffled his whimper by biting his knuckles, sinking back onto his haunches as he stared at Bella with fresh, tear-filled eyes. "You…you had a miscarriage?"
Nodding, Bella murmured, "Yes. So, you see, I tried to forget you. I tried to forget that our whole, apparently-meaningless friendship ever existed. And I tried to forget that the day I was losing ourbaby, you were having a whale of a time planning a future without me in it. I couldn't do it."
Bella shook her head and swallowed hard, angrily swiping tears from her cheeks. "So don't you dare sit there and make out that I didn't care about you. Jesus, Edward, I loved you, you had to know that! I broke my own heart loving you."
Edward had stumbled to Bella's house after beatings from Anne many times, but Bella had never seen him look so forlorn, so heartbroken, as he did then. His entire body screamed defeat and sadness.
"You…you were going to use the b…the baby to get your parents to stay," he finally whispered, hissing when he had another realization. "You were avoiding me when I got back from New York…that was why, wasn't it? It happened while I was with Pete and Charlotte." His hands slid up into his hair, gripping hard enough that his knuckles turned white. "Fuck, Bella. And the next time I saw you, I left because you were acting off with me."
In the years since that first therapy session, Bella had imagined Edward's reaction to this news a million times. She'd pictured herself feeling vindicated for how much she'd hated him for leaving and relieved that he knew. But now all she felt was the same heartbreak she'd felt when it happened.
The same heartbreak that had prompted her to keep the entire ordeal a secret.
More than once, Renee had asked if she was telling the truth about the reason for their emergency ER visit. Bella had lied and said it was just a heavy period and she'd overreacted, and Renee had said she believed her, even though she always seemed suspicious about the amount of time they'd been there.
Bella had only said the words aloud once, at a therapy session.
"I had a miscarriage in high school. I've still never told the…the father that he was almost a dad at seventeen. I just can't break his heart like mine was broken."
Edward was only the fourth person to know behind Bella herself. There was the doctor who'd given her the news that horrible day back in 2008, and the therapist Bella only spoke to on the phone once a month just to check in since she'd moved away from Sacramento to return to Forks.
"Bella, I don't…I don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything, okay? This was a stupid idea, coming here. I just…I heard the song—"
Thinking about that song put a lump in Bella's throat. "How could you write that? You're singing about how you'd do anything for me, how I did so much for you, but you just left me. You didn't even look back."
"Because it's true, Bella. I would do anything for you. I…" Edward trailed off, raking a hand through his hair. He still looked shell-shocked. "I love you. I…can't say 'loved' because I never stopped. You think I abandoned you, and I suppose that's true, too, but I did it because I thought you were leaving me and it just broke my damn heart. God, if I'd known…if I'd known any of it, I never would have gone anywhere, you've got to know that."
In her heart of hearts, Edward leaving had never made any sense to Bella. Even though she was hurt and angry, she knew he wouldn't have run if she'd gotten the chance to tell him about the baby, but then they would have lost it anyway, and where would that have left them?
And there was still the matter of Bella's relocation to a different state to take care of her grandma, so…
So many variables, but only the one outcome – the one they were living. None of the decisions they'd made back then would be the ones they'd make today, but they couldn't change any of it now.
And although it had absolutely killed her, she'd lived another lifetime since then, had so many experiences that she might have missed out on. And Justin…she pictured her blue-eyed boy, her sunshine and smiles and all things happy despite his shitty start, knowing she wouldn't have him now ifeverything had gone the way she'd planned. She wouldn't wish him away, not for anything.
Blowing out a long sigh, Bella shrugged and offered Edward all she had left – a sad little half-smile. "I don't know what I'm doing here," she admitted.
Edward reached out, visibly relieved when she let her body take over and twined her fingers with his on her knee. "I think we need to have a long talk and figure out what really happened. I think we've both got different stories to tell." His thumb drew circles on the back of her hand, raising gooseflesh over her entire body. "I think we need to be honest and quit with the secrecy and lies. But, first and foremost, I think I need a hug from my friend if she's willing to grant my sorry ass that much."
Despite everything – the hurt, the heartache, the secrets, lies, and raw emotion – there was no way Bella could possibly refuse the familiar, pleading boy staring back at her from within a stranger's grown-up face. She lifted herself from the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck, locking her hands over his shoulder blades as his warm hands spread across the small of her back and held her tight to his chest. With her face nestled in the hot space between his shoulder and neck, the scent of the same aftershave he'd used as a teenager clogged Bella's senses and created a frenzy in her brain. There was no denying the innate sense of home wrought by being wrapped in Edward's embrace. Taller, broader, and more solid than Bella, he was a grounding force.
She felt his shuddering inhale before he smoothed a hand up her spine, cradling her against him. It was safety, comfort, and so achingly nostalgic that Bella couldn't withhold a soft sob.
"I never stopped, either."
Edward hummed questioningly, the sound vibrating through her head thanks to his cheek resting against the side of her head. She gently pulled away, refusing to let go but wanting to look him in the eye when she said this.
The gratitude after she rescued him from Willie and Jacob Black.
Watching Renee teach him the guitar, seeing his dimpled smile when he mastered each new chord.
The reflection in his eyes as he saw the ocean at La Push Beach for the first time.
Their first awkward kiss with their eyes wide open.
Starting high school together and sharing every class thanks to the principal's crush on Charlie.
The first party filled with scantily clad cheerleaders, but Edward's gaze was only on her.
Their pact to take each other's V-cards.
The terrified green of his eyes as he hovered above her and asked if she was sure, then the enlightened pleasure in them as he moved over her and made sure she was satisfied first.
The frustration and confusion when he returned from a trip to New York and found Bella unable even to meet his eyes.
"I never stopped loving you, either."
And now, Bella had seen the look in his eyes when she admitted her biggest secret; the lie she told everyone who'd asked throughout her lifetime.
Do you love Edward?
She'd always lied through her teeth and said 'no.'
Even after he left, she'd lied and tried to pretend she didn't care, when really she missed the hell out of her best friend and first love. She'd missed him so much that Justin shared his middle name - Carlisle.
Fleetingly, she wondered what his expressive eyes would look like when she had to tell him about her precious four-year-old son and explain Justin's dramatic entrance into her life; so similar to his own early childhood. She suspected it would hit him hard.
"I love you, Edward, but we can't…there are other things you need to hear, things we need to talk about. Honestly, I…I've just missed my friend."
Edward's eyes shone as he reached up to wipe away a tear from the apple of her cheek with his thumb. "I've missed my friend, too."
"Where do we go from here?"
There were so many things they needed to discuss, so many questions that needed answering, but not right now.
"I think we go for a coffee and get to know each other again. And then, I think we make a pact to never again tell a lie or keep a secret from each other."
An almost hysterical little giggle escaped Bella's lips as she nodded and curled back into Edward's chest, feeling whole for the first time in a long, long while. The only thing that would make this better would be having everything out in the open, but that would come in time. They had twelve years of each other's lives to catch up on; they had over a decade of careers, relationships, vacations, experiences, and a literal lifetime, in Justin's case, to share with one another. That couldn't all happen overnight, no matter how eager Bella was to get it all out there.
"Deal."
They'd both made mistakes, and they'd both grown up enough to realize that their past decisions weren't all good ones. But Edward and Bella were finally in a place where they could love each other enough to tell the truth and respect one another enough to know they could handle it.
Now, they could move on from the heartache and the pain, the secrets and the lies.