For a brief moment after she grabbed his ass and announced "Good talk", Jamie stood in the middle of his apartment too stunned to move. He was still trying to comprehend what happened when he registered that the woman he loved was heading for the door. "Eddie," he called. "Wait!" They were both startled by how fast Jamie moved across the small room, to grasp Edie by the arm and turn her towards him. "Where are you going?"
Edie looked up at him, more surprised by Jamie's uncharacteristic physical dominance then his pleading words. He searched her eyes for an answer to his question and any sense of fear or reluctance but he did not let go of her upper arm, even as she seemed to move backwards to lean against the wall.
When Edie didn't say anything, Jamie redirected his remarks. "You kissed me."
The pugnacious blonde immediately defended herself. "You kissed me back."
"Of course I did. You're a beautiful woman and . . . .I've wanted you for a long time. I thought I made that clear," Jamie reminded her. "But you said you wanted to preserve our work partnership. That has to mean no kissing,"
Edie looked sufficiently chastised. She knew she'd been sending out mixed signals. If she understood what she was doing, she would have explained it to Jamie. She couldn't clarify why she had turned around and kissed him. She just knew she couldn't leave his apartment without doing something to explain how she felt, how unresolved their conversation felt despite their mutual assurances that things were good between them and they were 'fine'.
"You also grabbed my butt," Jamie stated the obvious.
A flicker of guilt flashed across her face but Edie was giving no quarter. "I was joking, Reagan. Lighten up."
"I'm not joking," Jamie insisted. He instinctively understood her dilemma. He also recognized that Edie had risked a lot by coming here and telling him the truth about her jealousy. He owed her the same disclosure, even though there was a lot at stake. For her, he'd put it all on the line. "I'm willing to go all in here."
"What do you mean?" Edie questioned.
"I want this," Jamie answered earnestly, leaning in. "I want you." His voice dropped as he made that last statement. The yearning was apparent in his timber.
"But we can't," Edie lamented. "You just said it yourself. We've been 'down this road' and it 'clouds people's judgment'."
"I did," Jamie agreed. "And you asked if we were good. I thought that was the end of it. It hurt to hear, . . . but you put our work partnership as your number one priority . . . and as much I hated hearing that, if that is what you wanted, I was going to go with it, but then you kissed me."
"It doesn't change anything. We're still partners," Edie reminded him. "It's against department policy."
"Fuck the department!" Jamie declared.
Edie's eyes went wide. She'd never heard Jamie talk like that. He was a Boy Scout. He played by the rules and lived his life according to the Patrolman's Guide, although she'd seen him find a technicality whenever it suited him, like his decision to let Tara crash in his apartment, which is what brought everything to a head in the first place.
Her astonished look told Jamie everything he needed to know. She didn't need to speak for him to understand.
"If I have to make a choice, I chose you. I choose us," Jamie explained. Edie practically held her breath as Jamie continued. "If I have to choose between having you has my work partner and having you as my life partner, it's not a contest. I want this. I want you!"
Not knowing what to do with Jamie's declaration, Edie tried to deflect with humor. "Life partner? Is that a proposal, Reagan?" The smile on her lips was belied by the questions and apprehension in her eyes.
Jamie swallowed, then pursed his lips buying himself time to come up with the right answer to such a loaded question. "I'm certainly not . . .ah. . . . ruling it out, you know, . . . in the future . . . but no, that wasn't a marriage proposal. When we get to that point, you'll know."
Edie's heart was beating so wildly, she was certain it was going to fly out of her chest. Somehow she had taken a step backwards and was leaning against the wall. Without its support, Edie wasn't sure that she would still be standing even with Jamie so close to her; there were barely inches between them. When one of them spoke, she could feel their breath intermingling. Subconsciously, she recognized this as one of the most intimate experiences of her life.
"I'm saying I want you to stay. If I have to pick between having you in an RMP for eight hours a day or having you in every other aspect of my life, of having you in my bed, that's what I want. I can't go back to not touching you, to not kissing you." Jamie punctuated his point by leaning in and kissing Edie, fully pinning her to the wall. Like before, her hands came up to his neck to caress his hair line, only this time she was practically hanging on for dear life while she willingly let Jamie devour her.
Jamie's hands weren't locked chastely together at the small of Edie's back this time. Releasing her arm, he threaded his hand through the golden locks he had longed to touch for so long. His free hand reached inside her suede jacket to caress her curvy sides through her soft sweater; Jamie was pleased and relieved to feel Edie melting into him.
When they came up for air, again resting their foreheads against one another, Edie cast her eyes downward, no longer looking Jamie in the eye. "Are you sure about this?" she rasped hesitantly.
Jamie exhaled deeply but moved the hand still tangled in her hair to tilt Edie's chin up, forcing her to look him in the eye as he moved his head back to see her more clearly. "Of course I'm sure. Aren't you?"
Looking to the side Edie lamented softly, "I have lousy taste in men. I don't wanna ruin us." Her voice quivered as she spoke.
Internally Jamie wanted to kill, well at least maim, whoever did so much emotional damage to his beautiful partner to cause her to be so uncertain about her own value and her own desirability. "I'm not some guy you picked up in a bar or a pirate your 15 year old psychic said you'd fall for. I know you. More importantly, you know me. You said it yourself: I'm 'one of the good guys'." Although he was loathe to do so, Jamie knew he had to reign himself in. As much as he wanted her, he wasn't going to force the issue. "But if this is too fast for you, I'll back off." Jamie punctuated his words by detaching himself from Edie. While stepping away, he sighed and grabbed the back of his head. "Just tell me you want this too." He sounded almost defeated as he shoved his other hand into the pocket of his hoodie.
Pushing past Jamie, Edie stalked into his living room and began pacing in front of his couch. "This is so hard!"
"You're telling me," Jamie muttered under his breath at how tight and uncomfortable his jeans had become. This turn of events had significantly cooled his ardor but his heart still wanted her even as his logical side told him that he had to back off because Edie was always driving this bus. As expected, Edie didn't hear him verbalize his frustration or disappointment.
Turning to face into his living room, Jamie watched his partner pace. His future – both of their futures - personal and professional were at stake here. He was willing to let her process. "Whadda you want?"
Edie stopped pacing and glared at Jamie. Although she didn't verbally respond, the look on her face screamed, 'Are you kidding me?!' With that one question, Jamie had taken the wind out of her sails. She turned and threw herself onto the leather couch blowing out a deep breath in exasperation. "I . . ." she started to choke out before covering her mouth and shaking her head.
Moving cautiously, Jamie walked around to the other side of the couch and sat down gingerly, but a few feet away, figuratively giving her space, even though he'd closed the gap between them. "Talk to me."
Edie looked at Jamie with a mix of emotions. She was so grateful he seemed to understand but this was still an impossible situation. She always made such bad choices in men. No matter how good they looked going in, they always let her down in the end. Even her own father disappointed her.
"I'm not them. I'm not him," Jamie assured her. "You said it yourself, I'm 'not your type.'" His voice held a bit of an edge at that quote.
Edie hadn't meant to hurt him when she'd said that but it was true. Jamie was not only the best person she knew and her most cherished friend, but so much more. That was the true risk: if they didn't work out, she lost her boyfriend, her best friend and her partner. Doing nothing, keeping the status quo in check and simply dreaming about what could be while riding with Jamie every day, assured he'd always be her in life, if only in a small way. She wiped a tear that hadn't fallen from the corner of her eye but didn't speak.
"Do you know what the classic definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. Maybe it's time you dated against type." Jamie slid closer to her, and took one of her hands in his. "I get it. We risk a lot, but it's worth it, don't ya think? We can't stay partners forever. One of these days you're gonna get promoted to detective."
Smiling bitterly, Edie offered, "We all know you should have been promoted years ago."
Only acknowledging the truth of her statement with sad eyes, Jamie demurred, "I like being on patrol, being out there among the people." He let go of her hand and draped his arm behind her across the back of the couch.
Edie threw her head back and guffawed with the requisite eye roll, "The unwashed masses, the EDPs, the drunks. Fun times."
"This isn't about my family or our jobs," Jamie declared moving close enough that their legs were touching. "We've danced around this for so long. I'm tired of putting the job above everything else."
Edie raised her head to meet Jamie's eye with sympathy and understanding. She was still of multiple minds and inside her head and heart they felt like they were all warring. "You love the job."
"Maybe I love you more," Jamie revealed in typical earnest fashion.
Edie recoiled at that declaration and slid a few inches away from Jamie. "Love?!" she gasped in horror. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Who the hell said anything about love?"
Now Jamie was really hurt, not to mention confused. "You said you had feelings for me."
"Feelings, Reagan." Edie retorted. "Like. Lust. Desire. Longing. Nobody said anything about Love."
Jamie challenged her denial. "Semantics. Call a spade a spade. This isn't some one-off thing . . . .for either of us." Jamie's tone softened at the end. "You can't possibly think I'd risk . . . everything – our friendship, our partnership – just to get in your pants."
Edie ran her hand through her hair, trying to buy time. Sometimes, like now, she hated how well Jamie knew her. While she was all about casual sex and she was pretty sure he wasn't against it, deep down she knew with him it'd be different. "All my relationships go down in flames."
"My fiancé dumped me because she didn't like my job," Jamie reminded her.
"She was an idiot," Edie countered. "I thought we covered that." Even as Edie had been hypothesizing that Jamie didn't date because he was still hung up on Sydney, part of her knew he didn't date because he was waiting for her. Edie just wasn't fully prepared for the enormity of that commitment.
With Edie's comment about his EX being an idiot, Jamie knew he had an opening. He may not have practiced law for very long, but coupled with growing up in a family of cops, he knew when he had somebody on the proverbial ropes. "You think she was an idiot for not marrying me. You would have made a different choice." It really wasn't a question even though Jamie's voice rose slightly at the end.
"Any woman who would walk away from you is an idiot. You're . . ." Edie waved her hands in front of him non-verbally saying 'everything.' The quirk of Jamie's eyebrow compelled her to continue. "You're wicked smart. You're hot. . . . . You're funny, but not as funny as you think you are." Jamie chuckled at the jab but Edie continued. "You care about people. You really believe you can change the world."
Some days, Jamie himself would have put that last one in the negative column. Hearing Edie call him 'hot' made Jamie relax slightly. "So if you think any woman who would walk away from me is an idiot, why are you walking away?" the lawyer implored her to consider how illogical her position was.
"Because you're my partner," Edie tried to make him understand how different it was.
"I already told you 'fuck the department'," Jamie repeated even as Edie again recoiled at his harsh and uncharacteristic words. "This is . . . you're so much more important."
"What if it doesn't work?" Edie pleaded.
"What if it does?" Jamie countered.
Edie rolled her eyes and looked away muttering, "I hate you."
Jamie chuckled knowing he'd won this argument. He reached out to gently turn Edie to face him again. "No, you don't," he vowed before cupping Edie's chin and leaning in to resume kissing her, an action with which she was fully on board.