It's been a couple days since the rest of the kids and i were saved for being sold to the Skitters, since Mike was killed, and even more since that Skitter bastard nearly killed me. It's been a couple days back at the 2nd Mass and i have yet to be able to sleep for more than a few minutes. So now every night as i lay in my bed and strain my ears to hear and identify everything that goes bump in the night, i can't help but wonder what is going to happen to me. I'm younger than, less experienced, and have made more mistakes than Hal; nobody trusts me enough to let me fight the same way that Hal does, nobody but Weaver.
"Jimmy, every teenage boy will think of one thing then suddenly change his mind and think that it was the right thing to do. What you have to remember is that you should never second guess yourself."
The things that my father used to say to me, i know that i should listen to them more often but i always find myself doing the opposite. Every night since the Mech killed Parker and the Skitter almost took me i'ce wanted to run away and hide; it's just a little urge but enough to still be a weight on my shoulders, a weight that continues to grow with every encounter. That weight practically trippled when Clayton took all us kids away and then tried to sell us to the Skitters; Hal tried to fight back for us, his brother went and got the calvery, but i sat by and did nothing. I was scared, i'm still scared, but i don't have a dad to go to like Hal does; i don't have somebody to check up on me and ask me if i'm feeling alright every day.
"Jimmy? It's late, shouldn't you be in bed?"
I hadn't even noticed that i'd walked from my bed all the way across the school to Weaver's office. I didn't know what to say, i didn't know that i'd even knocked on the door.
"Jimmy? Is everything alright? Is there a problem?"
"No, there isn't a problem sir; sorry for disturbing you."
I turned to walk away, my face beet red and my eyes watering from embarresment when a hand placed itself on my shoulder and turned me around. Weaver was known for alot of things around the 2nd Mass, being fatherly sure as hell wasn't one of them, but he sat me down and gave me something warm to drink.
"Now listen Jimmy, this isn't the first time i've seen you wandering the halls late at night when you have centry duty in the morning; is there something on your mind? Something i should know about?"
"It's just scary, you know? First there was the Mech that killed Parker and the Skitter that almost got me, i thought they were the only enemy we had to worry about. Then Clayton came, he sounded so real and we all believed that he was here to help. He was going to let them get us and i couldn't do anything, Hal fought back and made the rough choices!"
"Is this about being scared of the aliens or being scared that you'll freeze up again?"
What? I hadn't been able to put it into words for the past couple days, i hadn't been able to identify what i was really scared of and in three minutes of talking to Weaver he'd figured it out. Who was he before this, Batman?
"Is that really what you were scared of Jimmy, freezing up in battle?"
"Of course it is, people already underestimate me and soon enough i'll be just another kid that you and all the other soldiers will be ready to send away! I don't want to be sent off again!"
Weaver figited for a minute, from sighing and blinking his eyes to putting his face into his hands and rubbing his eyes; all were signs of irritability or agitation, Weaver didn't want to hear me complain. I tried to stand up and leave again when he pushed me back down into the chair, kneeling at my eye level.
"Listen to me right now soldier, not now or ever have i-we sent you off because of the things you've done in combat, it was because you have a right to live your childhood! Not because you saved yourself from a Mech and a Skitter or because you didn't have a weapon in a time of need! You are first and foremost a child, a child who was willing to put his life on the line for complete strangers and who is comparing himself to former military member and a seventeen year old. Now go back to bed soldier, i expect to see you at your post at seven tomorrow morning."
He ruffled my hair and walked me back to my room, not speaking a single word and made sure that i was actually in bed and not wandering the grounds again. As he was leaving, he paused in the doorway and turned back to face me.
"You're a good kid Jimmy, and a damn fine soldier. Get some sleep."
"Captain."
He paused one more time, looking back at me.
"Have you ever read the Batman comics?"
"Goodnight Jimmy."