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I once took someone like Arizona in this story to a Christmas mass and I wanted to write from her point of view, a non religious person in a church. I tried to stay true to their character and felt that it was important to write about this side of Callie. I have no idea how (Christmas) masses in the USA are so I took my own experience from European masses as an example.

It was actually written for the Calzona Board challenge and my prompt was Christmas and December Snow. I didn't have a change to write back then, but the idea was still in my mind and I really wanted to write something personal.

I will still be updating it's about sex and saving lives but I don't know when yet, this got in the way :). I hope you enjoy anyway! And if I don't post or get to speak to you anymore before Christmas: happy holidays to everyone and consider this my early Christmas present to you!

Christmas Eve.

Arizona was clutching Callie's glove covered hand nervously while they were walking across the sidewalk, almost 10PM. The streets were deserted. Only the sound of heels hitting the pavement filled the cold winter air. Steam flowed from both women's lips as they exhaled, immediately evaporating. Arizona shivered and looped her arm through Callie's to seek more warmth. Callie wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulders, tugging her closer.

The peaceful silence was interrupted by the loud sound of church bells nearby. As the couple rounded the corner, a beautiful, ancient Roman church came into view, its tower magnificently overlooking the city of Seattle. People seemed to appear from every side street to mount the big steps leading to the grand heavy doors of the church.

Arizona felt like a villager, answering to the bells of the church to go to a town meeting. She loved that a big city like Seattle still held that cosiness and warmth. She felt Callie's hand squeeze her shoulder excitedly, tugging her a little closer.

"Let's go" Callie said as they mingled with the crowd. They were led inside by a torrent of people, all talking in low voices, a sharp contrast to the loud church bells that still tolled in the background.

Once inside, the noise was immediately replaced by the most angelic singing voices Arizona had ever heard. She slowed her pace, causing the girl behind her to walk straight into her. Callie quickly pulled her aside.

"You wanna share a missal or you want your own?" Callie asked her.

"A what?" Arizona asked her in a confused tone as she was still baffled by everything and everyone around her before focusing her attention on her waiting lover. "Oh, my own please".

Callie took two missals from the altar boy and gestured for Arizona to follow her. They took the left isle, walking until they were around midway. Callie was trying to find a spot with a good view of the choir and somewhere without babies. She loved babies, but not when they were crying in the middle of mass.

They took a seat in a bench next to an older couple, Arizona in the middle between Callie and the old lady. She smiled politely and started tapping her knees nervously.

She was excited for this night to come but had been dreading it at the same time. When Callie asked her to come with her, she didn't hesitate for a second. Only afterwards did she realize how much of herself Callie was letting her in on.

For Callie, it was the most normal thing in the world. Growing up in a big catholic family, she was baptized, did holy communion, and religion soon become a part in her daily life.

For Arizona, not so much. No one in her family was religious. They weren't against it, they just didn't have much with it. It's not that Arizona didn't believe. She was just never been made aware of the possibility. She was a rationalist. She believed in the explainable. The calculable. The security.

But she also believed in miracles.

She saw so many kids come back from the impossible. When she had done all in her power, exhausted every single textbook that medial literature had to offer, had tried every experimental method thinkable and all that was left was to wait until the patients fragile body stopped working, something happened and the little child was brought back to life by some mysterious force. A force then went beyond her patients will to live. Beyond their struggle to survive.

She just never stopped to think about it.

She was taken to church by the nanny when she was young but she didn't remember much of it. She remembered her and Josh reading in the children's bible that was lying on every bench and laughing about all the fantastic stories.

She knows about the Last Supper, about Samson and Delilah (because she had a Pointer Sisters CD) and Adam and Eve. She remembered many stories from high school.

But tonight was the first time she was actually attending a church mass. She had fidgeted over her clothing all day and was still a bit cranky that Callie hadn't told her about the cold temperatures in churches so she couldn't take her coat off to show off her cute dress anyway. The only churches she'd visited were in Europe and it was hot and sweaty at that time.

Not to forget she was backpacking back then so she was allowed to wear inappropriate shorts and sun caps and sandals while admiring a fresco in Pisa.

Gotta love the 90's.

Callie and Arizona decided to both visit their own parents for Christmas. After the shooting, they both felt the need to be close to their family. This would be the second Christmas that they didn't get to spend together but it felt like something they had to do. They had booked flights around the same time early the next morning.

So they made tonight extra special by going out to dinner and after the mass, they would be exchanging gifts. Arizona was particularly looking forward to that part of the evening. She was a sucker for gifts.

The church was still filling up and a few people stopped to greet Callie. She wasn't kidding when she said she was a regular, Arizona thought.

She decided to scan the missal, but flipping through all kinds of words she didn't understand she decided to wait until the mass started. She moved to turn off her phone and settled back into the uncomfortable bench, trying to find a pose that wouldn't leave her numb from the waist down.

"Stop fidgeting!" Callie whispered, placing a hand on her thigh to stop the incessant trampling of her leg. Callie opened her mouth to say more but a loud clinging of a bell signaled the commencement of the mass.

The church went quiet and the choir took their seats in the back of the altar. The lights were dimmed everyone turned their head to the back of the church. Arizona blinked to adjust to the darkness that fell upon her. She instinctively reached for Callie's arm and squeezed it softly. Callie looked at her over her shoulder.

"What's happening?" Arizona whispered, a bit frightened. Callie sniggered softly.

"Relax babe, it's not always like this. Tonight it's a celebration" she whispered back and turned her head back around.

A celebration in the darkness. Right. She should've asked Callie more about the mass over dinner cause this was getting scary.

Softly, the gentle sound of male voices singing Gregorian carried its way into the church. A flickering of flames became apparent and soon, they could make out the contours of a man carrying the flame, followed by about ten men in white and red habits. Arizona was completely mesmerized by the angelic singing. The whole church was quiet as they listened to the Gregorian sounds.

When the men reached they altar, the flame was placed in a standard and the light slowly turned on again. Arizona finally let go of Callie's arm and sat back to enjoy what was coming.

Callie stole the occasional glances at her lover, who had her nose buried rather comically in the missal, trying to keep up with the priest. She resisted the urge to laugh out loud as Arizona muttered something when the crowd was supposed to say "Amen" or "for that we are forever grateful". She was constantly a fragment to late, or she read wrong and talked along with the priest instead. Sometimes Callie noticed she was literally on a whole other page, flipping the pages frantically. Callie helped her out by flipping open the right page and pointing to the current point. Arizona just nodded in response and immediately started reading.

From the moment they had entered the church, Arizona had observed the whole situation like a young puppy in the park. The only difference being that Arizona wasn't sniffing everything.

Yet.

Callie giggled when she looked sideways and saw Arizona looking up at the immensely high ceiling with her mouth slightly agape. She was obviously in awe of the whole situation.

Her eyes were the sizes of saucers as she fidgeted with everything, sat in the bench restlessly and kept turning her head to take in her surroundings and every noise that came with it.

Callie couldn't be in a happier place. She appreciated Arizona taking the effort to familiarize herself with Callie's background. It didn't go unnoticed by Callie that Arizona was struggling to comprehend everything. Flipping through the missal, her finger dorkily pointed at the lines that the priest was currently reading.

She was such a know-it-all. And Callie loved everything about this dorky know-it-all.

During the sermon, Arizona sat up in full attention, her ice blue eyes focused on the priest. Callie was listened attentively too, but her eyes were on the blonde next to her. She was mesmerized by every facial expression, every reaction the sermon evoked on the blonde's angelic face. She smiled when Arizona nodded in agreement, pursed her lips and turned her head slightly to hear the priest's less pronounced words and tilted her head empathetically when he said something sad.

"And in these times of joy, let us not forget the men and women who served and those who still serve to protect this country" Arizona bit her lip, thoughts of her dead brother, one of those men who had given his life for this country, drowning the remainder of the sermon.

"…and wish each other a merry Christmas" the priest concluded his speech. Arizona looked up in surprise to see Callie shaking hands with the woman on the bench behind them as an old, wrinkled hand took her own.

"Merry Christmas my dear. May you find all the peace and love that life has to offer you" the old woman next to her said, placing her other hand upon Arizona's hand and squeezing it briefly. Arizona looked up to see gentle, albeit wrinkly eyes still full of life smile at her.

"Thank you so much madam. And a lovely Christmas to you too" Arizona smiled, returning the gesture by softly squeezing the fragile hands cupping hers. Before she could pull back, the old lady's husband had taken over to give her his best wishes as well. Even though she was a bit taken aback by the whole ritual at first, she soon got a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. She turned around to wish the children behind her happy holidays too, before turning to her girlfriend already smiling at her with her big, brown eyes.

"Merry Christmas Arizona" Callie said softly, extending her hand.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Calliope" Arizona almost whispered back, sliding her hand into Callie's effortlessly. No more words were spoken as they communicated with their eyes. They gazed at each other a little longer than would be considered appropriate in a church but what the hell, it was Christmas and they were in love.

The choir was singing the Hallelujah as everyone shared their best wishes and took a seat in their benches again.

"I will now continue with the breaking of the bread" the priest silenced the people with his soothing voice.

Arizona quickly sat down to retrieve her missal, but Callie's gently touch on her arm told her this was not a moment to be a type A. She followed Callie's lead and sat back, folded her hands and closed her eyes as the church started to pray in unison.

"Our Father who art in heaven…

…for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen"

"Amen" she heard Callie whisper beside her. She did the same.

When she opened her eyes, everyone had risen and lines started to form in the isles.

"This was his body and this was his blood" the priest said, dipping a in a beautiful golden cup.

"This is the Holy Communion, I'll be right back" Callie whispered before joining in one of the lines. Arizona knew this was only for the baptized so she sat back and closed her eyes to enjoy the choir's soothing sounds.

She inhaled deeply and smiled to herself as the familiar scent of her girlfriend invaded her senses once again. She opened her eyes to see Callie smiling at her.

"What do we do now?" Arizona asked quietly.

"Now we pray" Callie responded, kneeling down in front of the bench and placing her elbows on the back of the bench in front as she started praying.

Arizona decided to follow her lead, kneeling down onto the hard, cold wood of the footrest and closing her eyes.

"Okaaay…let's pray. Hi God, merry Christmas! Eh…not that you're hearing me. Or maybe you are. I'm in your house after all.

This is awkward."

Arizona peeked sideways through her lashes to find Callie still peacefully resting her face in her hands, her lips muttering something inaudible.

"Ok listen God, I'm new to this. But I really wanna try, for Calliope. Because she is so amazing. So thank you thank you thank you for bringing us together.

I also wanna pray for all the sick kids in the world, especially the ones lying in my ped's ward right now. I eh…I hope I can cure them all. But see God the problem is…I'm awesome and all, but apparently sometimes that isn't enough. So that's where I need your help. I want these kids to have a good Christmas. And I kinda got the feeling you've been helping me before so…could you maybe do it again this year? Please?"

Arizona shifted slightly, her knees hurting from the uncomfortable position she was currently in.

"Okay I don't know if you can see them or talk to them but if so, how are my grandmother and my brother? Are they in heaven?

You can't answer me. Right.

Can you tell Nana and Josh that I'm alright?"

Her thoughts were interrupted when a shiver shot through her spine, almost like an unidentifiable presence. She opened her eyes slightly to find Callie still in the same position as before. Another shiver forced her eyes closed and she focused on her prayer again.

"I don't know if that was you. But I felt something. And I'd really like to think it was you. Or…was it my brother? Josh? Are you there?"

Silence.

"God, could you please tell Josh that I miss him? Tell him I love him and that I miss him every day and that I'm so…" she felt tears burning behind her closed eyelids "…so proud of him. We all are. Nana, Josh, I wish you could've met Callie. You would've loved her. I love her. I think she's the one you know."

She paused, swallowing back the lump in her throat.

"Can you please make sure Josh and Nana are alright, God? Don't forget to tell them okay. That I love them and miss them and…"

A gentle touch on her shoulder brought her out of her prayer. She slowly opened her eyes to find the majority of the church sitting on the bench again. Quickly, she sat back up.

She looked sideways to find Callie observing her with a loving expression. She was so shaken by what she had just felt that she didn't notice the single tear that had escaped, as she had opened her eyes, running down her left cheek.

Slightly embarrassed, she quickly turned and wiped the tear on her sleeve. Her mind was still reeling due to what she had just experienced. To distract herself, she picked up the missal and flipped open a random page and stared at it.

After a few moments, Callie reached over to flip to the right page, her gaze never leaving the priest. Instead of pulling back afterwards, her hand took Arizona's hand and laced their fingers together, squeezing it reassuringly.

Arizona looked down at their joined hands and smiled as another tear escaped her eye.

She squeezed back, took a deep breath and focused her attention on the priest for the remainder of the mass.

"Joy to the world, the Lord has come!" everyone sang, the beautiful organ sounds booming through the church.

The mass had come to an end and the choir sung one last song as the crowd gradually made their way out of the benches.

Arizona sung along cheerily, listening to the angelic voices of the choir but above all, admiring the angelic singing of her girlfriend.

When the song died down, they made their way over to the side of the church to look at the crib, exhibited in one of the coves of a sidebay of the church.

Callie motioned to the candles next to the crib.

"I'm gonna light a candle. Do you want to light a candle for a special someone?"

"I do" Arizona said.

Callie put some coins in the bucket and took two candles. "There you go" she said, handing Arizona one. She observed the candle holder for a while, trying to find the best spot for her candle before illuminating hers and placing it in its holder. Arizona watched as the Latina stared into the flame, deep in thought. Arizona found herself holding her breath, as if breathing would interrupt Callie from the trance she seemed to be in. After a minute, Callie stepped back and placed her hand on Arizona's back gently.

"You go" she whispered in a fragile voice, nudging the blonde forward. She watched silently as Arizona lit her candle.

Taking a deep breath, Arizona held the pip in the fire and stared into the flame.

"Okay…here goes another one. This candle is for you Josh. I hope God will give you my message…you're probably laughing at me right now but this is what Callie does to me. She makes me believe. And I like to believe that you are hearing me. So I can finally say that I am really, really sorry that I stole Super Mario Kart from your Gameboy when we were at Nana's. And that I always stole your boxers to sleep in. And that I spit on your toothbrush whenever I was mad at you. That was really gross. Like, really gross. Ew.

I hope you can see me from wherever you are. You can laugh at me as much as you want, but I'm standing here with the hottest woman alive who is also my girlfriend. So stop laughing! Can I ask you a favor? Will you look after her when I can't? Will you make sure nothing bad happens to her? Can you even do that?

Ehm…say hi to Nana for me okay? And what about Nugget? Do birds go to the same heaven as humans? They do say dogs go to heaven. I love that movie. I don't think there's a special bird heaven, is there? Take care of her for me if you see her.

Anyway…

I gotta go little brother. You be safe.

I love you."

Arizona felt a smile form on her lips and she closed her eyes, reveling in the warm feeling that suddenly surrounded her. She took a deep breath and finally released the candle. Turning around, she found Callie staring at her.

"Ready?"

"Ready" Arizona nodded as they made their way out of the church.

Once outside, they were met by a thick layer of snow covering the city. They carefully made their way to one of the stands with puffed chestnuts and hot coco and glühwein, holding on to each other as their high heels made it kind of hard to navigate through the slippery snow.

They enjoyed their chestnuts and drinks as they mingled with the people, some familiar to Callie, some strangers. Callie was beaming at Arizona fondly as the blonde was enthusiastically conversing with the elderly couple they had shared a bench with.

"Thank you for inviting me" Arizona turned to Callie as the elderly couple left.

"Thank you for coming. What did you think?" Callie asked curiously.

Arizona stared in the distance for a bit, trying to find the right words.

"It was…enlightening. Warm and friendly. And festive" she finally said.

Callie let out a sigh of relief. "You have no idea how happy that makes me" she smiled.

"I'm so glad I came. I'm beginning to understand the whole praying thing and going to church" Arizona reasoned. "I just have one question."

"Shoot" Callie said, taking Arizona's hand and starting to walk home, her free hand tightly wrapped around the steaming hot cup of wine.

"Well…the Catholic church is against homosexuality. Your dad even brought a priest to de-gay you. How can you go to a church that doesn't accept you for who you are? And why did no one in there disapprove of us when we held hands? I thought we had to be all secretive and stuff."

Callie pondered the question for a while as they carefully continued their way home.

"I used to think that believing in God meant believing the Bible actually happened. And that I, as a brave Catholic, should go to church regularly to worship God. I used to think I had to pray every night if I wanted God to watch over me. I used to think that I would end up in hell if I did something bad. I also used to believe that loving a woman was impossible and wrong."

Callie paused for a second to choose her next words carefully.

"But when George and I separated, something changed. I had made a vow before the house of God, "Till death do us part" and I broke it. Because I was miserable. And I knew that's not what God wanted me to be. Miserable for the rest of my life, just because I took a vow, even though it was in a church of Elvis.

I don't think I believe in one God anymore. I like to think there's something out there, watching over me. Maybe it's a God, maybe it's my dead grandfather, who knows. But it brings me comfort. Whatever it is, it's made me accept myself for who I am. It's made me a rockstar surgeon and it lead me to you.

The reason no one looked at us differently tonight because everyone in this church was there with the same goal. To celebrate. For some, that means celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, for others, it means celebrating faith. They don't care that we are two women. Because the one thing we all have in common tonight, is that we have faith. Faith in love. Faith in Life.

I can't explain what I believe in. But I do believe in love. It's led me to you" Callie finished matter-if-factly.

Arizona's heart swelled with love and pride as she pondered Callie's words. She didn't know if she was crossing a line but curiosity got the best of her so she decided to ask away.

"Who did you pray for?" she asked tentatively.

"I prayed for my family, I always do."

Arizona nodded but Callie sensed her hesitation. "You don't have to tell me."

"I do, I want to…I prayed for my grandmother and for my brother. I don't know what happened but I felt all warm and tingly" Arizona said dreamily.

Callie smiled. "Like someone was watching you?" she asked understandingly.

"Exactly!" Arizona exclaimed.

Callie just smiled but stayed silent.

"What?"

"Nothing" Callie smiled again.

"Tell me!" Arizona pressured.

"Fine" Callie said, coming to a halt. Grinning from ear to ear, she answered "You have faith too."

"I do?" Arizona asked curiously.

"Yeah you do. Now don't get all excited, you're not a rockstar Catholic like me yet, because that requires a whole lot more of crazy rituals to make up for" she joked.

They proceeded their walk home.

"The candle was for my brother…I asked him to look after you if I can't" Arizona said in a small voice.

Callie responded by wrapping an arm around her shoulders and tugging her close.

"My candle was for your brother too" she admitted shyly.

Arizona stopped walking and turned in Callie's embrace, urging her to explain.

"I prayed for him to be alright and to thank him for protecting our country. And I thanked him for approving of me." Arizona raised an eyebrow at that last part. "Alright, I made that last part up, but he would so have approved!" Callie joked.

Arizona pulled Callie in for a soft kiss, only to pull apart when she felt a snowflake land on her cheek. They both looked up to see Seattle being covered in even more snow.

Arizona turned her gaze back to Callie. "I got everything I wished for this year."

"Oh yeah? What's that" Callie asked.

"A white Christmas, You and for tonight, my brother."

Callie smiled. "I wish Josh and I could've met" she said regretfully.

Arizona smiled up at her as her arms encircled Callie's neck.

"You have. He was with us tonight. I know it" she said before pulling Callie in for another kiss.

"Merry Christmas Calliope" she whispered.

"Merry Christmas Arizona"