Cartman just can't win.
By Shadowgate
…
Cartman went to his bus stop on a Monday morning. When he got there Stan told him "I've got good news and bad news."
Cartman demanded the good news first and Stan told him "the boys at school have saved up enough money to buy you a new IPAD. I'll have one for you at 4 PM today."
Cartman said "excellent but what's the bad news?"
Stan answered "I think you're on crack and you need to go to counseling."
Cartman exhaled and replied "I'm not on crack you jackass."
Kenny jumped in and said "Cartman you smoke crack and you sniff your mom's underwear."
All three boys laugh at Cartman.
Cartman turned around to face Kenny and told him "at least my mom can afford underwear Kenny."
Kenny shot back "well of course she can because she makes good money as a hooker."
The kids all laugh at Cartman and Cartman just said "fuck you guys."
Kyle responded "okay guys enough laughing we know Cartman doesn't smoke crack like his mom. Oh but Cartman I do want to warn you that children talk naughty on school buses."
Cartman looked at Kyle like he was nuts and said "that's been going on since school buses were invented Kyle."
Kyle responded "yes but I'm concerned that all the potty talk might make you go potty in your pants."
The three boys laugh at Cartman and then the bus pulls up.
At lunch time Clyde starts playing the hit 2 Live Crew song Me So Horny.
After he stops it all the boys start singing "Cartman's mom is so horny."
After the boys sing it four times in a row Cartman responded "Pretty Woman, pretty woman, Craig's mom has a hairy pit. Pretty woman, she looks like Cousin It."
Craig responded "everyone in town saw your mom's pussy before they saw mine."
Everybody in the cafeteria goes "ahh" and "ohh."
At 2PM the kids are all back in class waiting as time drags.
As the teacher had her back turned the Sasquatch came into the classroom and threw a pie in Cartman's face.
Then the Sasquatch howled for seven seconds then ran out of the classroom.
The teacher asked "did this kind of crap happen when Mister Garrison was your teacher?"
Cartman answered "all the time."
THE END