Okay, this just a hilarious idea I had, and I just felt I had to share it with the world. I hope the world forgives me!

DISCLAIMER: I own no twilight. Also, I somehow doubt the Cullens celebrate Christmas, but this just theory.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, (aka Forks, Washington 2009) A sparkly vampire was laying on the couch. It was 11:59 December 24, and since vampires don't sleep, He had nothing to do but wait to see Santa Claus. His name was Jasper Cullen.

"Oh, I hope Santa brings me a good present." He said to himself.

Then he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He pretended so well that when the sun rose, he opened his eyes an saw that there were presents under the chrstmas tree.

He jumped up like a little kid and shouted to his siblings, "PRESENTS!"

There was a sparky stampede down the staircase. "Presents!" "Woohoo!" Jasper's adopted brothers and sisters ran down the steps.

Alice laughed. "I know what everyone got!"

Edward shouted, "Yeah! I really wanted that!"

Jasper couldn't wait to see what his brothers and sisters had gotten. He wasn't even thinking about himself.

Alice got a pair of black sparkly boots. Rosalie got a huge set of makeup. Emmet got a set of weights, and Edward got a big black lump of coal with a note attached. (The note said, "Don't watch human girls sleep you creeper. Especially when they don't know.)

But there were no presents left under the tree. That was it. Jasper sat next to the tree all night long, only to not get any presents?

"Hey Jazz, I found one for you!" Alice said.

Behind the tree, there was a tiny box. What could be in there? The keys to a new car? A new watch? He ripped open the box to find...

A KAZOO!

"OHMYGAWD A KAZOO! IT'S EXCATLY WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED!" He shouted, the first time anyone had ever seen him excited, and not at all calm.

"Jazz... it's just a kazoo." Alicd said.

"JUST A KAZOO! You suck." He replied.

And for the rest of their eternal lives, they had to put up with the incessant buzzing of an particularly annying kazoo. They had never wished to end the infernal immortality quite so much.

I hope you enjoyed this random humourus fanfiction!