Broken Hearts Everywhere…
"I'm so sorry." Becky sobbed, clamping a hand over her mouth. Her hair was pulled back into a slick blonde ponytail, and the 16 year old girl watched as everyone in the Drama Club sat down on the backstage couches in sorrow.
"It's not your fault." Clare said softly, momentarily glancing up from Eli's shoulder at the guilty girl.
Becky nodded sadly. Becky Baker, extremely religious along with her twin brother, had tried to stop the play Romeo and Jules from being performed. Tristan Milligan was to play Jules, and she had specifically told him that she wanted to do Romeo and Juliet instead and that it would be an insult to William Shakespeare if they used his play to depict an alternative lifestyle choice as normal. Becky even personally threatened Eli that she would gather all of the parents from her church to stop the play, a plan that failed none-the-less, but still hurt the cast and crew. Becky was a girl who liked to take charge, but feeling responsible for the death of a 14 year old boy was the last thing she wanted. "I have to go," she said quickly, running out of the auditorium to meet up with her family and go home.
Clare's eyes watered up with tears and she continued to lay her head on her boyfriend's shoulder, her tears soaking into the material of his leather jacket. He didn't mind, of course, but rather stroked her hair gently, knowing how upset Clare was since this must have brought back the unpleasant memory of her own sister, Darcy, attempting suicide.
Everyone looked at each other solemnly, the actresses sniffling and the actors with their hands balled into fists. Fiona and Imogen, the Director and Assistant Director, were sitting beside each other right next to Eli.
"That girl is such a bitch. She knew she would upset Tristan if she said something like that to him! She knew he was gay, yet she still couldn't hold back her bitchy opinions!" Fiona narrowed her eyes in spite and felt Imogen place her hand over hers. Warmth spread throughout Fiona's heart and it picked up speed a little bit as her girlfriend's fingers intertwined with her own.
"Fiona, this isn't all Becky's fault, you know."
"I know! It was those stupid hockey boys too! I should've known this would happen. This is the last time Degrease attempts an actual diverse, non-cliché play! "Fiona hugged Imogen and saw Eli look at her with despair in his green eyes.
Eli shook his head, eyeing Clare, who was still sniffling and burying her blotch, tear streaked face into his shoulder, and held her tighter. "I'm the writer. I'm responsible for this whole mess. I never should have attempted that storyline. If I hadn't, and I had just done what Becky told me, I'm sure this wouldn't have happened."
"No," Clare mumbled, her face hidden. "No, Eli, no! You don't know that! You don't know if this would have been any different. Your play helped Tristan! It made him feel okay about being gay and it helped him feel like he belonged. You can't blame yourself for this. It isn't your fault society doesn't understand."
Eli dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Okay, sweetheart," he whispered, defeatedly leaning his head on hers.
It was the night of the play, Romeo and Jules, which Becky had reluctantly given up on stopping. None of her efforts had worked, and she certainly didn't see the sense in trying since absolutely no one would back her up.
Well, the cast and crew had waited, and waited, and waited for Tristan to show up. When he never did, Dave somewhat panicked until Tristan's understudy, a Grade 10 boy, had substituted for him.
After the play, Principal Simpson had informed the kids that Tristan Milligan had committed suicide that night and had left a note for all of them. He had overdosed on pain killers that Owen was prescribed a few years ago for an old football injury. At the hospital, they had tried to save him, but his heart gave out.
Eli was clutching the note right now…the note that changed everything. When he had heard the news, his hands were shaking. He had actually become relatively good friends with Tristan. The boy was kind, non-judgmental, and a very talented actor. Even if he wasn't super close with Tristan, Eli still felt guilt creep over his entire body as he clutched the crumpled piece of paper in his hands.
Guys,
I can't take it anymore. I can't deal with everyone telling me who I shouldn't be. Being gay is not a lifestyle choice. I never chose to be this way. Think logically. Do you really think that I would choose to feel this way? Would I choose to be made fun of, isolated, and looked down upon by society? If being gay is so wrong, then maybe it is I who is wrong. I don't belong here, in a world full of straight people. That's what it feels like, you know. Like I'm in a world overflowing with normal, straight people. Guys who love girls and girls who love guys. But…what about me? What about guys who love guys? If it's so wrong, then I'm so wrong, and if I'm so wrong, then this isn't where I should be. Cast and crew of Romeo and Jules, I'm sure you will all put on a wonderful show. Don't miss a mistake like me while I'm gone. Remember, Romeo Montague may have loved the girl, but even that ended in tragedy.
Always, Tristan Milligan
Clare wept silently, not unlike many other girls in the room. Most of the students were heading home, but she wanted to stay with Eli tonight. He cared about her, and he made her feel safe. She hadn't even been involved with the play. Belonging to the newspaper, Clare just hadn't found the time or interest for Drama Club, despite being an excellent "prop master". Eli had called her, in tears, and she quickly abandoned her seat in the audience and ran backstage where she and Eli had so many good past memories.
"It's alright, Eli. It's okay," she said gently, wiping away her own tears and beginning to comfort her boyfriend. It was his turn to be comforted. "I know, I know," she ran her hand through his dark hair and sighed. "This isn't your fault, Eli. I promise you that." She kissed him softly, and when he went home that night, she went with him, and as they crawled into bed in the darkness, she stayed in his arms all night long.
Meanwhile, Owen Milligan's face was white with shock as he lay in his own bed. Posters of famous Canadian football players and ice hockey athletes scattered across his wall. Random Sports Illustrated magazines littered his floor, the messy room not able to be more contrary to Tristan's untouched, clean bedroom just across the hall. He remembered how when they were young boys, Owen being 16 and Tristan being 13, they would spread themselves out on Owen's bedroom floor, flipping through sports magazines with flashlights when a storm would knock the power out for days on end. Owen had glanced over and asked, "What are you looking at? Any hot babes?" he was joking, but his eyes widened in surprise when he saw that Tristan was instead staring at a male model. "Hey, what are you doing, man?" he said sharply, and Tristan quickly averted his eyes from the page and, red-faced, got up, leaving the room. The magazine lay opened; the abandoned flashlight's light shining upon the page. It was then that Owen just knew. He just knew his little brother was gay.
The 17 year old clenched his fist and punched a hole in the wall in anger. Tears spilled out of his blue eyes, which he hated, because he had once believed that real men don't cry. What he had realized was that he should have been supportive of his younger brother. He shouldn't have been ashamed of being seen with him in the Degrassi weight room all those months ago when Tristan came to him for advice about Zig and Tori. Only…now it was too late.
Tori Santamaria sobbed brokenly when her mother had hung up the phone and repeated the devastating news that Mrs. Milligan had told her moments before. Her mother tried to embrace her only child, but Tori broke away from her mother's approach and grabbed a jacket out of the hallway closet.
"Where are you going?" her mother asked curiously, noticing Tori quickly slipping her feet into some Ugg boots.
Tori pulled her wild brunette curls into a low side ponytail and muttered, "To Zig's," and off she went.
"Tori?" Zig asked softly when he answered the doorbell that night. "You didn't have to ring the bell five times, you know," he joked, holding the door open with his foot.
She just shook her head and looked right into his blue eyes, her brown orbs drowning in tears. Sobs ripped through her chest as she eagerly threw her arms around Zig's waist and buried her face in his shirt. "Tristan died," she sobbed.
Wordlessly, he brought her inside, keeping her in his arms, and the two broken-hearted 14 year olds made their way to Zig's room. He kept Tori in his arms all night long, never once letting go of her. School was cancelled for the next day anyway. Simpson just didn't have the heart to make Tristan's friends have to sit through an entire school day so soon after the tragic loss of the boy. Whenever Tori would wake up and start to cry again, Zig would gently hush her and kiss her neck calmly, running his hands up and down her back in a soothing manner, and even press a kiss or two to her lips to let her know that he was still there. He would always be there. The two teens couldn't have been more different; Zig came from a broken, poor family, while Tori also grew up as an only child, she was spoiled and entered in beauty pageants her entire life, and her mother nor her father could ever tell her no. Regardless, they loved each other, despite their young age. "You still have Maya," he whispered gently as she slept soundly. "And me," With that, he gently kissed her forehead and dozed off with his arms around her.
It was a night of broken hearts. Broken hearts were everywhere, whether it was Maya practicing the cello to try and get her mind off of it, or Adam wishing sadly that there was something more he could have done. None of that mattered, because the students of Degrassi were there for each other, just as they always are.
Clare stayed in Eli's arms, Tori stayed in Zig's, and the families stuck together. Tristan watched happily from the sky, realizing that maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay in the small community in Canada. Maybe this was meant to be.
R.I.P. Tristan Milligan.
That was depressing. This is just my prediction for the summer episode of season 12, and I'm really hoping it won't happen, but I just had to write it just in case! Thanks for reading, and I'd appreciate a review very very very much.