Behind Closed Doors

by HolliePop

A story a few months after Jac's surgery to give Paula Burrow's a kidney. When someone saves your life, It changes you both. Complete!

Behind Closed Doors.

(Chapter 1)

(Jac's in her apartment, curled up in the corner of the room, all of the curtains are drawn and the lights are off. Tears fall down her face as she relives the last few months in her head. Finding her mother, giving her a kidney, almost dying, losing her mother and Michael saving her.)(Michael is slumped in his office chair; everyone has gone home apart from the people on the night shift. A glass of whiskey in his hands and lines of cocaine in front of him. He keeps looking over at the divorce papers Annalese gave him and the thank you card he received from Jac.)

What's the point? Yes he saved your life, but he doesn't love you. Nobody loves you.

Is this all my fault? What the hell? I have kids with that woman. Is she getting back at me? No… I was just doing my job.

Why else would he stay with me? He didn't have to save my life, he went out of his way to save me. He came after me, held me and comforted me.

I was there for her when no-one else was. I stayed with her. I was her shoulder to cry on. I looked after her.

Everyone leaves me. They come into my life and things look up. Then they leave and take a piece of me with them. I can live without a kidney, but a heart? I can't. I need that, and I need him.

She's been through so much, I'm on my own now. I've lost everything, just as she has. I know how she feels, I know what she's going through.

He's seen me at my worst, seen me where only Joseph has before… Look at how that turned out…

She knows me. We have a bond. I saved her life.

He has a family, a broken family, but still a family… I can't ruin that.

Snap out of it! You have three beautiful girls. Your girls. That will never change. You have to put them first, however screwed up you are, they always come first.

He loves his girls and his job. There's no room for me.

She's given me something to focus on, stability, a distraction. Well, she certainly does that.

He needs something, someone.

I crave that stability; I can't carry on sleeping in red light hotels, sleeping with the receptionist, doing drugs, drinking my soul away. I could give it to her, take it back from Annalese, and give it to someone who needs me as much as I need her.

I need to get out of this place, this place of despair and depression, anger and anxiety. My life is a mess, I put everything I do into my job just so it looks like I'm okay. But I'm not, and I never will be unless someone stays with me and loves me.

Damn. I cannot deny my girls of a daddy, and if I carry on, on this road to destruction. They won't have a daddy. They need a daddy who is happy and sane. And as it stands, I'm neither of those things.

When someone saves your life, it changes you, and the person who saved you changes too. I know he feels for me, I just don't know if he loves me.

I gave her a second chance at life, gave her the courage to start again. And she keeps me going. If only she felt the way I do about her. I love her.

He seems so centred. So focused. He doesn't need a wreck like me bringing him down. He has to focus on his career and his children.

She seems so headstrong, even after all she's been through. She knows what she wants and how to get it. She's so stubborn. So introverted, so manipulative.

He's so focused. So dedicated, so passionate. He's been through so much and still he carries on.

That drives me wild. Makes me want her so badly.

I love that about him. Makes me know he's what I want and what I need.

"I love you Jac Naylor."

"I love you Michael Spence."

Behind Closed Doors

(Chapter 2)

(Jac's starting her third week as acting consultant on Keller. Her 'Ice Queen' exterior fully frozen and her emotions are fully hidden.)(Michael spent all night with a prostitute in a dead end Motel, he is hung over and coming down from a night full of promiscuity and cocaine.)

Michael: "Do me a favour Ric and let me get on with my job, you have my wife, don't you dare take away my authority too."

(Slams the door to his office shut and bumps into Jac)

Michael: "For God's sake Jac, What the hell?"

Jac: "Umm… You walked into me, Mr Spence. Don't apologise then. 'Sorry for walking into you Jac.' Don't worry about it. Just watch where you're going next time, right?"

Michael: (Sarcastically) "Sure, no problem. Nice talking Jac."

(Jac walks away from Michael, her front slipping just enough for Joseph to see something's wrong with her, he turns to speak to her but she shrugs him off.)

Jac: "Right, what do we have to contend with today Sacha?"

Sacha: "Nothing much, strangulated hernia in side bay 1, two teenage boys in 3 and 4… drunken fight." (Rolls eyes and smiles at Jac.)

Jac: Do me this one thing Sacha… Stop with the happy, pally, teamy crap. I'm here to do a job. Not socialise, I'll do the hernia after I've assed the boys. You can help Mr Spence… You can… Just go and help him Sacha.

Sacha: Right O. What's wrong today Jac… Too many snakes crawl into your hair this morning.

(Jac scowls at Sacha and walks into her office and locks the door. Tears start to fall down her face. Silently she cries as her thoughts turn to Michael.)

I can't do it, I can't face him. How the hell is it possible to love someone to the point of depression and then act like a complete bitch to them? I'm the Ice Queen. Ms Snaylor. But to him I want to be Jac. Just Jac. The person I really am, not the front I put up to stop people getting involved with my screwed up life. I love him, but he doesn't love me. I have to give him the same front as I give everyone else, but that kills me inside, to know that he could turn away from me just as Donna has, and eventually Sacha will too. I just can't.

(Jac reaches for the scissors on her desk, lifts her trousers to reveal the scars of her childhood, the lonely nights in the orphanage and the release she felt to know she was in control of the pain. She bore the scissors deep into her flesh, tracing the white lines that were just like guidelines to her, as the white turned to scarlet, Jac stopped. Lifted her top to see the scar that signified her mother leaving her, the scar that showed her that Michael cared about her, she didn't hesitate to follow the line across her hip as the blood easily flowed from the freshly cut wound that had only just began to heal. Jac stifled her screams as she began to cry once again.)

Michael: "Good morning Mrs James. How are you feeling?"

Mrs James: "Not bad thank you Doctor, however, my stomach feels a little sore."

Michael: "Okay, do you mind if I examine you?"

Mrs James: "Not at all, but be gentle mind Doctor, you look as though you've had a rough time."

(Michael begins to examine Mrs James' abdomen, his thoughts trail off to his earlier encounter with Jac, he relives it in his head, cringing at how embarrassing it was as he hoped he didn't have to see Jac again today. Jac. As he said her name in his head, his force on Mrs James' stomach increased, causing her to whimper in pain.)

Mrs James: "I told you too be careful Doctor. That hurt."

Michael: (Absently) Sorry… I'll… I'll be right back.

(Michael walks back to his office, Ric is not in there. Michael goes into his draw and pulls out his wallet and a small glass tile. He grabs his keys and traipses off to his car. Once inside he places the tile on the back seat and locks the doors. Ensuring no-one can see him, he takes the small pouch of powder from his wallet and lines it up with his credit card, with a rolled up twenty pound note he inhales the lines of cocaine one by one until all three are in his body. The surge of adrenaline and endorphins through his body gives him a quick sense of euphoria until he slumps against the back seat.)

(Noticing the absence of Jac, Sacha goes to find her, on the way he spots Joseph.)

Sacha: "Joseph!"

Joseph: "Can I help you Sacha?"

Sacha: "Depends, have you seen Jac?"

Joseph: "I saw her earlier, she looked a little down and she seemed to have had a confrontation with Michael."

Sacha: "Thanks Joe!"

Joseph: (Slightly annoyed) "No problem."

(Sacha is now concerned for his friend, yes she can be sharp and mean, but she never means it. She's had a hard life and an argument with one of her closest friend's isn't going to make her feel any better. Sacha carries on searching for Jac when an angry looking Connie storms by him.)

Sacha: "Is everything okay Connie?"

Connie: "Does it look like it Sacha? No. Michael's gone AWOL. Do you know where he is?"

Sacha: "No… Sorry Con."

(Sacha's concern grows worse. He pages Jac. He pages Michael.)

Behind Closed Doors

(Chapter 3)

(After half an hour, the flow of blood from Jac's ankle and abdomen become so significant she begins to drift in and out of consciousness. Her pager beeps in receipt of Sacha's message, it continues to beep as Jac is slumped against her desk and the floor, her pager halfway across the room by the door.)(After ten minutes, Elizabeth walks by the office door. On hearing the frantic beeping of Jac's pager, she calls for Sacha. Sacha comes to Elizabeth's side. He can hear the beeping for himself.)

Sacha: "How long's her pager been beeping for?"

Elizabeth: "I don't know, I just walked by and heard the beeping, I tried the door but it's locked."

Sacha: (Shouts) "Jac! Jac! Can you hear me?"

(Sacha looks through the frosted glass window to see a figure sprawled out on the floor. A pool of blood glistens underneath the figure. The figure he realises is Jac."

Sacha: (Frantically) "JAC! JAC! WAKE UP JAC!"

(Mark runs over as Sacha begins to try and bash the door open.)

Mark: "What the hell Sacha?"

Sacha: (Still trying to get the door open) "It's Jac, she's in there lying in a pool of blood. Help me Mark!"

(Sacha, Mark and Elizabeth all force the door off its hinges, once inside they see Jac, her body covered in blood, the scissors lay next to her limp hand, blood still flowing from the wounds she inflicted. Sacha rips his jacket off and holds it next to her hip, trying to stem the flow of blood. Elizabeth raises Jac's leg as she wraps a spare bandage around the gaping holes.)

Sacha: "Why Jac, Why?"

Mark: "Did you know she was in this state of mind Sacha?"

Sacha: (Exasperated) "No of course I didn't, if I had, I wouldn't have left her alone."

Mark: "Okay, keep calm," "Can we get some help in here!"

(Joseph runs over with a stretcher and a crash trolley. They place Jac onto the trolley and begin CPR, They rush to theatre where Joseph and Sacha scrub up and prepare to perform lifesaving surgery on their friend, a feat Michael had done a few months prior.)

Sacha: "Someone call Michael, he'll want to know. NOW!"

(Connie stalks through the car park, looking for her absent Director of Surgery. As she walks by his car, she hears his 'typically Michael' Yankee ringtone. She looks inside getting ready to disperse her anger onto him, but her face turns from red to white as she sees her colleague passed out in the back of his car, his lips blue and eye's rolled back.)

Connie: "I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!"

(She smashes the front driver's window with her stiletto heel as to not injure Michael any further, she unlocks the car and wrestles Michael out and lays him down on the pavement. She begins to resuscitate him as Linden runs to help her, they carry him to AAU as they continue to try to rouse him.)

Linden: "How long's he been out Connie?"

Connie: "I don't know. About ten minutes?"

Linden: "It's going to be okay Connie, you know that right?"

Connie: "Yeah, why would he though? I mean, Cocaine?"

Linden: "He's under a lot of stress Connie, Its no excuse… but…"

Connie: "Take him to ITU… he'll be better off there, we can keep a closer eye on him there."

Linden: "Let's stabilise him here first, then yes, I agree, we shall take him to ITU."

(Connie and Linden work on Michael for what seemed like days, but was in fact only a few hours.)

Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 4

(Sacha and Joseph work tirelessly for hours as they desperately try to save their friend. For hours they cut and stitch and suture Jac Naylor's failing body to working order again, she crashed twice, both times the two men were sure she would not pull through, but Jac Naylor's made of stronger stuff than that. She made it through, just but Joseph and Sacha had no choice but to put her on a ventilator, unsure whether or not she would ever come off it. They took the walk from Theatre to ITU, not once taking their eyes off Jac.)

(Once Michael was stable Connie and Linden took him to ITU, he began to come around on the journey, Connie spoke calmly to him but he repeatedly spoke one word. Connie and Linden had done all they could in AAU, they had got him into a stable condition but the effects of the cocaine were still with him, he was still delirious and in an anesthetised state, so the full extent of the damage could not yet be measured.)

(Luckily, the two beds in ITU were both empty, behind the closed door, two trolleys were being wheeled down the corridor, one held Jac Naylor. The other, Michael Spence. Connie, Linden, Sacha and Joseph looked at each other then down at their two colleagues who lie before them. Nobody said a word until Michael slurred that same one word.)

Michael: (Slurred) "Jac… Jac….."

Joseph: "Did he just say?"

Linden: "He's been saying that all the way up here."

Sacha: "What's wrong with Michael?"

Connie: "Cocaine OD." "Jac?"

Joseph: "She's been cutting herself, deeply."

Linden: "Get them inside. Now. We'll talk about it in there, right now, we need to hook Jac up properly and get Michael on fluids."

(The four doctors worked like robots to stabilise and make their friends more comfortable. Nobody said a word but they all went over it in their heads, why would Jac cut herself, why would Michael overdose let alone take cocaine? None of it made sense.)

Joseph: "Okay, right now, Jac's still on life support and Michael's still not completely roused and he's still inebriated, but he's the only one who could possibly enlighten us as to what's been going on."

Connie: "I agree… Michael?"

Michael: "Mhmm?"

Joseph: "Why have you taken cocaine?"

Michael: "I… I can't say, I need… I… Need…"

Connie: "What do you need Michael?"

Michael: (Stares deeply into Connie's eyes.) "Jac."

(Connie and Joseph stare at each other, silently deliberating whether or not to tell Michael about Jac.)(Joseph sits beside Michael)

Joseph: "Jac's behind you, she… she cut herself, and Sacha and I have saved her. She's currently stable but she's on life support. She'll be okay Michael."

Michael: "No… She… No… I Lo…"

Connie: "its okay Michael, she's tough, she'll pull through."

Michael: "No. It's not okay, it's my fault!"

Joseph: "It's not your fault, you're still being affected by the cocaine, you didn't know she would do that Michael."

(Michael did not reply to this, instead, he curled up and cried, he knew that the argument that morning had led Jac to try to kill herself. Things were crumbling around him, he had lost his family, his dignity and now the woman he loved might not come off the machines that were currently keeping her alive. Why hadn't he told her earlier that he loved her and then maybe she might not be in the state that she is currently in.)

Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 5

(Jac was still unconscious, the beeps and whirrs of her life support machine echoed around ITU, each beep made Michael flinch as he tried to come to terms with the fact that Jac was in this mess. Jac was conscious in her own mind. She was still in her office, bleeding to death, the cold steel of the scissors could be felt in her hand. She was going over that argument in her head, what if she had just told Michael how she felt, that she would go to the end of the Earth for him, and as it stood, quite possibly die for him. But she couldn't die. She had to tell him how she felt, regardless of how he felt; she just had to tell him. She had to wake up. Wake up? She wasn't asleep? She was in her office… Wasn't she? No, she didn't feel right, she felt as though she wasn't in her body anymore, then she realised she wasn't breathing. She took a breath.)

Joseph: "Linden! She's breathing!"

Michael: (Jumps to Jac's side) Oh My God. Help her Joseph, please, you have to make her live.

Joseph: "I will Michael. I will."

Linden: "Get back into bed Michael. You're not well enough to be out of bed."

Michael: "No, I want to be the first person she sees when she wakes up."

Joseph: (Looks at Linden.) "Okay Michael, okay."

Linden: "Talk to her Michael, she might be able to hear you."

Michael: (Whispering) "Jac, I'm here. I'm so sorry. You have to pull through for me now Jac. Can you hear me? Don't be scared now, just wake up. Joseph's looking after you, I know it's my fault you cut yourself, but you have to know that I don't think any different of you, even if you did undo all my hard work! Please Jac. I have to tell you something. Jac?"

(Jac heard every single word Michael said, she could feel the ventilator breathing for her, she could feel the pinch of the heart rate monitor on her finger, she could feel Michael's hand on her forehead. Michael's hand? It felt so good against her skin. But why was it there? He didn't love her… did he? No, he was just her doctor, looking after her… No, he said Joseph was looking after her. But he was there for her again, just as he was before. She had to wake up.)

Linden: "It's working Michael, her eyelids are fluttering. You have to move though, she won't wake up unless we remove the ventilator. Can we do that?"

(Michael nodded, Joseph slowly removed the tube that for the past three days had been keeping Jac alive, but she was breathing by herself now. She was going to be okay.)

Michael: "Jac? Are you there?"

Jac: "Michael?"

Michael: "I'm here. I need to tell you something Jac."

Jac: "No, I need to tell you something. I…"

Michael: (Tears filled his eyes.) "Jac… I love you."

Jac: (Tears falling down her cheeks.) "I love you too Michael. I love you too."

(Joseph and Linden stood there watching the story unfold, for hours Michael and Jac just lay there holding each other. No words were said, they didn't need to be said. As their tears mingled all the words were said inside their minds. Michael told Jac about his ordeal and then placed a long, deep, passionate kiss on Jac's lips.)

Michael: "You know Jac. You really didn't have to go to these lengths to get me to tell you I love you. You drive me crazy. I know I haven't gone the right way about it either, but when they told me that you were fighting for your life, I regretted everything I had done. The drugs, the lies, the way I treated you this morning, I should never have been so sharp with you.

Jac: (Smiling and crying) "Don't worry about it Mr Spence, Nice talking to you."

Michael: "I love you Jac Naylor!"

Jac: "I love you Michael Spence!"