Let Me Go [working title]
"I'm transferring back to McKinley."
The words drop like stones in the otherwise quiet common room, where you and Blaine are studying for tomorrow's physics test.
"What?" he whispers, the wobble in his voice betraying his feelings, his warm golden eyes dimming. "No! What the hell are you talking about, Kurt? You can't go back there."
The shock on Blaine's face nearly crushes your resolve, but you made your decision and you vowed to stick to it, regardless of how he reacted.
"I have to."
You're tired of trying to conform, tired of missing your friends, tired of the damn Dalton uniforms. The colors are horrible, the material itchy, and you're sick of looking like everyone else. You miss your clothes, your perfectly planned outfits, your ability to turn heads wherever you went. Even if the attention you got wasn't always positive. Honestly, the only things Dalton has that would make it worth staying are their zero tolerance policy against harassment, and Blaine. But the thing is, it's not enough, not anymore. Losing Regionals was the last straw. You'll admit it's selfish of you, but you want Nationals and New York. If you can't have it with the Warblers, then you'll take it with New Directions.
"Why?" Blaine closes his physics book and moves over to the couch to sit next to you. "Is it finances? You know Dalton does have a scholarship. You could apply for that-"
"No, Blaine," you shake your head, sighing softly as you look at him. "It's not finances. It's…" and here you stumble. How do you tell him that even he isn't enough to keep you here anymore? What do you say to convince him to let you go, to not fight you on it? Westerville is two hours away from Lima. You can't imagine how hard the distance will be on this relationship that's so new, so fragile, you can count the number of kisses the two of you have shared on your fingers and still have almost half left. You don't want to do that to him. You don't want to suffer through the inevitable struggle, the fights, and the eventual break up weeks from now. You'd rather do it now, a clean break for a fresh start back at home. So you give him your most selfish reason. "I want to go to Nationals with New Directions."
"You're…" Blaine looks at you in disbelief, hurt in his eyes. "Wait, you're going to go back to a school where you were harassed, pushed around and threatened just so you can go to New York?"
You flinch a bit at his vehemence, dropping your gaze to your lap, mentally scowling at the dull grey pants you've grown to hate. "…yes?"
Blaine doesn't say anything. When the silence persists, you look back up at him and swallow hard when you see the look on his face. Distant. Distant like you've never seen before, his normally expressive eyes almost cold as he stares at you. "Lima's two hours away," he says finally, his voice monotone.
"I know," you whisper quietly, a sick feeling stirring in your gut as you realize this might actually work, as you realize you suddenly don't know if you want it to work.
He gets up, walking slowly over to the window, gaze focused on something outside. "Are you breaking up with me?"
No, you want to protest immediately, but you bite your tongue and say nothing. Maybe you won't have to say it. Maybe he'll just assume…
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, his body slumping as though the air was holding him up. "When?"
You don't even try to pretend you don't know what he's referring to. Why draw it out any longer? "Monday."
You watch as he stiffens slightly, his hands clenching into fists at his side, before he forcibly relaxes them and slides them into his pockets. He nods his head once. "Monday. Do you need help packing?"
The sick feeling in your stomach gets worse. This isn't- this isn't right, you think frantically, standing up and moving towards him. "No, everything's done already. Blaine-"
"It's fine, Kurt," he says as he turns around, his expression one of resignation. "I can see now that you've felt caged and it's selfish of me to try and keep you here just for me."
Tears burn your eyes as you realize you made a horrible mistake and now you don't know how to fix it. "No, Blaine, please, listen-"
Blaine cuts you off again, shaking his head, a crooked smile twisting his mouth up at one corner. "It's okay. I understand." He steps closer, raising a hand to your cheek, his thumb rubbing against your skin in a soft stroke. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Kurt. I hope you'll be happy."
He's gone before you can speak, leaving behind only the ghost of his touch and the knowledge that you just threw away something precious without a moment's consideration.