I'm not sure how I feel about this story, but I've had it half written for a while, so I decided to throw it out and see what people thought. Probably a little AU.
Let me know what you think!
CA
Not to understand a treasure's worth till time has stole away the slighted good, is cause of half the poverty we feel, and makes the world the wilderness it is.
— William Cowper
There are a lot of stupid things out there.
Traffic, not that I hit a lot of it anymore, not even on the way to work, is stupid. I mean, how does that happen? I get the idea, and all, but how does it start? Why aren't we all just…driving? Does no one else have anywhere to be? Family members to get home to? TO love, and protect, and miss? One asshole on the road decides to stop and smell the roses, and the rest of us pay the price? That's not even fair—that's just stupid.
Pulp. Pulp is stupid. Why would anyone choose to have a mass of chewy white stuff floating in their otherwise awesome OJ? Is there fiber in it? I don't really know what fiber is, but the people on the TV commercials seem to think it's a big deal. A big enough deal that they make candy bars and soluble powders with fiber in it, so you can bypass the whole pulp thing. And did you know they have pulp levels? A little pulp, some pulp, a hell of a lotta pulp—okay, that last one I made up, but as far as I'm concerned, "a little" pulp is already a little pulp too much—
And where does that extra pulp even come from? Do you need a second orange for that? Did they wring out all the juice, then scrape the gutted remains into the next waiting carton? That orange better have been used to make my pulp free juice, or else that's just wasteful.
Overtime is stupid. I get paid to work extra hours, but when it's dark, and the garage is empty, and I'm standing out there by the Impala—alone—I remember. I don't want to work. I never want to work and everyone's time is…wasted.
Demons are stupid. The term 'out there' is, too, because I've been 'out there' and 'in here', and 'under this' and 'over that' and the only difference is the spelling—demons are everywhere. Pain is everywhere. Loss is everywhere. There's no safe haven anywhere. It's stupid.
Hell is stupid. Angels are stupid. Michael, and Lucifer, and heck, even Cas sometimes. Stupid.
Fate is stupid. Destiny, serendipity, providence, whatever you wanna call it. Stupid. If I've learned anything in all this, it's that I am in control of me, and if I'm helpless to something, it's just because I'm too weak. I was too weak to stop them from taking Sammy, and for a year, I've been too weak to get him back.
But sometimes stupid is okay.
Cas is okay when he promises to help me find Sam's soul. Pulp is okay, because I'll take whatever kind of vitamin C I can find for Sammy. Traffic is okay, because it means anyone on their way to or from or around Bobby's will be slowed down, leaving time for me and my brother.
Out there is okay, because everything out there isn't in here, and maybe, just for tonight, it'll stay that way.
And fate is okay. Fate or destiny, or even God, because I can finally see the benefit in leaving a Sam-shaped husk behind for four months when I was back in the cage. Yeah, it sucked. I mean, it's hell. Literally.
But when Death backs off, and Sam sits up, and his eyes find mine, and he opens his mouth to speak, but he can't or won't, and he doesn't have to, because I can, I know exactly what to say, what to do, because I was there…
Fate is stupid.
But sometimes stupid is okay.