Beacon was going to be fabulous.
It was initiation day, and Jaune Arc was primed and ready to go. He had been edging for hours now ever since getting to spend the night with countless hot hunks of man meat and their considerably less attractive female counterparts. A few of them might make decent enough beards, but right now that wasn't his top priority.
Still though, a fag hag or two would be nice for sharing grooming tips with. He saw one of the potential candidates as he approached the locker room. "Hey girl hey!" he flailed like the handle of a plunger resting atop an unstable mountain of shit and toilet water.
Ruby Rose turned to see the unbeknownst to her GBF she had made the previous day. "Hey Jaune!" she greeted happily. "You ready for today?"
He flicked his wrist daintily at the question. "Oh honey I was born ready for this. Just like my sphincter was born two centimeters wider in diameter than the average male."
The dumb child in the teenage girl's body saw nothing wrong with the statement and nodded emphatically. "That's great. Now if I could just find Yang we could make a strategy to meet up in the forest."
But Jaune didn't care about that right now. His attention had been stolen away by the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. A pale beauty with snow-white hair and the most super-de-duper dress ever was standing alone by the lockers.
Tucking his growing boner between his legs he approached the target of his loin's desire. "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes upon, Snow Angel," he said. "I've never seen a more convincing trap before. You totally have to tell me your secret."
Blue eyes narrowed and widened in quick succession after Jaune's declaration. "What? No! I'm a girl you nitwit!"
Jaune brought a hand up to his mouth as he gasped and shrieked like Ned Flanders in that one Simpsons episode where Bart had a broken leg and they were parodying Rear Window. Why do they never show episodes from the first eight seasons of The Simpsons on TV anymore? I mean I get that you can just go online and watch them all but that requires you to actually seek them out. It'd be much better to just turn it on and have it in the background as you do things like troll the RWBY subreddit to find posts about things you hate and then get your gang of drooling neckbeards to downvote them in order to maintain a perfect echo chamber of opinions.
Anyway, Jaune felt terrible about his mistake, as well as slightly repulsed that he had been attracted to one of those... women. "Oh sweetie I'm so sorry," he said as he placed a hand upon her shoulder. Since he's gay he's allowed to touch girls he doesn't know. "I'm sure you'll blossom any day now. And you'll be quite a catch for any of my leftovers."
"Leftovers?" the flat-chested wonder asked.
He ignored her as he gathered up his weapon from his locker. The bundle of sticks in his hand was an Arc family heirloom, passed down the generations from one male to the next. The faint smell of feces and lube lingered on the tips of the sticks, and he reacted to the aroma like those dipshits on Folgers commercials when they sniff their coffee in the morning. Like, who does that? Anyway, this paragraph was included just so there'd be a bundle of sticks in the story. If you don't know why you're fucking stupid.
Little did Jaune know that a silent vocal minority had been watching the whole time. Stepping out from the shadows, the person set their bottle of limited edition Diet Mountain Dew Supernova aside and stomped over to where the fictional characters were talking, spaghetti spilling out suspiciously from only one of his pockets.
"No!" he said forcefully. "You're not allowed to be gay."
Jaune, Ruby and Weiss turned to see the new arrival. Ruby sidled next to Jaune and whispered into his ear. "Is that someone's OC?"
If it was then the creator did a piss poor job of it. A shirt which looked more like a poncho hung loosely from his chest, hiding the outline of his manboobs from the world. A thin and scraggly layer of facial hair known as a pube beard dotted his neck and cheeks, and it camouflaged his acne-ridden, chicken grease-stained face nicely.
While Jaune had a thing for bears and traps alike, this man was simply unfabulous. "What's the problem here?"
The creature snorted dismissively, grabbing a handful of raw ground beef from his spaghettiless pocket and shoving it into his waiting maw. "If anyone is going to be gay it can't be you. Whoever is gay in RWBY has to be someone I like. I'm important, and my opinions are the only ones that matter. A gay character will only be good if it's the right person." The man closed his eyes and sucked in a breath creepily through clenched teeth. "Like a hot, sexy girl. And that's not you!"
Jaune's member dripped with pre-cum at the thought of how tight this man's anus was. It had to be close to imploding in on itself if he was getting so worked up over the sexual orientation of cartoon characters.
Deciding that the conversation was over, the tub of lard rolled away from the trio like a slow and ponderous Boarbatusk as Jaune's erection threatened to tear a gaping hole in his pants.
That did it. The thought of a gaping hole finally pushed him over the edge. Gape.
I like the word gape. Say it out loud. Gape.
"RWBY was a mistake," Ruby said in a way that only a sweet and innocent girl who had been hijacked by twisted freaks could.
The end.