By the end of the second year at Mieza, I was able to recognize patterns in Hephaestion's moods his quirks giving him away, alerting me to the start of an episode.
We were all working on different projects for our class. Hephaestion had a talent for maps; they were works of art really. He would use his fingers to rub into the cloth different colors using flowers and plants to create vibrant blues, yellows and reds creating topography of the landscapes. They were beautiful. He was leaning on a desk working steadily on one, his white chiton and thighs covered in the different colors he was using. His chiton had streaks of yellow and red on the hem which apparently he was using as a towel. His thighs had blue streaks.
He should never wear white he's too messy, I note to myself.
A page from the palace is announced handing Aristotle a note. It was from my mother requesting that I come home for the weekend. Aristotle informs me of this and then continues to lecture. I work on my project; I am building a city and I will name it Alexandria, I am listening to Aristotle lecture when I hear my name.
"Alexander… Alex…" I hear Hephaestion whisper at me, looking back at me.
I put my finger to my lips indicating he better be quiet; he turns back around and I watch him as he leans on the table on his elbows; pulling and twisting on the hair at the nape of his neck, tapping his foot. He turns back around.
"Alex…Are you going home this weekend?" he whispers at me, you could see he was becoming nervous, edgy, asking obvious questions. He had been fine all morning the news of me needing to leave causing his quirks to manifest.
"Is there a problem here Alexander?" Aristotle asks as he comes over to us.
"No, all is well" I tell him; giving Hephaestion a look that I hoped said be quiet, don't get us in trouble. Hephaestion turns back around leaning back over the desk. I smile as he leans onto his arms bouncing on his toes making his chiton shake up and down. His chiton was shorter than custom, him leaning onto the desk making it shorter still, giving me and the back of the class a glimpse of his shapely ass as he bounced. He is totally unaware that his nervous energy is giving half the class erections.
He was getting taller fast, growing out of his clothes quickly, I will bring him back a few new chiton's from home; he will look good in blue… dark blue I think as I watch him wipe a multi colored handprint across his ass.
I roll my eyes as Hephaestion turns back around, leaning on my desk now.
We are staying after for sure now.
He bites his nails as he looks to see where Aristotle is. I pull his hand away from his mouth pulling it towards me making Hephaestion stretch across the desk, I lean down. His lips are a little blue from his fingers.
"We will talk after class Phai, don't make it longer than it needs to be." I tell him quietly hoping he can be still a little while longer. He nods his head as he looks around the room, his leg bouncing.
He is not listening to me; he will not be able to wait, I can tell. I pull his arm and take him around the desk placing him next to me, I put my arm around his shoulders. He leans down onto the desk on his elbows and leans his shoulder into me as I stand next to him, my hand on his back.
This calms him for what only seems like minutes. He begins to tap his foot again, looking behind him, touching my project with his different colored fingers. I exhale, trying to have patience with him. He stands, turning towards me our hips touching; his head is down he is looking at his hands as he rubs the cloth of my chiton near my chest between his multi colored fingers making me the new canvas to his neurosis, his fingers leaving different colors on the front of my chiton.
"How long will you be gone?" he softly asks, looking down; acting as if no one could see him; like we were alone. I look over at Aristotle who was still lecturing; maybe he couldn't see us I shrug, it was kind of funny but he was going to get us in trouble.
I know Hephaestion worries when I am gone. I like that he gets upset when I leave. It proves to me his devotion. I pull him to me; as he tucks his head under my chin his arms pinned between us. Aristotle dismisses class.
As everyone files out to leave I pull him away from me, holding on to the side of his neck, my other hand on his arm; his hand is clutching the front of my chiton, his eyes follow Cassander as he leaves the room.
"I will not be gone long Hephaestion." I tell him trying to settle his nerves.
He is jumpy and distracted the rest of the day. I leave in the morning and I am gone for only two nights. When I return he is peaking in his episode. He gets kicked out of class the second day I am back for fighting with Cassander. A physical fight, we had to pull Hephaestion off of him three times. The third time getting him kicked out of class. He rages as he leaves knocking down anything in his path. He stays in bed on our days off of school and I have to drag him to classes the rest of the week; He goes directly back to bed after each class. It worries and annoys me, he can get mean; telling me to go fuck myself and trying to punch me in the face. I would block his punches backing away from him it took a lot of effort on my part to not punch him back. I would leave him alone for a day going back in to test the waters; most times he was sleeping. He could sleep so much at these times. Getting him to eat was enough of a challenge I would let the daily baths go to the way side. By the sixth day I needed to take him to the baths myself. He was beginning to stink.
I clear the baths first so we can be alone; then take Hephaestion. He walks slowly down the hall like he is walking the plank out at sea. I walk circles around him, tickling him on his sides as I pass. This pisses him off tremendously; he swings at me as I come around him. I dodge it and slap him on the back of his head as I continue to circle him. He is so pissed now I cannot help laughing.
"Oh poor Hephaestion must take a bath, what a cruel, cruel world" I yell out down the hall.
"Fuck You Alexander" he tells me. Was that a slight smile I saw? I rush over to him, stopping him as I take his face in my hands. I kiss him.
"I will make sure you enjoy this bath, Hephaestion" I promise him, kissing him again. I take his hand and lead him into the bath.
I had extra candles lit and flower pedals put in the water. There was cheese and wine and fruit on platters at arm's reach. I pull off my clothes throwing them on the ground and jump into the warm water, going all the way under then jumping straight up, brushing the water from my face and pushing my hair back as I turn towards Hephaestion who is still standing fully clothed on the baths edge.
"What are you waiting for Phai?" I ask as I reach out to grab his leg and pull him into the water. He jumps back smiling and pulls off his clothes. He jumps in and under; spitting water in my face when he comes out. He laughs as he brushes the water from my face.
"Sorry Alex." He smiles. I have not seen his smile it seems in forever. It was rare and always made me feel as if someone was clutching my heart in their fist.
I love him, I knew it for sure when I was trying to convince my father to let him move to Pella. He had said No at first. The thought of never seeing Hephaestion again made me hunch over like someone had kicked me in the stomach. It had not occurred to me that I could be told No. I had no argument ready except that I loved him and could not be without him which would not work with my Father.
"If Hephaestion cannot come here, than I will not either." I tell my father.
"Ha where would you go" he asks me snidely.
"To mother's family in Epirus" I say quickly, I have had my escape planned since I was five.
It works Hephaestion is going to be moving to Pella with me, I will not have to give this up. I pull him to me and kiss him. My hands travel to his face through the back of his hair kissing him; his back against the side of the bath I feel his hands on my chest and I look in his eyes and see tears.
"Hephaestion; Why are you crying?" I ask worried.
"I'm not Alexander it's just water from the bath." He tells me, wiping at his face with his forearm. It is too soon for me to be coming on to him so strong. He seemed so raw after an episode, exposed.
My father had informed me when I was home that when school ended we would be leaving soon after, for battle. I was not going to tell Hephaestion until I had too. He will not be going with us and I feared for him. Who will watch over him while I was gone? If my being gone for two days sent him in a tail spin emotionally what would happen when I am gone for a year or more?