HOLY JESUS ON A POGO STICK WAVING TEN DOLLAR IN DA AIR, IT'S JUNON!!
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This retarded piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon..... oh and lazymon
Rated-R for the criminally insane
[ This is a continuation of "*Cough, Wheeze, Hack* Chocobo Farm *Cough*" A.K.A. "Cockabo Farm". ]
CHAPTER - 1
Between the numerous bars, whore and crack houses along Upper Junon Port stood a quaint little abode named, "FINAL FANTASY?".
Above the store, the owner was having a rather bad day.
????: Hmm, shit I smudged my mascara! I wish I was a little taller! I look like a freak! Damn.it's so hard trying to hide this long, thick tail of mine everyday! If people saw this they'd run a mile! How dare that dildo, Zidane, say that I have a monkey's tail just like him!! I have a foxy dogs tail! Hmm, *sigh* some days I just can't decide who I am. Am I a big ol', sissy transvestite or a big gruff beast of a man? Oh, I just don't know anymore!
??????: You in, Kuja?
KUJA: Yes. I'm here!.Oh, it's you.Zidane.
ZIDANE: You don't seem pleased to see me.Oh, well, you won't be wantin' this box of FFVII merchandise.
KUJA: Where did you get this lot from, huh?
ZIDANE: Oh, y'know.'Fell' off the back of a truck sorta thing.
KUJA: Why you common thief!
ZIDANE: You want it then or what?
KUJA: Yes, I'll take it. 2000 gil, will do it?
ZIDANE: That'll do nicely. Cheers! See ya in the other Final Fantasy dimension!
KUJA: Oh, I don't think so. I came here to set up my store and to find my parents - I'm a long way from that! Besides, I'm not going back to Gaya. It's too lovey-dovey.
ZIDANE: Well, can't say I'll miss ya.
KUJA: Charming! Same to you too!
Kuja rummaged through the box.
KALDEA AKUTENSHI: ^_^ Kuja!!! Kuja!!! Tell me you've got a Sephiroth action figure for sale?!!! I've been looking for one for sooooooo long!!!
KUJA: Nope! No one can seem to get hold of one..sorry, love. Now PISS OFF and get on with the frickin' story!
KUJA: Hrmm.what have we got here.
STREET PUNK: YO! FINAL FANTASY? Hmm.heh heh.sounds interesting! You over there, silver hair! You got any bondage gear for me and mah gal?
KUJA: THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE STORES! This a respectable establishment selling FFVII merchandise and paraphernalia!
STREET PUNK: WELL, FUCK YER THEN! I'LL TAKE MAH BUSINESS ELSEWHERE! FUCKIN TRANNIE!
KUJA: I was so blind to set up shop here. I'm like a flower amongst weeds in this garden of depravity known as Junon! Unbelievable! If I don't start selling anything soon.OOOOH! What is this? Noooo.it can't be! Is this THE Black Material?!! Sephiroth's famous Black Material?!! Oh.Zidane.YOU DONE GOOD THIS TIME! Heh heh! 2000 gil.This thing alone is worth 999, 999, 999, 9999999 gil!!! Hmm.but I kinda want it for myself.I wonder.Has it still got it's incredible destructive power.? I could wreak havoc on this sad, sorry world! HA HA HA!!! But more than that.I just love.the feel.of the Black Material.against my.soft, perfect, flawless skin.Let me just slip it on.Ooooh, this black latex cat-suit is just fabulous against my body.MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Meanwhile the team has already reached Junon via "Two Black Eyes". The group of seven are standing around a surgical table awaiting the removal of the chocobo's tits. Flies swarm in the dingy, badly lit operating theatre. Cid is happily swigging away on his tenth can of beer.
BARRET: Yo, you sure this place is safe, Doc? The cockabo might catch an infection.
NERDY SURGEON: I am very sure vis operation vill be a success. All of ze equipment ist never used more than twice per patient.
CLOUD: UGH!!
YUFFIE: EEEK!!! That's the biggest fuckin cockroach I've EVER seen!
TIFA: DON'T HURT MY BABY! PLEASE! BARRET! Let's take Two Black Eyes somewhere else!
BARRET: Tifa, I can't. Everywhere else is way too expensive an' we ain't got much.sorry.
NERDY SURGEON: Let me just strap you down, little cockabo. VHERE IST MY SCAPEL? AAH! Here it is. *Grabs scalpel from off the floor. It is covered in crusty dried blood* Ahh, here it is. Let's get to work!
TWO BLACK EYES: WARKKKKKKKKKKKK!! WARK!! I'LL GET YOU FER THIS!
CID: WHOA! Did.Did that cockabo jes say somethin'.?
SEPHIROTH: 'Don't think so.you drunk, Cid?
TWO BLACK EYES: CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S KILLING MEH?!! ARGH! HELP! *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeep...................*
NERDY SURGEON: Ah...Ve seem to have lost it.
TIFA: NOOOOO!! MY COCKABO!
CID: So what. We'll find another mode of *hic cup!* transport.
TIFA: INSENSITIVE BASTARD!
CID: Am I pisshed? I could swear that fuckin massive cockroach is talking to me!
SEPHIROTH: Doc, just give me my cockabo breasts so we can get outta here please. Thanks. C'mon guys!!..and girls.
CID: NAA! NAA! WAIT! He IS talking to me! HA HA! Jiminy Cricket, eh?! Well, I never! You'll take us anywhere we wanna go?
AERIS: I'm certainly not riding on the back of a cockroach! UGH!
CID: No? You surprise me of all people, Aeris. Who would think that a dirty, disease carrying scavenger like you would have a problem about sharing the same air as a cockroach?!!!
YUFFIE: Why does Cid use less expletives when drunk?!!
BARRET: YO! WE RIDE DAT THING! After all the shit we've been through in this story so far, riding an overgrown cockroach don't seem so weird.
CLOUD: First I suggest we stock up on supplies in town.
SEPHIROTH: Cloud? Do you want to go shopping with me? There's some pretty off the wall stores here if you know what I mean.heh heh.
CLOUD: No. We'll all go together.
Later.
SEPHIROTH: Oooh! Let's stop by this one too! "FINAL FANTASY?" Oooh! C'mon, Cloud!
CLOUD: Hey! Let go of my hand!
SEPHIROTH: ; ; Huh? Where are the chains?!! The whips?!!
CLOUD: Hey, this place don't look too bad.
TIFA: Final Fantasy merchandise! Yay! ^_^ Kewl!
SEPHIROTH: PAH! WHAT A LOAD OF SHITE! I'm gonna look elsewhere for a big fat dildo to stick up my arse! I'm dying for a fuck!
BARRET: YO! I found a note on the counter. *Barret digs out the note from his pocket* It sez..
"YO! All you big muscly guys. If you enjoy wearing Speedo's for cheap thrills and enjoy "meeting" new men jus' call 0291 69 69 BATTY BOYS and ask for Mukki at the Honey Bee Inn."
Oooops! Shit! Wrong note!
Barret looks around and notices that nobody is looking his direction and says to himself quietly.
BARRET: *WHISPER* No one's looking I'll jes slip this note back into my pocket.If only I could git to a phone.Damn. GUYS!!! GUYS!!! I've found an important note on the counter!
TIFA: Wots it say?
BARRET: "This is NOT an S&M store so you might as well turn around and fuck off. If you are a genuine FFVII collector then it's about fucking time! I haven't had a fucking customer in months! Well, screw you little pricks cos I've found the Black Material and I'm gonna whoop your sorry asses!"
Sephiroth turned around.
SEPHIROTH: THE BLACK MATERIAL?!! WHO'S GOT MY BLACK MATERIAL?!
BARRET: It's signed "Kuja".
AERIS: Kuja?!..What a funny name.who would give their child such a name? Hahaha.ha.ha.
SEPHIROTH: My Black Material. How I miss you so. I used to watch myself in front of the mirror wearing that black latex cat- suit. Oooh, my lunch looked so BIG in that suit. Hmm.touching myself around that.sweaty.material-
CLOUD: OK. Too much information.
SEPHIROTH: Oooh, that suit was a major turning point in my life. When I was the General in the Shinra army, I was a quiet, blunt, stoic hardman - never a pansy. Until, I put on the Black Material, however. I never realised a man's body could turn you on SO MUCH.Kuja, did you say? 'Never heard of him. We should meet.
CLOUD: Is this the same Black Material you used to call up the Ultimate Destructive Magic?
SEPHIROTH: Oh, yeah, that. I was having a rather baaaaad day. ^_^;
BARRET: You fuck! We nearly died cos you were having a bad day?!! JESUS!
CLOUD: Barret, what does the rest of the letter say?
BARRET: *Ahem* I've got the Black Material! Na na nana na!
????: *Flutters eyelashes* Looking for me, boys?
TIFA: HOLY JESUS! He looks like Sephiroth!.But a lot shorter.
????: SILENCE! COW UDDER GIRL! YES! I've seen you lot before! It was that Cockabo Farm flick! Personally, I didn't like it.Not enough gay sex for a raving homosexual like me!
YUFFIE: Are you Kuja by any chance?
KUJA: Yes! That's me, you Vietnamese whore!
SEPHIROTH: OOOH! OOOH! OOOOH! ME NEXT! PLEASE! TALK DIRTY TO ME! C'MON TELL ME I'M A BAD BOY! SPANK ME! SPANK ME!
KUJA: Hmm, I like you.Sephy. You wanna come with me?
SEPHIROTH: Oooh, Cloud or Kuja.? Cloud.or Kuja? YOU, KUJA, YOU! Sorry, Cloud - He's bound to have a bigger dick! You know what they say about short guys!!!
AERIS: CLOUD?!! You wanna tell me something?! 'Bout you and Sephiroth?!
CLOUD: Aaaah.no. Not really.
Sephiroth ran over to Kuja hugging him like a pathetic, chuckling schoolgirl.
KUJA: HAH! Life is good! I got MY man, MY latex cat-suit.Am I forgetting something? HAH! YES! I'm gonna call Meteor! I'm gonna create MY Promised Land! MY Heaven! ME AND SEPHIROTH TOGETHER FOREVER!
SEPHIROTH: You're so strong and mean!!! *Flutters his eyelashes*
TIFA: Quick! Take the Black Material offa him!
SEPHIROTH: Hey! BITCH! The only one taking off his clothes later will be me! Do you hear?!!
Kuja raised the orb in which the Black Material was packaged in towards the sky.
KUJA: BLACK MATERIAL! I INVOKE YOU! GIVE ME YOUR POWER! TRANSCEND A CATASTROPHE TO THIS PITIFUL WORLD!
A great rumbling in the sky was heard. The sky darkened. Kuja and the group stepped outside.
BARRET: WHAT THE.*Chuckle*
CLOUD: HA HA HA HA HA!!!
BLACK MATERIAL: I AM SORRY, KUJA. MY POWER HAS BEEN MOSTLY USED UP BY SEPHIROTH. I MUST LEAVE NOW.
KUJA: FUCK THIS! YOU COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT! THE BEST YOU COULD FUCKING COME UP WITH IS A FUCKING GIANT MEATBALL?!! Oooh, I'm really scary now.ARGH! RUN! IT'S KUJA! HE'S GONNA KILL US WITH THE GIANT MEATBALL! RUN FOR YER LIVES! FUCK IT! 'MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW!
Kuja then threw himself on the ground and sat down with his legs apart sulking.
CLOUD: WOW! O.O You really are BIG!!! Lemme have a closer look!!!
SEPHIROTH: I don't think so, honey! He's MY spunk jockey! The only one who will get their hands on that is ME! Do ya hear!!?
Sephiroth reaches towards Kuja's the big, uh, thing...
SEPHIROTH: Hmmm.mmmm..would you like me to rub that for you, Sir? Oooh! It's hairy! Kinky!
KUJA: HUH?! Sephiroth that's NOT my dick!
SEPHIROTH: HUH?! You don't have one?!! Are you a GIRL?!!
KUJA: NO! I'll show you my elephant's trunk later. That thing there is.my tail.
SEPHIROTH, CLOUD, YUFFIE, TIFA, BARRET & CID: HUH?!!
AERIS: OH, DEAR GOD!
CLOUD: DAMN! I MEAN.what d'ya mean your tail?
KUJA: I'm half-human, half-beast. Durr.
SEPHIROTH: Oh, Sugarlumps! You're all beast.*wink* ^_~
KUJA: Hey! Not here, Sephy! Later!
BARRET: WHAT DA HELL IS DAT SMELL?! *sniff* COR! BLIMEY! I SMELL SHIT! IT IS SHIT! THAT'S NO MEATBALL, YOU QUEER!
KUJA: Huh?
TIFA: He's right, y'know! Can't you see that massive arse up there behind the 'meatball'?!
CLOUD: Oh, yeah! I can see it now that the gas clouds have cleared.
BARRET: WHOA! When dat ass finally unclenches that pile of shit is gonna be the death of us all!!
CID: HOW LONG HAVE WE GOT?!!
SEPHIROTH: It looks constipated. Judging from personal experience, it could fall tomorrow or next week!
AERIS: FUCKIN' HELL! DAMN!
YUFFIE: C'mon! Let's go indoors! THE SMELL IS TERRIBLE!
CLOUD: GOOD IDEA! Jiminy Cricket, the Cockroach Man?
JIMINY CRICKET: YUP! THAT'S ME!
CLOUD: You're used to scrambling around in shit, aren't you?
JIMINY CRICKET: That's my job, yeah.
CLOUD: Good. It's dangerous out there for us people. Issue a warning to anyone on the streets. Tell them to find cover. If this is not an option, tell them to go to the Junon Sub and pick up a gas mask.
JIMINY CRICKET: Got it!
END OF CHAPTER 1
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This retarded piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon..... oh and lazymon
Rated-R for the criminally insane
[ This is a continuation of "*Cough, Wheeze, Hack* Chocobo Farm *Cough*" A.K.A. "Cockabo Farm". ]
CHAPTER - 1
Between the numerous bars, whore and crack houses along Upper Junon Port stood a quaint little abode named, "FINAL FANTASY?".
Above the store, the owner was having a rather bad day.
????: Hmm, shit I smudged my mascara! I wish I was a little taller! I look like a freak! Damn.it's so hard trying to hide this long, thick tail of mine everyday! If people saw this they'd run a mile! How dare that dildo, Zidane, say that I have a monkey's tail just like him!! I have a foxy dogs tail! Hmm, *sigh* some days I just can't decide who I am. Am I a big ol', sissy transvestite or a big gruff beast of a man? Oh, I just don't know anymore!
??????: You in, Kuja?
KUJA: Yes. I'm here!.Oh, it's you.Zidane.
ZIDANE: You don't seem pleased to see me.Oh, well, you won't be wantin' this box of FFVII merchandise.
KUJA: Where did you get this lot from, huh?
ZIDANE: Oh, y'know.'Fell' off the back of a truck sorta thing.
KUJA: Why you common thief!
ZIDANE: You want it then or what?
KUJA: Yes, I'll take it. 2000 gil, will do it?
ZIDANE: That'll do nicely. Cheers! See ya in the other Final Fantasy dimension!
KUJA: Oh, I don't think so. I came here to set up my store and to find my parents - I'm a long way from that! Besides, I'm not going back to Gaya. It's too lovey-dovey.
ZIDANE: Well, can't say I'll miss ya.
KUJA: Charming! Same to you too!
Kuja rummaged through the box.
KALDEA AKUTENSHI: ^_^ Kuja!!! Kuja!!! Tell me you've got a Sephiroth action figure for sale?!!! I've been looking for one for sooooooo long!!!
KUJA: Nope! No one can seem to get hold of one..sorry, love. Now PISS OFF and get on with the frickin' story!
KUJA: Hrmm.what have we got here.
STREET PUNK: YO! FINAL FANTASY? Hmm.heh heh.sounds interesting! You over there, silver hair! You got any bondage gear for me and mah gal?
KUJA: THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE STORES! This a respectable establishment selling FFVII merchandise and paraphernalia!
STREET PUNK: WELL, FUCK YER THEN! I'LL TAKE MAH BUSINESS ELSEWHERE! FUCKIN TRANNIE!
KUJA: I was so blind to set up shop here. I'm like a flower amongst weeds in this garden of depravity known as Junon! Unbelievable! If I don't start selling anything soon.OOOOH! What is this? Noooo.it can't be! Is this THE Black Material?!! Sephiroth's famous Black Material?!! Oh.Zidane.YOU DONE GOOD THIS TIME! Heh heh! 2000 gil.This thing alone is worth 999, 999, 999, 9999999 gil!!! Hmm.but I kinda want it for myself.I wonder.Has it still got it's incredible destructive power.? I could wreak havoc on this sad, sorry world! HA HA HA!!! But more than that.I just love.the feel.of the Black Material.against my.soft, perfect, flawless skin.Let me just slip it on.Ooooh, this black latex cat-suit is just fabulous against my body.MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Meanwhile the team has already reached Junon via "Two Black Eyes". The group of seven are standing around a surgical table awaiting the removal of the chocobo's tits. Flies swarm in the dingy, badly lit operating theatre. Cid is happily swigging away on his tenth can of beer.
BARRET: Yo, you sure this place is safe, Doc? The cockabo might catch an infection.
NERDY SURGEON: I am very sure vis operation vill be a success. All of ze equipment ist never used more than twice per patient.
CLOUD: UGH!!
YUFFIE: EEEK!!! That's the biggest fuckin cockroach I've EVER seen!
TIFA: DON'T HURT MY BABY! PLEASE! BARRET! Let's take Two Black Eyes somewhere else!
BARRET: Tifa, I can't. Everywhere else is way too expensive an' we ain't got much.sorry.
NERDY SURGEON: Let me just strap you down, little cockabo. VHERE IST MY SCAPEL? AAH! Here it is. *Grabs scalpel from off the floor. It is covered in crusty dried blood* Ahh, here it is. Let's get to work!
TWO BLACK EYES: WARKKKKKKKKKKKK!! WARK!! I'LL GET YOU FER THIS!
CID: WHOA! Did.Did that cockabo jes say somethin'.?
SEPHIROTH: 'Don't think so.you drunk, Cid?
TWO BLACK EYES: CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S KILLING MEH?!! ARGH! HELP! *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeep...................*
NERDY SURGEON: Ah...Ve seem to have lost it.
TIFA: NOOOOO!! MY COCKABO!
CID: So what. We'll find another mode of *hic cup!* transport.
TIFA: INSENSITIVE BASTARD!
CID: Am I pisshed? I could swear that fuckin massive cockroach is talking to me!
SEPHIROTH: Doc, just give me my cockabo breasts so we can get outta here please. Thanks. C'mon guys!!..and girls.
CID: NAA! NAA! WAIT! He IS talking to me! HA HA! Jiminy Cricket, eh?! Well, I never! You'll take us anywhere we wanna go?
AERIS: I'm certainly not riding on the back of a cockroach! UGH!
CID: No? You surprise me of all people, Aeris. Who would think that a dirty, disease carrying scavenger like you would have a problem about sharing the same air as a cockroach?!!!
YUFFIE: Why does Cid use less expletives when drunk?!!
BARRET: YO! WE RIDE DAT THING! After all the shit we've been through in this story so far, riding an overgrown cockroach don't seem so weird.
CLOUD: First I suggest we stock up on supplies in town.
SEPHIROTH: Cloud? Do you want to go shopping with me? There's some pretty off the wall stores here if you know what I mean.heh heh.
CLOUD: No. We'll all go together.
Later.
SEPHIROTH: Oooh! Let's stop by this one too! "FINAL FANTASY?" Oooh! C'mon, Cloud!
CLOUD: Hey! Let go of my hand!
SEPHIROTH: ; ; Huh? Where are the chains?!! The whips?!!
CLOUD: Hey, this place don't look too bad.
TIFA: Final Fantasy merchandise! Yay! ^_^ Kewl!
SEPHIROTH: PAH! WHAT A LOAD OF SHITE! I'm gonna look elsewhere for a big fat dildo to stick up my arse! I'm dying for a fuck!
BARRET: YO! I found a note on the counter. *Barret digs out the note from his pocket* It sez..
"YO! All you big muscly guys. If you enjoy wearing Speedo's for cheap thrills and enjoy "meeting" new men jus' call 0291 69 69 BATTY BOYS and ask for Mukki at the Honey Bee Inn."
Oooops! Shit! Wrong note!
Barret looks around and notices that nobody is looking his direction and says to himself quietly.
BARRET: *WHISPER* No one's looking I'll jes slip this note back into my pocket.If only I could git to a phone.Damn. GUYS!!! GUYS!!! I've found an important note on the counter!
TIFA: Wots it say?
BARRET: "This is NOT an S&M store so you might as well turn around and fuck off. If you are a genuine FFVII collector then it's about fucking time! I haven't had a fucking customer in months! Well, screw you little pricks cos I've found the Black Material and I'm gonna whoop your sorry asses!"
Sephiroth turned around.
SEPHIROTH: THE BLACK MATERIAL?!! WHO'S GOT MY BLACK MATERIAL?!
BARRET: It's signed "Kuja".
AERIS: Kuja?!..What a funny name.who would give their child such a name? Hahaha.ha.ha.
SEPHIROTH: My Black Material. How I miss you so. I used to watch myself in front of the mirror wearing that black latex cat- suit. Oooh, my lunch looked so BIG in that suit. Hmm.touching myself around that.sweaty.material-
CLOUD: OK. Too much information.
SEPHIROTH: Oooh, that suit was a major turning point in my life. When I was the General in the Shinra army, I was a quiet, blunt, stoic hardman - never a pansy. Until, I put on the Black Material, however. I never realised a man's body could turn you on SO MUCH.Kuja, did you say? 'Never heard of him. We should meet.
CLOUD: Is this the same Black Material you used to call up the Ultimate Destructive Magic?
SEPHIROTH: Oh, yeah, that. I was having a rather baaaaad day. ^_^;
BARRET: You fuck! We nearly died cos you were having a bad day?!! JESUS!
CLOUD: Barret, what does the rest of the letter say?
BARRET: *Ahem* I've got the Black Material! Na na nana na!
????: *Flutters eyelashes* Looking for me, boys?
TIFA: HOLY JESUS! He looks like Sephiroth!.But a lot shorter.
????: SILENCE! COW UDDER GIRL! YES! I've seen you lot before! It was that Cockabo Farm flick! Personally, I didn't like it.Not enough gay sex for a raving homosexual like me!
YUFFIE: Are you Kuja by any chance?
KUJA: Yes! That's me, you Vietnamese whore!
SEPHIROTH: OOOH! OOOH! OOOOH! ME NEXT! PLEASE! TALK DIRTY TO ME! C'MON TELL ME I'M A BAD BOY! SPANK ME! SPANK ME!
KUJA: Hmm, I like you.Sephy. You wanna come with me?
SEPHIROTH: Oooh, Cloud or Kuja.? Cloud.or Kuja? YOU, KUJA, YOU! Sorry, Cloud - He's bound to have a bigger dick! You know what they say about short guys!!!
AERIS: CLOUD?!! You wanna tell me something?! 'Bout you and Sephiroth?!
CLOUD: Aaaah.no. Not really.
Sephiroth ran over to Kuja hugging him like a pathetic, chuckling schoolgirl.
KUJA: HAH! Life is good! I got MY man, MY latex cat-suit.Am I forgetting something? HAH! YES! I'm gonna call Meteor! I'm gonna create MY Promised Land! MY Heaven! ME AND SEPHIROTH TOGETHER FOREVER!
SEPHIROTH: You're so strong and mean!!! *Flutters his eyelashes*
TIFA: Quick! Take the Black Material offa him!
SEPHIROTH: Hey! BITCH! The only one taking off his clothes later will be me! Do you hear?!!
Kuja raised the orb in which the Black Material was packaged in towards the sky.
KUJA: BLACK MATERIAL! I INVOKE YOU! GIVE ME YOUR POWER! TRANSCEND A CATASTROPHE TO THIS PITIFUL WORLD!
A great rumbling in the sky was heard. The sky darkened. Kuja and the group stepped outside.
BARRET: WHAT THE.*Chuckle*
CLOUD: HA HA HA HA HA!!!
BLACK MATERIAL: I AM SORRY, KUJA. MY POWER HAS BEEN MOSTLY USED UP BY SEPHIROTH. I MUST LEAVE NOW.
KUJA: FUCK THIS! YOU COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT! THE BEST YOU COULD FUCKING COME UP WITH IS A FUCKING GIANT MEATBALL?!! Oooh, I'm really scary now.ARGH! RUN! IT'S KUJA! HE'S GONNA KILL US WITH THE GIANT MEATBALL! RUN FOR YER LIVES! FUCK IT! 'MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW!
Kuja then threw himself on the ground and sat down with his legs apart sulking.
CLOUD: WOW! O.O You really are BIG!!! Lemme have a closer look!!!
SEPHIROTH: I don't think so, honey! He's MY spunk jockey! The only one who will get their hands on that is ME! Do ya hear!!?
Sephiroth reaches towards Kuja's the big, uh, thing...
SEPHIROTH: Hmmm.mmmm..would you like me to rub that for you, Sir? Oooh! It's hairy! Kinky!
KUJA: HUH?! Sephiroth that's NOT my dick!
SEPHIROTH: HUH?! You don't have one?!! Are you a GIRL?!!
KUJA: NO! I'll show you my elephant's trunk later. That thing there is.my tail.
SEPHIROTH, CLOUD, YUFFIE, TIFA, BARRET & CID: HUH?!!
AERIS: OH, DEAR GOD!
CLOUD: DAMN! I MEAN.what d'ya mean your tail?
KUJA: I'm half-human, half-beast. Durr.
SEPHIROTH: Oh, Sugarlumps! You're all beast.*wink* ^_~
KUJA: Hey! Not here, Sephy! Later!
BARRET: WHAT DA HELL IS DAT SMELL?! *sniff* COR! BLIMEY! I SMELL SHIT! IT IS SHIT! THAT'S NO MEATBALL, YOU QUEER!
KUJA: Huh?
TIFA: He's right, y'know! Can't you see that massive arse up there behind the 'meatball'?!
CLOUD: Oh, yeah! I can see it now that the gas clouds have cleared.
BARRET: WHOA! When dat ass finally unclenches that pile of shit is gonna be the death of us all!!
CID: HOW LONG HAVE WE GOT?!!
SEPHIROTH: It looks constipated. Judging from personal experience, it could fall tomorrow or next week!
AERIS: FUCKIN' HELL! DAMN!
YUFFIE: C'mon! Let's go indoors! THE SMELL IS TERRIBLE!
CLOUD: GOOD IDEA! Jiminy Cricket, the Cockroach Man?
JIMINY CRICKET: YUP! THAT'S ME!
CLOUD: You're used to scrambling around in shit, aren't you?
JIMINY CRICKET: That's my job, yeah.
CLOUD: Good. It's dangerous out there for us people. Issue a warning to anyone on the streets. Tell them to find cover. If this is not an option, tell them to go to the Junon Sub and pick up a gas mask.
JIMINY CRICKET: Got it!
END OF CHAPTER 1